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  • [opening theme]

  • -Help!

  • Somebody help me!

  • That-- You saved me.

  • -Vlad.

  • What's put that smile on your face?

  • -You shouldn't creep up on people like that.

  • BERTRAND: What's the problem?

  • -Nothing.

  • We training or what?

  • ERIN (VOICEOVER): If I could wipe out the bloodline that

  • infected you, the curse will be lifted.

  • RYAN (VOICEOVER): I was bitten.

  • We both know what that means.

  • And when the time comes, you know what has to be done.

  • -I told you.

  • I'm going to kill you.

  • If I can wipe out the bloodline that infected you,

  • the curse will be lifted.

  • RYAN (VOICEOVER): Did you do it?

  • Did you stake Ingrid?

  • -She's a monster.

  • She's not human.

  • I couldn't.

  • I'm so sorry.

  • RYAN (VOICEOVER): Think of me as one of them now.

  • I'm too dangerous to be around.

  • -I'll save you, I promise.

  • -I'll catch you up.

  • [knock on door]

  • VLAD: Can I come in?

  • What's wrong?

  • Is it this place?

  • I know it's not exactly homely.

  • We can customize your coffin, if that would help.

  • -It wouldn't.

  • -Then what is it?

  • You can talk to me.

  • -No, I can't.

  • Leave me alone.

  • Please.

  • [knock on door]

  • Come in.

  • What's that?

  • -Mr. Cuddles the Second.

  • -The Second?

  • -Mr. Cuddles the First had an unfortunate accident.

  • -Vladimir!

  • [scream]

  • What is this thing?

  • -That thing?

  • Never seen it before in my life.

  • Oh, Mr. Cuddles!

  • -Oh, so it's Mr. Cuddles now, is it?

  • -I don't normally sleep with him, obviously.

  • -Oh, was poor little Vladdie Waddie lonely?

  • You're supposed to be my son and heir.

  • -Yeah, well, I never chose to be, did I?

  • -Rise.

  • Now.

  • -Take it out on the monkey, why don't you?

  • Lock up your teddies, they'll be scared of you now.

  • -Oh, it was a million years ago.

  • -A million years?

  • -10.

  • 5.

  • 4.

  • -A vampire with a teddy bear?

  • -Come along, Renfield.

  • Work to be done.

  • Not you, you little furball.

  • Go, go, go.

  • Go to Ingrid.

  • Go on.

  • Shoo.

  • Shoo.

  • -Why do I have to look after him?

  • -He's your half-brother.

  • -From a mother I want nothing to do with.

  • -You wanted to take him in.

  • -So Vlad's training means he's exempt, and because I'm female,

  • I get to be the dog-minder.

  • -Exactly-- oh, you're being sarcastic.

  • -I hadn't even started yet.

  • -Renfield.

  • -He's pretty much the only thing I managed to save from Stokley.

  • -You miss that place, don't you?

  • -I had a life there.

  • I had friends.

  • Well, one friend.

  • -Another vampire?

  • -No.

  • He was normal.

  • -What are you doing?

  • -Aren't you going to bite me?

  • -Bite you?

  • Why would I want to bite you?

  • -You can if you want.

  • -No.

  • -So I'm not good enough because I'm not a vampire.

  • Checkmate.

  • Who's the loser?

  • Who's the loser?

  • Go, loser.

  • Go, loser.

  • Go, loser.

  • -Just because you aren't a vampire, doesn't mean you

  • can't be evil.

  • -Thanks, Vlad.

  • You're my best mate, you know that, don't you?

  • -Robin, I'm your only mate.

  • -Exactly.

  • -OK.

  • He wasn't normal, but I still miss him.

  • -Why did you leave?

  • -After what Ingrid did, we had no choice.

  • -Is he-- is he dead?

  • -I don't know.

  • And I don't care.

  • -He's your brother.

  • You must help him.

  • -I'll decide what I must do.

  • From now on, you will call me Countess Dracula.

  • -If we didn't escape when we did, she woud've kill us.

  • -Your sister wrecked your life.

  • -It's kind of her thing.

  • -But you saved her from the slayers and let her move in.

  • -She's my sister.

  • Do you have any brothers or sisters?

  • -A brother.

  • -Does he know--

  • -Yeah, he-- he didn't take it very well.

  • -Nobody ever does.

  • -The idea of turning into a vampire-- he

  • couldn't handle it.

  • It drove us apart.

  • -Where is he now?

  • -I don't know.

  • He won't tell me.

  • -It's probably for the best for both of you.

