Ain't that fucked up?

They try to take away your scoop scoops.

It's unbelievable.

I just wanna let you all know right now, ladies.

I am with you. I think is your body, your choice.

I agree with you on that.

100%.

I agree with you when you say that men should have no say in the decisions you make with your bodies.

Those are your decisions to make and yours alone.

And I feel that way because at the end of the day when we all go up to heaven and God's like, "Why are y'all killing babies?"

We're gonna be like, "Y'all?"

"I think they were very clear whose decision this was, God.

Looks like you need to pay for your sins, babe."

Even though I pay for your sins.

Come on, y'all. Chivalry ain't dead to that baby as you know the rules.

Oh man.

Yeah, abortion. Abortion, abortion, abortion, man. It's a tricky one.

When I was living in my old place in New York, I lived down the block from an abortion clinic.

And location, location, location.

And no bullshit, that's the wildest place in New York.

Like it's a fucking carnival outside of there every single day.

Like people come to New York and they go to like Broadway plays and shit.

They literally spend thousands of dollars to watch Harry Potter the musical when they could just stand outside the clinic and watch something really disappear.

Fetus deletus.

I remember one time I was walking by the clinic and I saw a father and his daughter outside, and his daughter looked like she was 10 years old.

Now, I don't want to divide the crowd politically here.

But for me, that's a little late.

This is just me.

I'm not putting my views on you, but personally, I think a fetus becomes a life around the third grade.

I think that's a life.

I do believe that's a life.

OK?

Maybe we could roll it back a few years from there.

But definitely, if you could spell abortion, we don't abort you.

That's just the rule that I have in my book. OK?

So naturally, I'm like, "Yo, I gotta save this girl's life."

I walk over, I get a little closer.

Turns out he wasn't aborting his daughter. Thank God.

What he was actually doing was protesting the abortion clinic and I've never seen this shit before in real life.

It was crazy like he's like heckling these girls as they go in. You know, he's just screaming out threre, "You're gonna burn in hell."

And these girls are so New York about it. They're like, "I just have chlamydia, you pussy.

Burn in hell? I'm burning now. That's why I'm going to the fucking clinic."

So I'm watching this go down and I'm torn, right?

Because naturally as a man, I want to protect these women, right?

But as a comic, I love a roast, right?

So like, how do I fit in this shit?

And then all of a sudden this UPS employee walks into the clinic and I had to. I had to.

"At least someone wants to deliver."

It was the right thing to say, guys.

He got in on it, he was like, "Same day." It was unbelievable, bro.

Chemistry was there. Chemistry was there.

So I'm standing outside a clinic, right next to this dude who was like very passionate about abortion.

I realized I've never spoken to one of these guys before.

So I'm like, I just gotta talk to him.

So I went up to him and I was like, "Hey man, I don't wanna interrupt your old take-your-daughter-to-work day.

I think, I think it's great (that) you wanna spend time with your family.

Obviously, not everybody here gets that."

I go, "Buddy. I just got to know why are you so against abortion?"

And the guy looks at me, he goes, "I'll tell you what changed it all for me. It's these new sonograms."

Thank God, a few of you guys said, "What?"

We're idiots. I didn't even know they upgraded the sonograms.

They completely changed the sonograms.

It's not like the back in the day shit to look at you and pay your cable. Remember those?

Remember the black paper with the gray clouds on it?

Those were abortation.

Let's just be honest, right?

Like doctor hand you that shit like a sketch.

You like, "Not today. See you later, kiddo."

But the new ones are HD, 4D, not 3D, 4D.

You could hear the baby like, "Keep me. I'm here. What are you doing out there? That's not where you hang a shirt."

So I'm looking at these images, right?

And I'm like, "Man, this is visceral. This is hard to, this is hard to disagree with."

And then I noticed all the images he's showing me are from much later on in the pregnancy.

So I was like, "Hold up, hold up, hold up. What about early on?"

He goes, "I don't care. It's killing a baby."

I'm like, "But bro, it's not even a baby yet."

He goes, "Yeah. But if you leave it there, it's gonna grow into a baby. So it's a baby."

And I was like, "You know what? Your daughter's fucking hot, bro."

This guy loses his fucking mind.

"What the fuck you mean my daughter's hot. She's 10 years old. What the hell is wrong with you?"

I'm like, "Yeah, but if we leave her there. She gonna grow into a woman, pops and we pedophiles are pro-life. You decide."