I'm your host, Dr. Donnelly Snipes.

我是主持人唐納利-斯奈普斯博士。

The person with disorganized attachment often has a lot of characteristics that may be similar to borderline personality or codependency.

依戀關係混亂的人往往具有很多與邊緣型人格或依戀關係相似的特徵。

So it's important to recognize that dysfunctional attachment may lead to the development of those types of personality traits.

是以，認識到功能失調的依戀可能會導致這些類型的人格特質的形成是很重要的。

So let's take a look at disorganized attachment.

那麼，讓我們來看看無序的依戀吧。

The person with disorganized attachment can be clingy or controlling and need reassurance, but can turn on a dime to be dismissive and avoidant when abandonment anxiety is triggered.

依戀關係混亂的人可能很粘人或有控制慾，需要別人的安慰，但當被遺棄的焦慮被激發時，他們又會轉而變得輕蔑和迴避。

These are people who've experienced inconsistency and often chaotic, abusive, neglectful environments throughout their life, no matter how old they are.

這些人一生中都經歷過不穩定的環境，而且往往是混亂、虐待、忽視的環境，無論他們多大年紀。

So their HPA axis or their stress response system is already dysregulated.

是以，他們的 HPA 軸或壓力反應系統已經失調。

So they tend to just go from flat or numb or, you know, I'm kind of okay with things to terrified, furious, frantic, like that.

是以，他們往往會從平淡無奇、麻木不仁或 "我對事情還算滿意 "轉變為驚恐、憤怒、瘋狂，諸如此類。

So when the person senses that they may be getting ready to be rejected, they go from being clingy and needed and trying to make that relationship last to, okay, fine, you're not worth my effort.

是以，當一個人感覺到自己可能要被拒絕時，他們就會從粘人、被需要、努力讓這段關係持續下去，變成 "好吧，好吧，你不值得我付出努力"。

They just shut it off.

他們就把它關了。

They often are hypervigilant to rejection, so they have rejection sensitivity.

他們往往對拒絕過度警惕，是以對拒絕很敏感。

Well, in the past, when certain things happened, it indicated that they were going to be rejected.

那麼，在過去，當某些事情發生時，就表明他們將被拒絕。

And when they were rejected, that meant they didn't get their needs met.

當他們被拒絕時，就意味著他們的需求沒有得到滿足。

And that can be devastating physically as well as emotionally for children.

這對兒童的身體和情感都會造成毀滅性的打擊。

They may not communicate their thoughts, wants, and needs, but then feel rejected or neglected when their thoughts, wants, and needs are not met.

他們可能不會表達自己的想法、願望和需求，但當他們的想法、願望和需求得不到滿足時，他們又會感到被拒絕或被忽視。

So there's a part of them that says people should meet my thoughts, wants, and needs.

是以，他們中有一部分人認為，人們應該滿足我的想法、願望和需求。

That's how it's supposed to go.

事情就應該這樣發展。

But then there's another part of them that says it's not safe to communicate my thoughts, wants, and needs.

但又有一部分人說，交流我的想法、願望和需求並不安全。

So they're constantly in this sort of double bind in their own head.

是以，他們總是在自己的頭腦中陷入雙重束縛。

People with disorganized attachment often experience emotional dysregulation.

依戀關係混亂的人通常會出現情緒失調。

They go from flat to frantic or flat to furious like that largely because their stress response system has become dysregulated and they never develop the skills and tools to identify and modulate their emotions.

他們之所以會從平淡變得瘋狂，或從平淡變得暴怒，很大程度上是因為他們的壓力反應系統已經失調，而且他們從未開發出識別和調節情緒的技能和工具。

There was nobody there to teach them these skills.

沒有人教他們這些技能。

So as a result, when they dysregulate, they are often inconsolable.

是以，當他們的情緒失調時，往往會無法平靜。

They don't want to be held.

他們不想被關押。

They don't want to be comforted.

他們不想被安慰。

They are just feeling out of control and they don't know what's going to help them feel safe and in control again.

他們只是感覺失去了控制，不知道怎樣才能讓他們感到安全，重新掌控自己。

During these episodes of emotional dysregulation, they may exhibit impulsive or aggressive behaviors.

在情緒失調時，他們可能會表現出衝動或攻擊行為。

A lot of times these behaviors are towards self.

很多時候，這些行為都是針對自己的。

They may become impulsive and just say, okay, we're breaking up.

