Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • Sorry about my family.

  • Don't apologize. They seem nice.

  • Well, you wouldn't say that if you ever saw us in the movies.

  • Alright, we got our popcorn from home, our soda from home, our snacks from home, and Braveheart.

  • Wow, a paying grown-up job!

  • I haven't been this excited about anything since the night Wicked premiered in Quahog.

  • Alright, Brian, let's rob these gay guys.

  • What if they're home?

  • They're not gonna be home.

  • Look, I even brought Tom Sizemore's Game of Life.

  • Sell rights to saving Private Ryan residuals to buy a case of Coors Light.

  • Steal your son's wallet while he's in the shower.

  • Miss Audition.

  • Scoop someone's urine from Starbucks toilet to pass drug test.

  • Feels like we should be moving these pieces backwards.

  • Oh, my God, that's always been a dream of mine!

  • Well, that and tuning a guitar in front of a live audience.

  • This was in perfect tune when they handed it to me.

  • Hey, guys, how about a little TV?

  • We can watch a baby thing together.

  • Baby Einstein.

  • Muppet babies.

  • Uh, what's CSI babies?

  • What's this?

  • They can't solve this crime.

  • They're just frightened babies.

  • They don't even know it's a crime.

  • They just know their parents aren't there.

  • They're scared, now I'm scared.

  • Turn this off!

  • Ah, that's not what I want!

  • Ah, I'm gonna go hide in my couch fort!

  • Is CSI babies over yet?

  • Brian, this does not seem appropriate to watch in front of the baby.

  • Not appropriate?

  • You took me to see Magic Mike XXL.

  • Yep, this one's wet.

  • This one, too.

  • Also wet.

  • Huh, this one's dry, but the back of the seat in front of it is wet.

  • You know, many viewers think our cutaways are just whipped together, but they actually go through a rigorous testing process before filming.

  • This is the planet Jupiter, and he could say, next year is my star mitzvah.

  • Ha-ha!

  • They love it.

  • Tell the director. Where is he?

  • It says don't take it with alcohol, but you should take it with alcohol.

  • Yeah, duh.

  • I also need a couple for the girl I'm babysitting.

  • Yeah, because we don't want to make a big mistake, like when I peed next to the chatty guy.

  • Hey, man, we should get out of here.

  • The building's on fire.

  • Hey, pal, not now. I'm busy.

  • Anyway, I'll tell you what's on fire.

  • My urethra.

  • That's the last time I go to a water park.

  • I'll tell you that much.

  • Well, that's not completely true, because I have a group on, and I'd hate to waste it.

  • Blast the truth is, the kid...

  • Oh, my God.

  • I was the chatty guy.

  • Open the door, or I'll start executing passengers.

  • Man, coming on this trip was a terrible idea.

  • I know.

  • Now I wish I'd just stayed home and finished my remake of Inside Out.

  • I'm Joy.

  • I'm Sadness.

  • I'm Anger.

  • I'm Disgust.

  • I'm Pooh.

  • Oh, I need to use the bathroom.

  • Yay, I win!

  • I don't know. We've always had each other's backs.

  • Like when we used to rob banks in lesser-known President's Masks.

  • All right, remember to tell everyone who did this.

  • Um, who are you guys supposed to be?

  • Oh, come on. I'm James K. Polk.

  • He's Millard Fillmore.

  • He's William Henry Harrison.

  • First president to die in office.

  • You should have been FDR.

  • Why?

  • Because of the, you know...

  • The wheelchair doesn't define me!

  • And I'm Grover Cleveland.

  • It's funny, because my name's Cleveland.

  • Aw, damn it, Cleveland. Now we got to kill them all.

  • This guy gets it first.

  • That bastard's just getting famous by tricking people, like Orson Welles.

  • So, the aliens have come to Earth to destroy all mankind.

  • And, uh, they're going to start at McDonald's.

  • So if you're in line there, you better run.

  • Whoa, whoa. Not the workers, though.

  • They've already said the workers are safe.

  • Why would the principal make all the students do that?

  • I don't know. I think he's going through a tough time.

  • He's in the middle of a bad divorce.

  • What? How do you know that?

  • He's actually been pretty open about it.

  • Good morning, students.

  • Today at 3.30, James Woods High will be hosting a cross-country meet.

  • Which also happens to be where Lorraine has threatened to take my children across the country.

  • And here's today's Tuesday trivia question.

  • Does this sound like yelling?

  • Because apparently this sounds to some people like yelling.

  • All right, fine.

  • I mean, it's not the first time I pretended to be someone else.

  • I once dressed as a farmer to get a date on FarmersOnly.com.

  • Are you Peter?

  • Yeah. Are you the gross lady who lives in the converted horse trailer?

  • You don't have to be lonely at FarmersOnly.com.

  • It doesn't say whites only, but...

  • yeah.

  • Hey!

  • Boy, that was rough.

  • This sport's even more dangerous than skeet shooting.

  • Pull!

  • I got in the wrong line!

  • Stewie, I've been standing here the whole time.

  • You know what? That's fine.

  • I'll just go have a dog-style celebration by myself.

  • Yeah! Awesome time!

  • This is very fun for me!

  • Hey! Oh, hey!

  • This is fun, right?

  • The best! And me too!

  • Oh, Rupert, I can't believe Taylor Swift is actually going to be in our house.

  • I haven't been this excited since I abused those caffeine pills to get ready for the big show.

  • Everything will be fine, as long as I take one of these.

  • Pills? You actually are taking drugs?

  • Stewie, give me those!

  • I can't, Zach! I need them to sing!

  • I'm so excited!

  • I'm so excited!

  • I'm so scared!

  • I'm so scared!

  • I'm so scared!

  • Screech is going to stab someone on Christmas.

  • Screech is going to stab someone on Christmas.

  • I mean, can you imagine if we had our own medieval castle?

  • I bet it'd be even more fun than when I went to White Castle.

  • Huh.

  • Names are a little deceiving.

Sorry about my family.

Subtitles and vocabulary

Click the word to look it up Click the word to find further inforamtion about it