You know, the reality that there's certain questions that we're asked at points in our life that cause us to almost stop in our tracks and think or broaden the lens in which we're viewing existence or ourselves in such a way that it elicits a response that we just couldn't have even thought of or known about.

你知道，現實生活中，我們會被問到一些問題，這些問題會讓我們幾乎停下腳步，思考或拓寬我們看待存在或我們自己的視角，從而引起我們甚至想不到或不知道的反應。

You know, it puts us into contact with parts of ourselves that we don't really understand or that we weren't aware of or brings us into the realization of a truth that we've been trying to dig for for months or weeks or years and all of a sudden somebody asks us a question that makes that answer pop up so easily, you know, that it's like ridiculous and awe-invoking and inspiring.

你知道，它讓我們接觸到我們自己並不真正瞭解或沒有意識到的部分，或者讓我們意識到我們幾個月、幾個星期或幾年來一直試圖挖掘的真理，突然有人問我們一個問題，讓答案如此輕易地浮現出來，你知道，這就像荒謬、令人敬畏和鼓舞人心。

And for me, questions have always had and played this role in my life where I've been fortunate enough to be asked some pretty powerful questions by some absolutely incredible individuals.

對我來說，問題在我的生活中一直扮演著這樣的角色，我有幸被一些絕對不可思議的人問到過一些非常有力的問題。

And so today I wanted to share the five questions that have the potential to change your life and the five questions that have undeniably changed my own life.

是以，今天我想與大家分享有可能改變你生活的五個問題，以及無可否認地改變了我自己生活的五個問題。

And before I give you the five questions, I want to just quickly talk about this notion of the shadow and using something that I call sentence stems to evoke the shadow.

在給出這五個問題之前，我想先簡單談談陰影的概念，以及使用我稱之為句子主幹的東西來喚起陰影。

And so the shadow is a concept that Carl Jung created.

是以，"陰影 "是榮格創造的一個概念。

It's basically a part of your unconscious mind and it is the sort of place of storage for all the parts, all the elements, all the things that you don't necessarily like about yourself.

它基本上是你無意識思維的一部分，是儲存所有部分、所有元素、所有你不一定喜歡的東西的地方。

It's where you put the pain from your childhood, it can be where you put your insecurities and your fears, all the elements of yourself that you dislike, that you don't want other people to know about, that you feel like you have to hide in order to be accepted or loved or attractive enough or whatever it is.

你把童年的痛苦藏在這裡，把你的不安全感和恐懼藏在這裡，把你不喜歡的、不想讓別人知道的、你覺得必須隱藏起來才能被人接受、被人愛或者足夠吸引人的東西都藏在這裡。

And so the interesting thing about the shadow is that it's a part of you that wants to be integrated into your identity.

是以，關於陰影的有趣之處在於，它是你的一部分，想要融入你的身份。

It doesn't want to be an outcast.

它不想成為棄兒。

It doesn't want to live on Rikers Island in your psyche.

它不想住在你心理的萊克斯島上。

It doesn't want to be in prison somewhere in your psyche.

它不想被囚禁在你心靈的某個角落。

It wants to be a part of who you are.

它希望成為你的一部分。

And sometimes we get stuck in life.

有時，我們會被生活困住。

You get stuck in your relationship.

你陷入了你的關係中。

You get stuck in your career or in your path in life, not able to really make a decision.

你被職業或人生道路所困，無法真正做出決定。

Should I stay in this relationship and keep working on it or is it time for me to leave?

我應該留在這段關係中繼續努力，還是該離開了？

Should I break up with this person?

我應該和這個人分手嗎？

Should I reveal something about myself that I've been hiding?

我是否應該透露一些我一直隱藏的自己？

Should I stay in this job or go?

我應該留在這份工作還是離開？

Should I sell this business or continue to work on it?

我應該賣掉這個企業還是繼續經營下去？

And every once in a while we find ourselves at an impasse where we can't seem to really draw up or draw out any type of conclusive decision for ourselves.

每隔一段時間，我們就會發現自己陷入僵局，似乎無法為自己做出任何決定。

And it seems like it's almost impossible.

而這似乎幾乎是不可能的。

And the truth is that we're usually in those moments asking the wrong questions.

而事實是，在這種時候，我們通常會問一些錯誤的問題。

We actually need questions that are going to help us elicit what's called unconscious content.

實際上，我們需要能幫助我們引出所謂無意識內容的問題。

So anytime that we're stuck in life, it's because we can't draw in our consciousness.

