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  • [theme music]

  • [thunderclap]

  • [computer beeping]

  • -Morning, Renfield.

  • -Your breakfast, Master Vlad.

  • And the post.

  • -This screen shows the exact position

  • of every person in the school, even you.

  • -Who, me?

  • -So who's this?

  • Bertrand was right.

  • There is a shapeshifter in this house.

  • And it's with Malik.

  • RENFIELD: Hm.

  • That's me.

  • ELISABETTA (VOICEOVER): The fun's nearly over.

  • Just two more deaths, and you will sit on the Dracula throne.

  • -I'm well aware of that, Mother.

  • ELISABETTA (VOICEOVER): Don't take that tone with me.

  • -We got her.

  • -Who?

  • ELISABETTA (VOICEOVER): You can't back out now.

  • We came here to destroy the Draculas.

  • -You did.

  • I've finally found my father.

  • Have you any idea what a big deal this is?

  • ELISABETTA (VOICEOVER): Your father's

  • the cheating rat who abandoned us.

  • -If you hurt my dad, I will dust you.

  • ELISABETTA (VOICEOVER): You'll regret this.

  • THE COUNT: Who was that?

  • -Yeah.

  • -My mum.

  • -That thing was Elisabetta?

  • Well, she really hasn't aged well.

  • -She's a shapeshifter.

  • He's been working with her, trying to dust us all.

  • -It's true.

  • But I changed my mind.

  • VLAD: You can't trust him.

  • He's a ruthless killer with-- with no morals--

  • -That is why you need me on your side.

  • With Mum after you blood, you're going

  • to need all the help you can get.

  • [bell ringing]

  • VLAD: Bertrand knew about dark forces.

  • Hm, shame somebody staked him.

  • MALIK: Actually, that was me.

  • Well, me and Mum.

  • Bertrand was onto us, so we tricked Vlad into staking him.

  • [laughs] What?

  • It's a classic wind-up.

  • -He's completely psychotic.

  • -Oh, he's a chip off the old stake, all right.

  • So what's your plan?

  • -Bertrand had books on shapeshifting.

  • -Right.

  • We need to find the most boring tome.

  • ERIN: "Fangstastic at 500."

  • Oh, "An Illustrated Guide to Transylvanian Bog Maggots," oh.

  • Heh.

  • -Hm?

  • -Eh.

  • -Mm.

  • -"Doing the Bite Thing: Morals and Ethics for Vampires."

  • This is impossible to decipher.

  • THE COUNT: Put it down.

  • Oh, "On the dark art of shapeshifting."

  • Vladdy, you're a genius!

  • -It was written by an ancient slayer who

  • fought with a shapeshifter and won

  • by developing an alchemical formula

  • which trapped it in one body.

  • RENFIELD: What's the formula?

  • Crystallized pyretheum?

  • Oh, these are very rare ingredients.

  • -Just do it!

  • You and you, help him, and do exactly as he says.

  • -Not him.

  • I'm not having him anywhere near it.

  • THE COUNT: This is no time for bickering.

  • We need that formula, before she strikes again.

  • -I'll help you.

  • -No, no, you stay with me.

  • -But I can protect you.

  • -At times like these, I need Vlad by my side.

  • RENFIELD: Keep on.

  • Another few hours till it's produced.

  • Hm.

  • Coming along nicely.

  • I think Master will be pleased with my progress report.

  • Ah, ah, ah.

  • You keep stirring, hm?

  • Oh, and whatever you do, don't allow it to boil.

  • [cackles]

  • -Vlad's still the Count's right-hand man,

  • and you're just the kitchen boy.

  • -Not for long.

  • -You may be the oldest son, but you'll never be Count Dracula.

  • Not until you take down Vlad.

  • And I know something that would crush him like that.

  • MALIK: Do we have to play this game?

  • -Yes.

  • Because I only play on the winning team.

  • -As soon as the anti-shift's ready,

  • we wait for her to show herself.

  • Then I go out and trap her.

  • All you need to do is stay here and tell me where she is.

  • -Yes.

