you take just the right amount of time to come for your body positions that i really enjoy there are so many ways to make love to evolve hello my sweet friends of the interwebs thank you so much for being here and joining me now there might be a bit of a misconception that because i make these videos that means i'm overly sexual or a very horny person but the truth is i just find this a fascinating and important topic of discussion and i get so excited when i learn more about my body my preferences and feel more confident and whole within my sexuality because it translates into how i show up in many other facets of life as well and i feel so empowered having a good relationship with that so i'm gonna have different titles in the timeline below and let's get into it so i identify as queer i'm bisexual i'm dating men i'm dating women any queer artist will yield a queer community going to concerts and when you see someone cute having the audacity to introduce yourself being brave and knowing that literally nothing will happen if you get rejected it can be so casual it can be like this i think that you're really cute if you would like to go out sometime i would love to get your number and get to know you that simple if they're like oh no sorry i'm not into girls you can be like okay well you have a really cute style or like speak to what you connect on and you could end up making really sweet friends i am not about a dinner date i hate sitting so formally across from someone making eye contact the whole time i would much rather do an activity together so go to an art cafe go to a gallery even a yoga class and get some tea after put a cap on it too so if you have an obligation or a made-up obligation for an hour after your date it's just the perfect out and the last thing i'm gonna say about dating is that no matter what the outcome there is so much enjoyment in getting excited about someone romanticizing a moment getting cute and all of the anticipation the lust the curiosity to me none of those moments are wasted there's still time with yourself on earth so i feel like for a lot of us queer folks we have had evidence of our sexuality from a very young age but we weren't able to act on it or didn't feel supported or for whatever reason we come to adulthood and it's our first time having sex with the same gender and it is terrifying and it feels like losing your virginity all over again i felt that way granted i was i don't know 17 when i actually started dating and hooking up with girls it still felt like whoa i'm a fully grown person and i feel so foreign in this world of pleasuring women and i always had this idea that it would be so easy because we have similar body parts but it definitely felt a little bit discouraging not immediately being able to make a girl come for example there are so many ways to make love to evolve so you can use your mouth your fingers toys a strap on even just your body parts to rub against masturbate next to each other that was a really fun thing that i started doing when i was younger because it helped me learn how the people i was dating would orgasm i was like oh let me see how they touch themselves so that i can touch them in a similar way i wanted to share some sex positions that i really enjoy and this is if you are going to be using your fingers and using your mouth so your partner is leaning against the wall and you slide your fingers into them and finger them this way from behind it's really hot you can wrap your finger around the front of them and massage their clit at the same time while you're fingering them or just fully focus on those fingers going in and out and obviously the um come hither motion is the most popular and it's really easy to do that from this position from the back you can also do this in the front having them wrap their leg around you and this is nice because you can sort of play with the clit on the palm of the hand while also doing that intense come hither motion and if you are a vulva owner yourself you may know that you can be a little bit rough don't be afraid to like not hurt or overdo it with the fingering i mean you can kind of tune in to what their response is but you can give it some momentum and intense stimulation of the g-spot really rapidly with the fingers can lead to squirting and different kinds of orgasms even a g-spot orgasm and sometimes going just softer more rhythmic doesn't have the same effect as like really going for it one of my favorite positions for giving oral pleasure is face sitting and i think the best way to do this is for your partner to have their legs bent on the bed and be leaning back on their hands so that they can feel fully comfortable their butt is kind of like sitting directly on your chest and you can really take your time it's such a beautiful view you might want to play with their nipples a little bit and this is a great one also if you have a bed frame they can put their weight over the bed frame rest their elbows and you can lift their hips here and just kind of go to town another thing if your partner just wants to ride your face you can just stick your tongue out and they can just ride it to their own pleasure i also just love being on my knees for someone it's like an embodiment of the pure worship and devotion that i feel for people that i'm in love with so something i really like is to be on my knees and then their leg is wrapped around me and i'm a very classic vulva owner i love g-spot and clitoral stimulation mixed together and i really like just any position where i'm facing my partner and they can stimulate that upper wall of the vagina super basic another position that's really fun is when you're both sitting next to each other and you're both fingering and stimulating each other side by side there's something about this that's so hot because i feel like there aren't as many positions