What can I get for such a lovely couple?

Diner 1: Oh, we aren't together.

Waitress: Well, you might not be a romantic couple like those two lovebirds over there,

but you are a couple of friends.

Diner 1: We're actually just coworkers.

Waitress: Just order already.

Diner 1: I'll take a Coke and a hamburger.

Waitress: OK, you get a couple of sides with the burger.

Diner 1: I'll have the mac 'n cheese, some chips, uh, pasta salad, and ...

Waitress: Hold your horses. I said a couple of sides. Couple means two.

Diner 1: Oh. Well, I'll just have chips and, uh, pasta salad then.

Waitress: And for you?

Diner 2: Just a slice of pie and a coffee for me, thanks.

Waitress: Cream? Sugar?

Diner 2: Two of each, please.

Waitress: That's one coffee, a couple of creams, a few packets of sugar ...

Diner 2: Uh, I really don't need more than two packets of sugar.

Waitress: Well, it's a good thing you didn't ask for that. A few just means a small amount. I guess that

could include two, huh?

Diner 1: While you're still here, can we get a couple of cookies?

Waitress: OK, two cookies.

Diner 1: Oh, wait, that's really not going to be enough. I wanted ...

Waitress: You wanted ... more than two? I can't believe I'm spending so much time explaining this

to a couple of squares. OK, let's get this straight. When someone says a couple, it means two.

A few is just a small number; it could mean two, but it doesn't have to be that small.

Diner 1: So ...

Waitress: So if you order a couple of things, don't expect to get more than two.

Diner 1: I think I get it, but suddenly I'm not hungry anymore.

Waitress: That happens a lot around here.