Yes.

So that's your second marriage in two years.

Yes, second in two years.

Third overall.

Ross, I have been a divorce attorney for 23 years and never have I had so much business from one client.

Why don't you tell me what happened?

Basically, Rachel and I were in Vegas and we got drunk.

I'm sorry, is this the same Rachel whose name you said at the altar in the second marriage?

Yes, yes, yes.

But I do not love her.

Oh. That's better then.

I thought this was just a drunken mistake and I need to get it annulled.

I see.

Have you considered therapy?

I think just the annulment for today.

There are a couple of forms to fill out.

Easy.

And we'll need to have witnesses who can testify that you were not of sound mind.

No problem.

And we'll need you and Rachel to testify before a judge.

Ooh.

There's no way to do this without her because I kind of already told her it was taken care of.

Of course you did.

Look, Ross, you can't get an annulment unless you and Rachel are both there.

Uh-huh.

What about someone who looks like Rachel?

I will think about the therapy.

Oh.

This guy says, hello, I want to kill myself.

Are you okay, sweetie?

I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck.

Cookie?

Carol moved her stuff out today.

Oh.

Let me get you some coffee.

Thanks.

Ew.

Oh, no, no, don't.

Stop cleansing my aura.

Don't just leave my aura alone, okay?

I'll be fine, all right?

Really, everyone, I hope she'll be very happy.

No, you don't.

No, I don't.

No, she left me.

And you never knew she was a lesbian?

No, okay?

Why does everyone keep fixating on that?

She didn't know.

How should I know?

Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian.

Did I say that out loud?

All right, Ross, look.

You're feeling a lot of pain right now.

You're angry.

You're hurting.

Can I tell you what the answer is?

Strip joints.

Come on, you're single.

Have some hormones.

See, but I don't want to be single, okay?

I just, I just, I just want to be married again.

And I just want a million dollars.

Friends, family, we're gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily.

May the happiness we share with them today be with them always.

Now, Emily, repeat after me.

I, Emily.

I, Emily.

Take thee, Ross.

Take thee, Ross.

As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health till death parts us.

As my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health until death parts us.

Now, Ross, repeat after me.

I, Ross.

I, Ross.

Take thee, Emily.

Take thee, Rachel.

Emily.

Emily.

Uh, shall I go on?

That's it.

I cannot make this decision.

It is too difficult.

So I am just going to leave it entirely up to the gods of fate.

A magic eight ball?

Oh, you can't be serious.

You can't make this decision with a toy.

No, it's not a toy.

Well, I don't know what else to do.

I mean, I either keep my wife and lose one of my best friends, or I keep my friend and get divorced for the second time before I'm 30.

So if anyone else has a better suggestion, let's hear it, because I got nothing.

All right, don't be shy.

Any suggestion will do.

Again.

Here we go.

Magic eight ball.

Should I never see Rachel again?

Ask again later.

Later is not good enough.

Ask again later.

What the hell?

This is broken.

It is broken.

Hey.

Hey.

Emily's cousin kicked me out.

What?

Why?

Well, when you're subletting an apartment from your wife's cousin and then you get a divorce, sometimes the cousin suddenly wants his apartment back.

How can he do that?

Didn't you sign a lease?

Who needs a lease when it's family?

Hey, you can stay with us.

Yeah, yeah.

We'll take care of you.

Absolutely.

I mean, I'm sorry, man, but you have to promise me you will let us know the second you are feeling better so that we can make fun of your hair.

Yeah.

We got it.

Okay.

Thanks, you guys.

I really appreciate this.

All right, well,

I'm gonna get packing again.

Wow, I've been moving around so much lately,

I'm beginning to feel like a nomad.

What?

He thought you said gonad.

Chandler, um,

I want you to take just a minute and I want you to think about how ridiculous this sounds.

Yeah, I'm kind of wishing everyone wasn't here right now.

Honey, do you know that none of that stuff came from me?

