I had to take English as a second language classes.

I struggled in these classes because I only spoke English.

I wish that wasn't true.

I went to a school with a bunch of immigrant kids.

They didn't know what to do with me.

The teachers are like, "What do we do with the Asian kid who speaks English?"

Yeah, they decided let's just put him with the others.

So English is now my first and second language.

I didn't complain.

If you speak English, that class is really easy.

I got a C.

Nailed it.

My parents raised us American.

I'm not very Asian at all.

I don't even like going to Asian restaurants.

Asian waiters don't like me.

They can sense that I'm a traitor.

My wife took me to this Vietnamese restaurant.

We sit down, the Vietnamese guy comes by.

I'm just like, "Hey, can I have a Coke?"

He was so rude because he didn't work there.

I don't know why I did this.

This happens to every Asian person in an Asian restaurant.

They think you were.

It's happened to me before, OK?

He was mad.

He's like, "Why don't you get me a Coke?"

It became this really weird scene, like two Asian guys yelling at each other like in a Vietnamese restaurant.

It was like a weird, racist, friendly fire standoff.

Everybody in the restaurant is looking at us now.

I heard someone go, "Why are the waiters arguing?"

"Is there going to be Kung Fu fighting?"

I'm from a big family.

There was 10 of us.

This is typical for Laotians.

We have big families.

Most of my friends are American.

They all have two kids.

They can't relate to this at all.

They love and spoil those two kids.

They're always like, "How did your parents deal with 10 kids?"

Laotians deal with 10 kids the same way you guys deal with two.

They love and spoil two of them.

It's like a basketball team.

There's two stars, right?

Six kids are role players.

They defend and rebound and two kids never come off the bench.

They're afraid you're going to trade them to another team.

So it's unusual that I'm doing comedy because I'm a doctor.

It's also unusual because I'm Laotian.

Laotians aren't funny people.

Culturally, we're just very serious people.

My parents hate that I do this.

They think I'm running away with a circus.

I was super excited.

I got my parents to come to a show.

I was like, "It'll be a good time. We'll make them laugh. It'll be awesome."

It wasn't awesome.

Yeah, they didn't laugh once and they made everybody uncomfortable.

I made it this big deal at the beginning of my set.

I told the audience, "My family's here, woo."

And then every time I told a joke, instead of laughing at the joke, the entire audience looked at my family.

My parents stayed up there the whole time like this.

By the end of the show, the entire audience was on their side.

I had 300 people looking at me like.

I was bombing, I was silent, crickets.

The only time the audience laughed was when my dad goes, "You're not funny."

I got heckled by my dad.

I want you guys to find me on social media.

I'm gonna spell my name.

You ready?

My first name is Viengsouk.

It's V-I-E-N-G-S-O-U-K.

My last name is Phommachanh.

P-H-O-M-M-A-C-H-A-N-H.

Got it?

I do this at every show.

I'm up to 12 Instagram followers.

It's awkward.

My name is 20 letters long, okay?

I had to change my login for a website.

I accidentally put my name in that new password box.

It told me it was very strong.

You're welcome to use it.

That was just my first name.

I tried my last name and it said too strong.

And the internet crashed.

So my name kind of stinks when you're a doctor, all right?

I still see patients.

Every day I meet a patient whose name is something like Bob.

It's a different guy every day, but it's the same guy.

You don't know him, but you know him.

Bob finds out I'm from Laos.

He has to tell me he's been to Korea, which is cool because culturally, geographically, they're not even close.

And I get this from Bobs.

They're always like, "Oh, Phommachanh."

What does that mean?

He thinks it's gonna mean like he who fights bear.

What it means is nothing.

I don't know why this happens.

It happens every day.

I've started playing along.

When I meet a Bob, I'm always like, "Ooh, Bob."

That's so exotic.

What does Bob mean?

And then I tell Bob, Phommachanh means Laotian love machine.

I don't get any more questions.

I used to have a job selling cell phones.

This lady needed help.

She saw my name tag and comes up to me and goes, "Do you speak good English?"

I was wondering the same thing about her.

And the right answer is yes, I speak English.

How can I help you?

What I decided to say was, "You know what? I help you very good."

I know that's cheesy, but it's totally true.

And I sold a phone.

Some of you guys didn't get that.

I sold a Motorola flip phone as Mr. Miyagi.

Do you know how hard that is?

Flip phone open, flip phone close.

I live in Florida.

Yay.

It's hurricane season.

That's always fun.

I get really jealous of meteorologists during hurricane season.

I think they have the coolest job in the world because they get to be on TV and say whatever.

There's no accountability.

If I screw up as a doctor, somebody might get sick, right?

They get to predict hurricanes, cause widespread panic, and then miss by 10 states.

And we're cool.

We're just on a sunshine lake.

And we listen to them like they're Oprah.

If they tell us a hurricane's coming, we go to Walmart like it's the apocalypse.

We murder our neighbors for like Triscuits and Spam.

And they show us something called the spaghetti model.

It's this like big satellite model with like a bunch of colored lines on it predicting where the hurricane's gonna go.

Why would you trust something called the spaghetti model?

It looks like a toddler threw up on a map.

And I can't think of another job where you can use the spaghetti model.

Like I don't get to use it.

If I'm explaining surgery, I can't be like, "Let's look at the spaghetti model."

It's just.

I have to remove one of these eight organs.

We'll know more when we're closer.