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Hottest threads in town.
That's the No Frills Boutique uptown Hope Falls.
It costs big bucks to dress like a million dollars.
Now to the news.
Our top story.
Respected town benefactor Ulysses Pitt has once again assured visiting environmental officials that the output of the Pitt nuclear power plant is well within safety limits and that there have been no adverse effects on Hope Falls and the surrounding area.
We caught up with Mr. Pitt outside the Montezuma Casino earlier today.
Mr. Pitt, Mr. Pitt, can you comment on the environmental impact report filed by the regulatory commission?
Yeah, I can comment on it.
It's a load of bull****, that's what it is.
Nuclear power is the future.
And I got nothing but the best interests of Hope Falls in mind.
If them Washington a***** can't see that I'm just a philanthropist who likes to spread his wealth for the betterment of the people, f*** them.
Mr. Ulysses Pitt, Hope Falls and the Pitt News Service stand with Mr. Pitt in his continued efforts for the improvement of Hope Falls.
And now, back to our musical programming.
This is PNS.
Well, hello there.
Look who finally decided to wake up.
Hmm, that won't do at all.
Oh, don't be a baby.
This is nothing compared to everything else you've been through tonight.
See?
That wasn't so bad, was it?
Yeah, well it wasn't so hot from where I was sitting.
Who the hell are you?
Steiner.
Dr. Frederick Steiner.
But you already knew that, didn't you?
I can't say I've had the pleasure.
Uh, doc?
You have any too much trouble?
Too much?
Oh, right.
I suppose it couldn't hurt to let you stand up.
But please, take it slowly.
Your equilibrium isn't what it used to be, is it?
Afraid I wouldn't know.
Whoa, now.
I said take it slowly.
You've been through quite a lot.
So, you don't remember anything?
Nope.
Tell you the truth, doc, my brain feels like I've been on a two-week bender.
Everything's kind of hazy.
Not terribly surprising, really.
Fairly common side effects.
What with you being dead and all.
Uh, just a damn minute, doc.
Just stop.
Stop.
What do you mean, dead?
Let me put it to you as simply as I can.
Your name is Fred.
You are, or were, well, are, a private investigator.
You are, or were, investigating my boss.
A former boss.
One Mr. Ulysses S.
Pitt.
Pitt?
That rings a bell.
Yes, not surprising.
He runs the whole town of Hope Falls these days.
Well, Mr. Pitt found out that you were snooping around and thought you were getting too close.
So he set you up and had you killed.
And where exactly do you fit into this grim picture?
I was hired by Mr. Pitt to help bring his nuclear power plant online.
Had I known that he was going to cut so many corners to do what he's done to the people and creatures of this town...
Anyway, I was on my way back here to the lab this evening when I found your body lying in the sludge dump behind the power plant.
I brought you back here because I thought perhaps I could help.
I guess I do owe you one.
Whatever they did to me, you put me back in one piece again.
Yes, well, mostly.
Mostly?
What's that supposed to mean?
There's this small matter of your head.
My head?
What about my head?
Um, well, perhaps you should take a look for yourself.
What the fuck?
What have you done to me?
Please, please, let me explain.
You've got about two seconds before I rip off your head and make us identical twins.
Now, where is my friggin' head?
Gone.
They...
It's Pitt.
He wanted it as a trophy.
He does that to his enemies.
He sent it to me.
And I had to do what he said.
But your brain.
I saved your brain.
And your body is almost as good as it ever was.
Better in some ways.
Yeah?
But I'm a BREAK!
Yes.
I mean, no.
I mean, you can still find it.
Your head, I mean.
It won't be easy.
But Pitt has it.
When you take care of him for me, you can get it back.
Please, Fred, think about it.
What good would it do you to kill me?
Thank you.
Thank you.
I can be a great help to you.
You won't regret it.
I already do.
So...
What's next?
Where do I start?
First things first.
You've had quite a day.
And I want to make sure that my repairs are solid before you head out.
No pun intended, of course.
But while we're on the subject of heads, there are also some advantages to your current cranial situation that I think you'll find quite handy.
I'd like to, as they say, put you through the paces before I send you back out into the world.
Now that you're alive again, relatively, I want to run a full diagnostic and make sure everything's in working order.
Hmm.
Where to begin?
Efficiency Lab Excellent.
Are you ready to hit something now?
Ho-ho.
You're damn right I am.
Oh, yes, well, let me just...
There you go!
Let's see what you can do.
Give him what for!
So nice to see you.
Find any fascinating worm specimens lately?
Oh, no!
The elevator!
You expecting company, Doc?
No!
Now stay put, Fred.
Stay in here and be quiet, no matter what you might hear.
I'll try to get rid of whoever this is.
Mr. Pitt!
What a pleasure, sir!
What brings you to my humble manor at such a late hour?
You can save the pleasantries, Doctor.
I think you might have some idea why we're here.
No, sir.
I can't imagine why you would...
Cut the crap, Steiner.
That absent-minded professor routine ain't cutting the mustard no more.
Really, Lefty?
Mr. Pitt, I have no idea what you mean.
All right.
How's about I spell it out for you?
That package you were supposed to prepare for me, I just got a call from Sammy down at the taxidermy shop.
He said there were some missing pieces.
Well, I, uh...
I don't know anything about that.
I say, well, you can understand how that might upset me.
You know, I like people to follow my orders and not do too much independent thinking.
And if that ain't enough, we came past the sludge dump on the way over.
I was going to show Lefty here what was left of the private dick.
And guess what?
He wasn't there!
How about that?
You know anything about that?
Well, nuclear waste is quite corrosive.
Which is why we dumped the bodies there.
But ain't no body that decomposes in a day, doctor!
Maybe he was in a hurry.
Sorry, boss.
I hate a wise-ass.
As do I, Lefty.
As do I.
I think despite his protestations to the contrary, the doc here could enlighten us on some topics of current interest.
Let's bring him along and see if we can't learn something.
With pleasure, boss.
Move it.
Wait.
You stay here and keep an eye on the place in case something turns up.
Thank you for watching!