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  • [theme music]

  • -Renfield, is that you?

  • If I catch you parading around in my cape again,

  • there'll be trouble.

  • Well, I wonder where he could be hiding.

  • [screams]

  • -What's the matter, master?

  • What's wrong?

  • -Nothing's wrong, you fool.

  • Get off!

  • -Was it another one of your nightmares?

  • -What?

  • Don't be ridiculous.

  • Count Dracula does not have nightmares.

  • -Was it the one where Magda gets staked and her hideous, evil

  • ghost comes back to haunt you?

  • -Mention that again and I will remove your privileges.

  • -I don't have any privileges.

  • -Then I shall find something else to remove.

  • -I'm telling you, Vlad.

  • Tonight will go down in history as the greatest Halloween ever.

  • -Yeah, about that--

  • -A spooky old castle, a family of real vampires.

  • I mean, what more could we ask for?

  • I bet you've got some really scary stuff planned, right?

  • -Well actually--

  • -I admit I've pulled some legendary Halloween

  • stunts before.

  • But me and you together, think of the mayhem we could cause.

  • -I'm sorry, Robin.

  • I'm going to the school party.

  • -What?

  • -Everyone else is going.

  • -We're not everyone else, Vlad.

  • We're different.

  • People may think we're freaks, but tonight we're not.

  • At Halloween we rule.

  • -But I don't want to rule.

  • I wan to fit in.

  • -So I thought maybe we

  • Cook some food.

  • Watch some telly.

  • Dad?

  • -Hm?

  • Whatever you think.

  • Just can't shake this feeling that I've forgotten something.

  • -Don't know why.

  • Nothing special about tonight.

  • -Hold still.

  • It keeps on tearing off.

  • -This is stupid.

  • I don't want to go dressed as a loo roll.

  • -You're supposed to be a mummy.

  • -Got it.

  • Why don't you go as a vampire?

  • What was I thinking?

  • Where would you get a vampire costume at this hour?

  • And on Halloween?

  • -Oh, is it Halloween?

  • -Shh!

  • I don't want dad to know.

  • -Why not?

  • -Halloween affects dad like a lit match

  • at a firework factory.

  • -Even a sausage through the heart wouldn't subdue him.

  • -You mean a stake.

  • -Oh, yes.

  • You see the Count has banned me from using that word.

  • That word and bunfight.

  • -Sunlight.

  • -Mm-hmm.

  • Bunfight and sausage.

  • -Great.

  • We can't even talk about it.

  • This is the worst Halloween ever.

  • -Look, dad's got a whole trunk full of old clothes

  • stashed up in the attic.

  • I bet I could find some great scary outfits for the party.

  • Better than this anyway.

  • -Real vampire clothes?

  • Are they black?

  • -Oh wow.

  • Spooky.

  • -Exactly.

  • It's weird and very dangerous.

  • So don't touch anything.

  • -There aren't any spiders, are there?

  • -Probably.

  • Why?

  • -Just starting, because Robin's terrified of them.

  • Aren't you, Robin?

  • Robin?

  • Robin?

  • -Boo!

  • -Idiot!

  • This attic's awesome.

  • Wow, what's this?

  • -I don't know, and I don't want to know.

  • Put it back.

  • -Hieroglyphics.

  • -Chloe, I don't think a 10 year old girl can

  • translate complex Egyptian hiero--

  • -Danger.

  • Do not open.

  • Run, hide.

  • -I told you not to touch anything.

  • -Chill out, will you?

  • It's just a biscuit tin.

  • What's the worst that can happen?

  • -That.

  • -I told you not to open it.

  • Now look what you've done.

  • -What's it say?

  • -Have we won a holiday?

  • -No, Robin.

  • We've awoken an ancient curse.

  • -All day I've sensed impending evil.

  • And now I can smell it.

  • -It's probably those eggs.

  • -Perhaps.

  • What's the date?

  • -It's the, um, the Friday.