所以，無論何時，我們在生活中陷入困境，都是因為我們無法汲取我們的意識。

We can't draw a conclusion through purely rational, logistical, logical thinking.

我們不能通過純粹的理性、邏輯和邏輯思維得出結論。

And we kind of get stuck.

我們就這樣被困住了。

And it's usually because the answer to the question or the problem that we're facing, the answer or the solution is lodged somewhere out of sight.

這通常是因為我們所面臨的問題或難題的答案，答案或解決方案就在我們看不見的地方。

And that's out of sight psychologically, which means that it's buried in our subconscious or unconscious mind.

這在心理學上是看不見的，也就是說，它埋藏在我們的潛意識或無意識中。

And so we need questions that can provoke the unconscious part of our psyche.

是以，我們需要能激發我們心理無意識部分的問題。

I don't know if you've ever seen the image of the iceberg that represents consciousness, where the little piece of the iceberg sticking up above the water is the representation of your consciousness.

我不知道你是否見過代表意識的冰山影像，其中突出水面的一小塊冰山就是你意識的代表。

And then if you stood at the edge of the iceberg and you look down into the water, you could see a part of the iceberg.

然後，如果你站在冰山的邊緣，往水裡看，就能看到冰山的一部分。

And that part is your subconscious.

這部分就是你的潛意識。

You're kind of like vaguely aware of it every once in a while.

你偶爾會隱約感覺到它的存在。

Some of those thoughts or content or emotions will pop up in your consciousness.

其中一些想法、內容或情緒會在你的意識中出現。

And then underneath the water is just this massive chunk of ice.

水下是一大塊冰。

And that's your unconscious mind, right?

這就是你的無意識思維，對嗎？

It's all the stuff that you've forgotten about.

這些都是你已經遺忘的東西。

You don't even know about yourself, the things that are sort of locked away from your everyday consciousness that would just be inundating you with useless information or memories.

你甚至不瞭解自己，不瞭解那些被你的日常意識所禁錮的東西，而這些東西只會給你帶來無用的資訊或記憶。

And that element of you is a very important part for when you feel stuck, for when you're trying to make a decision in your life, but you're not really too sure which direction to go.

當你感到困頓時，當你想在生活中做出決定，但又不太確定該往哪個方向走時，你的這一元素就是非常重要的部分。

And so we need questions that prime and sort of poke at that unconscious part of you to elicit that information.

是以，我們需要提出一些問題，這些問題會觸及你無意識的部分，從而誘發這些資訊。

Because anytime that we're stuck, it's usually a sign that we've just run through the simulations in our conscious mind as much as we possibly can.

因為無論何時，只要我們卡住了，通常就表明我們已經儘可能多地在意識中進行了模擬。

And sometimes they come back blank.

有時，它們會返回空白。

And we just don't really know where to go from there.

我們真的不知道該何去何從。

And so I'm going to give you some questions that have radically and fundamentally made a huge impact in my life and in some of the men that I've worked with over the years.

是以，我將給你們提出一些問題，這些問題對我的生活以及多年來與我共事的一些男性產生了根本性的巨大影響。

And one of the challenges that I saw on the internet, one of the reasons why I was doing this video is that I've had a number of men say, hey, I love your questions in your book.

我在網上看到的挑戰之一，也是我做這個視頻的原因之一，就是有很多男人對我說，嘿，我喜歡你書中的問題。

I love the questions that you offer when I work with you.

我喜歡你在與我合作時提出的問題。

How do you come up with these?

你是怎麼想到這些的？

And in a lot of ways, these are questions that I've come up with for myself.

在很多方面，這些問題都是我自己想出來的。

And these are questions that I've learned from some incredible people along the way.

這些問題都是我一路上從一些了不起的人那裡學到的。

And I think that there's just terrible questions out there.

我認為，現在有很多可怕的問題。

You know, like a lot of the questions that people are journaling about is like, you know, what's my why?

你知道，人們在寫日記時會問很多問題，比如 "我為什麼？

And why do I really want to be doing what I'm doing?

我為什麼要做現在的工作？

And those are just so banal and so plain and so generic that they're going to elicit a generic answer.

而這些都是如此平庸、如此普通、如此通用，以至於它們會引出一個通用的答案。

You know, sometimes the more robust the question, the more profound the answer, you know?

有時候，問題越尖銳，答案就越深刻，你知道嗎？

And the more simple the question, like, what's my why?

