You're here. Thank you for being here.

Welcome.

Well, guys, good news.

I saw that today is National Tequila Day.

And so is every day until Election Day.

Yeah.

That's right.

National Tequila Day, which pretty much makes tomorrow

National Gatorade and Bacon, Egg, and Cheese Day.

Of course, a lot of celebrities have their own tequila brands.

Now there's George Clooney, Kendall Jenner, and Dwayne the Rock Johnson, just to name a few.

But to me, the real celebrity face of tequila will always be Nick Nolte.

And I just, you know, I just, I don't know why.

I don't know. I don't know.

I have no idea why.

Meanwhile, it's also National Cousins Day.

Ooh.

Yeah. That's right.

It's Tequila Day and Cousins Day, or as it's known in West Virginia, Valentine's Day.

Yeah, there you go.

Come on, now. Come on, now.

You want jokes? You want jokes?

Come on, now.

-♪ Tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila ♪

Some political news.

Earlier tonight, President Biden gave a primetime address from the Oval Office about his decision to drop out of the race.

Basically, on Sunday, he broke up with the country over text, and tonight he met us for coffee to explain.

-♪ Tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila ♪

Yep, Biden delivered the address, although it was hard for people to focus with Kamala's interior designer in the background.

And then we'll put a picture of Doug over here.

And then, I think he changed his curtain, right?

Changed his curtain.

Oh, it's okay.

-♪ Tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila ♪

Well, guys, the latest polling shows Vice President Harris leading former President Trump 44% to 42%.

And the poll...

-♪ Tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila ♪

Well, the poll has a lot of information, so let's take a look at the numbers here.

When asked, who are you supporting for president, 44% said Kamala Harris, 42% said Donald Trump, 13% said Joe Biden.

-♪ Tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila, tequila ♪ 38% said, Joe Biden, have you been paying attention to the news?

24% said, no, not really, why?

72% said, bro, he dropped out four days ago.

52% said, oh, my bad, I've been super busy.

11% said, so busy, you didn't know the president dropped out?

63% said, will you lay off?

Man, my job is really stressful.

17% said, sorry, what's your job again?

24% said, I'm the head I.T. guy at CrowdStrike.

11% said, oof.

82% said, yeah.

13% said, yikes.

27% said, I know, anyway, you want to go see Deadpool and Wolverine?

71% said, I can't, my job has been insane lately.

33% said, sorry, what's your job again?

45% said, I'm the CEO of Boeing.

11% said, oof.

82% said, yeah.

13% said, yikes.

27% said, I know, so what's your next move?

40% said, what's yours?

12% said, let's say it on three.

One, two, three.

And finally, 100% said, only fans.

It's a very interesting poll.

Very interesting.

Very in-depth.

Very in-depth.

Very interesting poll there, yeah.

Meanwhile, yesterday in Wisconsin,

Kamala Harris made her first campaign stop, and the crowd was pretty fired up, but no one was more excited than Wisconsin Governor Tony Evers.

Listen to this. Watch this guy.

On the Tony Evers excitement scale that goes from holy mackerel and maxes out at, heck yes,

I am jazzed as hell.

My goodness.

That guy makes Mike Pence look like Andrew Dice Clay.

On the excitement scale, if zero is off the chain, this party, zero's off the chain, and Tana's roof is being raised, this is somewhere in the holy macaroni zone.

Well, it was reported that Elon Musk was giving $45 million a month to Trump's campaign, but now Elon's saying that's not true, and he just put out a statement about it.

Take a look. Elon said,

I know I owe millions, but I'm just not going to pay.

And Trump said, game recognize game.

Yeah.

Then Elon said, I'm too busy running my businesses.

Everything I touch has been tanking for some reason.

And Trump said, game recognize game.

Then Elon said, meanwhile, people are saying

I ruined Twitter and I ignore my kids.

And Trump said, game recognize game.

And Elon said, luckily, everyone will forget about all this when I do something even crazier next week.

And Trump said, game recognize game.

They have a lot in common.

Switching gears, according to a new report,

Amazon has lost $25 billion on its Alexa devices.

I could tell something was wrong. Listen to this.

Hey, Alexa, what is the capital of Tennessee?

The capital of Tennessee is Nashville.

Also, while I have you, videos of my feet are now available for purchase.

Shall I add to your cart?

Alexa, stop, stop. This is sad.

This is sad, right?

That's terrible. I feel bad. It's sad.

Guys, this is wild. According to scientists, sharks off the coast of Brazil have tested positive for cocaine.

Meanwhile, I can't get this song out of my head.

Cocaine shark, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Cocaine shark, do, do, do, do, do.

Cocaine shark, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Cocaine shark, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Cocaine shark, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Finally, guys, it is Wednesday.

It's time for We Post. Here we go.