  • -No, Jonathan, the date.

  • -It's, uh, the um--

  • -Well?

  • -Trick or treat!

  • -Ahh!

  • Get back, bloodsuckers.

  • Don't force me to use this.

  • WOMAN: What on earth are you doing?

  • -No, I thought that they were-- Nothing.

  • -Come away form there, children.

  • That man's not very well.

  • Trick or treat, of course.

  • You know what this means, Jonathan?

  • -Only five days till bonfire night?

  • -It's Halloween.

  • -A terrible curse on you and your family, foul fiends.

  • From midnight tonight you will be stripped or your evil powers

  • and reduced to the status of mere mortal breathers, ha ha.

  • -Oh great.

  • How am I going to explain this?

  • Sorry dad, but we've accidentally

  • awoken an ancient curse, and we're all

  • going to be turned into normal living-- hang on.

  • Normal.

  • Robin, you're a genius.

  • -I am?

  • -Don't you know what this means?

  • I'm going to have a normal family.

  • -We can go on camping trips together.

  • -Barbecues in the summer.

  • -Family bike rides.

  • -But think of what you're going to lose.

  • -What, fangs and a dad who turns into a bat?

  • Who's going to miss that?

  • -Me.

  • -Oh.

  • -Oh?

  • What do you mean oh?

  • -Come here.

  • CHLOE: If three screams are heard from your family

  • after sunset tonight, you'll be freed from the curse.

  • -But I don't want to be freed.

  • I like the curse.

  • CHLOE: The pyramid will turn with each scream.

  • If it gets to three, that's it.

  • Game over.

  • -Like that's gonna happen.

  • Vampires aren't scared of anything .

  • -Ahh!

  • -Much.

  • -You do that in an hour, and you're in big trouble.

  • -Great.

  • My only chance to be normal, and I've

  • got to stop people screaming at Halloween.

  • -At least your dad doesn't know it's Halloween.

  • [MUSIC - BOBBY (BORIS) PICKETT AND THE CRYPT-KICKERS,

  • "THE MONSTER MASH"]

  • -Oh, no.

  • -Oh, wicked.

  • -Think he remembered.

  • -Ah Vlad!

  • There you are.

  • Renfield, take a break.

  • -Ah, thank you master.

  • -That's long enough.

  • Back to work.

  • VLAD: What's going on?

  • -It's Christmas.

  • What does it look like?

  • Can't you feel the pride stirring in your chest?

  • Tonight we celebrate our vampire heritage.

  • Hundreds of years of history and culture.

  • -I had no idea you breathers could be so tasteful.

  • -Good.

  • You have fun tonight.

  • Unfortunately, we've got other plans.

  • ROBIN: Nothing that can't easily be dropped.

  • -Splendid!

  • The bloodletting-- the fun begins

  • at six when the sun has set. ROBIN: Should be a scream.

  • -I saw fangs and a cape.

  • It was an easy mistake to make.

  • JONATHAN: Dad, you nearly whisked an 8 year old.

  • -I was acting on instinct, son.

  • VAN HELSING: As a vampire slayer,

  • I've developed finely tuned senses.

  • -Dad.

  • VAN HELSING: Heightened awareness

  • that warns me when trouble is brewing.

  • -Dad.

  • VAN HELSING: And at Halloween.

  • It's at its strongest.

  • Almost like a sixth sense.

  • -Dad, your trousers are on fire.

  • -Ahh!

  • -Well spotted, son.

  • -That's it.

  • You're definitely staying in tonight.

  • -Dad?

  • THE COUNT: Not now, Ingrid.

  • Can't you see I'm engaged in heavy manual labor?

  • Two inches lower, Renfield.

  • INGRID: I need a costume for the school party.

  • -Why?

  • What happened to that dress thing?

  • -Ruined.

  • I found it in Renfield's wardrobe

  • with all the stitching burst.

  • -Well there's a simple solution to this.

  • You'll have to get a job.