  • VLAD: We could be waiting here for hours.

  • How's the anti-shift formula coming along?

  • -Oh, well, it needs to be stirred on a very low heat--

  • -Would you just tell us?

  • When'll it be ready?

  • -Everybody's so touchy this morning.

  • -What's this?

  • -Post.

  • I-- I did mention it.

  • -Renfield, this is marked Urgent.

  • -Yeah, well, I was-- I was--

  • JONATHAN (VOICEOVER): Dear Vlad, by mind-wiping the slayers,

  • you failed me and our friendship.

  • Why should I trust you again?

  • -I need to go out.

  • I won't be long.

  • -Oh, yes, don't worry about me.

  • I'm only under attack from a murderous nemesis who's

  • been plotting revenge for the last 400 years.

  • -We can't do anything until the anti-shift is ready.

  • You'll be safe here.

  • You'll know as soon as she makes a move.

  • Just sit tight.

  • And don't trust Malik.

  • -Miss McCauley.

  • Hmm.

  • What are you doing here at this hour?

  • -Hi, Mr. Count.

  • Preparing for the practical year 11 chemistry exam.

  • -Oh, practical chemistry, my favorite subject.

  • -Oh, it's not mine.

  • But I've got to cover until Mr. Bertollini gets back.

  • -Mr. Bertollini?

  • Oh, didn't he tell you?

  • He's gone home.

  • To Italy.

  • -Italy?

  • -Mm.

  • -Well, he didn't say anything.

  • -Oh.

  • -No letter of resignation.

  • -Well, I expect he blames me for his accident.

  • These Mediterranean types are so, uh--

  • [glass breaking]

  • Passionate.

  • -He might have called, or--

  • -Yes.

  • I'm sure we'll find another science teacher.

  • If there's anything else you need--

  • RENFIELD (ON COMM): Come in. Come in.

  • Come in.

  • Over.

  • Over.

  • Master!

  • -A state-of-the-art--

  • RENFIELD (ON COMM): Come in, over, Master!

  • -Photocopying thing.

  • RENFIELD (ON COMM): Come in, Master!

  • Master!

  • -Excuse me.

  • RENFIELD (ON COMM): Come in, Master!

  • Master!

  • -What?

  • -The shapeshifty thingy!

  • Oh-- uh-- it's-- it's coming after me!

  • THE COUNT (ON COMM): All right, all right.

  • Stay where you are.

  • -Aah!

  • It's in the room!

  • -Save yourself, Renfield.

  • I'll take care of it.

  • Go, go, go!

  • -Over and out.

  • -Go!

  • [laughs]

  • [electricity crackling]

  • [RENFIELD AND THE COUNT BOTH SHOUTING]

  • -I told you--

  • [beep]

  • -I told you to stay put.

  • -No you didn't, you told me to go out, save myself,

  • and you'd take care of it.

  • So what are you doing now?

  • -What?

  • What, what?

  • Talk sense, you dribbling flunky!

  • -No, no, no, no, you're in there, and now you're here.

  • -Yes.

  • I--

  • [electricity crackling]

  • -What-- what-- what part of the word "shapeshifter"

  • don't you understand?

  • She could be anyone or anything.

  • And now thanks to you, we have no way to track her down.

  • -What do we do now?

  • I

  • -What Draculas do best.

  • -Run away.

  • -Well, second best.

  • We hide.

  • -Master?

  • Mas-- Master!

  • Master!

  • -Stay where you are.

  • VLAD: I got your letter.

  • I've come to help, if you'll let me.

  • I know what I did was wrong, but we

  • were on the verge of total war, and I

  • was desperate to save the peace.

  • -You're actually trying to defend what you did?

  • -I made a monumental mistake.

  • but in a world without slayers, vampires are too dangerous.

  • We need you.

  • Please, let me know reverse the mind wipe.

  • -I trusted you once.

  • I don't like making the same mistake twice.

  • -You're not.

  • Let me start with your mum.

  • -All right.

  • Mum.

  • -Mina, look into my eyes.

  • Balance must be restored.

