Come on in.

Thanks for coming back.

Um, okay, there have been a lot of people interested in the room, but I have narrowed it down, and you are one of the finalists.

That's great.

Okay, now, before I make my decision, I, uh, I just want to make sure that our personalities match.

Okay?

So I made up a little test.

Now, I'm gonna say a word, and then you say the first thing that comes to mind.

I can do that.

Okay, here we go.

Pillow.

Fight.

Very good.

Okay.

G.

String.

Excellent.

Okay.

Um.

Doggy.

Kitten?

Oh, sorry.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no.

So close, though.

But, okay.

Bye-bye.

Oh, here it is.

Oh, Joey, why did you sign it, son of a bitch?

I didn't do that.

Who would have done that?

Son of a bitch.

Okay, maybe ask this guy.

You.

Get out of my shop.

What did he do?

He went out with my wife.

Joey?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, I did not go out with your wife.

Okay?

I went out with her.

That's my wife.

Get out.

Well, we should go.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

How's it going?

Did you make any new friends?

Yeah, yeah.

I met this woman.

Hey, whoa, whoa.

What's she like?

Uh, well, she's really good in bed.

Joey, I thought you were going to try to be friends first.

Well, look, hey, it's all your fault.

What?

Why?

Because you didn't give me advice.

No, you gave me a pickup line.

As soon as I told her I wanted to, you know, build a foundation and be friends first,

I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her.

And a roommate.

What about the closeness?

Closeness, schmoseness.

There was three of us for crying out loud.

Nice car.

Yeah, it's, uh, it's not mine.

I love your car.

Yeah, it's mine.

I bet it's fast.

Me too, yeah.

And comfortable.

Do you, uh, do you like leather seats?

Yeah.

It's got them.

Yeah, she tops out at 130.

Wow.

And that's just in the city.

I get her up to 160 when I take her upstate.

Really?

You got a place upstate?

Sure.

Sure.

Well, I'll, uh, I'll see you later.

Okay, take it easy.

Hey.

That's my car.

Really?

Oh, uh, but just give me five more minutes with it.

What are you doing?

Oh, well, I, uh, I found the keys and now I'm just polishing her up.

But it's my car.

Yeah, but it's my wax.

Listen, I don't come to this city much and I don't know if you're crazy or if this is some kind of street theater, but could I have my keys?

Sure.

Here.

I'll, uh, I'll save you a parking spot.

I'm not coming back.

Why not?

I live upstate.

Yeah, so did I.

So the Porsche guy took his car back.

But you found the keys to his clothes?

No, I just, uh, I just love the way it feels when everybody thinks I own a Porsche.

And people would think you own a Porsche because you're wearing the clothes?

Of course.

Only an idiot would wear this stuff if you didn't have the car, right?

That is true.

Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a signed Porsche.

Yeah, but only a genius would swallow a sonic blaster gun.

Oh, I've been there.

Well, I am gonna go drive my Porsche.

Joey, you know you don't actually have one.

Come on, what are you doing?

I'm in character.

Will you talk to her?

Hey, hey, hey, careful around my Porsche.

Hi, Joey.

Hey, how you doing?

He has the most amazing Porsche under there.

I'd love to show you, but I just tucked her in.

She's sleeping.

Hey, uh, would you two girls like to go for a drink?

Please help me.

I have a date tonight.

It has to go well, okay?

I'm scared for my health.

Okay, okay.

Um, oh, oh, oh, I got something.

Okay, it's this story that I came up with.

Very romantic.

I swear, any woman that hears it, they're like putty.

Really? Well, then tell it to me.

Okay.

Now, you're gonna want to have sex with me when you hear it, but you have to remember, it is just the story.

I'll try to control myself.

Okay.

Years ago, when I was backpacking across Western Europe...

You were backpacking across Western Europe?

Have a nice six more months, Ross.

Okay, okay, okay.

I'm sorry, please, please.

...across Western Europe, and...

I was just outside of Barcelona, hiking in the foothills of Mount Tibidabo.

I was at the end of this path, and I came to a clearing, and there was a lake, very secluded, and there were tall trees all around.

It was dead silent.

Gorgeous.

And across the lake, a beautiful woman, bathing herself.

But she was crying.

Why?

Hi again.

Hey.

Hey.

Thank you so much.

Oh, don't thank me.

Thank the jerk that never showed up.

Okay, I got to get to work.

You want some help with that?

No, no, thanks. I got it.

Oh, no, I don't.

Whoa!

You okay?

Yeah.

Stood up too fast. Got a little head rush.

The heat.

And the humidity.

That's a...

That's a tough combination.

Hmm.

Do you want to come in for some lemonade?

Like you wouldn't believe.

Hmm.

Oh.

Wow.

This is a great place.

Ah.

Thank you.

Just make yourself comfortable.

Hmm.

Gotcha.

Hmm.

This place is really my grandmother's.

I got it from her when she moved to Florida.

Otherwise, I could never afford a place like this.

So if the landlord ever asks,

I'm an 87-year-old woman who's afraid of her VCR.

You thirsty?

Oh, you bet I am.

Okay, here's your penis.

Oh, my God!

What the hell are you doing?

You said you want to come in for some lemonade.

So?

Yeah.

Uh, were you just gonna give me lemonade?

Yeah-huh!

Cover yourself up.

Oh, right.

Sorry.

I don't believe this.

I mean, someone asks you in for lemonade, and you're like,

I'm not gonna give you any.

You're like,

I'm not gonna give you any.

You're like,

I'm not gonna give you any.

You're like,

I'm not gonna give you any.

You're like,

I'm not gonna give you any.

You ask someone to come in for lemonade, and to you, that means they want to have sex?

Um, usually, yeah.

Come on, not just lemonade.

Iced tea, sometimes juice.

Look, I'm sorry.

I just...

I thought you liked me.

Such a jerk.

It's okay.

I suppose it could happen to anyone.

Not anyone I know, but...

By the way, I can still see it.

Hey, remember when she brought up that thing about, you know, the three of us?

Yes.

Vividly.

She was kidding about that, right?

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I think so.

Gotta be weird if that situation presented itself tonight, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, what will we do?

Dude, I don't know.

She was kidding.

Yeah.

She was...

But you know what, just in case, maybe we should come up with a set of ground rules.

Yeah, for sure.

Okay.

Probably want the first one to be, never open your eyes.

You know?

Because you don't want to be doing something, and then look up.

And see something that you don't want to be seeing.

Yeah, good call.

Nice.

Hold it!

Hold it!

What if my eyes are closed, and...

And my hand is out there?

Ah!

Okay, eyes open at all times.

Oh, hey.

How do we decide where we open our eyes?

How do we decide where we...

You know, each would...

You know...

Be?

Right.

Right.

Well, you know, we could flip for it.

Yeah, I guess.

But, like, what's heads and what's tails?

Well, if you don't know that, then I don't want to do this with you.

Oh!

Sorry.

We're on a major flawn high.

Oh, no.

No, you're not supposed to be here.

This is the staging area.

You should...

It's all wrong.

You should leave.

You know?

Just get out.

Oh!

Or perhaps you'd like a creme de menthe.

Have to be heading toward my chateau.

Thank you.

Oh, all right.

Well, then, I guess we're going back into the hallway again.