I got to get my wife something good.

Oh, hey, you wanna go in on something?

"This is from me and three women from Utah. There you go."

I took her bungee jumping last year.

That's what she really wanted to do. Bungee jumping and... anybody done it?

Anybody done bungee jumping?

Have you done it?

Really?

Good for you.

Good for you.

You're brave, good for you.

How far did you bunge?

You don't even know?

I think that'd be the first thing I'd find out.

"How far to the ground? And how far is the rope?"

Ok.

Gotta just checked into it a little bit more, I think.

But, well, good for you.

What did you jump off of? What was it?

O.T. Tower?

Yeah, that sounds like they've got all their insurance paperwork up to date.

Minimalist space.

Were you afraid when you did it?

Yeah.

Good for you.

That's brains.

We went from a hot air balloon.

You've ever heard of anything like that?

Yeah.

Well, here's what's gonna happen.

We're gonna go up in the mountains.

It's a great day.

We're gonna go up in the mountains up in the air in a hot air balloon, 250 ft.

She's gonna bungee from the balloon, 220 ft.

We get in the basket on the way up.

This guy leans over me and said, "Listen, sometimes people are afraid to go. [If] she doesn't go on the count of three, you think you can push her?"

"Yes."

I mean, don't get me wrong.

I love my wife and everything, but there isn't a married guy in this room that wouldn't just like to one time....

Oh, it is therapeutic.

Everything comes up.

I pushed her at 2.

I couldn't help it. "Go have a good time."

"I love you."

I don't mean to be like that and don't get me wrong, man. I love my wife.

I'm crazy about that woman, but I just get so... at her sometimes.

We argue, Jeez almighty. We argue over the stupidest, littlest, teeniest, tiniest, couldn't possibly matter.

I can't load a dishwasher wrong.

It's not like I'm taping the dishes to the outside of the machine and standing there, "It's the first dish. Just move it around until you're happy."

But that, that's what you fight about the big stuff, big stuff, you lean on each other and it's really, really great.

But the little......

We had an argument one time, half an hour, whether or not a dolphin is a fish?

30 minutes...

"I mean, I know that a dolphin's not a fish."

"Now?"

"Would you at least admit that it lives a fish lifestyle?"

Got an argument in the car.

Oh, man, that is the worst place to have an argument.

You're stuck.

Big argument about my driving, you know, and she's got a little room to gripe.

I'll give her that because I'm a boob in the car.

I don't know.

Have you ever been driving around and you can't see an address or something that you're looking for, so you turn the radio down like that'll help.

"I can't see anything with this music in my eye, and this clear piece of glass has gotta go."

How old is my car?

Seriously?

Right.

Yeah, you were back.

We went for a relaxing drive in the mountains not too long ago and as we're headed up into the mountains, there's this big sign on the side of the road just flashed and scared "Watch For Falling Rock."

And I did that and, hit a guy on a bike.

That was awful.

I was like, "All right, we're in the rock zone. Everybody keep a sharp eye."

"What the heck was that?"

All right. All right, everybody listen up. When the police get here, that guy was hit by a rock. We all saw it."

So, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know whether I'm a good driver or a bad driver, but I do know that one steering wheel means one driver. Ok?

Shush, shush.

Not to hear my wife tell it, "You know, Phil, even a fighter pilot has a wingman."

"Well, yeah, but I don't think he warns the pilot by screaming...."

"Well, I get nervous. I don't know what to say."

"Well, how about car?"

I don't even understand why she gets so nervous.

This is a woman that has jumped from a perfectly good airplane, strapped to a little backpack full of nylon, she didn't think a thing of that.

But a car in a parking lot backs up slowly towards our car.

Man, she does some things like that that just aggravate the death out of me and then she does some things that aggravate me, but I love her because of them.

I can't figure that out. That's love's little twist.

It was like biting a hangnail over and over again even though you know it hurts.

"And now it's bleeding. All right."

She's got the bedroom clock set 20 minutes fast so that we can get an extra 20 minutes of sleep.

Figure that out.

Now every day, wake up 20 minutes early just to find out it's not that late yet.

She has her own ridiculous rationale too.

"No, no, no. Now we can go back to sleep."

"I was sleeping. I didn't mean to wake up to do it."

I have no idea what time it is in my house.

We have 12 clocks, none is set on the proper time.

You gonna be on one side of my house five after one (1:05), toward the middle, it's 1:25, close to the other side is 10 to 2 (1:50).

You're like, "For heaven's sakes, how big is this house? I was just in the bathroom, a half an hour from now. How is that possible?"

Work day is almost over. You guys really have been terrific.

I really appreciate it.

Coming out, this is the funnest part of my day.

It's hard to be gone so much.

I miss my wife quite a lot.

Hard to be even gone.

I called her today, though, talked to her on the phone for a little bit, told her that I loved her because she won't hang up the phone unless I do.

Which is fine, man.

If you love somebody for heaven's sakes, tell them, tell them, tell them all the time, why keep it in?

But it's crafty over the phone because then you become so conditioned, it doesn't matter who you're talking to.

"Yeah, I, I had like a large pepperoni. 30 minutes? Fantastic. I love you."

You feel like an idiot but get a pizza in five minutes.

Pepperoni's in a heart shape.

New Facebook friend. It's wonderful.

Anyone you want to show them that you love them, and you cherish, you know.

But I flap it up somewhere along the way, you know, I goof it up.

Here's what happened recently.

I take my wife out to dinner.

We go to this fancy restaurant.

It's packed, we have to wait for a table.

So we're in the bar having a drink and I gotta go to the bathroom.

So I get up, I go to the bathroom.

I come back, there's some guy hitting on my wife now.

Like, "Dude, she's with me," but he's not buying it.

So I spit on her.