Welcome back to my channel.

I hope you're all having a lovely, lovely day.

I hope it gets even better from watching this video.

Today we're chatting all about my sort of dating rules slash guidelines.

I want you to come out of this video being like, okay, I know my worth.

I'm going to stop chasing these men.

I have no business chasing.

We're going to talk about how you're going to stop being the one who's picked and you're going to start choosing.

We're going to talk about how to stop being convenient and just be who you are and know what you want.

Stand your ground.

We're going to chat about how to deal with like behaviors you don't like, how to act, what to say, that sort of a thing.

Two disclaimers.

I want to put out a, and we'll get through those really quickly.

Number one, I am coming from a place of dating men for the most part.

So that's the context.

I believe in masculine, feminine energy, and I think every relationship has that polarity or at least most, no matter if it's like a straight relationship or not.

I think there are so many misconceptions when it comes to what feminine energy actually is.

And I do want to talk about that.

It is not being weak, first of all, and it is not being a 1950s housewife.

I don't know where we got that from, but that is ridiculous.

We'll chat a little bit about that.

But if you want a whole other video about feminine energy and how to kind of step into it and what it is, let me know.

I'll gladly make a whole video about it.

Disclaimer number two, anytime anyone shares any sort of dating advice of how to act or what to say or how to be when it comes to dating, there's always comments like, Oh, I just want to be myself.

I don't want to play any games.

And sure, who am I to tell you what to do and what not to do with your life?

You can do whatever you want.

But I assume that most of us that are watching this kind of content are coming from a place of not being very healthy when it comes to relationships and dating.

Maybe we've experienced whatever in our childhoods and we are, let's say anxiously attached or we're insecure.

We don't see our worth.

We go for the wrong guys.

I would like to think that that is not who I am or at least it's not who I want to be.

And I think these tips are how to better yourself so that you can get what you want.

Because I assume the behavior you've been in hasn't gotten you what you want.

Otherwise you wouldn't be watching this.

And that is something I personally experienced.

I did a lot of toxic dating.

I was in a lot of toxic situations, relationships, you name it, I've experienced it.

I then took a year off dating and I was single on purpose.

And I really took that year to learn about these patterns and start to heal them.

And I'm now in a healthy, happy, long-term committed relationship that I've always wanted.

And so this is kind of coming from that place of someone who had been through it and is now on the other side.

And this is something that I would do if I had to start from scratch.

I'm Nika, by the way, I like to make content like this, just chatting about things that are important in the self-development space.

And I like to make my advice and my videos super actionable so that when you're done watching it, you're like, okay, I can implement this.

I can do this exercise and I can start today because that's just something that works for me.

So I hope it works for you as well.

And if it's up your alley, I would love for you to stick around and subscribe and check out my other social media for more content like this.

Alrighty.

That was a little long, but let's jump right into it.

Okay.

Step number one.

And I think the most crucial one is we're going to uncover your worth because what is this business of you chasing people or trying to convince people to be with you or to want you or to love you that ends today.

And it can end today.

And I'm hoping that these things that I'm about to say that helped me flip that switch are going to help you as well, because then you don't have to keep convincing yourself like, Oh, I shouldn't be doing this.

I shouldn't be chasing this person.

Like I know it's not good for me.

It's not going to get me what I want, but I just cannot stop.

We're going to end this so that naturally you're not even interested in people like that anymore.

That is the goal.

Okay.

So usually people, especially men are very honest.

It might not be through what they're saying, but it's definitely through what they're doing.

So they might say like, I don't want a relationship right now or I'm not looking for anything serious, but most likely they're just not putting in as much effort.

So they're not making the time to see you.

You're not any kind of priority.

They don't really care to check in with you.

You kind of need to chase them to make anything happen.

That means, and I hate to say it, I know it sucks to hear, but it means that they're not interested in that way.

They don't want you in that way.

They don't want a relationship with you because when anyone wants to be with you, especially a man, they will make it very obvious.

This will not be something hard to decode or something.

You need to convince yourself and find loopholes of, Oh, but he did text me last Friday to say that he misses me.

So he must care.

Like it won't even be a question.

Does he like me?

Does he want to be with me or not?

It's very, very obvious because why wouldn't he make it obvious if that is what he wants?

You know, it's very simple.

But if we are in this pattern of chasing people that we know deep down don't want us, it comes from somewhere.

Obviously.

It might be that your dad didn't have time for you.

So you kept just kind of scraping for some love and attention.

Maybe you were bullied early on in childhood.

Maybe you just didn't feel loved and like you belong in your family, whatever it might be.

There are a hundred different types of stories, but they all lead to the same place, which is you not believing that who you are is good enough and worthy enough to be loved just for who you are.

And now you're out here convincing these random chads or brads or whoever that no, I am, I am actually good enough.

I am actually lovable.

And by you convincing them that you are, and if you actually get to the point where you convince them, which you usually never do, but if you magically make that happen, then you're like, I am lovable because Chad here loves me.