他們可能會變得衝動，直接說，好吧，我們分手。

You did something.

你做了些什麼

I think you're getting ready to abandon me.

我覺得你準備拋棄我了。

So we're breaking up.

所以我們分手了

It's done. That's impulsive.

已經完成了。 太沖動了

Or they may become self-damaging in their behaviors, whether they start drinking or using or engaging in non-suicidal self-injury.

或者，他們可能會在行為上自我損害，無論是開始酗酒、吸毒還是進行非自殺性的自我傷害。

What causes disorganized attachment?

是什麼導致了無序依戀？

Well, it's anxious avoidant.

嗯，是焦慮性迴避。

So it's kind of the worst of both parenting styles that can develop, that create insecure attachment.

是以，這是兩種育兒方式中最糟糕的一種，會造成不安全的依戀關係。

These caregivers are often insensitive, rejecting, and inconsistent in their behaviors.

這些照顧者往往麻木不仁、拒人於千里之外，而且行為前後不一。

But they often also tend to be much more aggressive.

但它們往往也更具有攻擊性。

They found those with disorganized attachment often grew up in households where there was overt aggression.

他們發現，那些依戀關係混亂的人往往是在有明顯攻擊行為的家庭中長大的。

Now it could have been verbal.

現在可能是口頭的。

It may not have been physical, but there was a lot of chaos and a lot of fear.

這也許不是肉體上的，但卻充滿了混亂和恐懼。

The parents lacked awareness of or responsiveness to the child's needs.

父母對孩子的需求缺乏瞭解或反應遲鈍。

They didn't encourage the child.

他們沒有鼓勵孩子。

They wouldn't help with difficult tasks or when they would try to help with difficult tasks, they would just get frustrated.

他們不會幫助完成困難的任務，或者當他們試圖幫助完成困難的任務時，他們只會感到沮喪。

If the child didn't pick it up right away, they would get frustrated.

如果孩子沒有馬上接過來，他們就會感到沮喪。

And they may scold the child or tell the child that they're stupid or some other permutation so the child learns that I'm not good enough.

他們可能會責罵孩子，或者告訴孩子他們很笨，或者其他一些變體，讓孩子知道我不夠好。

They often blamed the child for their own emotions.

他們常常把自己的情緒歸咎於孩子。

They contributed to an environment in which there was a lack of safety and comfort.

它們造成了一種缺乏安全感和舒適感的環境。

Sometimes they would verbally comfort and physically reject the child saying, oh, it's okay.

有時，他們會在口頭上安慰孩子，在身體上拒絕孩子說：哦，沒關係。

I'm not going to touch you, but it's okay.

我不會碰你，但沒關係。

Or they would physically comfort the child, but yell at them at the same time.

或者，他們會用身體安慰孩子，但同時又對孩子大吼大叫。

So they would physically comfort them while telling them how useless they were.

是以，他們會一邊身體力行地安慰他們，一邊告訴他們自己有多麼沒用。

Or they'd comfort them briefly and if that didn't work like that, they would start shaming the child for expressing their emotions.

或者，他們會短暫地安慰他們，如果這樣做不起作用，他們就會開始羞辱孩子，因為他們表達了自己的情緒。

Or other times they would respond appropriately to the child's needs and then the next three times they wouldn't even notice that the child had needs.

還有的時候，他們會對孩子的需求做出適當的迴應，但接下來的三次，他們甚至都不會注意到孩子有需求。

They'd completely ignore them.

他們會完全無視他們。

So the child never knew what to expect when they had a need.

是以，當孩子們有需要時，他們永遠不知道會發生什麼。

They didn't know if it would get met, if it would get met for a minute, and then they would be shamed.

他們不知道是否會得到滿足，是否會滿足一分鐘，然後他們就會感到羞恥。

They didn't know what was going on.

他們不知道發生了什麼。

And in these situations, the parents often still had unrealistic expectations for independence and performance and communicated to the child that they were never good enough, always too needy, and were, the caregivers rejected them for those things.

在這種情況下，父母往往仍然對孩子的獨立性和表現抱有不切實際的期望，並向孩子傳達這樣的資訊：他們永遠都不夠好，永遠都太需要幫助，而照顧他們的人卻因為這些而拒絕了他們。

Interventions, mindful journaling about the facts in the present context.

