I'm gonna make you hurt.

Oh, you're gonna get hurt.

What are we playing for pride or clothing?

Half of the guys here are waiting for Prince.

You don't just jump the line.

Oh, I think somebody feels threatened I'm not threatened.

No, I get it.

I can call the mayor and you can't we have procedure protocol Yeah, and you always come to a complete stop at a red light and you never fund your taxes Tell me something you ever have any fun, you know, let your hair down drop your top little cops gone wild You do know I'm wearing a gun It's nice to have met you detective Beckett Richard Castle you are under arrest for felony theft and obstruction of justice You forgot making you look bad You know for a minute there.

You actually made me believe that you were human Cuff him.

Oh Bondage my safe word is apples.

Oh, there's no need to be gentle.

He's dying Who's dying?

Tisdale you wanna hot dog?

I want hot dog.

What do you take on your?

What makes you think he's dying, okay Thought you ditched me back at the precinct didn't you?

Come on Danny McDead is found on spin-dry.

You don't think the captain's gonna let me in on that story You're a castle my bad Exactly How much longer do I have to expect you to be shadowing me on my cases like this?

Hard to say when I'm writing a new character is no telling when inspiration might strike.

I thought I was your inspiration Oh, you are detective and in so many ways But what I thought she might find really interesting is the fact that she had sex within the hours before her death sex I'll explain how that works later might even been within a few minutes of the murder.

So what's the evidence of sex traces of spermicide?

The guy wore a condom boy really has been a long time for you, hasn't it?

You're very good at bossing men around I've noticed You're telling me exactly how many times have you been married Castle twice?

Isn't that enough?

How about you me?

No, never been really You'd be good at it.

You're both controlling and disapproving.

I should really try it One time I had this ex-girlfriend she loved me.

I drank every meal for a week.

I didn't even like her if I loved her Wow, I don't know No, there's this one time Started for another time.

What did horn do crack down on the ecstasy this one time?

I was trying to figure out how to throw someone off the Empire State Building and that movie sleepless and say I don't just Come out so many lonely women approached me thinking I was there Tom Hanks.

I got Lee Castle Something that would guarantee you the election Castle This was premeditated You are watching me do paperwork it's creepy did you have somewhere else to be I like it here You really base your next character on detective Beckett.

Every artist needs a muse Call me a muse again, and I will break both your legs.

Okay, okay detective Beckett Of course This female detective of yours exactly how much will she be based on me?

Well, she's not too bright and kind of slutty right?

So is that wise ass or jackass?

Actually, that was jackass No, honestly, you don't have anything to be embarrassed about she's gonna be She's gonna be really smart very savvy haunting good looks Really good at her job And kind of slutty Castle Castle what are you doing?

Promise not to hate me.

I already hate you fair enough this morning with the body I took a couple of pictures you took photos of my crime scene.

You get mad I emailed a couple of them to a friend of mine.

You emailed them to a friend.

Well, not exactly a friend She's my interior decorator, but then we slept together.

So I don't really know what she is now You know, right you work together you think it'll be fun, but then it always makes things weird It's a real cautionary tale Yeah, I'm talking about the photographs of the body.

What no, I didn't send her pictures the body I sent her pictures of the rug I thought maybe she may be able to tell me where it came from and guess what?

She did That's the rug That's the same rug You Don't gloat okay, cuz it's really unattractive Now can we arrest him All right, just do it the easy way Castle what are you doing?

Hi, my name is Richard I'm a very generous man looking to arrange a very special date with Tiffany Just give me a call on my phone, which is three four seven five five five.

Oh one seven nine.

Thank you Castle you can't just call and arrange a date with a prostitute.

Why not?

Because we're the police.

No, no, you're the police I'm just a lonely upscale gentleman looking for a date Bet I find it first.

I Mean how bad can he be?

Beckett guess who's got a date with a prostitute?

That was some quite a reading very moving Are you making fun of me?

Good, she thought as the wind Gathered up her hair No one will see my tears How does wind gather up hair?

I'm just curious.

Oh, you're telling me how to do my job irritating, isn't it?

What kind of a name is Nikki heat a cop name it's a stripper name Well, I told you she was kind of slutty change it castle what hang on think of the titles summer heat heat way in heat Change the name.

No, yes.

No change it.

No castle.

Sorry.

I have artistic integrity Change the name Now How do you know I read the case file she kicked the habit met and married Samuel Kavanaugh She worked in a restaurant.

He managed a bank.

They have two kids.

When did you read the case file?

When you were in the little girls room, I was gone for like a minute speed reader Something I picked up from my years stranded in the New York Public Library I Must have a reason for running away.

Hmm.

I'm not judging her.

Some people love the institution hate the day-to-day Are you one of those people castle?

Guess I just haven't met the right girl All right, so you and I are married We're not married.

Relax.

It's just pretend.

I don't want to pretend schedule like it Okay, if we're married, I want a divorce.

Are you two like this all the time?

Yes It's not a duel Scaramouche here square up to target Feet shoulder distance apart Okay, gauntlet your right fist in your left palm shot too soon Yeah, well, you know, we could always just cuddle castle.

