A lotaboutourbehaviordoesn't makesenseuntilwecantakeonboard a basicideaaboutthewaythatwehumansarebuilt, thatourbiologyprivilegessurvivaloverself-awareness.
Noticeanynewhumanin a terriblecircumstance, let's sayin a homewith a violentoralcoholicparentoranabusiveordepressedone, anditwon't, asonemightimagineitcould, beabletofocusclearlyonwhat's gonewrongormournitscondition. Itwillsimply, aswe'veascertaineditmust, keepgoing. Inordertodothis, itwillcallupon a rangeofinnatesurvivaltechniques. Itmaystarttothinksurprisinglywellofitsparents, declaringthemjustifiedintheirbeatings, selfishnessorhumiliations. Itmightassiduouslyblameitselfratherthansparinganypityforitsowndeprivations. Let's rememberthat a senseofself-compassioncanbe a verydangerousthingindeedwhenoneisfiveyearsoldandnoonewouldlistenevenifoneyelled. Orelseitwillwardoffdespairthroughactivity, itwilloverachieveatschoolorbreakwindowsorbecomeobsessedwithdrugsorsportorpolitics – anythingnottohavetolistentothebuzzinside. Thebenightedchildcan't lookback, itcan't glancedown, itmustsimplystareaheadatthemaingoal – survival.
Thisprioritycanlastfor a verylongtimeindeed. Afterall, a senseofexternalsecurityisn't remotelyassuredformostofusuntilwe'vesettledin a career, builtupsomecapital, bought a home, found a spouse, maybehadsomechildren, bywhichtimewemightbeinourfortiesorfifties. Yetourexcellenceatsurvivaldoesn't takeawayfromthebasicfactofoursituation. Wehavebeenborninto a mess. Wehavetheingredientsofmadnessinsideus. Wehavebeenunmooredbycruelty. Weare, quietly, intherecessesofoursoul, closetoinsanityatpoints, theineluctableresultoftoomuchsufferingencounteredtoosoon. Butastheexternalworldgetseversaferforus, theinternalworldhas a chancetofeelastroubledasithasalwaysbeen. Wemayfeelfarstrangerinsideatfortythanattwenty, eventhoughthecausesofourdisturbanceslieineventsfarclosertothelatterdatethantheformer. Eventually, thepent-upfearandsadnessareliabletofind a waythrough. We'llstarttodosomethingodd, writelongletterstostrangers, orcrashthecar, orsobinpublic, ordevelop a certaintythatthegovernmentisfollowingus. Thelegacyoftheunkindnessofwhichwehavebeentherecipientsbeginstoemerge. Withanyluck, wemaysoonenoughwindupin a clinicortheconsultingroomofanexperiencedtherapistandherehave a chancetofindoutmoreaboutthesadnessandlossthathavebeeninsideussincethestart. Wemayfinallyfeelsafeenoughtoletout a verylongscreamandmeetwiththeloveandunderstandingthatwereourduefromthestart.
A lotaboutourbehaviordoesn't makesenseuntilwecantakeonboard a basicideaaboutthewaythatwehumansarebuilt, thatourbiologyprivilegessurvivaloverself-awareness.
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