  • Light to darkness.

  • ERIN (VOICEOVER): I like watching you fail.

  • -Life to death.

  • Slayers to vampires.

  • I can even feel your suffering.

  • -Light to dark--

  • ERIN (VOICEOVER): Broke down by a girl.

  • [hissing]

  • -This is your fault!

  • You linked us for eternity.

  • -Nngh!

  • Get out of my mind.

  • -Aahh!

  • VLAD: Awaken and know the truth.

  • [digital beeping]

  • -Jonno, what's he doing here?

  • JONATHAN: It's all right, Mum.

  • Thank you.

  • -Don't thank me.

  • The balance is restored.

  • -Dad!

  • The anti-shift's ready.

  • -Is that all we've got?

  • -I did say the recipe would reduce considerably.

  • THE COUNT: I'll reduce you considerably.

  • [knock]

  • RENFIELD: Master!

  • The shapeshifter grabbed me!

  • VLAD: Well, I-- I think we found our shapeshifter.

  • -She threw me in the slime pit.

  • -She's the shapeshifter, Master!

  • -Let's kill them both, just to be on the safe side.

  • -Oh!

  • Yes, Master.

  • -Yes, Master.

  • MALIK: There's not enough portion to waste on them both.

  • We'll do a simple test.

  • Renfields.

  • -Aaah.

  • -Clean your master's boots.

  • -Where's the boot polish?

  • -Aaaah.

  • ALL THREE: Shapeshifter!

  • -Thank you.

  • MALIK: Father, quick!

  • In here.

  • -Where did she go?

  • Where did she go?

  • Ahh.

  • Ren-- Renfield?

  • RENFIELD: Hm?

  • -How many fish do you have?

  • -Just Kirstie.

  • -Now you've got two.

  • -Oh, hello!

  • Look at you then.

  • What are we gonna call you?

  • Bubbles.

  • Keith.

  • THE COUNT: Aaahh!

  • Shapeshifter, shapeshifter!

  • MALIK: Give me the anti-shift.

  • -Trapped forever.

  • Well done, my son.

  • -I think you should leave.

  • -It's not up to you.

  • -Why would you want to stay, anyway?

  • -I told you, I love to watch you suffer and fail.

  • -It's over.

  • The mind link is broken.

  • You have no power over me anymore.

  • -You think?

  • THE COUNT: Yes, we managed very well without you.

  • -I told you not to go after her until I came back.

  • -Thanks to Malik.

  • Lucky I've got one son who sticks

  • around when I'm in immortal danger.

  • -Oh, it wasn't Master Vlad's fault.

  • No, he had-- he had a very urgent summons.

  • -What?

  • And you think little things like that

  • are more important than me?

  • I don't think so.

  • Right.

  • -Mr. Count, what's this?

  • -Dried leaf infusion.

  • I believe that's what you like to drink.

  • Should I, uh, be Mother?

  • -Thank you.

  • [sniff]

  • -How is it?

  • -Thank you.

  • [knock on door]

  • -Mr. Bertollini, I thought you were in Italy.

  • BERTOLLINI: Really?

  • Why would you think that?

  • -No, I-- uh, I'll, uh-- I'll, uh-- just-- aaah!

  • Freshen the pot.

  • Hot pot, hot pot, coming through.

  • Ow, ow, ow!

  • Renfield?

  • BERTOLLINI: Do you mind if I-- yeah.

  • So, I, uh, I came to as you a question.

  • -Oh.

  • -Possibly the most important question of my life, in fact,

  • Miss McCauley.

  • Do you mind if I call you Alex?

  • -Uh, whatever you like.

  • Alex.

  • Alex, would you do me the great favor

  • and allow me to go on a six-month sabbatical?

  • -What?

  • Uh, why?

  • -The video I did of Desmodus rotundus,

  • I sent it to the Royal Bat Society.

  • Well, the thought it was really exciting.

  • -Well, um-- well, you must seize the opportunity, of course.

  • -Alex, you're quite a woman.

  • I'll never forget you.