  • -Me, work?

  • -It'd do you good to get out of the castle.

  • You can be someone else's problem.

  • -Why can't Vlad get a job?

  • INGRID: Because he has one already.

  • Heir to my throne.

  • Oh dear.

  • Well that's a day's wages you owe me.

  • And you can forget about going to any parties until I get it.

  • -The night starts here.

  • -Just six short hours and you'll be normal.

  • -I better go home and let mum and dad know what we're doing.

  • Then we can figure out how to make your dad scream.

  • -You mean stop him scream?

  • -That's what I said, wasn't it?

  • -Zoltan, I need your advice.

  • I've got this problem.

  • -Bathe it in warm water and keep it bandaged overnight.

  • That works for me.

  • -No, it's should you do what's better for yourself,

  • or what's better for your friends?

  • -Most would say you should put the well

  • being of others before your own.

  • Look at me.

  • I've never selfish, now I'm stuffed,

  • ignored, mounted on wheels.

  • -Thanks, Zoltan.

  • -Glad to be of assistance.

  • -One more thing.

  • Do you know if the count's scared of anything?

  • Something that might make him scream?

  • -Well, only golf balls.

  • Golf balls

  • ZOLTAN: Of course.

  • Well he is a vampire.

  • Golf balls

  • [doorbell rings]

  • -Trick or treat!

  • -Trick.

  • -What?

  • -You don't know what you're doing, do you?

  • There's no point in trick or treating

  • if you haven't got any really good tricks.

  • -Like what?

  • -Well fortunately, you've come to the right person.

  • -Right.

  • Let the evil games commence.

  • -Dad, just in time.

  • -You can a start on the sky.

  • -What is the meaning of this?

  • This is not scary Halloween fun.

  • -It is scary.

  • What if we got to the end and found

  • there was a piece missing.

  • -I want to play games that chill to the very core of a man's

  • being.

  • -Charades?

  • -I'm not happy about leaving you on your own tonight.

  • You know how you get at Halloween.

  • -I'm going to Vlad's.

  • Anyway, you can trust me.

  • -That's what you said last year.

  • We still haven't finished re-plastering.

  • -That wasn't my fault.

  • Pumpkins aren't supposed to explode.

  • ROBIN'S FATHER: And the year before?

  • -Like the doctor said, that broomstick

  • was an accident waiting to happen.

  • [doorbell rings]

  • -Your father and I have looked forward

  • this slide evening for weeks.

  • I don't want it ruined by more of your silly Halloween antics.

  • -You little monsters.

  • -I'm so sorry.

  • I don't what came over them.

  • You apologize.

  • -It was him.

  • He told us to do it.

  • -Right, I've called the agency.

  • The babysitter will be here soon.

  • You're to do what she tells you.

  • You behave yourself, understand?

  • -You can't do this to me.

  • -If you behave like a child, Robin,

  • then you get treated like one.

  • -I've got to go back to Vlad's. It's a matter of life and death.

  • -Well you should have though of that

  • before you started stirring up trouble.

  • -Sorry we can't stay and change your nappies, Robin.

  • -We've got a Halloween party to go to.

  • -Shut it, tweedle-dummies.

  • -Shh!

  • Not another word.

  • -You two let the babysitter in and pay her.

  • We'll pick Chloe up on the way home.

  • -And hen we get back, I want to see

  • this house exactly as we left it.

  • No tomfoolery.

  • And no

  • -Shenanigans.

  • -Shenanigans.

  • And no--

  • -Hijinks.

  • -Hijinks of any sort.

  • -What was that?

  • -Me putting the cook down.

  • -This time, Jonner.

  • But the next it could be a vampire breaking

  • in trying to suck our blood.

  • We've got to stop them.

  • -Why don't you leave them and come watch some TV?

  • TELEVISION: And now it's time to hide behind your sofas

  • as we kick off our Halloween mumbo movie night with a 1931

  • classic-- Strong winds it's supposed to give

  • your young trees some support by taking a big wooden stake

  • and hammering it into the soil.

