We'll be right back.

We'll be right back.

This morning in our series life lessons.

We're going to talk about the importance of prioritizing yourself.

Summers can be awfully busy.

You know, you got camp barbecues, parties, kids, sports leagues.

It's hard to carve out.

That's right.

Me time.

So you're to talk about why it's so important and how we actually get it done.

Psychotherapist and author Nero Feliciano Nero.

Good to see you again.

I don't know when me time became a thing, but it is a thing.

And so the question is, what should it be?

Okay.

There's a lot of false beliefs about me time.

One is that it's selfish, which is not.

We have to think of it as a health habit.

Having our life, our bodies, our mental health is a gift and we have to store to take care of it.

And me time reduces stress, helps us to think more clearly prevents illness long term.

If our stress is lower and it's for everyone, you know, Pew research recently came up with an article that men take three and a half hours more a week for activities, especially after kids.

Interesting.

What a surprise.

Doesn't have to be expensive.

Can be a walk, right?

Sure.

From the library can be free.

Sometimes it's hard though.

It could be a therapy session that you need to reduce stress.

It can be a tough workout for me.

It's making time to finish a second book.

That's not getting done.

Reduce the stress.

So it can be a lot of different things.

So I find it hard because for me to have me time, you know, it's like, okay, a break for my kids.

I get some time, but then my husband feels slighted because it's like, well, why don't you want to hang out with me?

It's like, cause I need to do this for myself.

So, I mean, how much me time do you actually need to feel better?

So it depends.

That's really the answer.

It depends on who you are.

It might be a season of your life that you need more.

So you go through a tough work period as you all do at times, or, you know, you have a stressful time in your relationship.

What's great with couples is you can give it to each other as a gift.

So, Hey, I'm watching the kids now and you do whatever you want for two hours, whatever, go play golf, go out with your friends.

Um, you can also, it helps us to show up better for people around us.

So tell your husband, you know, this is going to make us both happier.

And then the time we're together is going to be more fulfilling.

It's always interesting because there are some people who just struggle with it and others who have no problems at all.

I mean, for me in the early days, I felt guilty being away.

I felt like maybe I should be putting my time and other places.

And also I just felt like I didn't have time, but why do you think it is that some people kind of struggle with this?

So there's a couple of reasons.

One, the time is an issue.

A lot of people are busy and we can talk about how to make time for it, but there are people who are inherently are people pleasers and I mean, no fault of their own.

I mean, many of us become therapists.

Um, those roots run deep, but they always are putting other people's needs before their own.

Their own care is not a priority and you may be a pleaser.

If you identify with certain things, you have a hard time saying no, no, it's not a complete sentence.

Usually give you a big explanation.

Like I hit a zebra on the way to work so I can show up party tonight, you know, um, or you're constantly apologizing.

You always feel like you have to do everything yourself and you have a hard time setting boundaries.

So, so in a sense to, to get past that people pleasing, which in a way you probably can do both.

If you, if you enable people to help you, it's like, help me help you.

That's right.

Exactly.

You can delegate tasks to people.

What I like to do is this is what's life changing.

Say thank you instead of sorry.

Instead of saying, Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm so late.

Thank you for being patient or I'm sorry.

Couldn't go to your party for understanding.

I'm sorry.

She's like, I did not raise a sorry daughter.

So that's right.

Mama.

Yeah.

Your mother talks like that, but I never thought of saying thank you.

So it's almost like you change the narrative with that.

That's right.

And before you say yes, do a cost benefit analysis.

Is it worth it?

What am I going to sacrifice?

Sure.

I can do it, but who's paying the price for that?

Maybe it's our families.

If we take on too much as well.

So what do you do about the people?

I mean, because there's family, there's friends, there's work, there's obligations.

Like how do you not insult the people that you're saying no to?

Well, you have to prioritize first of all.

Right.

And there are different seasons for different things.

You know, right now with my kids about to go to college, I'm trying to spend as much time with them as I can.

Later on, there's going to be more time for other people.

You have to prioritize.

And at some points in your life, maybe your marriage needs more time.

Maybe your kids.

And of course, we need friend time as well to balance it out.

I also think you're delegating to people and giving them the opportunity because a lot of times, and I think you guys are more guilty of that than we are guys are because you think, oh, I can.

And if you give us the opportunity to do it, we can do it.

It's better than us doing all of it and then feeling resentful.

And you know, all the time.

Yeah, I'll give you that credit out.

He's constantly telling us that's true.

Yeah.

Well, thank you so much.

And by the way, you know, Rose got her, her two kids here.

Uh, it's like visual casting.

We got to like our stage people.

I mean, my gosh, this is like just beyond them.

We've got, uh, Adriana Brock for more on people pleasing.

Check out the Rose column called.

Is this normal on today?

Hey, thanks for watching.

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