that crap. It’s finding a woman who is cool with you watching her shower and lets you

stand there while she pees.

See, she’s peeing because...girls don’t poop.

Look it up. It’s The Sims 2.

Of course, to be specific, this is the console version of The Sims 2. And if you’re a fan,

you’re aware that The Sims 2 is slightly different depending on your platform—console

versus PC. This version strips away things like death, pregnancy, the stuff that makes

the PC game even more simmy. But what’s cool is that the game actually had some things

added to it on consoles, too. So it’s very much its own experience.

Plus, I mean...no risk of pregnancy? Tell me which world you want to be in.

So if you’ve never played a Sims game, uh...you’ve probably been busy doing things and accomplishing

stuff. Congratulations, nerd. Uh, while you’ve been wasting your life away, I got my Sim

a job as a lingerie model. So...don’t be all pissed at me when you get depressed.

I’m pulling, like, 200 bones a day, bro. In the video game world. And with exchange

rates and...inflation, dude. That’s even more impressive than it sounds.

So the big change in The Sims 2 was that it made relationships a lot more dynamic. Now,

Sims would remember stuff. So if you made a lame pickup attempt earlier, your prospective

partner might be even less receptive to your god-awful advances. It’s too bad you’re

not a boss like me. She wants me. Your Sim also has this...seemingly endless

list of sh*t you have to take care of. It’s like even the slightest, most mundane details

of your life are included in The Sims 2. So you have to pay bills, you have to make dinner,

you have to wash dishes, you have to poop. Unless you’re a girl, in which case, you

have to...sit there. And pretend.

It’s all an illusion.

And again, the console version has some additions of its own. For starters, there’s an actual

storyline you can do, which is pretty cool. There’s not really a story, but it’s more

about achieving goals. You have this list of aspirations, and the more of them you can

achieve, the more places you can go and things you can do. It gets complex, so it’s fortunate

that there’s also a freeplay mode that’s a little more...free.

The Sims 2 made a ton of improvements on the original...from the sweeping, like the new

cooking system; to the subtle, like facial expressions and body language. It’s this

hectic, complex recreation of our hectic, complex lives. So you have to eat, sleep,

shower, make that money, get those honeys...

Dude, my Sim is insatiable. Everyone! Get out of here. It—it’s The Sims 2 for the

PS2. Get out of here!