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  • [opening theme]

  • [bell ringing]

  • -I was going to tell him shackles.

  • Oh, bats.

  • -Oh, this room stinks of breather.

  • -I'm sure you'll make it your own.

  • -Is this my blood wedding gift?

  • -I took great pain to get exactly the one you asked for.

  • -Oh, thank you, Father.

  • -No.

  • Not 'til after the bloodbinding.

  • It'll taste all the sweeter once Vlad is dead.

  • -You took your time.

  • -Your dad lost the key.

  • -Well, don't stress.

  • I'm about to be bloodbound to someone

  • I don't love, literally forever.

  • So being roasted alive will probably

  • be the highlight of my day.

  • -It's only natural to get cold feet.

  • -You haven't told me how I'm supposed to kill Vlad.

  • -I was trying to protect you.

  • If they found out, we could be executed for this.

  • -Executed for what?

  • -The Rings of Arianrhod.

  • Forbidden dark weapons.

  • Generations shudder at their very name.

  • They must be activated by a tear from the victim's bloodline.

  • -How am I supposed to get that tear?

  • -No, that's my job.

  • You focus on getting Vlad's first bite

  • which will give you great power.

  • And then, he will place this on your finger.

  • This is the Ring of the Mother.

  • And you will give Vlad the Ring of the Son.

  • Now, once he wears this, Vlad will

  • be forced to obey your every command.

  • -I'll order him to his death.

  • -You might want to have a little fun with him first.

  • Yes.

  • -Vladdie, Vladdie, Vladdie, Vladdie.

  • I was just about to come and get you.

  • -Sorry, mate.

  • They said it was traditional, but--

  • -It's a classic bloodbinding prank.

  • -And by classic, you mean I could've died?

  • -Exactly.

  • Vampire Vlad, you wouldn't get to be whinging

  • about with a little bit of charring.

  • -Well, I can see you're made of stronger stuff.

  • -You better believe it.

  • -I see the bloodbinding rituals have begun.

  • -And ended.

  • Unless you want to go to the ceremony without a bloodgroom.

  • -Aren't you even going to get me a wedding peasant?

  • -A wedding peasant?

  • -Yes.

  • Ancient vampire tradition.

  • As soon as the bloodrite has been completed,

  • the bloodwife and bloodgroom sink

  • their fangs into a peasant together.

  • -That's disgusting.

  • -It's a great honor for the peasant.

  • Everyone's a winner.

  • -Oh, Master, bitey, bitey, bitey.

  • -As long as I don't have to bite you, thank you very much.

  • -There will be no biting tonight.

  • -No biting?

  • On our bloodbinding day?

  • -The leaders of the Slayers Guild will be here.

  • To prove to them we're serious about peace,

  • we're going to share a goblet of low-sodium soy blood.

  • -Think of the Dracula reputation.

  • -And the Ramanga clan tradition.

  • -I don't want to hear one more word

  • about biting or vampiric tradition.

  • I'm this close to calling the whole thing off.

  • -He can't do that.

  • Can he?

  • -There will be a bloodbath.

  • -Oh, sounds fun.

  • -Of Dracula blood.

  • -I'll talk to Vlad.

  • -Ingrid.

  • I've thought about your third task.

  • Come.

  • [burp]

  • -Look, everyone gets first bite nerves.

  • But you are doing the right thing.

  • -Am I?

  • -Well, you can't call it off now.

  • There will be a dustbath.

  • -I know.

  • -Look, what's wrong?

  • You can tell me.

  • Is it the breather girl?

  • -Her name is Erin.

  • -Erin, Erin, Erin.

  • -She left me a note.

  • Warned me not to try and follow her.

  • -I'm sorry to hear that, Vlad.

  • -Really?

  • -I know how it feels to love a breather.

  • So wrong and yet so-- so--

  • -Dad.

  • Are you trying to tell me something?

  • -What?

  • No, no, no.

  • That it's all for the best.

  • Look, you'll get over Eric-- Erin in a couple of centuries.

  • -You've got some strange ideas about equality.

  • But deep down, you're old school bad.

  • We need more vamps like you on the High Council.

  • -And fewer like my brother, am I right?

  • -So we come to your final task.

  • Bring me one single tear from a member of your bloodline.

  • -You're plotting against Vlad, aren't you?

  • -What makes you say that?

  • -Experience.

  • Optimism.

  • Don't worry.

  • This task's in the bag.

  • [knock on door]

  • -What?

  • -Happy bloodbinding day, Bro.