  • -Do you want to know a secret?

  • -Always.

  • What's the price?

  • -Just promise me you'll use it to destroy Vlad.

  • THE COUNT: All the slayers?

  • But they remember nothing?

  • What, nothing at all?

  • -Every last one.

  • We've been living in a slayer-free world for weeks

  • now.

  • -Why?

  • Why didn't he tell me?

  • -Maybe he wanted to keep all the juicy breathers to himself.

  • I don't know.

  • -Right.

  • [chittering]

  • -What's this about mind-wiping the slayers?

  • -I removed it.

  • -No, no, no, no.

  • You removed the mind wipe?

  • -We need slayers.

  • Without them--

  • -The most powerful would prevail, as it should be.

  • -If it ain't broke--

  • THE COUNT: How can you deny your own heritage?

  • -I'm not.

  • But we need to evolve beyond endless cycles

  • of biting, war, and revenge.

  • -Ahhh.

  • Right.

  • [sigh] Look, if you will just reinstate the mind wipe,

  • we'll forget the whole thing.

  • -I'm not doing that.

  • -If you don't, Vladimir, I will never, ever forgive you.

  • [roars]

  • I see.

  • Renfield?

  • Make preparation for the rite of investiture

  • It's time I formally recognized the heir

  • to the throne of Dracula.

  • -Oh, congratulations, Master Vlad.

  • -No, no, no, no, not that one.

  • The other one.

  • He is no son of mine.

  • -Aaahh!

  • [blows horn dissonantly]

  • -Would you please stop?

  • Haven't you got a floor to lick clean or something?

  • [pounds sword on floor]

  • INGRID: The writing was on the wall

  • from the moment you brought that cuckoo into the nest.

  • -You think I don't know that?

  • -We are gathered here today to reward

  • loyalty and punish treachery.

  • -You're making a mistake.

  • THE COUNT: Yes, it hurts, doesn't it?

  • To be betrayed by your own flesh and blood?

  • -If you make Malik your heir, you're

  • signing your own death warrant.

  • [laughs]

  • [shing]

  • -Do you swear eternal loyalty to your liege lord?

  • -I do.

  • THE COUNT: Will you guard and protect me

  • from all enemies, whosoever they may be?

  • -I will.

  • -It's about time someone did.

  • Do you pledge to uphold the dishonor of the Dracula name?

  • -By all that is evil, I promise and swear

  • to fight the forces of goodness.

  • Never shall I yield to the temptation to do right.

  • [liquid bubbling]

  • -Bat milk toddy, Master Vlad?

  • -Yeah.

  • Yeah, why not?

  • Cheers.

  • -Cheers.

  • Mm.

  • [belches]

  • -Are you all right?

  • [strangled cry]

  • [cough]

  • -Kirstie!

  • How could this happen?

  • -It must have jumped from the tank to the pot?

  • -(SHOUTING) I'll save you, Kirstie!

  • -Yeah, well, I-- I don't think CPR works on fish.

  • -Well, give her the kiss of life, then, you-- [smooching]

  • VLAD: It's too late.

  • She's gone.

  • -Kirstie?

  • My Kirstie?

  • -Are you sure this is Kirstie?

  • -(SHOUTING) Of course I'm sure!

  • -Oh, OK.

  • -I'd recognize her anywhere.

  • That cute little [inaudible] on her belly.

  • Hold on.

  • No, this isn't Kirstie.

  • Oh, well!

  • Waste not, want not.

  • -No, stop.

  • Well, it can't be the shapeshifter, either.

  • If it was a vampire, when it died,

  • it would have turned to dust.

  • -What is it?

  • -Huh.

  • A decoy.

  • Planted by Malik to protect his mother.

  • We've got him.

  • -Let it be witnessed by all here present that Malik Hellfire,

  • the Carrier Dracula, is my one and only anointed

  • successor and true heir to the throne

  • and title of Count Dracula.

  • -Stop!

  • -Too late.

  • -[inaudible].

  • Look.

  • -Ew.

  • Dead fish?

  • -Exactly.

  • -Exactly!