-♪ We Post ♪

We Post!

Welcome to We Post.

This is where we, as a group, decide something we should post on social media.

I'm going to show you five different posts, and we're all going to vote on whether you like each one or not.

You'll have voting clickers at your seats.

You see them?

Green means you like it. Red means you don't like it.

You can vote for all of them.

And green for all of them, if you want to.

You can vote for none of them.

Again, I'm here just to have fun.

That's really what... Higgins, you have your clicker?

Roots, you have your clickers?

All right, good. The results are going to be live here.

Whichever one is our favorite, we will post.

And then it's not a me post.

It's a we post.

You see what I'm saying? Yeah.

All right, here we go. The first post is...

Calzones are just shy pizzas.

Oh.

Just a little shy.

Come on. Come on, bud.

Come on out.

Aw, it's a pepperoni pizza.

Yeah. All right, let's look at the votes.

I'm saying 50-50 on this one. Let's see the results.

Whoa! I was almost right!

Very honest audience. Very honest audience.

Yes, they're like, no.

I'm going to vote no on that one, yeah.

Cute. All right, this next one is...

Everyone thinks they're so cool and confident until it comes time to parallel park in front of a line of strangers waiting for a brunch table.

Oh, gosh.

I know, I know, I know, I know.

I'm going to get... Okay, all right.

All right. Let's see the results on this one.

Oh!

That's nice. That's good.

United the whole audience right there.

All right, this next one says...

What?

Wait, what?

I don't even know if I want to vote on this one.

What is that? Let me say it again.

What?

Wow. I don't know.

You're the one that told me. You're sorry.

Someone just walked out.

Yeah, are you kidding? Come back, come back.

You can't leave the tonight show. Come back.

All right, let's see the results on this one.

I...

Yeah, that's...

Whoa! All right, let's try a new one.

Here we go. This next one says...

That's not bad, right? That's good.

Just toss it in there. We'll figure it out when we get home.

All right, let's see the results on that one.

Yeah.

Whoa! Wow.

Three people. Three people held out, said no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Two away from the winner. Yeah.

All right, this last one is...

Sometimes I look at people's feet in sandals and think, do you kick bowling balls for a living?

-♪♪ -♪♪

What? What happened to you?

Do you kick bowling balls for a living?

Wow.

I think it is.

Oh, I don't know. It's hard to top 191.

I know, but that's a good one. That's a really good one.

That's a really good one. You might have to post two of them.

That might be a two of them, yeah.

Hmm. Would you agree to post two of them if it's, like, over 180-something?

Yeah.

Let's see the results.

Oh! We got a post!

Yes! It's over 180!

We're going to post two! We're going to post both of them!

We're going to post both!

Never been done!

All right, two and five are the winning posts.

I'm going to post it during the break.

If you happen to see it online, give that WePost a repost.

We have a great show. Give it up for The Roots, ladies and gentlemen.

-♪♪ -♪ We're going up ♪ -♪ Let's go ♪ -♪♪

Hey, everyone, just a reminder, this Friday at 7.30 p.m., the Paris Olympics opening ceremony is kicking off right here on NBC!

It's going to be big!

And then don't change the channel, because after that, we have an all-new show with Nick Jonas.

That's right.

-♪♪

Megan Rapinoe and Sue Bird.

Whoa!

Madonna Ice Spice.

What?!

Maybe a couple surprise appearances.

Ooh.

Maybe Will Ferrell.

What?!

Maybe two guys from a giant Marvel movie that's out this weekend.

What?!

I don't know! I don't know!

You'll have to tune in and find out this Friday night.

NBC, it's going to be good.

Yeah.

-♪♪

Maybe.

But first, what a show we have for you tonight.

He is an Oscar and Golden Globe-winning actor who stars in the new film,

The Instigators, which opens in select theaters August 2nd and streams August 9th on Apple TV+.

Matt Damon is here tonight!

-♪♪

One of the best to ever do it.

Love that man. Love that dude.

The light.

Oh, I like this guy.

He stars in the new M. Night Shyamalan movie,

Trap, which is in theaters August 2nd.

Josh Hartnett is joining us!

I love that guy, too.

-♪♪

And we got great music from Hardy tonight!

Come on!

That's fun.

That's a fun album right there.

Oh, also, I want to quickly mention that this is the final night to vote for our annual Fallon Summer Reads Book Club.

We're going to announce the winning book on tomorrow night's show.

We have six books right there.

These are the books. This is a QR code in case you don't want to type in the URL.

You just bleep-lorp this to your phone, and the next thing you know...

-"You're there." -...you're there, and you're voting, yeah.

We have God of the Woods, a scary, spooky mystery.

We have Murder at the End of the World, that's sci-fi.

I Was a Teenage Slasher, that's horror.