問題越簡單，比如，我的原因是什麼？

Or why do I really want to be doing what I'm doing?

或者，為什麼我真的想做我正在做的事情？

They just evoke a kind of plain, boring answer that doesn't really give you a lot of insight and isn't really designed to help, you know, scour the dredges of who you are in your psyche and your identity.

它們只是喚起了一種平淡無奇的答案，並不能給你很多啟發，也不是真的為了幫助你，你知道，在你的心理和身份中尋找你是誰的蛛絲馬跡。

So I'm going to give you these questions.

所以，我要給你們提這些問題。

Some of them are maybe worded differently than you are used to.

其中有些措辭可能與您習慣的不同。

That's because a couple of them are framed as a sentence stem.

這是因為其中有幾個句子是以句柄為框架的。

And a sentence stem is something that I use when I'm working with somebody.

我和別人一起工作時會用到句幹。

And the sentence stem is designed to help you move out of that hyper-rational, hyper-logical orientation that you are normally used to.

句乾的設計是為了幫助你擺脫通常習慣的超理性、超邏輯取向。

Because when you're in that orientation, you're going to get normal results, right?

因為當你處於那個方向時，你就會得到正常的結果，對嗎？

So if I asked you a question in a very simple way, like, you know, what color is the dog?

所以，如果我問你一個非常簡單的問題，比如，你知道，狗是什麼顏色的嗎？

I could ask it to you that way or, you know, tell me about that dog.

我可以這樣問你，或者，你知道，跟我說說那條狗。

And you would give me a very plain answer, right?

你會給我一個很簡單的答案，對嗎？

Like, oh, that dog is brown and its name is, you know, Frank.

比如，哦，那條狗是棕色的，它的名字叫弗蘭克。

But if I say, what's one thing or like the one thing you want me to know about that dog is?

但如果我說，你想讓我知道的關於那隻狗的一件事是什麼？

And all of a sudden, what that does, just the way that you change the question will spark the creative mind.

突然之間，你改變問題的方式就能激發創意思維。

And because the question is asked differently, it actually prods a little bit of the unconscious and causes you to respond in a different way.

由於提問的方式不同，它實際上會觸動你的無意識，讓你做出不同的反應。

And so if I said, what do you want me to know about that dog?

如果我說，關於那條狗，你想讓我知道什麼？

You might say, his name is Frank and he's brown.

你可能會說，他叫弗蘭克，是個棕色人種。

And if I said, what's the one or like the one thing you want me to know about that dog is?

如果我說，關於那條狗，你想讓我知道的一件事是什麼？

And you might be like, I want you to know that like that dog is just incredible and I love its fur.

你可能會說，我想讓你知道，那隻狗太不可思議了，我喜歡它的皮毛。

And, you know, and all of a sudden, all of this color and texture comes out in the answer because it's not the rational, normal way that we would ask a question.

然後，你知道，突然之間，所有這些顏色和紋理都出現在了答案中，因為這不是我們理性、正常的提問方式。

So just stay open as you listen to some of these questions and keep that in mind.

是以，在聽這些問題時，請保持開放的態度，並牢記這一點。

Sometimes we need to reframe the way in which we are asking a question to elicit a different answer, right?

有時，我們需要重塑提問的方式，以獲得不同的答案，對嗎？

So saying that another way, you might actually be asking the right questions.

所以，換個角度說，你可能真的問對了問題。

They might just not be ordered or structured in the right way to elicit the response that you're looking for.

它們可能只是順序或結構不對，無法引起你想要的反應。

So let's start with question number one.

讓我們從第一個問題開始。

I love this one.

我喜歡這個。

This one is meant to get into the shadow and get into understanding that sort of hidden part of us.

這本書的目的是進入陰影，瞭解我們內心隱藏的那部分。

So the first question is, the one thing I don't like people to know about me or struggle to admit is.

所以第一個問題是，我最不願意讓別人瞭解我或不願承認的一件事是什麼？

The one thing I don't like people to know about me or struggle to admit is.

我最不願意讓別人瞭解我，也不願意承認的一點是

Now, this question, again, on the surface might sound pretty direct, pretty clear, but I would love for you to just engage in the process of thinking like, what don't I want people to know about me?

現在，這個問題從表面上看可能聽起來很直接、很清楚，但我希望你們能參與思考，比如，我不想讓別人知道我什麼？

What insecurities, what fears, what decisions, what choices do I normally hide from people in order to belong?