I mean, I never said that I wanted to have babies and get married right now.

Yeah, I don't, but I was really confused, and then I talked to these guys.

Who, two divorces and Joey?

Hey.

She's right, you know.

Yeah, but still, cheap shot.

Yep, we want to get married.

Well, there's a service in progress.

Have a seat.

All right.

Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum.

Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum.

What are you doing?

Oh, that's the wedding march.

Does that freak you out?

No, only because it's the graduation song.

Okay.

This is it.

We're gonna get married.

Are you sure you want to do this?

Hello, Mrs. Ross.

Well, hello, Mr. Rachel.

Wait, okay.

Hey.

Hi.

Thank you.

Oh.

Oh.

Mmm.

What?

Are we gonna talk about what you guys did last night, or?

What do you mean last night?

Nothing, nothing, uh, nothing happened last night.

Oh, yeah.

Uh-huh.

Ross invited us all to watch.

We weren't gonna miss our friends getting married.

Oh!

Who got married?

You did?

What?

What?

What?

Wait, hello?

We didn't get married.

We didn't get married?

That's ridiculous.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

I remember being in the chapel.

Oh, my.

They would not let us get married when we were that drunk.

They let you get married when you're drunk.

Most people getting married in Vegas are drunk.

No, I'm drunk right now.

I can't have a mimosa with breakfast.

I'm on vacation.

What are you guys gonna do?

Oh, I guess we just find a divorce lawyer?

Oh.

Well, I think, I think

Ross already has one.

Now, this one's free, right?

Because you paid for the first two, so you get the third one for free.

Laugh it up, but the joke's on you, because we don't need to get divorced, okay?

We're just gonna get an annulment.

An annulment?

Ross, I don't think surgery's the answer here.

Oh, oh, that's your thing.

What?

Your main thing, you know, that you're the guy who gets divorced.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's not my thing.

I do not love getting divorced.

Yes, you do.

This is your third divorce.

God, you love divorce so much, you're probably gonna marry it, and then...

And then it won't work out, so you're gonna have to divorce it, divorcing guy.

I'm so drunk.

Hey, you guys, guess what?

Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

What is the matter with you?

No, Barry and Mindy.

Oh, sorry.

I hear divorce,

I immediately go to Ross.

Who's Barry and Mindy?

Barry was the guy that I almost married, and Mindy was my best friend.

Oh, oh, wasn't he cheating on you with her?

Yeah, but that just means that he was falling asleep on top of her instead of me.

God, can you imagine if I'd actually married him?

I mean, how different would my life be?

I know what you mean.

I've always wondered how different my life would be if I'd never gotten divorced.

Which time?

The first time.

No, seriously, imagine if Carol hadn't realized she was a lesbian.

No, I can't.

I keep seeing it the good way.

I bet I'd still be doing my karate.

Towards the end of our marriage,

I was doing a lot of karate as a way of releasing the tension from, you know, not doing anything else physical.

Maybe the problem was you were pronouncing it karate.

Mom, Dad, you remember that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?

Yes.

Well, I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot, but...

it was me.

I'm sorry.

It was you?

And, Dad, you know that mailman that you got fired didn't steal your Playboys?

Ross did.

Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing.

Monica did.

Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year.

Monica and Chandler are living together!

Ross married Rachel in Vegas and got divorced!

Again!

That's a lot of information to get in 30 seconds.

All right, Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you're in an important relationship is beyond me.

And we kind of figured about the porch swing.

Ross, drugs, divorced again.

What happened, son?

I-I, uh, I got tricked into all those things.

I'm not here.

That's just my Chinese food.

Oh, my God.

She has food delivered here?

Mm-hmm, yes.

She's-she's emotional, but-but ballsy.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I'm gonna get in my sweats and eat this in bed.

And you thought she was gonna be in our way.

So, okay, why don't you, uh, open the champagne, and I will be right back.

I've got a surprise for you.

You got another ex-wife back there?

Oh, my God.