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Every time this year, we like to watch 300 trailers for games we don't care about to see 5 seconds of a game that won't be shown.
Summer Game Fest 2024!
Bakudouro no! (*applause*) Trust me, that game is such a true work of art, especially when you get into some of the combat.
The buzzword of this year's show was diversity.
Back in the day, every game was about a man shooting people with a gun.
Today, games have become much more diverse because now every game is about a woman hitting people with a sword.
The only sword hitting game I care about is Elden Ring 2.
Queen America is back and you can summon her with your bell.
I don't know why they changed the name.
That's Overwatch.
That's Overwatch.
That's Sekiro 2.
That's Monkey Row.
Sekiro 0 takes place before the Monkey Wars and Sekiro 4 will explain Chonka's backstory.
Now, entering the ring weighing 140 pounds, Mr. Kojii!
This dude is making three games right now.
He's doing a Garfield spin-off with Morgan Pielman.
He's doing Wooden Cog Liquid for PlayStation and Death Stranding 2.
The way the Strand universe works is that since Guillermo del Toro directed Pinocchio in real life, his character is now a little puppet man in the game.
The first time I played Death Stranding, I didn't get it entirely, but it was probably stupid.
The second time through, I went, Okay.
The president's waiting.
It's your mother.
Bridget.
Surely you remember her.
She raised you?
I'm thinking this is stupid.
The third time through, I knew it was stupid, but why do I have two maxed out characters now?
If we ever make it to Death Stranding 5, the Phantom Sam, that's gonna be the one where the walking mechanics are where I wanted them to be in the first game.
Open worlds, multiplayer, FPS, looter shooter, PVPVE, COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!
And that's what makes this industry so, so great.
I'm definitely playing Snake Eater Remake, but I don't know if I should.
When I was 12, this was the most badass thing ever, and I had MGS2.
In this game, you fight a guy called The Fear, but my greatest fear is going back to this game as an adult and thinking, Yep, that's what a 12-year-old thinks is the most badass thing ever.
Lego Horizon, I can't tell if this will be fun.
This is gonna be fun!
Oh, it is gonna be fun.
In Uncharted 2, you have a massive battle on board a train, but in this new Indiana Jones game, the main villain is a train.
Choo-choo!
Choo-choo!
In Uncharted, you find this little bitty circle.
Indiana Jones, he finds the great big circle, and a Nazi submarine suspended in the air like Uncharted.
They're doing a new Jet Set Radio, they're doing a new crazy taxi, they're doing a new Doom, they're doing a new Batman.
The Rat King will stop at nothing to destroy my city.
I guess Rats is the bad guy.
As Batman, you face a new threat.
RATMAN!
If you were a game dev working on the next Halo, and you suggested that Master Chief should be able to spawn three beds on top of each other, you would be fired.
But if you said that at Nintendo, they would make you the director of Zelda.
Now, it's up to Zelda to step into the protagonist role.
Prime 4's color palette echoes Metroid Prime 2.
Echoes.
They didn't show anything to suggest this, but I would love to see them take a more non-linear approach like Zelda Echoes is clearly doing.
And maybe even bring in Echo the Dolphin.
And I'm here to show you... probably the most stupid game you'll see all day today.
No, they already have Valorant up there.
Years before Sea of Bones was quadruple A, Perfect Dark was being touted as the first quadruple A game.
Xbox finally showed it off, and I gotta say, it does look a lot more triple A than Sea of Bones.
Perfect Dark Zero was the first game I played on Xbox 360, and that game was not perfect and should have cost zero dollars.
We're introducing a new all-digital Series X.
I'd like to show you three new Xbox 360.
Introducing Xbox One.
Xbox One X.
There's no power.
So let's talk about our next console.
Xbox Series X.
It's our mission to make Xbox the most confusing system to buy.
We also got a look at an actual quad A game six months ago.
The way the Grand Theft Universe works is that if you do something stupid enough in real life, they will now put you in the game.
I'm sure this will be a technological landmark, but I'm more interested in the tone.
GTA 5 is a very meme-spirited game where every character is scum.
Red Dead 2 criticizes America, but it can also show you warmth and beauty.
Is that something they're even trying to do with GTA 6?
I don't know.
Everything we've shown you so far, I think is gonna be, you know, coming out, uh, you know, never.
Astro Bot.
Not, no, not Astro Bot Rescue Mission.
Not Astro's Playroom.
Those are different games.
This is a diff- this- which game is this?
The one that comes with PS5, that's like the best game out there.
They really should go all out with the PlayStation stuff on this.
I want to see a Kessin level.
I want an Apexcape level.
I want a Yarmin level.
I want to team up with Kuma and battle the chicken from Parappa to Rapper.
I want to play as the dude from Headhunter, driving the car from Midnight Club 2 through one of the courses from Hot Shots Golf.
They're saying this one's gonna be a serious competitor to Mario, which is what they said about Sonic Adventure... and Knack... and 99 Winks.
Ubisoft.
I love these guys.
They dropped a bombshell on us with this new Star Wars.
They're calling this the first ever open-world game.
Welcome to the first ever open-world game.
And get this.
Guess who you play as?
You play as Jabba the Hutt.
Traverse the lush jungle world of Akiva.
The ancient city of Kijimi.
And now I get to introduce something that is special to me.
As someone who has played games for as long as I have, it's amazing that I get to set up this world premiere.
Thanks for your-