  • -I haven't got time for your games.

  • -Oh, don't you want your present?

  • -What is it this time?

  • Garlic flavored chocolates.

  • Oh!

  • Another sunlamp.

  • -No.

  • I thought it might help you to remember the old days.

  • It must be so hard knowing that you'll never see her again,

  • living without her for thousands and thousands of years.

  • -Thanks, Ingrid.

  • -You're very welcome.

  • -Thanks for reminding me of what's really important.

  • -Vlad, where are you going?

  • You can't leave now.

  • -Get out of the way.

  • -Listen to me for Erin's sake.

  • -Say what you like.

  • I am not getting bloodbound to Adze.

  • -Then thousands will die.

  • If you insult the Ramangas again,

  • then they'll take their revenge in blood.

  • And the slayers will retaliate.

  • And everything you've worked for will be lost.

  • -Yeah?

  • Why do you care.

  • You never wanted peace anyway.

  • -After all we've been through, you still don't trust me.

  • -The only person I trust is Erin.

  • So I'm going to find her wherever she is.

  • -But you don't know where she is.

  • She's a trained slayer.

  • She's blocking your telepathic powers.

  • Don't you get it?

  • She doesn't want to be found.

  • ADZE: Did you put the plan into action?

  • Why the delay?

  • -It would not be seemly.

  • I mean, we are after all guests of the Dracula.

  • -You are joking, right?

  • -I never joke when it comes to vampiric tradition.

  • ADZE: Once Vlad's dead, what then?

  • -Bertrand.

  • What is the mean of this unexpected visit?

  • -I have a message from Vlad.

  • -Which is?

  • -Vlad wishes to apologize for his discourteous behavior

  • this morning.

  • He begs for your forgiveness and hopes that there will

  • be no more unpleasantness today.

  • -I accept his apology.

  • -I thank you on Vlad's behalf.

  • -But why are you being so formal?

  • This is a moment of joy.

  • We should be having fun.

  • -Sounds good to me.

  • -Not you.

  • You're a girl.

  • But us stags, we should be celebrating.

  • Downstairs in 10.

  • Bring Vlad.

  • [whistling]

  • -Oh.

  • [inaudible] It can't be.

  • -What's wrong now, Renfield?

  • -Nothing, Master.

  • COUNT DRACULA: What have you got there?

  • Show me.

  • -What are you doing?

  • -Shh.

  • Winning my place on the High Council.

  • -You toadying lick-spittle.

  • Where did that come from?

  • -In the coffin.

  • -No.

  • No, no, no.

  • -Show time.

  • COUNT DRACULA: It can't be.

  • Tell me the truth, am I-- am I-- am I losing my--

  • -Happens to all of us when we get to a certain age, like 640.

  • COUNT DRACULA: 608!

  • -And he's losing his memory too.

  • -Master, shall I just give them a decent burial?

  • -No, no, no, no, no!

  • Just let me hold them one last time.

  • Goodbye, my old friends.

  • Wait a minute.

  • These aren't my lustrous locks.

  • This is filthy girl hair.

  • -Really?

  • I can't imagine how that got there.

  • Fancy something?

  • -As long as you promise not to spike it with hair remover.

  • -I reserve inflicting pain for family members only.

  • -Lucky them.

  • -So loner boy, why are you hanging

  • around our house of dysfunction?

  • -What?

  • Apart from this?

  • Well, the glamorous company, of course.

  • -No, really.

  • -Shouldn't I be asking you that?

  • You obviously despise your family.

  • -We're vampires.

  • It goes with the territory.

  • I can hardly believe yours is any different.

  • -Devious, despotic, deceitful-- yeah, the usual.

  • -So how come you were living at Fang

  • City with a bunch of filthy ferals?

  • -One should spread their wings, don't you think?

  • -Not if you end up in Stench Central.

  • -I forgot you prefer hiding under daddy's wings.

  • -Bat off.

  • -Just saying it like I see it.

  • -But why are you hanging around Vladimir's peace co.

  • -Because.

  • -Nobody loves you and you've no better place to be.

  • -Actually, I do.

  • INGRID: Wolfie.

  • Heal.

  • -Did I do something wrong?

  • -Everything about you is wrong.

  • If I had my way, we'd dump you back

  • with your furball of a father.

  • -You're mean.

  • -Of course I am.

  • I'm a vampire, a full vampire, not a mongrel mutt.

  • Look at you.

  • [bark]

  • Perfect.

