Get it out of here!

Are you cra- What?!

Are you breastfeeding right now?

Oh, thank God, cause I'm starving, dude.

What the fuck?

Put it in the car!

How old is that thing?

The baby.

Five weeks?

Do I wanna hold it?

No!

You think I'd trust myself to hold a baby, dude?

Stop it!

It's gonna go deaf!

Alright, give me this little shit machine.

Let me see this thing, dude.

Oh!

We're gonna start the bidding at a hundred dollars.

She is crying.

What's her name?

It's Luke.

Nice to meet you, Luke.

I gotta say, Luke's neck is fucking loose, dude.

Dude, baby's got no neck, dude.

At all.

It feels like his posture is not good right now.

Like, you ever hold a plastic baggie full of dog shit?

I'm not saying he's dog shit, but- Rearrange him?

Well, he's not fucking a Rubik's Cube.

I'm gonna give him back to you.

There you go.

You got him?

Ha!

Salute!

Luke, good to meet you.

And I hope your first word is cunt.

Or mama, same thing.

I'm kidding.

Ew!

Does anybody have any Purell?

Hold up, where's its dad?

At home with the other one.

How old's the other one?

Four.

I feel like he could've handled this.

For like, just two hours out of the night.

You were nervous about leaving the baby with him?

But you let a stranger hold him.

That's crazy to me, dude.

Worst thing that happened to you is I held a baby, dude.

And a fucking dingo ate him.

I didn't think you guys were gonna like that at all.

I thought for sure by now you guys would be like, STOP SAYING THAT!

And then it keeps happening.

You're like, fuck!

We gotta get rid of these things, man.