I'll banish you to darkest pits of Hades!

-Yeah?

Well, bring it on!

-You will never see the light of day again!

-I won't anyway.

I'm a vampire now.

-Ingrid, remember what happened to the last daughter

who challenged me?

-I'm your only daughter.

-You are now.

-What is it this time, Zoltan?

-Ah, Mistress Ingrid wants to go a date with her boyfriend,

and your father doesn't approve.

-Vampires and breathers do not date!

-Well they do now!

-You set one fang outside of this castle and your death

won't be worth living!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Can't we talk about the sensibly?

-Don't tell me.

He's the one overreacting.

-You think that's overreacting?

I'll give you overreacting?

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

-Stop it, the pair of you, before we

have the police banging on the door!

-Oh.

[knocking]

[knocking]

-Sorry about that, we're getting it fixed.

-PC Brown, Stokely Police.

Your mom or dad in?

-Yeah.

Uh, no, no, no, no, no.

He was, but he's gone out.

-Oh, uh, know when he'll be back?

-Tonight.

Late tonight.

-Is everything all right in there?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Renfield, turn down that TV!

-I'll come back tomorrow, then.

One o'clock OK?

-Yeah, yeah.

-One more thing.

Have you seen this man?

-No.

Why?

-He's missing.

Well look, if you do happen to--

-And don't come up until I tell you!

-That was a policeman.

-And what did the policeman want?

-To speak with you.

Something about a missing person.

-Oh, nice seeing ya.

-Nothing to do with me.

-Well that's not what the police think.

He's coming back tomorrow.

-So?

A simple man of the law is no match

for the might of Count Dracula.

-Well that's what I'm worried about!

Five minutes with you and it won't just be a missing person

inquiry, it will be a full on vampire hunt.

-Perhaps you're right.

What do you suggest?

-For starters, this place needs a serious makeover.

-A make what?

-A makeover.

-I'm terribly sorry I couldn't be

of any further assistance, officer.

Perhaps I could offer you a cup of blood?

Tea.

Tea!

A cup of tea!

-Brilliant.

Why don't we just put a big neon sign

above the front door saying vampires live here?

-Shh!

Silence.

-And where do you think you're going?

[screaming]

-No, wait!

Bring that back.

-Total eclipse tomorrow.

Will?

It's me.

Yeah, sorry I couldn't get out, my dad is being a right pain.

Listen, I've gotta be quick.

Can you meet me in the cinema tomorrow?

One o'clock.

Don't be late.

-I play golf.

I enjoy cooking, and holidays in the Lake District, and, uh--

-Oh come on.

We've been doing this all night.

-No, no, no.

I know this one.

I think teenagers should be banned

from wearing hoodies in shopping centers--

-Perfect!

-Then strung up and drained of every succulent drop of blood

in their bodies.

-This is hopeless!

And that skill is not helping!

-Or the bottle of blood.

-Or the talking wolf.

-I'll be in my basket.

-There's still a few hours before the police get here.

I think this place needs brightening up.

Just keep practicing.

Relax, Vladdy.

This is my lucky tie.

-One, please.

-ID?

-Date of birth, '99.

Yep, that all seems to check out.

-This is a train ticket with a child's fare.

Next!

-Graham, the sink's blocked again!

Thanks for coming over, Mina.

-No, thank you!

I like living in Stokely, but there's

not an awful lot to do socially.

Not that that bothers Eric.

He's a complete workaholic these days.

Can you believe he's over at the school now marking papers?

-On a Saturday?

Well that's dedication!

-Exactly.

-(ANGRILY) In your face, vampire scum.

Jonathan!

I thought we've agreed, this place is out of bounds!

-I'm sorry.

I just wanted to-- oh, wait a minute.

What are you doing here, then?

-I was, um, tidying the weapons away.

Look, I know how difficult this must be for you, Jonno.

But if I can give up slaying, then you can, too.

-I only wanted a disguise.

-A disguise?

Why didn't you say so?

Um, let me see-- Oh, yeah.

