So today we're going to talk about how to help an addict without enabling.

So addictions are probably one of the most challenging things that people will face in this life.

So if you've ever been addicted to anything, whether that's a substance or it could even be an emotion, it could be work, it could be shopping, gambling, any of those things.

To break addictions are really difficult and the reason is, well there's a couple of reasons.

One, addictions really play with our brain because every time we partake or do our addiction, again whatever that addiction is, it causes our brain to release chemicals that cause us to feel good and the chemicals that the brain releases are stronger than the choices in our life.

So it creates kind of an artificial spike and it seems and sends a message to our brain and to our body that this is a good thing.

So that's what happens with addictions.

We are in typically a negative state or might even be an okay state but we do something.

So maybe it's gambling and maybe we're playing the slot machines and we pull the handle and we win the jackpot and the money's tinkling down and we're hearing the noise and all of that money is coming and that sends a message to our brain that releases chemicals of, wow, this is a good thing.

And where we were at before, so maybe that flat state or maybe we were in a negative state, maybe we're lonely, maybe we're unhappy or depressed and somebody offers us a drug and we take the drug and wow, we feel so much better.

So what happens is the subconscious part of our brain is designed to keep us alive and to keep us safe.

Our subconscious does not question whether or not what we're doing is right or wrong.

It just pays attention to does it seem to be working or not.

So when we have that feeling that comes from partaking of that substance, the subconscious says, oh, this is good.

Next time we're in that state where we feel threatened or we feel sad or we feel lonely, our subconscious is going, this is not good.

This is threatening to our safety and well-being.

We want to feel good again.

We did this in the past and we felt better so we do it again.

And each time we do that and we get that result of feeling better, what it does is it strengthens those patterns in our part of our brain that happens in the subconscious where we're triggered by an event or an emotion or a situation.

We have a behavior that we do in response to this and this gets rid of that negative state.

So this seems to work whenever we're in this place.

After we do it over and over and over, we don't even have to think about it.

As soon as we feel this, our brain starts seeking for the solution to this unhappiness that is possibly threatening our well-being or even our life.

Habits then and addictions become habits and are almost always part of the subconscious part of our brain.

We continue to do them even when we know that they're not working for us or that we know that it's only working in the a son, a daughter, a spouse, a friend, a family member that has an addiction and you're seeing what the addiction is doing to their life and the consequences that are coming from those addictions.

The natural tendency when we love and care about someone is we don't want them to have to go through that suffering.

If they're really strong into their addiction, we may look at that and say, man, they're in enough pain already.

They've already lost so much because of their addiction.

Now, with the consequences of this, it's gonna just push them further and further into the addiction.

So oftentimes with an addict, what we see is because of the addiction, they begin to lose things in their life.

So they lose relationships.

People start not wanting to have anything to do with them.

That's hard if we're really close to them and love them because we see what's happening and we don't want to be like everybody else.

We don't want to abandon them and not be there for them and support them.

So we stay involved with them in their life.

Then we see other things beginning to happen.

Maybe there's some health problems or financial problems.

So they start not having enough money for rent or for their car payment or for food.

And so we're not gonna pay for their drug or their substance.

But we certainly don't want them to lose their house.

So we're gonna go ahead and help them with their house payment.

All the while encouraging them and asking them to stop using and to get help.

Or they don't have food and they've got children.

We can't let the in in order to help them.

But all we're doing is prolonging the inevitable.

So we have a belief that if we just allowed the addict to experience the consequences of their choices, they wouldn't turn it around.

That things would get worse and worse and worse.

And they may end up losing their life.

They may end up losing their home, their vehicle.

And if they lose those things, they're going to get more depressed and even go more into their depression.

So it makes it really, really hard for us to back off and allow them to experience the consequences of their choices.

But by enabling them...

And again, if you want to know the definition or understand exactly what is enabling, we have another video on what it means to enable.

And I invite you to go to that.

But the best thing that we can do for an addict in our life is one, to recognize that they got themselves to where they're at.

Now, that doesn't mean that there's something wrong with them, that they're weak or that they're bad or anything like that.

It just means that they had some experiences in their life.

And in an attempt to be happier, to feel better, they went to a behavior or a substance that gave them a short-term result.

What you can know about most addicts is that they're very strong and they're very capable.

Because when addicts are into their addiction, they are so creative and so intelligent about continuing their addiction and feeding their addiction.

If they took that thinking, so those brain cells, that creativity and they put it to work in cleaning up their lives and sobering themselves up, they could accomplish anything.

So, what we need to do is see them as capable individuals who are choosing to stay in their addiction.

And I'm not saying that that's really what they want.

But the truth is they are making that choice to stay in into that addiction.

And so, the best thing that we can do is empower them and believe in them and let them know that look, I love you, I support you but I am no longer going to take away the consequences of your actions that allows you not to learn from your actions and the choices that you're making.

So, I'm here for you, I love you, I will be here for you but I will no longer enable you.

And it may take some time.

They may have to hit rock bottom and maybe you believe they're already at rock bottom and maybe it has to go lower than that.

But until they get to a place where things are bad enough that they're willing to go through whatever they're going to need to go through in order to give up that addiction, they're not going to do it.

So, enabling actually doesn't help.

It keeps them in the addiction, it reinforces the addiction.

The best way to help somebody in your life who is an addict is allow them to experience consequences of their choices and actions but continue to love and support them.

Set firm boundaries with them and if they don't want to follow those boundaries, it may even come to a time where you need to distance yourself or pull back from them until they decide that you're important enough to them that they want you in their life.

Hopefully, this has been helpful to you and that even if you're not able to help the addict because ultimately it's up to you.

If you have a family member that is in addiction, there's Al-Anon and there are other books and programs and resources that are available to support family members of addicts and I'd encourage you to to check those out.

If you found this video today helpful to you or if you've got a son or a daughter experiencing or struggling with addiction, visit our website below.

We've got resources that can help you out and subscribe to our channel and come back and visit us again tomorrow.

So after we started filming this video, there's some construction going on outside and there's a jackhammer going on so hopefully that's not too disruptive to you in watching this video.