  • He'll reject you.

  • Maybe even try to slay you.

  • He's better off remembering you as you were.

  • -So that's it?

  • Once you're a vampire, you're cut off

  • from your friends and family for-- forever?

  • For eternity?

  • -You're not alone.

  • You've got me.

  • I mean, us.

  • -What's she doing here?

  • -I've asked Erin to stay with us.

  • -This half-fang-- why?

  • -She saved Ingrid's life.

  • -You're really not selling her.

  • -She's staying whether you like it or not.

  • -My castle, my rules.

  • -To the left.

  • Left, not backwards, you imbecile.

  • -Yes, yes, sir.

  • -Mr. Count.

  • What are you doing?

  • -Oh, deciding where my statue should stand.

  • -A statute?

  • A statue of you?

  • -Mm.

  • -How big is this thing going to be?

  • -Well, I thought so high?

  • I'm not sure if I'd look best cast from bronze,

  • or chiseled from stone.

  • What do you think?

  • -I think we need school computers.

  • -We're not wasting money on some passing fad.

  • This statue will be a timeless masterpiece.

  • Oh, Wolfie, leave that.

  • Bad boy.

  • I think he likes you.

  • -How old is he?

  • -In human or dog years?

  • -You're not fooling anybody.

  • -What do you mean?

  • -Beneath that stern exterior, you're just a big softy.

  • Not many men would take in their ex's son.

  • You must have a good heart.

  • -And so do you.

  • 65 strong, healthy beats per minute.

  • 68.

  • -Well, I'll leave you to your timeless masterpiece.

  • -The cheeckbones should be more defined, the jaw squarer.

  • [squeaking]

  • Make it more imposing.

  • [squeaking]

  • I want this statue to strike fear

  • into the hearts of-- Wolfie!

  • Will you stop that?

  • [squeak]

  • -Sorry, Uncle Count.

  • -Don't call me that.

  • I'm not your uncle.

  • Enough!

  • Get out of my sight, you heinous abberation of nature.

  • -Oh, thank you.

  • -No, no, not you.

  • The other one.

  • I'm sending you back to your mother.

  • -Please let me stay.

  • -You've tried my patience enough.

  • I'm going to fill in your travel permit,

  • then you'll be out of my life for good.

  • -Where do you keep the matches?

  • Does it hurt?

  • -What?

  • Oh, the fire thing.

  • No.

  • When your fangs first come through,

  • well, you don't want to know about that.

  • -I do.

  • I need to be prepared.

  • They'll think I'm a newly bitten half-fang.

  • -You can't live with vampires.

  • You're a vegetarian.

  • -And a trained slayer.

  • -With a pulse.

  • -I've been using stasis spray, remember?

  • It blocks out my heartbeat, and my breathing, and my scent.

  • How bad is the change, really?

  • -It's OK.

  • Well, that's the worst of it.

  • But vampire life's not all bad.

  • The speed thing's pretty cool.

  • You can hypnotize people.

  • -Does it work on everyone?

  • -You can't hypnotize people you're in love with,

  • but otherwise, yeah.

  • -Even other vampires?

  • -I'll show you how it's done.

  • You make eye contact, and then you draw them in, freezing them

  • with your gaze, like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

  • And then before you know it, they're--

  • -They're what?

  • Dad?

  • -You've hypnotized him.

  • -No way.

  • -You have.

  • Watch this.

  • Hello.

  • My name's Count Dracula-la-lah!

  • -How did I do that?

  • ROBIN: You are now a true vampire.

  • Ha ha ha!

  • -Can you stop that?

  • It's freaking me out.

  • Vampire's are tough, but breathers are easy.

  • -Have you ever used your powers to get a girl?

  • -It's actually me who lives in a castle.

  • But I'm sure you still want to go out with Robin, so--

  • -Delila.

  • -Hi, Robin.

  • You're dumped.

  • And yes, Vlad.

  • I would love to go to the ball with you.

  • See you.

  • -That would be wrong.

  • -So it turns out Delila didn't fancy either of us.

  • -Not yet, she doesn't.

  • -Vlad.

  • Let's do it.

  • -Hey, boys.

  • -Hey.

  • [screaming]

  • -So, so wrong.

  • -When will I start wanting to-- you know.

  • -Drink blood.

  • Not 'til you've fully changed.

  • -How long have I got?

  • -With some people, the turn happens almost straight away.

  • With other people, their blood fights it,

  • and it could take months.

  • -Do some people never change?

  • -No.

  • It happens eventually.

  • Once you're bitten, there's no going back.

