You need one essential skill for this to happen.

It's called charisma.

But how do I become charismatic?

Well, unlike all these other videos, I've broken this down into an extremely simple method.

I call it the car formula.

Before we get to the car formula, you first have to accept the golden rule of becoming more likable.

Understand that not everyone is going to like you and that's okay.

Not even you like every person you meet.

This is so important because as you become more charismatic, there inevitably find someone who doesn't like you.

It'll hurt quite a bit at first.

And trust me, it's okay.

It's actually better to not have everyone like you because it means you have a unique personality, which other people will resonate with 10 times more.

Now, the car formula stands for contribute, attend, repeat.

Starting with the C in car, this refers to your value or contribution to the other person.

The best way to describe this is imagine you're out at dinner with a group of people you've just met.

Everyone's talking and having a good time during dinner, but you just sit there and say nothing.

Maybe just nodding or laughing along with everyone else.

In this example, if I interviewed everyone that attended that dinner and asked them their opinion of you based on that experience, I'd probably get a lot of answers like, oh, I guess he's cool or yeah, he's fine.

He's a good guy.

They're very shallow answers, right?

Now, imagine you went to that dinner and told a few entertaining stories or cracked a few genuinely funny jokes, or maybe you're really smart in your profession and have knowledge to offer, or you're a famous celebrity.

What all of these things have in common for being more likable is you have something to bring to the table.

If you're just a boring NPC who sits there and has nothing interesting to offer, no one will care to be around you.

And this is really not hard.

Just be funny or have a good Rolodex of stories to tell.

The reason I mentioned being really smart or having celebrity status is because people inherently value those things, but it's not necessary for the everyday person.

Put simply, just elevate the other person's experience being around you.

Moving to the A in car, this basically means attending or listening to others.

The point of this is not just listening to other people, but genuinely understanding them.

If you want people to like you, you need charisma.

And if you want charisma, you need empathy.

To understand other people with empathy, you just need one skill in your tool belt.

It's called active listening.

Step one of active listening is showing emotion when the other person is speaking.

These nonverbal cues can be eyebrow raising, smiling, looking etc.

As the other person speaks, you're not talking or cutting them off, but just giving nonverbal cues to show that you're listening.

If you're just sitting there with a blank face, it's basically like talking to a brick wall.

Step two of active listening is summarizing what the other person said after they're done speaking.

For example, if your friend says, I just went to 7-Eleven and they had no zins, you could respond with, they really had no zins?

This shows the other person that you were paying attention and often when you summarize like this, the other person will keep talking and go deeper into what they were saying.

The third and most important step of active listening is responding to the other person's emotional sentiment rather than the actual content of what they said.

For example, if the other person says their car was broken into, don't respond by trying to help the situation, but by responding to their emotions.

Instead of saying, oh why don't you just call the police?

Try saying, so sorry to hear that man, it sounds so frustrating to have that happen.

They don't expect you to be Batman, go save the day and catch the burglar.

They're frustrated and want to vent their emotions.

If you can understand this, the other person will walk away feeling like you understand them on a deep level emotionally and feel much more connected to you.

Girls are often very good at this naturally, but it's a skill that anyone can learn through enough practice.

Now that you understand empathy, we'll move to the R in CAR.

R stands for repeat.

There are no amount of books you can read or videos you can watch to become more charismatic.

You can learn the frameworks, but if you try it once and never again, you'll learn nothing.

If you aren't likable right now, just accept that for the first few times you use this advice, it's gonna suck and feel super awkward.

Push through this pain, it's the only way to get better.

Look at everything like practice, then you'll look up one day and realize you're actually pretty damn charismatic.

And finally, throughout all this advice, just be as authentic to yourself as possible.

Put your best foot forward, but if you're putting up a facade of fake smiles, people will see right through you.

If you don't like some people and have to fake it, then just don't hang out with them.

Be yourself, but be your very best self.

If you keep trying, you'll eventually find your people.

Now, go out and show other people how charismatic you've become.

I'll see you in the next one.