Why am I flirting so soon?

I hear you've been having some trouble with broken clocks.

So I got you one that works.

Thank you.

So you can just have that.

It's not moving on the inside.

It's working.

I'm pretty sure this...

It's working, it's not broken.

I'm pretty sure it doesn't work.

It's a working clock.

So there's no snooze button on that, but I'm going to stop now.

That was cute.

That was cute, okay.

The nuggets got to go and this is ridiculous, but that was very cute.

I was just asking my friend, I was like, where do people meet people?

Like, where do people...

Where are they?

Where are they?

Hello?

Hello?

Everyone in my crew is meeting people.

Apart from you.

It's illegal.

You should make it illegal.

Anyone to find love.

Apart from you.

Yeah.

My goal for this year is I want to get more bendy.

In what way?

Like, I want to be able to do the splits.

Why was that immediately sexual to me?

I want to be able to do the splits.

I got some splits.

And maybe I'd also like to put my leg by my ear.

Okay.

Could that happen?

That can happen.

You think?

More than the splits?

You need a catalyst.

Okay.

Like, somebody to do it for you.

You?

With a strap on?

What?

What are you talking about?

Because why else would your legs be over your head?

I just thought it'd be cool, like a party trick.

Okay.

You said you wanted to try and tumble.

I do, I tumble when I can.

Off a bridge, you were doing it.

Excuse me?

Oh, I have done that on a bridge.

Yeah, in Hawaii.

You might kill your ex.

Oh my God.

It's like, after I said that, it was like, wow, that was so crazy.

I was going to say, have you always been that chill?

I just like, was randomly, like, just like, slightly enraged.

So, you'd rather be in jail than alone.

I just think that maybe you got that wrong.

But you're with other people that are also in jail.

I would rather be alone than in jail.

Me too.

Okay.

Because I sung that, it has to be with you.

Yes, every single lyric of yours is real, right?

Yeah.

Pass you a nugget?

No.

I was like, where the flats at?

What's flats?

Hello?

What?

Hello?

Do you think long distance relationships work?

No.

Someone asked me if I had any hobbies.

And I was thinking, no.

My only hobby is being on the internet.

Really?

And daydreaming.

It's so good.

I know.

I think it's pretty expensive.

Like, it makes the brain expand or something.

Do you think being delusional is a good or a bad thing?

It's such a good thing.

You think?

Okay.

Yeah, because anyone who actually thinks that they're grounded in reality, when it's like, where are we actually?

What's actually happening?

You don't know.

The delusional I'm talking about is, I think that I'm going to go somewhere and fall in love, and it just doesn't happen.

I don't know.

I don't even know if we're meant to fall in love, because who's actually doing it and sustaining it?

I think we're just supposed to be in fleeting states of loving.

Do you fall in love easily?

Yeah.

Love.

It's tragic, truly.

Do you think you're good at giving relationship advice?

No.

Do your friends come to you, though?

I give it unsolicited, first off.

You shouldn't say shit.

When you see things that are so crazy, because they're going to be with that person regardless.

Friends don't listen to you?

Yeah, I don't listen to my friends either.

My friends will be like, he's lying.

That sounds ridiculous.

And I'll be like, you're dumb.

And I'm going to go do the same thing.

Again and again and again.

I've never been able to get a second date.

Yeah, I feel like I can catch them, but I cannot keep them.

Yeah, they're slippery.

They get in there, and they realize I'm fucking weird.

And then they're just like, all right.

Would you say you're really weird?

I know.

The butt makes it seem like it's normal.

The butt?

On the outside.

I want to shake ass and do all the normal things.

But I also want to just like, I want to swim in the swamp.

And I want to collect methane gas with my man.

That's my type of shit.

But that, to me, that makes you more attractive.

Thanks.

What's the worst pickup line you've ever heard?

No one tries to pick me up.

Really?

Damn.

I just realized that I'm undesirable.

I think you're like, very attractive.

Like, I think that's more like, that's a fact.

I think that's not really up for debate.

I don't consider myself conventionally attractive.

Well, I think it's cooler to be not conventionally attractive.

Because I think being conventionally attractive is boring.

That's what my mama said.

Would you ever run for president?

Absolutely not.

I think maybe you could.

I want nothing to do with politics.

And I just want to be left alone.

OK, cool.

I'll vote for you, though, if you did.

That shows poor mental health on your part.

I don't know anything about anything.

Do you know anything about?

Actually, I know a lot.

OK.

About random things.

Like what?

Including aquatic things.

I know a lot about human health things.

What's one fact about the ocean I should know?

You should always watch your coochie when you come out of the ocean.

Brilliant.

Because of micro...

Micro...

Bacteria.

Bacteria.

Microbiome in salt.

What about your feet?

But you don't have an orifice in your feet.

Do you not?

No.

Ew.

No.

You?

No.

I don't even know what that word means, orifice.

It's a hole.

A hole.

An entrance.

Oh, so is a mouth an orifice?

Exactly.

Is your nose an orifice?

Exactly.

Eyeballs?

Ears.

Oh.

Anywhere there's a hole.

Butt?

Booty.

Cuter bar.

What?

Urethra.

Don't know what that is.

Hello?

Hello?

Do you think I'm going to survive?

It might be strange.

Enjoy yourself.

Too hot for you?

No.

My mouth.

Yes.

I love it.

Would you do it again?

No.