where both of you can be experiencing deep orgasmic pleasure at the same time of course there's 69ing you can do this sideways and both be eating each other out this is the most comfortable version of 69 in my opinion another thing that you can do is spooning your thigh in between your partner's leg for them to sort of ride and thrust against you can also face one another and finger each other at the same time like this kind of like in a yob yom position and this feels so intimate you can kiss you can have your fingers in each other and it feels so holy and sacred to have your fingers in there and just doing it at the same time is so crazy because you know that what you're feeling is what they're feeling and it can get a little transcendental letting your desire kind of guide the love making when i'm sharing in videos it's not that these positions are foolproof it's just that they worked with a specific person or they worked with me but it's up to you to kind of like experiment with what feels good for your partner and toys are also a really fun thing to use one of my favorite sex toy brands is lalo they are the sponsor of today's because that means i can keep sharing these tips and they are a high quality sex toy brand all about just normalizing female sexual pleasure and this is the enigma double sonic which was developed to stimulate the a spot which is about two inches deeper than the g spot experts suggest using a toy that's just about five inches long to reach the a spot and this is just the right length this little insertable tail here releases sonic waves directly to the a spot for really intense and pleasurable orgasms if you've been trying to kind of rediscover those internal orgasms such as the g spot or a spot or even feeling some of that cervical orgasmic pleasure and of course there is this clit sucker here so that you can just take it all to the next level having both forms of stimulation at the same time will always lead to next level orgasms in my mind of course there is different intensities of stimulation so you can adjust it to your preference or have none at all but if you do want to get a little kinky with it this can also be controlled with an app where you can unlock two additional modes and just experiment with who gets to control it if you are trying to unlock more of those internal orgasms i think this would be a really fun place to start and you can shop lalo using the link in my description box below just a quick note on dirty talk i have so many friends that have different preferences on this but the consensus is that dirty talk is the best when it's honest and real not when it's rehearsed or something that someone could say about anyone for example saying you have the prettiest pussy versus it feels like your pussy fits me perfectly or i love the way that you taste so sweet saying things that are specific about that person i love the shape of your pussy you have the most beautiful labia i just love the way you match my freak dirty talk is so beautiful when it's charged from your fantasy especially if someone is down bad for you they want to hear all the dirty little things that you're thinking about them so that is a really fun form of foreplay when you're making love with someone with a vulva the orgasms can be endless the love making can be endless you can spend hours and not fully know when you're done because you have the capacity to keep going and i personally get burnt out probably after like six orgasms would be my cap where i'm just satisfied i don't need any more if i do have more i feel maybe a little bit overstimulated and i haven't always known how to vocalize that it's actually really simple and you can just be spooning someone and lead them into that aftercare by kissing their hand and saying i feel so satisfied my body feels so complete and so well fucked and if they try to reach to start stimulating you again you just grab their hand their fingers and you just kiss them and put it back on their body and invite a more tender kind of touch and i also want to touch on this whole idea i feel like so many vulva owners say this thing where sorry it takes me a really long time to come as if it's a problem as if it's a bad thing or something you take just the right amount of time to come for your body and i feel like so many of us hold this weight hold this like maybe slight shame that it's not so easy for us because we're comparing our anatomy to that of a penis which is usually up and available and can ejaculate within a matter of seconds sometimes it is not evidence of our brokenness we are different and maybe we've been with partners who aren't curious enough about our pleasure and be excited about making us orgasm so we just internalize it as something wrong with us like oh we're complicated that's not true so if you are with someone who says oh it takes me a while to come i might not come you can say something like i'm so grateful to be sharing this space with you and i am here for every moment of it no matter what it takes to make you come i'm excited and willing and so devoted to your pleasure but you also don't have to either so there's no pressure i just am excited to make you feel good that's just in my tone of voice but say something to affirm to them that it's if they don't come and that you're also fully here for feedback and that you are willing to take the time that it takes but i have made a whole video on women loving women pleasure so i'm gonna link that down below because there are different ways you can stimulate the clitoris with your mouth and with your fingers so um check that out if you're curious i personally have a very heavy brake system in my body if the person i'm with hasn't gotten tested recently or we don't have a conversation about that at all and now i will only sleep with someone if they get tested right before sleeping with me