干預措施，用心記錄當前背景下的事實。

This is the same intervention that we use for every single insecure attachment style because it's important for people to start recognizing what's going on now versus what I'm expecting to be happening based on my prior experiences.

這也是我們對每一種不安全依戀風格所採取的干預措施，因為重要的是讓人們開始認識到現在發生的事情，而不是我根據以前的經驗所期望發生的事情。

So what's going on now in this context with this person?

在這種情況下，這個人現在怎麼樣了？

What are the facts?

事實是什麼？

What do I know versus what am I assuming?

我知道什麼，還是我在假設什麼？

Engage in mindful, nonjudgmental journaling, and if there's somebody safe to talk with, discussion about thoughts and feelings.

用心、不帶偏見地寫日記，如果有安全的人可以傾訴，還可以討論想法和感受。

The person who's disorganized in their attachment is like the person who's avoidant, often very unaware of their own thoughts, wants, and needs.

依戀關係混亂的人就像迴避的人一樣，往往非常不瞭解自己的想法、願望和需求。

So it's going to be important for them to reconnect.

是以，他們必須重新建立聯繫。

The person with anxious attachment has also been so busy trying to focus on appeasing the other person that even if they knew what their thoughts, wants, and needs were, they ignored them.

焦慮依戀者也一直忙於安撫對方，即使他們知道自己的想法、願望和需求是什麼，也會忽略它們。

So for all of these people, it's important to start connecting and becoming aware of your thoughts, wants, and needs.

是以，對於所有這些人來說，重要的是開始聯繫並意識到自己的想法、願望和需求。

It's important for every attachment style to become aware of your triggers, things that happen in the present that make you feel like you're back in the past, or things that happen in the present that you assume are going to play out a certain way because of the way they played out in the past.

對每種依戀方式來說，意識到自己的觸發因素都很重要，比如當下發生的讓你感覺回到過去的事情，或者當下發生的你認為會以某種方式發生的事情，因為它們在過去是這樣發生的。

Those are your triggers.

這些就是你的觸發器。

Those are the things that trigger your abandonment anxiety, trigger your insecurity, and those are the things that you need to process in terms of the present moment, the facts in this contact with this person, but also in the past to grieve those, to process those, to recognize what was going on back then and come to some sort of resolution so that they don't have as much power over you in the present.

這些都是引發你的被拋棄焦慮、引發你的不安全感的東西，這些都是你需要在當下處理的東西，是你與這個人接觸中的事實，同時也是過去的事情，去哀悼這些，去處理這些，去認識到當時發生了什麼，並達成某種解決，這樣它們在當下就不會對你產生那麼大的影響。

Developing those distress tolerance skills, including distress tolerance thoughts, activities like slow breathing or grounding to help trigger the relaxation response, guided imagery to help yourself feel like you're in a safer place, and sensations to help kind of jolt you from one thing that is feeling overwhelming to something else that is powerful yet controllable.

發展這些耐受痛苦的技能，包括耐受痛苦的想法、慢速呼吸或接地等活動來幫助觸發放鬆反應、引導想象來幫助你感覺自己在一個更安全的地方，以及感覺來幫助你從一件感覺壓倒性的事情中跳出來，去做其他有力但可控的事情。

Take steps to develop friendships with other people, and this is going to be a slow going process because your history has taught you that people are not trustworthy at the very least, and people can be threatening, abusive, and neglectful at the worst, so it's going to take time to develop friendships.

採取步驟與其他人建立友誼，這將是一個緩慢的過程，因為你的歷史告訴你，至少人們是不值得信任的，最壞的情況是人們可能會威脅、辱罵和忽視你，所以建立友誼需要時間。

However, it's important to start making these steps if you want to start healing your attachment issues.

但是，如果你想開始治癒你的依戀問題，就必須開始採取這些措施。

If you're not ready to do that, then that is your call.

如果你還沒準備好，那就由你自己決定。

You're in control of what happens, but when you're ready to start addressing attachment issues, if you ever get there, it's going to be important to actually connect with other people to start learning how to develop these relationships, and it's going to be important to respect boundaries while getting reassurance or giving reassurance that it's not rejection.

你可以控制所發生的一切，但當你準備好開始解決依戀問題時，如果你能做到這一點，就必須真正與其他人建立聯繫，開始學習如何發展這些關係，在得到保證或給予保證這不是拒絕的同時，尊重界限也很重要。

If the videos on this channel have been helpful for you, please support us in our mission to make high quality practical content available to everyone.