  • It's a bit stiff.

  • The female mosquito possesses a highly serrated proboscis,

  • which it uses to pierce the skin of humans

  • and drain them of their blood.

  • -So I got this babysitting job.

  • And guess who my first baby is?

  • ROBIN'S BROTHER: Robin's not in his room,

  • and his window's open.

  • The little snake must have done a run--

  • INGRID: You've let him escape?

  • You fools.

  • -Oh well.

  • That's his funeral.

  • Come on, Ingrid.

  • Let's go party.

  • -Nobody move!

  • I need money.

  • And that means somebody is going to get babysat.

  • If there's no one else around, it'll have to be you two.

  • -You're joking.

  • -Prop forwards do not get babysat.

  • -Sit.

  • -How's it going?

  • Anyone scream yet?

  • -No, thank goodness.

  • -Yeah.

  • -Well, now that we're all assembled,

  • we should play a proper Halloween game, apple bobbing.

  • -Oh great.

  • Sounds harmless.

  • THE COUNT: Instead of apples, we shall

  • be bobbing for giant fish eyes.

  • -Master, this one's staring at me.

  • -Renfield!

  • Renfield, are you OK?

  • -Yes, thank you, master.

  • Thank you.

  • -And how about now?

  • -And then, from the window behind them,

  • they hear the tap, tap, tap noise.

  • So if you ever hear that sound and you

  • want to keep your head attached to your neck,

  • then you'd better run.

  • Run as fast as you--

  • [knocking]

  • -What was that?

  • Suckers.

  • -We had you shaking like a little girl.

  • Ian, you can let go of my hand now.

  • -I'm bored.

  • I mean can't someone liven things up a bit?

  • What is this?

  • -Stokely Halloween tradition.

  • The throwing of a golf ball ceremony.

  • -Splendid.

  • -Ah, yes.

  • -I thought you said golf balls made him scream.

  • -Uh, yes.

  • But what I actually meant was G-A-R-L-I-C.

  • -Garlic.

  • The count's forbidden you from saying that.

  • -Mh-hmm.

  • Sausages, bunfight, and golf balls.

  • -Think I might take the dog for a walk.

  • -OK.

  • Dog?

  • -What are you doing?

  • Give me that key.

  • -No, this is for your own good.

  • -What about those poor innocent people out there?

  • Their lives are in mortal danger.

  • -Not while your in here, they're not.

  • -So how do you think vampires and peasants again?

  • -Right, well the peasants must hide around the castle,

  • and then the vampires, well, they find and bite them.

  • -What a surprise.

  • -I'm in.

  • Who wants to be on my team?

  • CHLOE: OK.

  • -Chloe?

  • -But to make it fair the first time we should be the vampires,

  • and you and your dad can go and hide.

  • -Oh, right.

  • Yeah, sounds good.

  • I'm in.

  • -Well no, that's not how it works.

  • -Come on, dad.

  • We can work up an appetite.

  • -One, two, three, four.

  • Right,

  • -Right.

  • -Five, six, seven, eight.

  • -Well, go on then.

  • Aren't you going to hide?

  • -Are you kidding?

  • This should kill an hour or two.

  • -Truth or dare?

  • -Truth.

  • -Chicken.

  • OK> Who's the most popular, stylish,

  • and beautiful girl in school?

  • -OK.

  • We've decided.

  • -This is going so well.

  • I think I can feel a pulse already.

  • -Great.

  • -What, but-- no one screamed.

  • [scream]

  • -Jennifer Smith?

  • But she's plain, and dowdy, and her ears stick out.

  • -Only joking.

  • You should've seen your face.

  • -Do you know what happens to dogs who misbehave?

  • -Get off.

  • We won't pay you.

  • -You've got the money?

  • -Yeah, in the kitchen.

  • Mum gave it to us.

  • -Then why are we sitting around here?

