There was always some part of me that imagined someday she'd just show up.

Yeah. I used to think that maybe she just...

...run off with some guy.

She was laying on a beach somewhere.

Or getting a tan by the pool with that hot lifeguard.

What was his name?

Who cares? "Save me!"

It's medicinal.

Cramps.

- If a Hastings has a shot, she takes a shot. - Is that a drinking game?

Yeah, it should be.

Ok. I am all for boob jobs but when I see those I wanna "moo".

Russian history?

How many AP classes does it take before your brain explodes?

I'm already drowning in there.

Why? What's drowning for you? B+?

First papers due Monday and I've written two words:

my name.

What's going on?

Hey, you're not still freaked out about what happened in the woods yesterday, are you?

- Look, we do not have to do this thing for Ali until.. - No. It's not just that, it's..

It's everything.

Is there any chance that your family wants to adopt me?

You know, I never thought of you as someone so comfortable with petting out.

Maybe I'm not the person everyone thinks I am.

Who is?

I spy with my little eyes something that begins with "F".

Hey, Mr. Fitz!

Looking good, Mr. Fitz!

My turn.

There are teachers that you don't wanna see on a bike and

there are teachers that you do wanna see on a bike.

I would not wanna see Mr. Glory on a bike.

Yeah, my friends thought you had nice legs.

What do you think?

That I was embarrassed that my friends thought you had nice legs.

Spencer, what makes you so sure you're gonna win the competition?

Right, I forgot. It's in your DNA.

Maybe he took a break from sitting on his porch, pulling heads off of squirrels.

She's cute.

- She's trying to date Sean. - She's hateful.

So, you wanna come up to my room?

I can't do this.

But you make me so hot.

No, I mean, I can't do this with you.

Girls like her don't approach guys like me, unless they have deep-seated self-esteem issues

and a serious drinking problem. - Just play along, Lucas.

- This is embarrassing. - Why?

Because I don't need to know how to rebuff the advances of a genetic splice between...

... Barbie and Shakira.

It's just never gonna happen.

The point of this is to be prepared for the situation when it does...

Let's look at the facts: I have the upper body strength of Screech

and I spend my weekends playing Wii, alone. I think my virginity is pretty well safeguarded.

Both of you, start again.

- So, you wanna come up to my room? - Yes!

You're bringing him to homecoming? So this is real.

Look at her blush!

Stop!

Now I have to come.

What's wrong? Bad fortune?

Yeah, Confucius say "Stop being such a drama queen."

Is that Becky Newman?

It looks like her hair got in a fight with her face and they both lost.

Hey, that was a quick shift. Are you ok?

No, my claustrophobia kicked in.

Can you find someone to take my place?

Alone in a dark booth with Fitz? That’s like every freshman girl’s dream.

I just wanted to get your approval on the homecoming page for the yearbook.

- I think I like that one the best. - Really?

Looks like Sean ate a bad burrito.

You’re violating, like, a million health codes right now.

Look, I’ve already had my shots and I won’t touch the tartar sauce.

Then just tell me what you got too and we'll sell one of them.

Just no kidneys, ok?

You do not need to know any more big words. You're already scary enough to anyone under 50.

I'm not scary! Am I scary?

A little.

Why can't you give him a chance?

He's smart, he's cute, his dad owns like half of Rhode Island and he's got great lips.

- His father? - Noel! Ew.

Well, we studied. They studied and I annoyed them.

Ok, I need to ask you guys something and I need you to be totally honest with me.

- Of course. - Yeah.

Is this side of my face fatter than this side?

- No. - No.

Wow!

Shut up!

What happens if you touch?

When they find the maniac who did this to you I will kill him.

After I kill him, I will sue him.

I promise never to listen to another rumor, unless I start it myself.

And he hit on you?

Yeah, we were talking about writing.

- Yeah, read any good books lately? - Hey, seriously!

Boy.

I tell you, part of me thinks this is really self-destructive behavior

and most of me just thinks it’s really hot.

What's later?

Studying.

Is that girl on girl code for romance?

No, Hanna. Actually, studying.

But your friend is a romantic.

Is she?

Oh yeah.

Walks in the rain, picnics by the lake, dancing naked in candlelight...

I'm just kidding. We go to dinner and a movie, just like you guys.

She's not entirely kidding. Emily would love to do all of those things.

Ok, you shut up.

Don't you love the thought of a little mini-me or a mini-Ian running around?

Not really.

I said this was a secret.

No, it's not a secret. It's a bombshell. Like a "nucular".

It's nuclear.

Nu-cle-ar.

Oh, and it's a little low on the left.

Can we just break her other leg?

- Have you been up all night? - Maybe.

You have. One eye is bigger than the other. You look like a strung-out Powerpuff Girl.

Stop looking at the eye just look at the picture.

Are you sure your dad is not gonna miss these?

Oh please. He joined the museum board for networking.

The man doesn’t know the difference between a Monet and a mojito.

Well... hey, how can I pay you back?

Pay for the extra toppings on my pizza delivery.

Alright, you got it.

Oh and a DVD rental.

Because if I have to hole up in my room all night as your alibi, I’d like to do it with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Hey!

Miss Montgomery, what can I do for you?

I was wondering if you could look over my reading assignment.

Perhaps this could wait until after the make-up test has been administred.

Actually...

...it would be great if you could just review it now so I know I'm on the right track.

Ok.

What do you think of my work so far?

It's outstanding.

Great.

Then I'll turn it in at the end of the day.

Great.

So I'm gonna get a mani-pedi after school, do you wanna come?

I can't. I've got homework.

Homework? What subject is more important to you than your cuticles?

Just some snarky comment about me being gay.

- I will destroy her. - Can I help?

Guys, it's ok.

I've got to get outta here.

What’s the hurry? You want to be the first in line to see your boy Justin Bieber’s new movie?

First of all, it’s not just a movie. It’s his real story.

About what? His hair?

You know what? Just don’t talk about the Biebs, ok?

You don’t know the Biebs, you don’t understand the Biebs. Or his hair.

I am officially creeped out.

Well, can you be creeped out and eat at the same time, faster?