  • Come on, Wolfie, I just need one little tear.

  • [growling]

  • It's not funny.

  • -It's ridiculous.

  • Why are you doing this?

  • -Because I have to complete all my tasks

  • in order to impress the High Council.

  • -Yeah, a bunch of stuffy old men.

  • Why do you care what they think?

  • -Oh, wait.

  • I learned this one in therapy.

  • Because deep down, I'm just a lonely little girl

  • who craves her daddy's approval.

  • -No, you're not.

  • You're a ruthless psychopath who craves

  • fresh blood and raw power.

  • -And you've been following me around all day.

  • What does that make you?

  • -I just don't want to see you make a fool of yourself.

  • -Why do you even care?

  • -I just do care.

  • OK?

  • -But I'm a power-mad psychopath.

  • -Maybe I like power-mad psychopaths.

  • -I don't need anyone.

  • -Exactly.

  • -Will Vlad's mother be attending?

  • -Sadly not.

  • She's indisposed.

  • -What could keep a mother from attending

  • a social occasion like this?

  • -Better this way, believe me.

  • She'd only want to steal the limelight.

  • Anyway, she has a health complaint

  • where she's unable to travel at present.

  • -I heard about her recent dalliance.

  • Fleas, is it?

  • -Yes.

  • She's still in quarantine.

  • I didn't want to mar the celebrations

  • with an infestation.

  • -Such an obliging host as always.

  • -Ah.

  • And Adze's mother, will she be joining us?

  • -She's already here.

  • How are you enjoying the festivities, my darling?

  • She's having the time of her un-life.

  • When will Vlad be joining us?

  • -Soon.

  • -I hope so.

  • I don't like to be kept waiting.

  • -Another drink?

  • -And I really don't like being lied to.

  • -Well, I can recommend the Duchess of Warsaw.

  • Young, fruity, excellent nose, excellent

  • face altogether as I remember.

  • -What's going on?

  • Where's Vlad?

  • -He went to find Erin.

  • -What?

  • You're joking.

  • We need to bring him back.

  • -Don't you think I know that?

  • -One tear from my bloodline.

  • -Mm, good girl, Ingrid.

  • -Good girl?

  • -I mean bad girl, of course.

  • -Whatever.

  • Just get me onto the High Council.

  • -Oh yes, on one condition.

  • -No more conditions.

  • I've done all your stupid tasks.

  • What more do you need?

  • -Just one thing-- you.

  • -Me?

  • -Her?

  • -Your daughter is bad to the bone, and I like that.

  • I will recommend her to the High Council

  • if she consents to become my bloodwife.

  • -Is he talking about me?

  • -Shut up, Ingrid.

  • This is men's business.

  • Uh, you're-- you're talking about her?

  • -I know it's an unexpected honor.

  • -It's unexpected all right.

  • -I was warned that no vamp in their right mind

  • would touch Ingrid Dracula with a 10-foot stake.

  • But those that warned me were fools.

  • They just didn't know how to handle you.

  • -And you do?

  • -Ingrid Dracula is bitter and frustrated.

  • But Ingrid Ramanga will be powerful and magnificent.

  • -Ingrid Ramanga?

  • -Forgot about your father and brother.

  • They've never been worthy of you.

  • Join me instead.

  • -(MUMBLING) Do it.

  • -No.

  • -N-- no?

  • -No?

  • -My name is Ingrid Dracula.

  • I should've been your heir.

  • And I'm going to prove it.

  • I shall make the name of Dracula feared

  • and hated throughout the world.

  • And I can't do that if I'm stuck with an old coffin

  • lodger like you.

  • -How dare she.

  • -Well, I did warn you about the 10-foot stake.

  • -Ingrid.

  • I was right.

  • You don't need anyone else.

  • -Thanks for reminding me.

  • -No.

  • -But you said you--

  • -What?

  • -Care.

  • -I do, just not like that.

  • -I gave up a seat at the High Council for you.

  • -I'm sorry.

  • I thought we were friends.

  • -We were friends.

  • That's why you're still alive.

  • ERIN (VOICEOVER): Marry Adze and unite the vampires.

  • You have one shot at this.

  • This is what you've always dreamed of.

  • Go back and finish it.

  • -Vlad. I need to tell--

  • -I owe you an apology.

  • You're right.

  • -No, you were right.

  • The Ramangas are plotting against you.

  • You can't go through with the bloodbinding.

  • -People will die if I don't.

  • -You'll die if you do.

  • -Have you got any solid proof?