如果本頻道的視頻對您有幫助，請支持我們的使命，讓每個人都能獲得高質量的實用內容。

You can donate at docsnipes.com slash donate, join the YouTube channel at docsnipes.com slash join, or you can purchase a thanks on any videos that are particularly helpful.

您可以通過 docsnipes.com slash donate 捐款，也可以通過 docsnipes.com slash join 加入 YouTube 頻道，還可以為任何特別有幫助的視頻購買一份感謝。

Disorganized attachment is one of three types of insecure attachment that may have developed as a result of insensitive and rejecting parenting.

無組織依戀是不安全依戀的三種類型之一，可能是由於父母的不敏感和排斥而形成的。

The person who has disorganized attachment often is unaware or dismissive of their thoughts, wants, and needs until there's a crisis, and then they feel angry and overwhelmed.

依戀關係混亂的人往往意識不到或輕視自己的想法、願望和需求，直到出現危機，他們才會感到憤怒和不知所措。

They've often never felt safe in the world in their own skin because their emotions always felt like they were overwhelming and out of control or with other people because other people have either ignored them, abused them, or neglected them.

他們在自己的世界裡往往從來沒有安全感，因為他們的情緒總是讓人感覺難以承受、無法控制，或者和其他人在一起時，因為其他人要麼無視他們、虐待他們，要麼忽視他們。

They often have a low frustration tolerance because they've never had support and assistance in accomplishing something that was difficult.

他們對挫折的承受能力往往很低，因為他們在完成一件困難的事情時從未得到過支持和幫助。

They may have low self-esteem and are prone to emotional dysregulation going from flat to frantic or flat to furious.

他們可能很自卑，情緒容易失調，從平淡到瘋狂，或從平淡到暴怒。

Changing disorganized attachment requires that the person feel safe in the present context.

要改變無序的依戀關係，就必須讓當事人在當前環境中感到安全。

They need to feel like they're in the driver's seat.

他們需要感覺自己是駕駛員。

They need to feel like they have control over how much they tell other people and how far they go and how fast.

他們需要感覺到，他們可以控制自己對別人說了多少、說得多遠、說得多快。

They need to start recognizing how their relationship behaviors developed as a result of trying to survive a rejecting, neglectful, or abusive environment.

他們需要開始認識到，他們的人際關係行為是如何在被排斥、被忽視或被虐待的環境中努力生存而形成的。

They need to learn how to start recognizing and having compassion for their own thoughts, wants, and needs instead of judging themselves or ignoring themselves, recognizing and having compassion going, okay, this is scary for you.

他們需要學習如何開始認識到並同情自己的想法、願望和需求，而不是評判自己或忽視自己，認識到並同情 "好吧，這對你來說很可怕"。

All right.

好的

It is what it is.

它就是它。

Now, what can we do about it?

現在，我們能做些什麼呢？

They need to develop emotional awareness and regulation.

他們需要培養情緒意識和調節能力。

A lot of people in disorganized environments, it wasn't safe to have feelings, to express feelings, so they never learned how to identify feelings, put labels on them and go, this is anger, this is anxiety.

在混亂的環境中，很多人無法安全地擁有情感、表達情感，是以他們從未學會如何識別情感，給情感貼上標籤，然後說：這是憤怒，這是焦慮。

They just have this feeling that may feel overwhelming sometimes and sometimes it may even come out as bodily or somatic experiences instead of what people often label as anger or depression.

他們只是有這種感覺，有時可能會感到難以承受，有時甚至會表現為身體或軀體上的體驗，而不是人們通常所說的憤怒或抑鬱。

It may come out as impulsivity or fatigue or aggression.

它可能表現為衝動、疲勞或攻擊性。

Helping people develop this emotional awareness can help them start developing the tools they need to regulate those emotions.

幫助人們培養這種情緒意識，可以幫助他們開始開發調節這些情緒所需的工具。

And finally, they need to learn how to develop intimacy and a genuine connection with others.

最後，他們需要學習如何與他人建立親密關係和真正的聯繫。

If this video was helpful, consider watching some of my other videos on abandonment anxiety, developing secure attachment, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, adverse childhood experiences, or improving your relationship with yourself.

如果這段視頻對您有所幫助，請考慮觀看我的其他視頻，內容包括遺棄焦慮、發展安全依戀、複雜的創傷後應激障礙、不良童年經歷或改善您與自己的關係。