Look, can we not talk about the horse, please?

It's gone.

It suffered a fatal heart attack from the excitement, and I disposed of it properly.

Oh, boy, I miss the old days when it was just a flaming bag of poop and a hurtful note.

I have no idea how the hell we're going to pay for this, Peter.

Well, I'll just have to get a second job or something.

Hand me the classifieds.

Hey, Lois, look at this.

Subject wanted for medical... what's that?

Experiments.

Experiments.

Experiments.

Right.

And it says they'll pay handsomely.

This is perfect.

So what do I gotta do, Doc?

You don't have to do anything, Mr. Griffin.

We're isolating and studying the effects of various types of genes.

We're just going to give you a series of experimental injections and record the results.

What's this one?

We call this the squirrel gene.

Its effects will become apparent shortly.

Okay, what's next?

This is the Seth Rogen gene.

It will give you the appearance of being funny, even though you haven't actually done anything funny.

Hey, Doc, are we going to be much longer?

I gotta get some beers with the fellows before I go out on this date.

How charming and chubby.

I'm rooting for you.

All right, Mr. Griffin, at this time we're going to inject you with what we believe we've isolated as the gay gene.

I don't understand.

Well, if we're correct, we will have successfully proven that homosexuality is genetic and not a matter of choice or environment.

Are you crazy?

I don't want to take a chance on being gay.

We'll give you $125.

All right, I'll do it.

Hi.

So how'd the medical experiments go?

So good.

I'm going to squeeze right in here if my thighs will let me.

Peter, what exactly did they inject you with?

Oh, all sorts of things.

Hepatitis vaccine, a couple of steroids, the gay gene, calcium, a vitamin B extract.

What did you just say?

The gay gene.

I assume that's the one you meant, even though it wasn't literally the last thing I said when you said, what did you just say?

It's just that clearly it was the most unusual.

Yes, that's the one I meant.

Peter, are you gay?

Guilty.

Did anybody see that absolutely fabulous piece on Fiji in yesterday's travel section?

Oh, I wish I was Beyonce.

Peter, I think maybe you should go back and have that doctor undo whatever he did.

Oh, my muffins are ready.

Darn it.

Knock, knock.

What's the problem, champ?

Why is math so hard?

Well, you know, it doesn't have to be.

One trick I used to use is turning things into a word problem.

For example, if there are three glory holes in the bathroom at the club and 28 guys at the circuit party, how many rotations of guys will it take before everybody's had a turn?

I don't know.

Nine, with a remainder of Brent.

Oh.

Guys, Brent can't fit in the glory hole, and that's why we all like Brent.

Hi, everybody.

This is Scott.

Oh.

Who's Scott?

My soulmate, Lois.

I'm here, I'm queer, but don't get used to it, because I'm leaving you.

What?

I'm sorry, Lois.

I can't deny who I am any longer.

I am Peter Griffin, homosexual, and that's how I'm going to live my life.

Chris, you're the man of the house now.

Take the lessons I've taught you and be the best leader of this household you can.

I will, Dad.

I am 16, going on 17.

I know that I'm naive.

Oh, for the love of penis.

Sweet may tell me, sweet and jelly may I be.

What the?

Where am I?

This is straight camp, Peter.

I'm sorry, but I'm doing this for Lois.

By the time you get out of here, you're going to be back to your old self again.

Welcome to straight camp, everyone.

We're all here because you've made a choice to renounce your evil, sinful ways and redeem yourselves in the eyes of your Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who hates many people, but none more than homosexuals.

And through our carefully structured program, you will succeed.

All right, men.

This is Harry the homosexual.

Say hi to everyone, Harry.

Hi, fellas.

I sure do love being gay.

Harry's choice of lifestyle is wrong, so we're going to beat him up for it.

Now, take these baseball bats and get to it.

All right.

Good so far.

No, no, no, don't use the bats like that.

No, no, don't use them like that either.

All right, look, just put them down and use your fists.

No, no, no, not like that.

Hi, Peter.

Hi, Scott.

Guess what?

I have a welcome home surprise for you.

Dish, dish, dish.

Remember how you told me your ultimate fantasy was to have an 11-way?

Oh, my God, yes, I do, and you so did not even.

Oh, but I did.

Yoo-hoo, guys.

Okay, everybody ready?

Oh, God, I feel like a kid in a candy store who's having sex with a bunch of gay guys.

Wait a minute.

What's going on here?

Holy crap.

These are mine.

And I think it's going to be a long, long time till touchdown brings me round again to find

I'm not the man they think I am at home.

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm a rocket man.

Rocket man burning out his fuse out here alone.