為了獲得歸屬感，我通常會向人們隱瞞哪些不安全感、哪些恐懼、哪些決定、哪些選擇？

And the power of this question is that it's going to give you insight into one of the that you likely have when it comes to intimacy, deep sexual connection, having great friendships, or really feeling like people in your life give a shit about you.

這個問題的力量在於，它能讓你深入瞭解你在親密關係、深層次的性聯繫、擁有深厚友誼或真正感覺到生活中有人在乎你時可能會遇到的問題之一。

Oftentimes, it's the things that we're hiding, right?

很多時候，我們隱藏的正是這些東西，對嗎？

I can't tell them about this decision that I made, or I can't tell them about this thing that happened to me, or I can't tell them about this desire that I have because they might reject me.

我不能告訴他們我做的這個決定，不能告訴他們發生在我身上的這件事，不能告訴他們我的這個願望，因為他們可能會拒絕我。

The reality is that we, as human beings, we want to be known, we want to be loved, we want to be understood for who we really are.

現實是，作為人類，我們希望被瞭解，希望被愛，希望被理解我們的真實面目。

And normally what's keeping us from that is the stuff that we hide.

通常情況下，阻礙我們做到這一點的是我們隱藏起來的東西。

It's the stuff that we don't like.

這是我們不喜歡的東西。

It's the stuff that we don't think or know how to accept about ourselves, and so we hide it from other people.

這是我們自己不認為或不知道如何接受的東西，所以我們對其他人隱瞞了它。

But those are the elements of ourselves that we have to learn to accept, and we have to learn to create a place in our relationships with other people.

但這些都是我們必須學會接受的自身因素，我們必須學會在與他人的關係中創造一席之地。

So that's number one.

所以這是第一位的。

Question number two is the one thing, the one thing I could take action on that would make the greatest difference in my life right now is.

第二個問題是，有一件事，一件我可以付諸行動的事，會給我現在的生活帶來最大的改變。

The one thing I could take action on that would make the greatest difference in my life right now is.

我現在能做的對我的生活影響最大的一件事是

I love this question because for a long time I just had analysis paralysis.

我喜歡這個問題，因為很長一段時間我都有分析癱瘓症。

I had procrastination coming out, you know, like every orifice in my body.

我有拖延症，你知道，就像我身體裡的每一個孔。

I just couldn't get myself to do anything, and I felt overwhelmed by all of the possibilities.

我就是無法讓自己做任何事情，我被所有的可能性壓得喘不過氣來。

Oh, I could do that.

哦，我可以做到這一點。

I could start with this.

我可以從這個開始。

You know, I could send that email.

你知道，我可以發送那封郵件。

I could go work out.

我可以去健身了。

I could, you know, I just had this like never-ending list of things that is like I just didn't know where to start.

我可以，你知道，我只是有這樣一個永無止境的清單，就像我只是不知道從哪裡開始。

And maybe part of that was like I have a little bit more of an ADHD orientation, but I think part of it was I was just inundated with possibilities, and I just didn't know where to begin.

也許部分原因是我有多動症傾向，但我認為部分原因是我被各種可能性淹沒了，我不知道從哪裡開始。

And so this carved it down into, okay, this is the thing that I'm going to focus in on.

是以，這就把它細分為，好吧，這就是我要重點關注的事情。

I think this would have the greatest impact or create the greatest difference in my life.

我認為這將對我的生活產生最大的影響或帶來最大的改變。

And by doing that over and over and over again, and I went through a period of time in my life where I would ask this question every single day.

通過一次又一次地這樣做，我經歷了人生中的一段時期，在那段時間裡，我每天都會問這個問題。

What's the one thing that I can take action on today that's going to make the greatest difference in my life?

我今天能做的能給我的生活帶來最大改變的一件事是什麼？

And sometimes it was just go work out, like get your ass in the gym and go move your body and go push some heavy weights.

有時只是去鍛鍊，比如去健身房活動活動身體，推一些重物。

And other times it was like, oh man, send that email that you have been avoiding for a days or weeks or have that conversation or make that phone call or buy that thing.

還有的時候就像，哦，夥計，發送那封你已經迴避了幾天或幾周的電子郵件，或者進行那場談話，或者打那通電話，或者買那件東西。

And it just gave me this one simple thing that I was doing every single day that gradually started to build on itself and create progress and momentum.

它讓我每天都做一件簡單的事情，漸漸地，這件事情開始自我完善，並創造出進步和動力。

And I was like, oh yeah, I can do this.