  • -I heard if you wipe out the clan of the vampire who

  • infected you, you can be cured.

  • -Did you stake Ingrid?

  • -I couldn't.

  • I'm so sorry.

  • Is that true?

  • -It's just a legend.

  • -But does it work?

  • -No.

  • But that doesn't stop people from trying.

  • No.

  • No.

  • That wasn't your plan all along, was it?

  • -I don't know what you mean.

  • -Yes, you do.

  • You're planning to go after the vampire that bit you.

  • -No, I'm not.

  • Really, I'm not.

  • Promise.

  • -OK.

  • Because violence is never the way.

  • -Says the vampire king.

  • -Chosen One, actually.

  • -Whatever.

  • -I didn't choose this job.

  • It chose me.

  • I didn't even want to be a vampire.

  • I hate being a vampire.

  • It really sucks.

  • -Isn't that rather the point?

  • -Everybody gets first-bite nerves.

  • You just need some practice until you're

  • old enough to start on the peasants.

  • Now be a brave boy and bite the bunny.

  • -I'm not biting the bunny.

  • I'm not biting anyone.

  • -You're a vampire.

  • Start acting like one.

  • -Come to measure me for my coffin?

  • -No, but good thinking.

  • We can do that later.

  • -Can't wait.

  • -Neither can I. This will bring us so much closer.

  • We can go out flying, and hunting,

  • and terrorizing together-- father and son.

  • -No!

  • I'm not you, Dad.

  • I never will be.

  • Is there a choice?

  • A way to get out of becoming a vampire?

  • -Get out of-- get out of becoming a vampire?

  • Being a vampire is your destiny.

  • And nothing you can do will ever change that.

  • -The Staff of Carpathia.

  • A new attraction at Stokley Museum.

  • Legend has it that one blow from the Staff

  • will cure the curse of vampirism.

  • Robin, this is brilliant.

  • It does cure vampirism.

  • -Oh, don't be ridiculous.

  • It's my favorite back scratcher.

  • I lost it 400 years ago, and I've

  • never been able to replace it.

  • Heaven.

  • Want to try?

  • -Why did I get my hopes up?

  • -So you never found a cure?

  • -No.

  • But I learned to live with it, and so will you.

  • -You were born a vampire.

  • This is all normal for you, sleeping in moldy coffins,

  • hiding in shadows.

  • -Running from slayers, no normal life, no friends, no sunshine.

  • It's OK.

  • -Your dad and sister don't seem to have

  • a problem with the whole vampire thing.

  • -We shall bite them on the beaches.

  • We shall bite them in the fields and in the streets.

  • We shall bite them in the hills.

  • We shall never surrender.

  • I am the Prince of Darkness.

  • -That's because they're power hungry maniacs.

  • Don't worry.

  • In the vampire world, that's a compliment.

  • Dad's really loving this whole Chosen One thing.

  • -My time is past.

  • Our people are suffering.

  • We are being hunted down and destroyed.

  • We hide in the shadows, waiting for the Chosen One.

  • -The Chosen One?

  • -A vampire with exceptional powers

  • who will lead us once again to glory.

  • Vladimir Dracula.

  • You are the Chosen One.

  • -Wrong.

  • I don't even want to be a vampire.

  • -Vladimir Dominus--

  • -Look, thanks for the offer, but I think I'll give it a miss.

  • -Vladimir Dominus--

  • -Supper time.

  • -Vladimir Dominus Imperator Electus.

  • Vladimir Dominus Imperator Electus.

  • Vladimir Dominus Imperator Electus.

  • You can't escape your destiny, Vlad.

  • -Dad was always so disappointed in me.

  • -He shouldn't have been.

  • COUNT DRACULA: Oh, come on, Renfield, you twit.

  • Time is of the essence.

  • [squeaking]

  • -Hey.

  • Quiet.

  • Shut it.

  • [squeak]

  • COUNT DRACULA: The world awaits my magnificent likeness.

  • [bark]

  • -Get on with it.

  • -Hold onto your fangs and prepare

  • to cower before the mighty image of Count Dracula!

  • You idiot!

  • -But Master, it's-- it's not my fault.

  • Look, Wolfie got the plans wet.

  • -Wolfie, you're a genius.

  • You tripped him.

  • I couldn't have done better myself.

  • -So once you're bitten, you become a vampire,

  • you crave human blood.

  • -I'm never going to drink human blood.

  • I get intense cravings.

  • Sometimes, it's all I can think about,

  • but I'm determined to fight it.

