Will you be seeing Jan when you're in New York?

I probably will.

Why do you ask?

Well, it's Valentine's Day, and you guys, you know.

Well...

Screwed.

What is your problem?

This is a business trip.

I would have to be a raving lunatic to try to talk to Jan about what happened between us.

Her words, not mine.

She sent me an e-mail this morning.

But...

It is Valentine's Day.

It's New York.

City of love.

Hey, Pam, you heart NY, right?

You want me to pick you up anything?

That's okay.

All right.

The best present would be you do a good job in front of the new CFO.

Dude, I'm gonna nail it.

Me and New York?

Ah, I own that city.

Forget about it!

See ya!

Well, here we go.

On our way to New York.

New York, New York.

The city's so nice, they named it twice.

Manhattan is the other name.

The meeting isn't till 3, but I always like to come to New York a little bit early and hit some of my favorite haunts, like right here is my favorite New York pizza joint.

And I'm gonna go get me a New York size.

Here it is.

Heart of New York City.

Times Square.

Named for the good times you have when you're in it.

Most people, when they come to New York, they go straight to the Empire State Building.

That's pretty touristy.

I come here.

Great places to eat.

We have bubblegum shrimp, red lobster down there.

You know, this is the heart of civilization right here.

That's a lot of noodles.

How much sodium do you think is in that cup?

This place used to be full of hookers and porn shops, and it's not that way anymore.

This is where it's all happening.

We've got TGI Fridays.

I'm in the picture!

Sometimes I just jump into people's pictures.

A lot of people have their picture taken.

It's kind of a New Yorker thing.

You jump in on a tourist picture and kind of ruin it.

The ball on New Year's falls from one of these buildings.

There's an old building.

That one hasn't been torn down yet, but they will.

They'll get to it.

Oh, look at that.

That's cool.

Reese's and Hershey's.

Look at the top of the building has Hershey kisses on it.

You don't find that in Scranton.

Maybe Hershey, Pennsylvania, but not Scranton, Pennsylvania.

There's an energy to New York that you just feel.

Everybody, don't get hit.

Everybody is kind of together, and everybody hates each other, but loves each other at the same time.

Planet Hollywood right over here.

TRL, love to go there sometime.

And check out some of these billboards.

They really clean up their act around here.

You've got your Shakira poster there.

Little porn still left.

Not so much.

Ah, screw off!

People just yell at each other in New York, and it's great.

And you can smell it, even in the cold.

It kind of smells like chilled urine.

Everybody takes a subway in New York.

It's fast, it's efficient, gets you there on time.

It's a way to, okay, there's a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there.

This is the world-famous Rockefeller Center, founded, of course, by Theodore Rockefeller.

This is the skating rink, and I think the Rangers practice there sometimes.

And that's Tina Fey.

That's Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live.

Hello, hello, hi.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought you were, okay.

I thought that was...

She looked a lot like Tina Fey.

Hello, hello.

I thought that was Tina Fey, but it wasn't.

Are you serious?

He was here?

When?

When I was talking to the fake Tina Fey?

Come on!

I would love to live in New York someday.

It's a big dream of mine.

Work in corporate with Jan.

Be awesome, go to Broadway shows, eat hot dogs.

Scranton is great, but New York is like Scranton on acid.

No, on speed, not on steroids.

Okay, um, I think that's either the Hudson or the East, so we're back, should be back this way.

Ryan's assistant told us that he would be at this club this evening.

It is called Prerogative.

The place is packed.

Fire hazard.

Packed with beautiful babies.

Swingers, classic.

Jon Favreau, tall guy from Dodgeball.

Women look like white slaves.

No, they're just hot, hotties.

I don't know, man.

I mean, when you think about it, Cabo's really the third world.

I don't go to a place like that to see more poverty, you know?

You go there to get some glamour.

Hey.

Mike?

Hey.

What are you doing here?

Well, you know, just taking you up on your offer to party, so ta-da.

That is so awesome, man.

All right.

And you brought this guy?

Yeah.

Oh!

Ryan, it's Michael and Dwight.

I know it's you guys.

Okay.

I'm so psyched you're here.

Well.

Woo!

All right.

Let's get a drink.

Let's do it.

I thought about getting a tattoo on my back as well at one point.

I was thinking about getting Back to the Future.

Back because it's on my back.

And future because I'm the kind of guy who likes to look ahead into the future.

I just think a tattoo should mean something, you know?

And it's my second favorite movie.

I've never heard of that movie.

Back to the Future?

Oh, wow.

Well, you should take a film education course.

How old are you?

Forty.

I'm in my forties.

Wow.

That's so cool.

Yeah.

Well, I'm going to go back to my group now.

Oh, okay.

Thanks for the drink.

You are welcome.

I've never met anybody who does that.

You wash dogs.

Very cool.

That's one aspect of small pack grooming.

What do you do?

I am a bank teller.

Brian told me to always tell women you work in finance.

Cool.

I think so.

Yeah.

Yeah, I have fun.

I'm just going to use the powder room.

All right.

So I'll see you soon.

Very perfect.

Oh, my.

This needs to be shared.

She washes dogs.

You're doing it, man.

I know.

I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I think I want her to meet my mom.

Hey, man.

You ever think there's going to be this massive nuclear holocaust and after all the major nations are destroyed, it'll just be the tribes in the jungles that rise up and survive?

The jungle warfare is going to rule the world?

Yeah, maybe.

It's inevitable, right?

Mm-hmm.

I am.

I am getting out there.

Well, no, I've asked a lot of girls to dance, Mom.

They're just, it's not.

What's she doing?

What's happening for a second?

Wait.

Yes, I kicked the back of my neck.

Oh, oh, oh.

Oh, my God.

Mom, I got to go.

One of my friends is getting beaten up by some girls.

This is a one-time thing.

You know that, right?

Wow.

This is it.

All right.

This is where the magic happens.

Nice.

Very nice.

One of you can have the sofa, and one of you can have the floor.

I got the sofa.

I got sofa.

Dwight, I've got the sofa.

I'm the boss.

I got floor.

In case anybody needs to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I don't want to get my head stepped on.

Do you want me to sing you a song my mother used to sing me when we were sick?

No.

Schlaf kein lang schlaf.

Okay, Dwight, shh.

Dwight, shh.

Schlaf.

Leave him alone.

It's a lullaby.

Shh.

Ryan.

Ryan, we're going to take your clothes off.

No.

Guys.

I think my friend Troy might have a drug problem.

What do I do?

I think his species might have a higher tolerance than ours.

Shh.

Just stop.

Here's what you do.

You tell him that you're his friend and that you're going to help him and that everything's going to be all right.

And then you put a wire on him, and you find out who's selling him drugs, and then you get that guy and you flip him.

You turn him into a snitch.

You follow that guy.

It's the people who are really, really bad.

I've been watching the wire recently.

I don't understand a word of it.

Guys, I'm going to sleep.

You can leave the light on if you want, but please stop talking, okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Good night, Ryan.

Good night.

Good night.

Best night ever.

Text message alert.

Text message alert.