I've been here many times, not just at work but at a variety of different social settings, like meeting a far cousin at a wedding who haven't seen in years or speaking to a random stranger at a bar.

我曾多次來過這裡，不僅是在工作中，還在各種不同的社交場合，比如在婚禮上遇到多年未見的遠房表親，或者在酒吧裡與陌生人隨意交談。

But what if you could speak to anyone and never run out of things to say?

但是，如果你可以和任何人說話，而且永遠不會無話可說，那又會怎樣呢？

The problem is we all have some level of social anxiety which plays a role but we're all at different levels and I personally graduated to the more advanced levels without any cheat codes.

問題是，我們每個人都有一定程度的社交焦慮，這在一定程度上起了作用，但我們的水準各不相同。

So over time I developed my own three methods to speak to anyone and never be awkward again, well at least most of the time.

隨著時間的推移，我總結出了自己的三種方法，與任何人說話都不會再尷尬，至少大多數時候是這樣。

Initially, I blamed myself for being too shy, not confident and just a little bit socially inept but like everyone else, I was the exact opposite around people who I was comfortable with.

起初，我責怪自己太害羞、不自信，有點不善於社交，但和其他人一樣，我在與我相處融洽的人面前恰恰相反。

So I asked myself, what really is going on, how can one person have such opposite personalities?

於是我問自己，這到底是怎麼回事，一個人怎麼會有如此截然相反的性格？

What I realized was that even though I'm an introvert, I don't have two personalities and it wasn't even a confidence problem, it was a skill problem.

我意識到，儘管我是個內向的人，但我並沒有兩種性格，這甚至不是自信的問題，而是技巧的問題。

I simply hadn't mastered the art of small talk and just like any other art form, like learning a new instrument or writing poetry, speaking to people is a skill which can be developed with enough practice.

就像其他藝術形式一樣，就像學習一種新樂器或寫詩一樣，與人交談也是一種技能，可以通過足夠的練習來培養。

So through years of trial and error and by observing people better than me, I quickly understood the only three things you need to do to speak to anyone fluently and never run out of things to say, and the best part is, you can implement these three things almost immediately.

通過多年的嘗試和錯誤，以及對比我強的人的觀察，我很快就明白了要想流利地與任何人交談，並且永遠不會無話可說，只需要做三件事。

What would you do if someone said the following, "I went to play golf over the weekend."

如果有人說「我週末去打高爾夫了」你會怎麼回？

You can either say, "Oh that's interesting," and then stare into space whilst listening to the sound of silence or you can ask intentional follow-up questions.

你可以說「哦，很有趣」，然後呆呆地聽著沉默的聲音，或者有意地追問。

For example, "Where do you usually play?"

例如，「你通常在哪裡演打？」

"How long have you been playing golf for?"

「你打高爾夫多久了？」

This will then naturally lead to further follow-up questions like, "Do you play competitively?"

這自然會引出更多的後續問題，比如「你參加比賽嗎？」

Are you part of a club?

你是俱樂部成員嗎？

Now you probably couldn't care less about golf, but firstly, this shows that you're genuinely interested in what the other person has to say or at least that's the perception you're creating.

首先，這表明你對對方想說的話真正感興趣，或者至少這是你給對方留下的印象；

And secondly, this removes any awkward pauses and silences and it also gives you the power to control the conversation and take it into any direction.

其次，這可以消除尷尬的停頓和沉默，還能讓你控制談話並將其引向任何方向。

Because when you really think about it, a conversation is simply a series of questions and answers and the person who asks most of the questions is usually the one in control, but for this, it's important you're asking the right questions and this is where the second method comes in.

因為當你真正思考時，對話只是一系列的問題和回答，而提出大多數問題的人通常是控制者，但為此，你必須提出正確的問題，這就是第二種方法的用武之地。

Now the common misconception is that to become better at speaking, you need to speak more but like great paradoxes in life, to improve your communication, you need to do the exact opposite and actually listen more.

現在常見的誤解是，要想提高口語水準，就需要多說，但就像生活中的大悖論一樣，要想提高溝通能力，就需要反其道而行之，多聽。

That means to actively listen and do nothing else apart from listening because it's easy for our minds to wonder and start preparing for our response rather than actually listening to what's been said,

這意味著要積極傾聽，除了傾聽之外，不要做任何其他事情，因為我們的大腦很容易產生疑問，並開始準備我們的迴應，而不是真正傾聽別人說了什麼，

leading you to say something which is completely irrelevant and off-topic, adding further to your collection of awkward moments.

從而導致你說一些完全不相關和偏離主題的話，進一步增加你的尷尬時刻，

But if you listen intently, you can ask the right questions and create a free-flowing and more interesting conversation for everyone involved.

但如果你認真傾聽，你就可以提出正確的問題，為每個參與者創造一個自由流動和更有趣的對話。

As the famous quote goes, most people don't listen with the intent to understand, they listen with the intent to reply.

有句名言說得好：大多數人傾聽的目的不是為了理解，而是為了回答。

Don't be that person, there are enough of those already.

不要成為那樣的人，這樣的人已經夠多了。

The cherry on the cake is when you find a common ground.

蛋糕上的櫻桃就是你們找到的共同點。

We instantly click with people who have similar backgrounds or interests as us.

我們與背景或興趣相似的人一拍即合。

Sometimes this is really obvious like you both like golf; other times, it might be more difficult.

有時這一點非常明顯，比如你們都喜歡高爾夫，有時可能會比較困難，

But even then, with enough probing and by asking the right questions, there will be something you both have in common and once you find that thing, move the conversation in that direction and it will start flowing itself.

但即便如此，通過足夠的試探和正確的提問，你們都會有一些共同點，一旦你找到了，就把談話往這個方向推進，它就會自己開始流動起來。

The truth is, there will be times where the conversation goes nowhere and there will be moments in your life where there will be awkward silences and if that does happen, just learn to be comfortable with the silence.

事實上，有時談話會無疾而終，生活中也會有尷尬沉默的時刻，如果真的發生了這種情況，只要學會適應沉默就可以了。

At the end of the day, it's just silence and it will eventually pass but by following these three methods, more often than not, you'll be able to speak to anyone and never run out of things to say.

說到底，這只是沉默，它終究會過去，但只要遵循這三種方法，你就能經常與任何人交談，永遠不會無話可說。