I envy these guys. Some of you don't even dress yourselves anymore.

You just wear the next clean shirt. I want that.

Then I'm like, where do you go to find this wife? You can go to clubs or bars.

I don't like going to nightclubs. Nightclubs are filled with single mothers and liars.

There's a lot of single mothers in the club and overall single mothers are doing a good job.

But the world is crazy and you need to wait a while before you introduce these guys you're dating to your kids.

I went out with this single mother two times. I'm at work, the school called me to come pick up her son.

You can't put my name on the list to come pick up your son. I only seen this dude two times in the dark at your house.

They wear uniforms now. They got the same little haircut. I might pick up the wrong kid.

Now this dude is on my backseat wheezing. I don't need that.

But I'm scared. I'm not afraid to admit it. Marriage is a major decision.

How many times in your life do you want to lose half your stuff?

And I'll share with you what scares me the most. What scares me the most about marriage is the fact that men and women don't even look at marriage the same way.

When women talk about marriage, it's a happy occasion.

I'm getting married. I got my ring. I got my colors picked out.

I got four of my fat friends to stand next to me.

It's going to be a beautiful day. No, their dress is ugly. Mine is pretty.

But it's not the same for the men. When men talk about marriage with our friends, it sounds like something you get diagnosed with.

Did you hear what happened to Charles?

No, what? He's getting married. No!

I just seen him last week.

When did he find out?

She told him yesterday at dinner.

Is there anything that we could do for him? No, the invitations already went out. There's nothing we can do.

It's rough.

I live in Atlanta. You'd think it'd be easy to find somebody in Atlanta.

We have every group represented. We got the LBGTQ community.

But it's 2022. You can't offend anyone. You can't step on anybody's toes.

If you meet somebody in Atlanta that's attractive, you have to say things like,

How long have you been a woman?

That's a legit question in Atlanta.

If you've been doing this for 10, 15 years, I might be okay with it.

But if this is your first date, I don't want no parts of this.

I could tell you just bought these heels. You really can't walk in them.

You still saying things guys say like race you to the car.

Don't no woman say race you to the car.

But I practice what I preach. The older I get, I realize nobody wants to die alone.

You have to be open minded to dating people from different races, different religions, different age ranges.

I used to date a Muslim girl. She came to me early in the relationship and said,

Would you consider becoming Muslim so we could get married?

And I was like, No, I'm Christian. I just want one wife and a girlfriend.

Who wants four wives?

I was raised right, you know.

Nobody wants to come home from a night of drinking and be like, I was out with the fellas.

I was out with the fellas. I was out with the fellas.

I was out with the fellas.

The relationship had some good and some bad. It lasted four years and we broke up.

And I moved from Atlanta to Vegas for a while. I just had to get away and start over.

The women know what I'm talking about. You just get tired of four year relationship after four year relationship.

And I needed a new start. I'm sitting in Vegas and a good friend of mine called me up.

You always have a good friend who helps you through a breakup.

And my buddy was like, Man, you're in Vegas. Why don't you see what Vegas has to offer?

And I was like, Bro, I'm tired. I'm not doing anything else.

No more dinners. No more movies. No more car parts. I'm not buying anything else.

Thanks for laughing. Let me know I'm not the only person ever bought a woman car parts before.

And it reminded me of a time I was dating a young lady.

And one day she called me out the blue and was like, Hey, I'm down here at the tire shop.

I got the kids with me and the guy is saying that I need front and back brakes.

Is there any way that you could come down and help out?

And I was like, Yes, I could come down and help out.

But you need to call the other two guys you're sleeping with, too.

And let's get them down here and help out with the bill.

So I got down to the tire shop and I got the guy on the phone and I said,

Hey, man, I already paid for these front brakes.

You need to come pay for these back brakes because we need to keep her safe while she drives between both our houses.

You're not going to take my brakes and stop at his house.

I'm fair. I'm not a fool.

So my buddy in trying to cheer me up, he says, I know what you need.

You need a chubby girl. You never dated a chubby girl.

Chubby girls are fun.

So I went and found a chubby girl, but nobody told me chubby girls eat your leftovers.

And I wasn't prepared for that. I don't have extra meals like that.

I'm on a budget. All my meals are spoken for.

She would call me in the middle of the day and be like, I left this morning quietly.

I don't want to make no noise and wake you.

And I'm like, yeah, but you took my lunch.

I was going to eat that spaghetti when I woke up.

This ain't going to work, chubby girl. This ain't going to work.

But I meet women with kids. I don't mind if you have kids.

I just don't like bad kids.

I don't like the people with the big five-year-olds dragging their feet in baby strollers all over Walmart.

If you can go from Walmart to your car and your kid can get out the stroller, help you break it down and put it in the back of the car, they don't need to be in no stroller.

I'm in the mall the other day. I seen a kid in a stroller reading.

And you know who I hate the most?

You know, the people with the three and the four-year-olds that can talk, but the mother let them use a pacifier.

I'm over at this girl's house two weeks ago.

We sitting on the couch watching TV, baby in the middle of the living room playing.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, the baby go, you know I got a doctor's appointment tomorrow, right?

And I'm like, this is not a baby. This dude is making whole sentences right here.

This ain't no baby.

For more information visit www.FEMA.gov