  • COUNT DRACULA: Children, prepare to meet

  • your uncle-- Ivan of the Bloodthirsy.

  • Devourer of Souls, and Black-Hearted Butcher of--

  • -Yo!

  • Big Bro.

  • Come give me a hug.

  • -Ivan?

  • -The name's Harvey now.

  • Ivan's so old country.

  • -Let's go hunt some peasant.

  • -Ah.

  • There's no easy way to break this to you, Bro.

  • I don't do peasant anymore.

  • Gave up the red stuff a while ago.

  • Blood-free since '93.

  • I drink soya substitute.

  • All of the goodness and none of the badness.

  • -You know how you live blood-free.

  • -Yeah?

  • -Can all vampires do it?

  • -You betcha.

  • It's all about finding inner peace.

  • Why?

  • Are you interested?

  • -Oh, definitely.

  • The first time I can sort of imagine becoming a vampire.

  • The whole blood thing.

  • It's not me.

  • The only problem is--

  • -My brother?

  • -He's not big on inner peace.

  • But--

  • -I could convert him?

  • Oh, sorry.

  • Didn't I mention?

  • I'm vegetarian.

  • -Oh, how about some badgers' noses?

  • They're more gristle than meat.

  • -Are you deliberately trying to give me a blood ulcer?

  • I mean, what in the name of the Impaler has happened to you?

  • -I cleaned up my act, Bro.

  • I had to.

  • I was out of control, draining 50 peasants a day.

  • I tried everything to cut down-- patches, hypnotherapy.

  • Nothing worked.

  • Then, I met a bunch of new age werewolves.

  • -Why does it always have to be werewolves?

  • -Dad.

  • -They told me if I'd eat good, I'd do good.

  • -Dad, this is the 21st century.

  • All the cool vampires are living blood-free.

  • And I was thinking perhaps, possibly,

  • maybe you could give it a try.

  • -Maybe.

  • Maybe we could live in a little cottage,

  • and eat nuts, and grow daffodils.

  • Never!

  • -A vegetarian vampire?

  • -Yeah.

  • -Slayer's blood.

  • -I don't believe you.

  • You said living blood-free was our best chance.

  • -There was no blood-free.

  • It was a fantasy.

  • A deluded dream.

  • Tell him, Ivan.

  • -He's right.

  • This is sensational.

  • I haven't felt this undead in years.

  • There's only one way for us to live-- up to our eyes in blood.

  • -It didn't last very long.

  • -Go on.

  • In you get.

  • -But I want to stay with you.

  • [squeaking]

  • -So long, Wolfie.

  • Give my regards to your mother.

  • [howl]

  • -I wouldn't say, Master.

  • Just you and me again now, Sire.

  • As it should be.

  • -Wait.

  • I've reconsidered.

  • You may stay on a tr-- a trial basis.

  • -But Master--

  • -Oh, but Master nothing.

  • -So basically, there's no way out of it.

  • Your family will reject you, and eventually, some slayer

  • will hunt you down and stake you.

  • -You make it sound so negative.

  • I'm sorry, Erin.

  • I'm sorry this has happened to you.

  • -I was bitten.

  • We both know what that means.

  • -I'm never going to see my brother again, am I?

  • -Maybe.

  • -How can I?

  • After everything you've told me.

  • Breathers and vampires can't mix.

  • -That could change.

  • -How?

  • -All my life, I've been living up

  • to other people's expectations.

  • -I feel that perhaps you're not trying

  • your best to pass this blood test.

  • And I know that no son and heir of mine

  • would fail something so straightforward.

  • And if the did, well, they wouldn't

  • be my son and heir for very long.

  • -Are you saying you'd disown me if I fail the test?

  • -No, of course not.

  • I'd just deny all knowledge of your existence.

  • -You are the Chosen One.

  • You must take your rightful place on the throne.

  • -I'm sorry, Your Grandness.

  • But I really think there's been a mistake.

  • -Hm?

  • -You will know you are the Chosen One when you sacrifice

  • the life you love to save the family you love.

  • -Robin, the crown.

  • Now.

  • -That's my Vladdie.

  • -It's my life.

  • I'm going to make this Chosen One thing work for me.

  • -How are you going to do that?

  • -When I get my full powers, I'm going to do things my way.

  • They want me to lead vampires out of the shadows,

  • and take over the world-- OK.

  • But nobody gets hurt.

  • -Nobody gets hurt?

  • -I want vampires and breathers to live together in peace.

  • I want the bloodshed to end.

  • Forever.

  • [ending theme]

[opening theme]

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