And that is what you're doing subconsciously.

Like you're trying to convince yourself of something that you should do within yourself that has no business being something that you're trying to achieve outside of yourself by Chad loving you, you know?

So if that already doesn't flip a switch of you just knowing this is what I'm doing, this is my pattern.

I'm trying to convince people to love me because I don't believe deep down that I'm lovable.

Then please pause this video right now.

Get a picture of yourself when you were a little kid, whichever one like speaks to you and you just feel like, Oh, I love this little kid.

Pick that one.

So now that you have this picture, imagine that this child is like with you all the time.

And obviously you want the best for this child.

It's an innocent little kid that has done absolutely nothing to deserve whatever has happened to him.

Okay?

You have this Chad guy over here who's showing you all the ways in which you are not lovable and is just confirming these feelings for you.

Does this little kid deserve that?

Yeah, I'm going to choose Chad anyway because you're not lovable.

No, that is not what we're doing.

Of course you want this child to feel like they're loved and they're amazing the way they are.

So you need to start protecting this child and choosing for them.

If you cannot do it for yourself now as an adult and you can put this photo on your wall so that you see it all the time as a reminder, you can put it as your screensaver on your phone.

You can put it as a picture when Chad texts you of like, no, we're not doing this anymore because this little Nika doesn't deserve this.

She's experienced enough of that and this chapter has closed.

I am not doing that to her anymore.

I like to view worth as like we all have the same amount of worth that we come into this world with.

It doesn't matter how pretty you are, how smart you are, how many people you have in your life.

It doesn't matter.

We all have the same amount.

And if you imagine a window, imagine that light coming into the window as your worth.

And so it's coming into every window everywhere.

It shines all the time.

Let's just imagine.

And for the people who have low self worth, their windows are just dirty.

So the light is still there.

It can still come through, but you just need to clean the window.

And I recommend you watch my video about confidence.

I'll link it down below that will give you a lot of different tips and tricks and exercises to kind of start to see your own worth.

If you want to check that out.

I want to give you another analogy just to really hammer this in because I know how difficult it is to actually start believing that you are worthy and loving.

And of course it's going to be difficult.

Like if you grew up in an environment where this was constantly confirmed, like, no, you're not lovable as who you are.

You need to be this way.

You need to achieve this.

You need to be that way.

Blah, blah, blah.

Of course you believe that you don't have any worth.

Like why wouldn't you?

Anyone who would experience the things that you have experienced would get to this exact point.

And I know because I've been there, trust me.

And you can choose today to stop that cycle.

And I know it will take time for it to actually become a new pattern, but you can start today.

So the analogy is, let's imagine Hermes, right?

The designer, really expensive store that has really expensive bags.

They're called Birkins.

Okay.

From my understanding, Birkins are like around $20,000 or way more than that, which means, you know, you would think they're worthy and you would think Hermes as a brand has a lot of worth because it has a lot of value and not everyone can afford them.

You usually obviously need to have a lot of money.

So it's this high thing that people want to achieve and want to have.

Let's say Hermes gets a new CEO and that CEO doesn't understand the value of Hermes.

So he gets people to stand in front of their stores with a poster saying, please come into our store.

And you see it and you're like, that's weird.

Why would Hermes want me to be in a store?

Like I cannot afford this.

But you're curious.

You've never been into the store before.

So you go in and then you see Birkins being like 20 euros.

And you're like, okay, very strange.

You might buy one because you're like, Oh my God, it's a Birkin.

But will that Birkin keep its value?

Of course not.

It will no longer be this thing people desire, this like exclusive thing people want.

The people who bought Birkins as an investment will lose all their money because they completely lost their value.

So you would assume that Hermes is communicating that they no longer have any value or that their value is much lower than it used to be.

And they're not directly saying this to you.

They're not like, we have no value.

But with everything that they're doing, with their actions, they're showing you there's no value to this brand anymore.

And if you have a very low value in yourself and a low self worth, that is what you're doing.

And usually how it comes out the most is in your dating life.

Like usually that is where those insecurities are pulled out of you the most, where those toxic patterns really shine.

And that is what you're doing.

You're standing out there with your poster of like, please, someone want me, please chat, love me, please reply to me.

There's no self worth and that is very unattractive.

And there is no shame in wanting to be attractive to men.

If this gets you to finally realize your self worth and start working on yourself, who cares?

Genuinely, I don't know why it's like embarrassing or shameful to want to be attractive to men.

If you want to be in a relationship with a man, like I don't get it.

But anyway, if, and this is the last thing I want to say on this topic, if you're still like, no, I need to convince Chad to love me.

Let's say you convince him not to love you, but just to commit to you because you've, you know, you've gone on and on and on.

And let's say you magically made it happen, which rarely happens, but let's say you didn't.

What kind of a relationship is that going to be?

Are you going to feel loved for who you are?