  • -No, but--

  • -I've made up my mind.

  • -Your children disrespected me.

  • -Well, yes, but only Ingrid and she doesn't really count.

  • -And what about Vlad?

  • Huh?

  • Where is he?

  • -He's, uh-- Bertrand, where-- where-- Vladdie!

  • There you are.

  • There he is.

  • -Where have you been?

  • -Thinking.

  • -About what?

  • -My responsibilities.

  • I am fully committed to this bloodbinding.

  • All I ask is that you support my peace plan.

  • -Hm?

  • -Of course.

  • -This is a UV torch, and I'm not afraid to use it.

  • -My father said he put you in a trance.

  • -I faked it.

  • He's no match for a trained slayer.

  • -Senile old fool.

  • -Why me?

  • Why mess with slayers when you could've bitten anyone?

  • -Because nothing gets the party started

  • like draining the bloodgroom's old love.

  • -Get back or your daughter eats sunlight.

  • -Then you will eat fire.

  • -I guess this is a standoff.

  • -Not really.

  • I thought I told you not to unwrap your peasant early.

  • -Do you really need that much garlic aftershave?

  • -Sorry, mate.

  • And it'll be half the High Council there.

  • I can't take any chances.

  • So, you OK?

  • You know, um, you're doing a-- you're doing a good thing.

  • -We've all made sacrifices, mate.

  • The bloodshed ends now.

  • [bell]

  • -Ingrid.

  • -Go stake yourself.

  • -About what I said, I'm sorry if you misunderstood.

  • -Oh, you will be.

  • -Hey, Vlad.

  • -Oops.

  • Sorry, man.

  • Right on cue.

  • Come to gloat?

  • -No.

  • You threw away your true love to marry for power.

  • -Not power.

  • Peace.

  • -Whatever.

  • You're doing the right thing.

  • Love is for breathers and idiots.

  • And don't you ever forget that.

  • -All right.

  • Let's do this.

  • RAMANGA (VOICEOVER): The Rings of Arianrhod.

  • ADZE (VOICEOVER): I'll order him to his death.

  • RAMANGA (VOICEOVER): You might want

  • to have a little fun with him first.

  • It'll taste all the sweeter once Vlad is dead.

  • [wedding music playing]

  • -My fellow vampires.

  • We are gathered together to join this vampire

  • and this other vampire.

  • -Bertrand.

  • -Erin?

  • What are you--

  • -I'm the wedding breakfast, as if you didn't know.

  • -I didn't.

  • I came in here looking for evidence against the Ramangas.

  • -So you're not in on it?

  • -In on what?

  • -The plan to kill Vlad with the Rings of Arianrhod.

  • -The Rings of Arianrhod?

  • -Yes, the plot that's going on right

  • now unless you go and save him.

  • Go!

  • Go!

  • -Hold on.

  • Yes, one.

  • Oh, right.

  • Require and charge you both-- just cause

  • or impediment-- blahty blahty blah.

  • Whatever.

  • Just get to the biting.

  • -I surrender myself to the first bite of the Chosen One.

  • BERTRAND: Stop the ceremony!

  • I have a just cause or impediment.

  • -No, no, no.

  • I skipped that bit.

  • -Well, go back.

  • Adze and her father are planning to kill Vlad.

  • -Ramanga honor will brook no more insult.

  • -You'd better be so right about this.

  • -I am.

  • The bloodbinding rings are the Rings of Arianrhod.

  • -Forbidden dark weapons?

  • Nice one.

  • -Don't be so ridiculous.

  • These are perfectly normal bloodbinding rings.

  • -Then you won't mind if Renfield runs a few forensic tests.

  • Hand over the rings, Adze.

  • -Leave her alone.

  • -Nobody threatens my Vladdie.

  • Ow.

  • -Go, Dad.

  • How did you know about the Rings?

  • -Erin told me.

  • The Ramangas kidnapped her.

  • She's a prisoner.

  • -Erin?

  • -He's dead.

  • Get back if you value Erin's life.

  • I control her every move.

  • Don't I, Erin?

  • Walk.

  • Stop.

  • If you try anything stupid, I will get her to jump.

  • -All right.

  • What do you want?

  • -You know what I want.

  • The first bite of the Chosen One.

  • -Vlad.

  • Vlad.

  • -Um, she really shouldn't be able to do that.

  • -I'll do whatever you want.

  • Just don't hurt Erin.

  • -You must not.

  • VLAD: Erin!

  • [ending theme]

[opening theme]

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