  • Let's go to the party.

  • -But you need to costume.

  • It's not fancy dress.

  • -Really?

  • You mean that's not your real fur.

  • -Borrow something of mums.

  • She's got some pretty horrifying outfits.

  • CHLOE: It's OK.

  • It's only on scream.

  • -But it's not even nine o'clock yet.

  • Where's Robin?

  • -He left while you were lying on the floor

  • in the fetal position, master Vlad.

  • I think he's gone to give your father another golf ball.

  • Golf ball What you talking about?

  • -Well there was a bit of a misunderstanding.

  • Master Robin wanted to know if there was anything

  • that would make the Count scream.

  • And so naturally, the first thing I thought of

  • was golf balls.

  • -Garlic.

  • Of course, I didn't actually mean golf balls.

  • Well that would be ridiculous.

  • Just like I didn't actually mean sausages.

  • -Come out, come out wherever you are.

  • I know you're in here.

  • -Caught you.

  • Traitor.

  • -Vlad, I was just looking for the bathroom.

  • Nope.

  • Not in here.

  • Where did that come from?

  • -Some friend you are.

  • ROBIN: I'm just trying to do what any friend would.

  • Save you from a life of terminal boredom.

  • -No, you're not.

  • You're just thinking about yourself.

  • -Someone has to.

  • You're the only person that doesn't think I'm

  • a freak, Vlad.

  • No one else even talks to me.

  • And if you become normal, you won't either.

  • You'll be to busy going on stupid camping

  • trips and bike rides.

  • And I'll just be on my own again.

  • -Let's get rid of this before dad sees it.

  • If there's one thing that's going to make him scream,

  • it's garlic.

  • Was that?

  • And I just?

  • -Yep.

  • [scream]

  • [whistling]

  • -Come on, dad.

  • You've been in there for ages.

  • -This is terrible.

  • This is a disaster.

  • -What happened?

  • -It's OK, Vladdy.

  • I'm all right.

  • -What?

  • Oh, good.

  • -Never fear, master.

  • I'm here.

  • -Get off me, you imbecile.

  • You're too late.

  • -I'm sorry.

  • I heard you scream and I panicked.

  • -Scream?

  • Me?

  • Count Dracula does not scream.

  • -Well you do when you have that nightmare master.

  • -Shut up, Renfield.

  • -What nightmare?

  • -Oh, it's terrible.

  • It starts off with your mother being staked.

  • -Right, who's for a brisk night walk?

  • -And then a ghost comes back to haunt him.

  • A hideous vision of the bride of Dracula.

  • When she pulls back her veil, her eyes are cold and dead.

  • Her skin pale.

  • She raises her terrifying claws, her breath rancid.

  • Blood drops from her mouth.

  • And then she launches at his throat.

  • And that's about the point he screams and wakes up.

  • -Dad?

  • I've got your money.

  • I'm going to the party.

  • -What?

  • Oh, just leave it in my study.

  • What, what, what?

  • -Ah, he's biting.

  • -Thanks, Robin.

  • ROBIN: Only an hour till midnight.

  • This might be the last time I see as a vampire.

  • -Well, we'll still be friends even if I'm normal.

  • -Of course.

  • I mean, I probably won't come over to see you as often.

  • -Shove off.

  • Wait.

  • Here, you can have this.

  • I guess I won't be needing it anymore.

  • -Thanks.

  • -Look out!

  • He's got a sausage!

  • -Ahh!

  • -Uh, trick or treat.

  • VLAD: That's that then.

  • -Sorry, Vlad.

  • -You better get home.

  • ROBIN'S FATHER: What are you doing here?

  • We told you to stay at home.

  • -And what have you done to your hand?

  • I knew you couldn't be trusted.

  • -Expect to be grounded for the rest of your life, young man.

  • -See you tomorrow.

  • -Bye, Vlad.

  • Wait.

  • You're still going to need this.

  • -For now.

  • [theme music]

[theme music]

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