Oh Funny and a smile good That's better Hmm, you know, I came down to ask you if I could take home some of those stolen property photos Photos of the jewelry.

Why no, I thought it might spark something I've cut her Tell you what, you put any of the next three in the ten ring and I will give you the files.

Yeah.

Yeah You Are a very good teacher You brought a thief to a crime scene.

It was very helpful It was criminal trespassing made or tomorrow Tell your friend to keep up his disappearing act and the next time you show up at a crime scene without me I'll show you how my taser works promise What's this your winnings from the other night, I'm not an idiot I know you threw the last hand How Did you figure it out That's not the point.

Well, my mother called you didn't she you owe me a rematch Fine you want to play let's play.

How about tomorrow night?

With your mystery buddies.

What are you kidding?

No, no, no, those guys would eat you alive No, I was thinking something a little more local my Gotham City crew guys.

I beat on a regular basis your Gotham City crew Yeah, captain the mayor and judge Markaway, you know your boss your boss's boss and the guy that signs your warrants Or would that make you nervous?

I mean, I wouldn't want to throw your game, but I also don't want you to feel patronized Just set it up and prepare to get your ass kicked Sunday morning shouldn't you be slinking home from a scandalous liaison?

Would you be jealous if I were?

In your dreams actually my dreams you never jealous in my dreams.

You just joined Oh Somebody's dead doesn't mean you have to be grumpy.

Oh, do you want to see grumpy?

How about the cover art for your new novel Nikki cover art?

That's only available.

Oh My god, you subscribe to my website.

Wait a minute.

Are you Castle Freak 1 2 1 2?

Castle lover 45.

Did you realize that most people would be creeped out by crazy anonymous fans like you?

It was strictly professional curiosity, so what did you think of your alter-ego Nikki pretty sweet, right sweet She's naked.

She's not naked.

She's holding a gun Strategically, are you reading me?

We don't have to read you we can see you now shut up and focus What is it with men and boobs anyway biological we can't help it but doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real Santa's not real.

We still love opening his presents Hey, can we talk about this, please?

There's nothing to talk about Well, just at least let me know what I can do to make it up to you.

I could buy you a pony Focus Castle crime scene, okay Too bad, I don't have a good book to read.

Hmm.

I'd let you have heatwave, but my publisher doesn't want any copies leaking out Why'd you let that Cosmo reporter read it then?

Well, that's for publicity purposes.

You know, you want the press to have a little taste Wait, well is Is that why you've been so upset because I let her read it before you I am the inspiration I should be reading it before I reported us.

Why didn't you just say so?

Why didn't you just give it to me?

Why didn't you ask?

Why didn't it occur to you?

You'll have it by tomorrow good good Well, I haven't gotten to it yet What do you mean you haven't gone to it yet, I'm sorry, I've just been so busy with work I haven't had time you were all over me to get a copy of that book Do you have any idea how many hoops I had to jump through just so my editor wouldn't send an armed guard to watch over You while you read it.

The least you could do was to oh Oh Yeah, I see what you're doing.

I'm not doing anything.

Oh, yes, you are.

Yes, you are You're trying to push my buttons, but it's not gonna work.

Really?

Hmm cuz it seems to be working just great I knew you were reading it.

I It's on page 105, by the way, what that sex scene you're looking for and each and gray was right It's steamy.

I was it see you tomorrow So any word on a certain British secret agent who shall not be named I got the official offer Wow Congratulations, I haven't accepted it yet, but you're going to aren't you?

Well, you think I should yeah, I mean Is there a reason why you wouldn't?

So you'd be okay if I didn't write another Nikki.

I mean, why wouldn't I it's not like I asked you to write the first one You know, a lot of people would be flattered that someone chose to write a book based on them flattered.

Yeah Do you have any idea how much grief I've had to put up with over this Nikki heat thing gee, I'm sorry I'm not asking you to be sorry.

I'm just Just do whatever you want to do you always do anyway, well fine it's settled then fine I'll do the other book great.

Enjoy the party.

Thanks.

I will you know what just as well because there really wasn't enough to the Character of Nikki heat for more than one novel.

Anyway, oh, there's plenty to the character.

She just needs a better writer fine fine Yes Captain would I be interested in doing three more Nikki heat?

Yes.

I am aware that the mayor is facing a tough reelection this year I'm sorry, how much no, I I would love to help the department out in whatever way I could no No, forget the other offer for that kind of money.

I'll do a dozen Nikki.

He wants me to what?

Oh, well, that was kind of a one-time only situation with her and me three books That would take forever you already spoke to the mayor No, no, no, no, sir, I wasn't talking to you I Okay, no need to thank me sir.

I am happy to help his honor out in any way I can uh-huh You know what?

I Think I'm gonna I'm gonna I had nothing to do with that phone call what?

Okay, I'll be right there Where are you going?

That was Esposito.

There's been a murder Are you coming or what?

Do you really expect me to believe you had nothing to do with that We're a little harder castle You