What people do is they don't address things, they let it go.

It's small, then it happens again.

It's small, then again.

And then we become resentful.

We become pissed.

What about when someone compromises your boundaries or disrespects you?

How do you react to that?

I see sometimes that some leaders struggle with confrontation.

You've let someone cross a line, and if in the moment you don't address that, they're gonna cross it again in the future.

How do you deal with that?

So the first I'm gonna do is I'm gonna flip it back.

What have you done to let people think that they can do that to you?

That's the first thing I'm gonna say.

What standards have you created or what things have you set up to let people think, I don't have to deliver on time, I can't be disrespectful, I can't show up late for work?

That's the first thing I'm gonna say.

Is there something I have done to create an environment where a person thinks that it is okay to do these things?

That's first.

I just interviewed a former chief of station, John Franchi, he's former CIA.

He managed a lot of people, a lot of strong personalities, because you've got officers and all these different people.

And he said to me, you know what I learned?

He said, it is easier to have boundaries and be a little bit more sturdy and more authoritative in the beginning and then pull back and to be everybody's friend and then try to put those boundaries in place.

The latter doesn't work.

He's like, you do the first, you let people know what you expect of them, and then you can pull back a little bit.

But you always have to toe that line.

And he's right.

What tone have I set in the environment that I'm working that people think it's okay to do these things?

That's one.

Now let's say sometimes I have an outlier, I have a person who does these things.

As soon as it happens, you have to address it.

What people do is they don't address things, they let it go, it's small.

And then it happens again, it's small, then again, and then we become resentful.

We become pissed.

Why does this person keep doing it?

Why don't they self-correct?

Again, it goes back to me.

Why haven't I addressed it?

People are afraid of conflict.

Conflict can be done in a great way.

You have to think of conflict as, think of it as like, I can speak to you, not raise my voice, not make it ugly, and debate something with you.

You have to be comfortable in doing that.

Most people are not.

They don't understand that you can sit somebody down and say, hey, you know, this happened, can you tell me about that?

What were you thinking when this happened?

Walk me through it.

But I will tell you, non-judgmental, right?

You don't wanna show it, I call it the poker face.

Just don't show it and let them talk and just see what they're thinking.

Most people, as they're talking to you, Stephen, they will on their own realize as they talk through it what they made wrong, what they did wrong.

Also, you lead by example.

So sometimes I'll make a mistake, I'll miss a deadline with someone I work with, and I'll say, listen, I'm sorry, I was traveling, I own it, tell me what I need to do to fix it.

And what I have found, when I do that, the people I work with, when they make a mistake and I'm like, hey, what happened with this?

You know what, Evie, I'm sorry, I missed the deadline, I own it, I'll fix it.

They reflect back what I show them.

And then there's sometimes you'll bring somebody in that just should not be there.

And then you also have to make that hard decision because that one person, it will destroy the fabric of the group.

One person can't do that because everybody else around now watches that interaction and they're thinking, well, Stephen doesn't care.

I'll say, he's letting this guy do this, so I can do this.