because i would really get in my head like oh you got tested a month ago great but what if you had many partners in between then that's something that i invite especially for dating girls and vulva owners it's like there's no chance of pregnancy and i don't want to have to use a dental dam so let's just both get tested now with penis owners i will use getting tested using condoms i was on birth control when i was i think like 15 and it made me so emotionally unstable that i will never do that again i know that it works for a lot of people and i would love to have a method that feels as foolproof as that but i could never do that to my body again but this is more so a conversation that you should have with your gyno maybe with god about how to move forward because it's so personal but i'm only sharing this because i do get a lot of questions about my birth control as more of a holistic girly i know a lot of people like the temperature taking thing that tells you when you're ovulating doing cycle tracking and things like that are great but i know that they're not foolproof and i do know people who have gotten unintentionally pregnant and just a reminder that it takes time for soulmates and deep connections to be forged you're not automatically going to have the best sex of your life with a new partner who you think is cute it takes time to gain that understanding even to communicate well and it's so easy to compare our first time hooking up with someone to an ex who we had really great sex with and be like damn i'm never gonna have sex as good as that ever again but it's really you know that relationship probably took some time to get to that point of intimacy and comfort and so just know that your first time hooking up with someone might be a little bit awkward it might be a little bit nerve-wracking but over time you get more information you understand each other more and it becomes more fluid but having an awkward first time is not evidence that it's always going to be that way or the relationship isn't working i feel like i've been sharing tips throughout this whole video but just some surefire ways to have a good love making session is feeling comfort and ease in your body this will give you space to get turned on to get curious get excited just being completely unfurled without thoughts of how your body looks or sucking in your stomach or clenching in any way unclench breathe deeply have like even just a tiny two minute meditation with yourself where you're inviting ease into your body and this will help you to hopefully arrive at you know the time where you're going to orgasm without being super clenched you know hoping it's going to happen feeling worried that you might not come unless you really squeeze and really try but you can be unfurled unclenched arriving to your orgasm trusting that it's going to come that your partner will continue doing what they're doing to get you there and i personally like to use my orgasm for manifestation a lot of times so i'll have just the most beautiful image of one of my prayers in my head at the moment that i orgasm and this feeling of all-pervading satisfaction of fulfillment and pleasure amplifies that vision and is evidence of how worthy i am of feeling good of how abundant i am in my life to even have the time to make love in my day what a gift and a blessing and how can everything in my life feel this fulfilling and this whole and complete however when i have been super clenched and chasing an orgasm that doesn't fully want to happen yet it doesn't feel the there's not enough time i feel maybe a sense of lack and it's a different kind of orgasm feeling comfortable in your body is a good gateway to this as well as having honest and vulnerable conversations i used to have this practice with my ex where we would clear a imaginary window between us sometimes unfinished arguments would get on there or different belief systems and we would have conversations about it that would sort of clear the glass between us and every time after we said something that was vulnerable and real we would have the best sex ever i also love mixing a little bit of a rougher touch with a little bit of a softer one so maybe you spank someone really hard a few times and then you kiss wherever you spanked and you massage it really sweetly maybe you pull their hair back and bite their neck and spit in their mouth and then you give them a really loving sweet kiss and lick up and down their chest and their neck you know so just mixing some of that passionate rough energy with a little bit of a softer energy even thrusting into them really deeply with a strap on and then going slow and gentle having a deep and intimate container with yourself so maybe that looks like masturbating regularly and as i've gotten older i definitely have had phases where i don't need to masturbate or touch myself for weeks i've gone months i've gone celibate and whenever i am trying to re-invoke this energy it is a practice because i don't need it i don't need to masturbate at all i don't need to have sex at all but when i want to invite that more i have to actively be like okay let me try to masturbate like every day this week or every three days and use it as a way to connect with myself use it as a meditation a little portal of presence as a self-love practice and i actively set dates and moments with myself where i'm going to pleasure myself and i put my favorite oils on my favorite high vibrational frequencies and it makes me feel in deeper allyship and connection with my body i hope that this video could be something of a resource and if you have any queer sex tips please leave them down below although i think a lot of things shared in this video could be could be received by anyone thank you so much again to lalo for sponsoring this video and i hope to see you in a video soon until then happy love making bye