No one ever writes anxious.

This is the biggest point in the book.

Self-esteem can rise just on that alone.

So if I'm 30-odd, I'm 33, got low self-esteem, and I came to you, and that low self-esteem was manifesting in abusive relationships, bad work relationships, negative sort of feelings about myself, and maybe even some impulsive behaviors, where would you start with me?

I'm a doctor, so the first is make sure you're actually okay.

I'm okay.

Because if someone were presenting with this, they could be in depression, and that can present in many ways.

Typically, it's low mood and loss of pleasure in everything and loss of energy, but that doesn't have to be, so I mustn't miss that.

So I would make sure your mind is not ill.

We don't need treatment.

Now we assume that this is longstanding, and what you're describing is a lot of maladaptive coping strategies.

You're almost punishing yourself.

You know, I don't deserve to eat well, and I don't deserve to eat the right things, so I deserve to be overweight, or I deserve to look like this.

So that could be the bottom.

My starting point is exploration.

But the key to this would be to move all that to one side, if you're in a reasonable place where you can actually communicate.

If not, I'll let you express it, or it's important you get it off your chest.

If you've got it, you say, I don't need to do that.

What I do is what I say in the book here.

In A Path to the Jungle, I explain the starting point is get a blank piece of paper and write down who you wanna be.

What behaviors do you wanna have?

Let's define what you want, not what you don't want, not what you're experiencing.

Don't start with a treacle.

I call that the treacle.

Start with a blank piece of paper and then write down the person you wanna be.

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So what you're describing now is the human system.

The great news is when I ask you about the characteristics you've got, so I want to be calm, I want to be happy, I want to be confident.

That is you.

That is you.

How do you know it's me?

Right.

Because if we were, we can't surgically remove interference neuroscientifically, which we can see on functional MRI scanners.

If we remove the chimp and computer system, then you're completely in control of yourself.

So you would choose to be calm.

You would choose to be confident.

So therefore that's you.

The human system can choose.

What happens is when you choose to be calm, the chimp system interferes or the computer interferes and shows to the world someone who's not calm.

So it's very important to recognize who you are before we start.

No one ever acts anxious.

No one.

They say, no, what I want to be is calm, collected, a good friend, have integrity.

That is you if we didn't have interference in the machine.

So it's very crucial.

This is the biggest point in the book.

The biggest point is to define yourself, because now you've got self-esteem can rise just on that alone.

Once you've grasped that, you say, wow, what I'm presenting to the world is interference.

It's not me.

If I didn't have this machine, I would not have anxiety because that system that you say in the human system can't do anxiety.

It's not built to do that.

It's built to be rational and calm.

But what it wants to do and how it wants to present is a choice.

The chimp has no choice.

The computer has no choice.

The computer's programmed.

These are interfering and presenting to the world someone who is not you.

So it's very important to grasp that concept.

That's my starting point.

I don't care what you write.

I don't care what you want to do with your life.

It's not for me.

I'm not a judge.

I'm here as a doctor to explore this with you and get insights for yourself.

So the most people are not psychopathic.

We're decent people who've just got lost in the way and the neuroscience of our mind has tumbled us.

So my starting point was to say, let's write out the real you and let's start building ourself on that and recognising what is not us and let's start unpicking it.

And we went earlier about low self-esteem.

Let's look at why you have that.

First, it's natural and healthy.

That can help people.

Sometimes just saying that, they go, that's amazing.

I feel better for knowing it's natural and healthy.

Maybe rubbish and unhelpful, but at least I know it's healthy and there's not something wrong with me.

Because the second you start saying, oh, I'm trying to please people and I can't say no, and you see that as being a weakness or a fault, we're in trouble again because you're muddling yourself up with a machine.

So that's my starting point.

Who are you?

What's the machine doing?

All of this, anything the chimp does, anything it does is natural.

There's nothing you're going to give me, even if it murders someone.

That's what chimps do.

They're violent.

So it's still illegal and not acceptable, but I'm saying everything's natural.

So that puts us on a different way of looking at it.

Again, to try and give context to that, natural isn't always good.

Overeating is natural, but it's not good.

And even like the classic one I always use with parents and teenagers, if you've got a teenager who's got a tidy bedroom, that's who I want to meet.

If they have a messy bedroom, great.

That's normal, you know?

So you're more concerned with teenagers that aren't being teenagers.

So if you've got a teenager who never lies, then it's a bit worrying.

Maybe they're good at deceit.

Because teenagers are learning to lie and they're learning to defend themselves, and it's a natural way of doing it.

It's not helpful, and hopefully they'll grow out of it.

But you've got to say what's natural, and let's work with that.