Bitch crazy!

Don't worry, Aria.

Someday we will all have jubilation.

That's a really good use of that word, Han.

Don't look at me, I'm ready to hand a sign: bitch can see!

Hey, look up!

- Don't! - Boom.

Ezra, seriously.

- Okay, your turn. - What?

I wanna remind you that you know what you're doing.

So come on, take a picture of me.

- Are you happy? - No, keep going.

Gorgeous.

Okay, come on. You gotta give me something else.

Looks like you've got an interesting system going.

Oh. Yeah, I'm organizing them into seasons.

We have fall, winter, spring, summer...

- Resort. - Oh. How innovative.

Be careful. And wear sensible shoes.

Hey, I wear three inches or I wear nothing.

Oh, and order me a side salad. To suck up the cheese.

What's with you? You're acting like a pod person.

Hmm? Oh. I...

I was just trying to remember how much reward money Jason offered.

- $50,000. Why? - And that was cash, right?

Yeah.

Did he just have all that money lying around his house?

Well, I doubt it.

- But if someone did, would that be weird? - If you had that much cash lying around,

you'd probably also have a bomb shelter and like five years' worth of dehydrated meat.

Or you're a criminal.

I do want my own cheese fries.

I've been in the library so much I am on a first-name basis

with the homeless guy that sleeps next to the microfiche.

More importantly, what is that?

Uh.. Nothing. Impulse buy.

I... kind of have a date tonight.

Excuse me?

You heard me. I met somebody on that website that you made me join.

Oh, that's awesome!

Well, why didn't you tell me?

Because if I mention it beforehand, I may be more nervous than I already am.

You do not need to be nervous.

That is easy for you to say,

you have dated within this century. - So, who is he, where does he live

and what is the hair situation? - Plenty and it's on his head.

- Excellent. Nice eyes? - Yes. Kind of smiley.

Think, I don't know, like silver fox.

Ooh, nice.

That's... that's what you're wearing?

Well, I thought it was. Is it too much for a coffee shop?

Wait, why am I asking you? You wear forks as earrings.

No, no, no, I like it.

I do, and it's pretty daring for you. And please, do not wear a scarf with it.

What makes you say I would wear a scarf?

Because I have known you 100% of my life.

Bye.

- You're still on your date? - No, not that one, but, um...

I think I may be on a second one. - Hold on.

What happened to the first one?

It ended.

I mean, it was nice, but...

He ate ice cream like your father.

He scraped the sides and left a big mound in the middle?

Yes!

Mom! Come on, that's not a reason to end a date.

I know, it's not. You're right.

And he's perfectly lovely and I can totally see why the website linked us up.

- 'Kay, what's the problem, then? - Problem is, there is no problem.

He's the right choice. He's the choice I would have made at 19

but I think I... maybe should be open to more... possibilities.

I don't believe this. Mom, two dates in one night?

Yeah, you are definitely wearing a scarf next time.

I'm done with scarves.

Do you want them?

Mom, can we just... Can we talk about this tomorrow? I'm exhausted.

- God! You used to be so much more fun. - And then I grew up. Go to bed, mom.

- What's up with your mom? - She's a slut. Let's just go to sleep.

"Fitzgerald," huh?

If you want to be a writer, you don't want an albatross like that around your neck.

Right. And what if your last name was Hemingway?

Then I would be Ezra Hem.

- So when do you give up? - That is completely the wrong attitude.

- Spencer, we have to know what's on this! - Okay, but it's not a piñata.

I can't just whack at it with a stick!

What should I wear?

I have to look insanely sophisticated for this.

How about a... Hello Kitty t-shirt?

Help me, please. This is Ezra's mom.

So what's she like?

Diamonds and Chanel on a Sunday morning.

I think you're in Spencer territory.

That's a good idea.

You're sure your mom can stop this court order on Hanna's blood?

My mom picks her teeth with court orders.

What did you want to borrow?

I want something classy but not frumpy.

Not that you have frumpy.

What? Do you just want me to admit that my mom bought me new clothes?

That is not just clothing.

That is $400 worth of sweater you have there.

So I should probably wash it on "gentle".

No! You should dry clean it!

If you wash this, you will end up with a sweater for a shih-tzu.

I have never been a dry cleaning kind of guy.

That was then and this is now.

Well, there is this party tonight, some people I haven't seen since high school.

This guy Steven is supposed to be there.

Last I heard, he got a job working for admissions after he graduated.

- At UPenn? - Yeah.

That is great. That is awesome!

Can we please go talk to him?

I could just bring my application...

I really wasn't planning on going. It's not really my scene.

Oh. You're not gonna stop staring at me like a lost puppy

until I say yes, are you?

He basically kicked me out.

He did not kick you out, okay? He had someplace to go.

I'm kind of lying here despondently right now, Spence.

Well, can you just sit despondently? I need the bed.

No. Lying is more despondent.

Please?

Okay, fine.

- Show me options. - Okay.

Grey or blue?

Definitely neither.

These are my most collegiate-looking blazers.

You did not just say that.

Spencer, you're going to meet this UPenn guy at a party on a Friday night, okay?

So I really don't think that the attire is business formal.

Is that your mother's?

No!

Maybe.