我當時想，哦，是的，我能做到。

This is great.

這太棒了。

And I felt like I had a process and a structure to get one big thing done every single day.

我感覺自己有了一個流程和結構，每天都能完成一件大事。

So whether or not you use that every day, or you just ask yourself this question once a week, and then you take action on it, I have found this to be an incredibly, incredibly helpful question that can shift quite a bit and put into perspective what matters.

是以，無論你是否每天都這樣做，或者只是每週問自己一次這個問題，然後就這個問題採取行動，我都發現這是一個非常非常有幫助的問題，它可以改變很多東西，讓你看清什麼才是最重要的。

Because sometimes we stress out about stuff that really doesn't make much of a difference, you know, that cognitively we're like, I know that's not going to make much of a difference, but I'm going to dwell on it.

因為有時我們會為一些並沒有什麼影響的事情而緊張，你知道，從認知上來說，我們會想，我知道這不會有什麼影響，但我還是要糾結於它。

And then I'm going to expend all that energy dwelling on it.

然後我就會耗費所有精力去糾結這個問題。

And it's going to take me away from doing the stuff that I know is actually going to make a difference in my life.

這將使我無法去做那些我知道會給我的生活帶來改變的事情。

So that's question number two.

這就是第二個問題。

Number three, this is just a very simple question that I've been using for, I don't even know, 12, 15 years.

第三，這只是一個非常簡單的問題，我已經用了 12、15 年了。

I remember reading The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.

我記得我讀過史蒂芬-柯維（Stephen Covey）寫的《高效能人士的七個習慣》（The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People）。

And in it, he talked about the circle of influence and the circle of non-influence.

他在書中談到了 "影響圈 "和 "非影響圈"。

And it was such an epiphany in my life.

這是我人生中的一次頓悟。

Like it really was a monumental perspective shift for me.

對我來說，這真的是一個巨大的視角轉變。

Because what I started to realize was I spent an inordinate amount of time fixated on stuff that I had no control over, worrying about things that I couldn't influence whatsoever.

因為我開始意識到，我花了過多的時間專注於那些我無法控制的事情，擔心那些我根本無法影響的事情。

And when I started to use this question, what I realized was I could rein in all of that energy, all of that attention, all that focus, and really hone in on the things that I could influence.

當我開始使用這個問題時，我意識到我可以控制所有的能量、所有的注意力、所有的焦點，真正專注於我可以影響的事情。

And to let go of all of the things that I had no control over whatsoever that I had been spending the majority of my time freaking out about, right?

放下那些我完全無法控制的事情，而我的大部分時間都在為這些事情抓狂，對嗎？

Anxious about, worrying about, etc.

焦慮、擔心等。

So the question is, is this something I can influence or is this out of my control?

那麼問題來了，這是我可以影響的，還是我無法控制的？

Is this something I can influence or is this out of my control?

這是我可以影響的，還是我無法控制的？

And it's a very simple question.

這是個非常簡單的問題。

It's something that I still to this day ask myself all the time, right?

直到現在，我還經常這樣問自己，對嗎？

If something happens in my business, something happens with a client, something happens in my marriage or with my kid or finances or mortgage or whatever it is, is this something I can influence or is this out of my control?

如果我的生意出了問題、客戶出了問題、婚姻出了問題、孩子出了問題、財務出了問題、房貸出了問題，不管是什麼問題，這是我能影響的，還是我無法控制的？

And the beautiful thing is that I've practiced this so much now that when I'm like, no, actually I can't influence this, this is something out of my control, boom, I'll let it go.

美妙的是，我現在已經練習了很多次，當我想，不，其實我無法左右這件事，這是我無法控制的事情時，嘣，我會讓它過去。

And it doesn't occupy more space and energy in my head because I know that that's a fruitless endeavor.

它不會佔據我腦海中更多的空間和精力，因為我知道那是徒勞無功的。

Continuing to worry about and fret about things that I have no control over is the definition of suffering, right?

繼續擔心和憂慮那些我無法控制的事情，不就是痛苦的定義嗎？

When you spend time worrying about, future pacing about, trying to figure out what you could do to shift it or make it different but you have no control over it, that is the literal definition of self-suffering.

當你花時間去擔心，去憧憬未來，去想辦法改變它或讓它變得不一樣，但你卻無法控制它時，這就是自我折磨的字面定義。

And so you can end that suffering by saying, actually I have no control over how that person responds.