I'd say you're about a size 8.

Oh, yes.

-You sure you want all this?

-Well, yeah!

This is great.

That police man won't suspect a thing.

-Must be pretty serious if the police are involved.

-I'm sure he's innocent.

Dad's only ever brought back rabbits.

Maybe a sheep if it's a special occasion.

Is that a crime?

-Come on you lots.

Let's get this stuff shifted.

-See ya, Chloe.

-Oh!

We'll have this place looking lovely in no time.

-Look at the size of these CD's.

Agadoo.

Line-Dancing Legends.

-You don't think it's too much, do you?

-You might be arrested for crimes against cool.

-Robin, this is serious.

We could get chased out of town again.

If anyone found out Dad was a va--

-Ahem.

Your dad's what?

-Uh he's a-- he's a-- you know he's a--

-Come on, Vlad.

If your father is in trouble you can tell me.

-I can't keep this a secret any longer.

The truth is Dad's--

-Hunting.

Hmm.

That's why he's in trouble with the police.

-You could say that.

-Line dancing?

That's not bad!

-Try telling that to the people who

chased him out of their last village.

-Usual thing, I suppose.

Illegal traps, no license?

-Uh, yeah.

It's horrible.

Foxes, rabbits, pigeons, he'll eat anything.

-Goodness!

Well we're a lot more open-minded here.

I've always fancied trying it out myself.

Maybe we could set up a group?

Arrange some classes?

-Oh that would be great.

Dad'll be thrilled.

-I'm not sure.

Try the peach one again.

-I've told you, Dad, I'm not wearing a dress!

I just want to look older.

You're gotta have something in there.

I don't want to know.

-Escapology, Jonno.

In our line of work, it's inevitable

that we'll be captured and tied up.

Hmm.

Here.

Take those.

-That was cool!

-If you think that was good, hand me that straight jacket.

-OH.

You'll never guess what dark secret our Mr. Count is hiding.

-Chloe told me.

I've always thought there was something

unwholesome about that man.

-Graham, don't be such a killjoy!

I think it sounds like fun!

-Fun?

-In fact, I think I'll give Mina a call.

I'm sure she'll be up for trying something new,

even if you're not.

-Is that five minutes yet?

-20. Dad, I'm going to be late.

-The dress, Jonno.

Take the dress.

It never fails!

-Whatever.

-Yes, Yes!

Yeah!

-Vlad!

-I'm sorry!

I'm just a but nervous.

-Relax!

Your Dad's going to do his innocent breather routine,

and Ingrid is safety tucked up in her coffin.

What can go wrong?

-Later, losers!

-See ya!

Yeah, you're right.

I'm worrying about nothing.

INGRID: Five, four, three, two, one.

-Ingrid!

It's only one o'clock.

What's going on?

-It's a total eclipse, isn't it?

Didn't you see it on the news?

I probably shoulda mentioned that.

-Yeah.

-Afternoon.

-Oh, hello.

Just, uh, watching the eclipse.

-Yeah, a right nuisance.

Brings out all the weirdos.

Have we met before?

-I'll just get my dad.

Uh, make yourself comfortable.

-We will be fine.

Dad'll do with the police, I'll find Ingrid, and-- Dad?

Dad?

-He's gotta be here somewhere.

Unless--

-The eclipse.

[doorbell rings]

-Come in!

The door's open.

COUNT: (SCREAMING) Ahh!

-Oh!

What a nice surprise, Mr. Count.

We were just coming to see you.

-Really?

[knocking]

-Whoo hoo.

Through here, Mina.

Now, there's no need to be embarrassed.

Vlad told me all about your dark secret.

-Oh, he did, did he?

So what are you going to do, spread it around town,

sharpen your pitchforks?

-No!

We'd like to join you.

-We were just saying only this morning how difficult

it is to find exciting things to do in Stokely.

-And I've got plenty of other friends

I could rope in if we need any new blood.

-Blood?

Well, um, yes.

-How about today?

Could we use the castle, Mr. Count?

There's not much room here.