I use a really expensive shampoo, with throwing rocks and acting tough, even though we're all wearing tons of makeup.

Our manager says we have to act straight, even though we're all gay.

We're at the beach acting like we're hunting for chicks, but secretly what we're looking for is some dick.

Shut the hell up, guys, and get back in the closet.

They can't know, oh, oh, that you are not hetero.

Scooting past salts and jumping in place.

Look at that hot guy, I think we should eat his face.

Get away from me, you psychos, I have some mace in the flow.

Oh, oh, bet that you taste beautiful.

No, no, no, get lost, you drugged up homos.

We're playing sports, so we seem straight.

Our manager said that that's a good way.

You need the gas for record sales, so you better keep kicking that ball all damn day.

Oh, what's the point?

Everyone can see it.

It's obvious we like penis.

We all pop gay British boys skipping in the waves.

All we want to do is watch Magic Michael Day.

Let's all get into the water and masturbate.

I'm gonna think about you.

I'm gonna think about you, too.

God damn it, guys, please stop being gay. 99% of your fans are straight ladies.

If they find out your queers are sealed, we'll go away.

Okay, fine, I-ine, we'll save it for another time.

There's a girl going to act like straight guys.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Hey, girl, we're supposed to act like you get us off, but looking at you makes our penises go soft.

Oh, my gosh, I think I see David Hasselhoff.

Hey there, boys, it's the Hoff.

I've been on this beach since Baywatch and have been watching you all this time.

I gotta say that you're all looking mighty fine.

Why don't we head back to my place and have some wine?

Yeah, let's go.

That sounds so, so magical.

No, no, no, do not go over to his home.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, these boys are mind-they're-beautiful.

Seriously?

Let's go, boys.

Let's go.

You're back in my life, boys.

Are you kidding me?

Yo, guys, what's up?

Thank you so much for watching my One Direction parody.

I shot with all my buddies, so go check out their channels.

You can click their ugly-ass faces to check it out.

They all make funny videos, so do it.

You can get this song on iTunes.

Don't forget that shit.

In the description, check out all my other parodies.

Click my face.

I got some weird shit.

Thanks for watching.

Okay, guys, let's all get really gay together.

Bye.