I love statistics, big data analytics, whatever it is, but here's the thing.

When it comes to big data, there's a lot of bad data out there because statistics can be manipulated.

To show you how you can manipulate statistics, these are actual true statistics.

Watch what I do with them.

These are actual true.

It turns out in China, there's about 1.4 billion people in China, right?

1.4.

There are 7 billion people on earth.

Therefore, statistically, it cannot be argued, one out of every five babies born on earth are in fact Chinese.

So you could say, statistically, if you've got four kids, you're expecting a fifth, it will be Chinese.

So don't be surprised, that's all I'm saying.

Don't be surprised.

I don't have a problem with it.

If your fifth kid's gonna be Chinese, just deal with it.

So when you hear a statistic, always ask about the other side of a statistic.

You know, look at it from a different perspective.

44% of marriages end in divorce.

Now, that's a scary number.

That's scary.

When you first get married, you're like, "Oh my God."

But here's the thing.

It's not so scary when you look at it from a different perspective.

If 44% of marriages end in divorce, you know what that means?

56% of marriages end in death.

Those are the two ways that marriages end, folks.

Apparently, this is just occurring to some of the married people out there.

Just enjoy being married because it's not pretty when it ends, trust me.

Perspective is important.

Here's another one.

65% of Americans are overweight for their height.

But maybe, just maybe, 65% of Americans are just not tall enough for their weight.

I am not 20 pounds overweight.

I am three inches too short, darn it.

I'm going to Height Watchers.

The insurance companies will tell you this is true.

95% of all car accidents occur within one mile of your home.

That is true.

And even in the brightest of crowds, there's always a couple of people thinking, "Ooh, I got to move."

No, that's not going to help.

Trust me, that is not going to help.

But if you believe that, therefore, if you believe that, the safest thing to do is park one mile from your home and walk the rest of the way.

Really, do that, please do that.

This one's amazing.

I wrote it as a joke, but I actually think it's a good idea.

Watch this.

When the lottery a couple years ago hit $1.6 billion, 146 million people bought tickets.

146, remember that number.

146 million people bought tickets.

In the 2016 president's election, 136 million people voted.

10 million less than played the lottery.

Yeah.

So you know what?

We want more people to vote.

Every election, we should pick one voter to win $1.6 billion.

Look at that, now we're all, "I can't wait to vote. Let's go vote."

We wait in line for hours.

"Who you voting for?"

"I don't care. Give me a quick pick. I just got to get in."

This is a true survey.

They asked women.

I did not make this up.

I read this and immediately thought what I'm about to share.

33% of women polled said they have dated an ugly guy just because he was funny.

Which I think is amazing.

Ladies, you use a criteria.

I've never heard a man ever say, "Well, she's not very pretty, but she's funny. I want to go out with her."

Doesn't happen.

So thank you, ladies, for being so much less shallow than men.

That's what I'm saying.

So I thought that was great until I realized, hold on. I'm married.

You know what that really means?

That means there's a one in three chance my wife thinks I'm ugly.

I'm like, "Honey, am I good looking?"

"You're funny." - "Shut up."

And then finally, I hear this one on the radio all the time.

One out of 10 people suffer from hemorrhoids.

One out of 10 people suffer from hemorrhoids.

Does that mean that nine out of 10 people actually enjoy hemorrhoids?

Ooh, the itching and burning.

Ooh, it's that time of year they're back, ooh.

Let's go dancing.

I can't sit down anyway.

Come on.