Now colleges are notoriously fun.

At least they used to be.

College kids used to party, right?

Cruise ships used to be boring.

Old people who are conservative, they're not gonna laugh.

College kids used to be-- everything has changed.

Now the cruise ship people are like, "Make me laugh, I'm ready, yeah!"

And college kids are like, "I'm ready to protest. I just don't know why yet.

Should we protest now or are we till later?"

They're ready... they don't even know what to-- they have the sign ready.

"What are we writing on this today? Chick-fil-A, are we doing Chick-fil-A? Are we protesting?"

"Top Gun, what should we protest? We gotta protest something."

They don't have fun, it's crazy, man, it's crazy.

So here's what happened.

I get to the college and the student advisor is the lady in charge.

She goes, "Just so you know, we did not have a good experience with our last comedian and we wanna make sure that you understand that this is the student's safe space.

This is, yeah, we don't wanna trigger them.

So all we ask is you don't talk about race, religion, politics, gender, sexuality, and don't make direct eye contact with them.

Other than that, say whatever you want. We're really big into freedom of speech on this campus."

I'm like, "Are you though, really, are you?"

I'm like, "Race, religion, politics, sexuality."

I'm like, "What am I gonna talk about?"

It was out of control.

So I said, "What if I just say hi to them for an hour and get paid?"

She's like, "That'd be great.

She didn't even want comedy.

She just wanted me to be just up there.

So I just did.

I came out strong.

"Where's all the freshmen at?"

They're like, "Yeah."

"Where's all the sophomores?"

"Juniors."

I looked at my watch, 59 more minutes to go.

I did not time that right.

Then I started saying, "Where's all the white people at? Where's the black people at? Latinos, Persians, Asians."

Then I started running out of groups.

I'm like, "Laos, Laos in the house. Who else?"

And then I made a mistake I didn't even know.

I said, "Where's all the LGBTQ students? Make some noise."

Yeah, you're here.

Yep.

But I'll tell you what, at that show, the woman got offended.

One of the students, she came up.

I just called her a she.

Hold on.

I'm not a biologist.

Hold on.

They, they. They all came up at the same time, 'cause it was one person.

And they looked me in the eye and they go, 'That was extremely rude what you did up there."

And I go, 'What happened? I just said hi."

She goes, "Where's the LGBTQ students?"

I go, "That was nothing."

She goes, "It's LGBTQIAA+, you idiot."

And then she stormed off.

Yeah.

I was like, "Wait, I didn't know they did an update."

Did you guys know they did an update?

If you did, that's cool.

You're like an iPhone 16.

You're updated.

I'm a little older.

I'm an iPhone seven.

I'm not quite there.

iPhone 7 used to be good.

It's not as good anymore, but don't hate on the iPhone 7, all right?

It had its time.

So she was mad at me cause I wasn't updated.

I had to go home and Google it so I don't offend other students.

I go, "What's LGBTQIAA+?"

And the more you Google that stuff, the more the advertisements start changing on your computer.

My suggested items are completely different than they were last year.

"We think you'd like this."

I'm like, "Oh my God, add to cart. We'll see."

Yeah.

Christmas is going to look a lot different for the family this year, let me tell you that.

I can tell you that right now. Yup.

So now I looked it up and now I know what it is.

And what I want to do is educate all of us so we can all be woke together.

Isn't that a good idea?

We could all get updated right now. Yeah.

We all know LGBTQ, but what's "I"? Who knows "I"? You know "I"?

Intersexual.

I looked it up and I'm like, "Maybe that's me."

That sounds like a dude wants to go to outer space to get some.

Yeah.

I'm intersexual now.

Intergalactic.

Like, yeah, forget you earthlings.

I want to go up there and see what's up.

How many guys here would sleep with a hot alien?

Be real.

You thought about it, right?

I'm talking about up there, alien.

Not, not the, not down here.

Not the South, not Mexico.

I'm talking about, no, Arizona.

Listen.

Aliens.

Outer space.

Just want to clarify.

All right.

Of course, man.

Aliens are hot.

So I'm already one of the new letters.

I'm I.

All right.

LGBTQIA. What's the "A"? Anyone knows?

Asexual.

I looked it up.

Someone who has sex with themself.

I'm like, "The whole pandemic. That was me too."

I'm knocking it out, man.

I'm a hella minority over here.

I didn't even...

I'm doubled up.

I'm killing it.

That was badass.

The second A is ally.

That one didn't make sense to me.

Friends with all the other letters.

I'm like, oh hell no.

We're over here doing all this hard work and you're like, "I'm with them."

No, get your dick in the game and join us if you want to be part of this minority group.

You can't just be like, "I'm with them."

Hell no.

Right?

And plus means to be continued.

There's going to be more coming soon.

I had one lady after a show.

She goes, "You didn't mention me. I'm pansexual."

I'm like, "All right, well I'm in a deep dish but we can work something out.

We'll go get a thin crust. We'll talk about it."

I'm just saying, if there's too many letters they're going to have to make a whole song.

That way you could get them, you know?

'Cause yeah, you're going to have to learn your gAyBCs.

That's what I'm trying to tell you.

That way we remember every letter.

I feel bad for older people.

Like my father's generation.

He's 78 years old.

You think he's going to know it's LGBTQIAA+?

Are you kidding me?

But he only had three letters his whole life that covered everybody.

F-A-G.

That's all he had.

Y'all don't remember those letters.

Those were the original letters.