Like that's my goal for the year.

I'm like trying to grow up and it's been a struggle.

It's the details that get me, it's the little things like refilling my ice tray.

Like over the years, I've learned that if you want ice you have to plan ahead.

And people point stuff out to me that I would never see.

Like my buddies are like, bro, you need a towel rack.

I'm like, why?

They're like, to keep the towels dry.

I'm like, the towels are supposed to dry me.

Like, I don't trust a towel that can't keep itself dry.

But that sounds crazy.

I realized that sounds crazy.

So I'm just like, oh, I'll get a towel rack.

And I realized it's never gonna happen for me.

Cause my favorite thing to do in the world as an adult is to go into Starbucks, order a drink.

I'm like, yeah, I'll take a large coffee.

They're like, what's your name?

I'm like, Penice.

But you can't smile like that.

Like I smiled cause you guys are laughing, but.

Like if you smile, the adventure ends there.

Like if you're like Penice, he's like, huh, no, seriously, what's your name?

You have to look intense.

Like look at him like you just took Adderall.

You know?

I'm like, my name's Penice.

And if you do that long enough, finally, he will speak.

He'll go, how do you spell that, Penice?

And that's, you can smile just a little bit and go, you know how to spell it.

Cause that smile says, you know what I'm doing, but you're too far down the rabbit hole.

There's no going back.

Right on the cup.

And if you do that long enough, finally, he will speak.

He'll go, how do you spell that, Penice?

And he will write it on the cup.

Why?

Because people pass their problems downstream.

It's human nature, guys.

That guy just has to write it, and then the nightmare's over.

The next guy has to say it out loud.

And it comes slow.

There's a lot of cups in front of my cup, you know?

And the anticipation's my favorite part.

I love it.

That guy gets a little confident in his role.

The guy that gets to yell it out, right?

He's like, yeah, I got a mochiato for Tina.

Where's Tina at?

And Tina's like, oh, it's my turn.

He's like, yeah, there you go.

Enjoy that shit.

Let's see who's up next.

We got a gingerbread spiced latte for Brittany.

Where's Brittany at?

Brittany's like, oh my God.

He's like, yeah, think about me when you drink that.

Let's see what I got next.

I got a large coffee for, and that's when I get close to him, and I'm just like, say it.

Say my name.

And he might not say it at first.

And if he doesn't, that's when I touch his face with the back of my hand.

Like that.

And gently.

Why the back of the hand?

Because something magical happens with the back of the hand.

If you touch a man's face with the back of your hand, he will always freeze.

I've done it like a thousand times.

If you use the back, they always freeze.

It's like rubbing a shark's belly, right?

Because if you use the front of your hand, there's a good chance he's going to recoil.

Just like, what are you doing, man?

But the back of your hand is just confusing enough where they're like, why the back of the hand?

Ah, now I'm just here.

And they're like, it kind of feels good.

I'm like, I know, right?

And I just say stuff like, say it, say my name.

Come on, feed the bear, feed the bear.

Come on, feed the bear.

And finally, he will.

He'll say it.

He'll say my name.

And why do I do this?

I don't do this to be a jerk or to mess up anyone's day.

I do this to remind myself that life's a great place.

And we have a future as a species.

Because sometimes I get sad when I watch the news.

I think that we're too divided.

And it makes me kind of crazy.

And then I go to Starbucks and I do this because it reminds me that there's no divisions, right?

When he says my name out loud, nothing divides us.

Race, religion, money, age, none of it.

It's all house of cards.

It falls over, you know?

When he goes, penis, every dude feels happiness.

It doesn't matter what you are.

Women, it's 50-50.

Half think it's funny, half think we're morons.

But men, it's not like they laugh hard.

They just go, huh, someone said it.

What?