  • -So what is this supposed to prove?

  • -It's not a shapeshifter.

  • If it was, it would have turned to dust already.

  • MALIK: (LAUGHING) Desperate.

  • Tragic, even.

  • -I know your mum's still about.

  • I will find her.

  • THE COUNT: Do what you want.

  • I'll be having a drink with my son.

  • And heir.

  • To my new heir apparent.

  • -To the best dad in the world.

  • -Ah.

  • BOTH: Noroc!

  • [knock on door]

  • THE COUNT: Enter.

  • -Mr. Count, can I talk to you, please?

  • -About Mr. Butterbean-- er, Bertollini?

  • MISS MCCAULEY: Yes.

  • -I'll, uh, I'll leave you two to it.

  • -No, no, no, no, stay, stay.

  • Right, right.

  • Look, it was all a silly mix-up.

  • All I can do is apologize.

  • I'm so, so sorry.

  • MISS MCCAULEY: But I know why you did it.

  • -You do?

  • -You were trying to stop me making a fool of myself.

  • -As if you ever could.

  • -You're too kind.

  • But I'm such an idiot.

  • I've read the signs wrong.

  • THE COUNT: Well-- [clears throat]

  • We've all done that.

  • -I can't believe I wasted my time on him.

  • Mr. Bertollini was only ever interested in himself.

  • And bats.

  • THE COUNT: Yes, he was too blind to see

  • what a special person you are.

  • -Well, I think that's something we can all be guilty of.

  • THE COUNT: We can?

  • -After all, I've only just realized

  • what a kind and sensitive man has

  • been standing before me all along.

  • -Well, as they always say, there's-- there's plenty

  • more fish in the sea.

  • -The trouble is, this one's proving hard to catch.

  • -Hm?

  • M-- me?

  • No, no, no, no.

  • You mean-- you mean-- you actually like me?

  • I can't do this.

  • -What's wrong?

  • -Everything.

  • Look, I love you.

  • But it would never work between us.

  • I'm a-- I'm-- I'm too old.

  • -Of course you're not.

  • -And then there's my family.

  • -Whom I'm extremely fond of.

  • -I know.

  • I know.

  • Look, we're not like everyone else.

  • MISS MCCAULEY: Bit eccentric, perhaps, or dysfunctional,

  • even--

  • -We're vampires.

  • Miss McCauley, I am a vampire.

  • -(WHISPERING) Nobody's perfect.

  • [romantic music swells]

  • -We'll run away together.

  • Buy a little castle somewhere.

  • I'll pretend to be a breathe.

  • I'll even give up biting!

  • I-- I-- I-- I don't feel very well.

  • [thud]

  • [laughs]

  • [breathes jaggedly]

  • [machine powering up]

  • -Ta-dah!

  • It's a bit bodged.

  • VLAD: The heat sensor is our only hope to catch Elisabetta.

  • Great.

  • [laughs]

  • [breathing jaggedly]

  • -Elisabetta.

  • -Mm.

  • Did you miss me?

  • -What--

  • -Poisoned lipstick.

  • The paralyzing venom of the Moroccan fire spider.

  • An agonizing death, but a very, very slow one.

  • -Why?

  • Why?

  • -Because I want you to watch while I destroy everyone

  • you care about-- first, your precious Miss Alex

  • McCauley, and then your entire family.

  • --[laughs] Aw, still playing with your toys, little bro?

  • -I'd speak with a bit more respect if I were you.

  • Soon Dad'll be baying for your dust.

  • -If he gets the chance.

  • -What have you done to him?

  • -A fitting end to our master plan.

  • I think his game might be over.

  • Good luck.

  • VLAD: Dad?

  • ELISABETTA: Oh!

  • Right on cue.

  • I'll leave you to break the good news.

  • Ciao.

  • -What happened?

  • THE COUNT: [cries out]

  • Poison.

  • Poison.

  • -No.

  • No.

  • No, no, no, wake up.

  • Don't do this to me.

  • Dad.

  • Dad!

  • [theme music]

[theme music]

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