[alarms, flashing lights in the hallway]

What is that?!

You've done it now.

Is that a fire alarm?

[Perry runs into the room]

It's a town hall meeting!

They've called a town hall!

So, that was harrowing.

They really do not like tardiness here.

Sorry for getting all cliffhanger-y.

Sometimes a girl’s gotta manufacture her own excitement, you know?

So,

did Silas’ byzantine bureaucracy finally call a town hall to discuss the fact that girls have gone missing?

Nope.

Apparently, uploading anything inflammatory to the Silas ethernet,

a word they can’t even spell properly, by the way,

sets off an immediate security response.

Well, I think I got the worst of it out.

[Danny comes into frame]

Thanks for letting me use your bathroom.

Oh, yeah. Totally.

Sorry about the general level of filth.

My roommates kinda relaxed about hygiene.

Oh, no. Don’t worry about it.

So, your roommate was the one who was glaring at us on the walk back, right?

With all the eyeliner?

[Laura nods]

So where’d she go?

She dematerializes within twenty feet of unwashed dishes.

Oh.

Hey, are you making another video?

Like,

eight hot seconds after almost being busted?

Uh,

yes.

That’s pretty ballsy, Hollis.

Yeah,

ballsy!

That's me.

Besides, LaFontaine thinks she’s figured out a way to post them safely,

and I have got to report on the crazy at the town hall, right?

Yeah.

Uhhh, but before I do that…

[Laura grabs a stool]

Hey, everyone,

meet,

Danny Lawrence!

[notices height difference]

Should we?

Yeah.

Yes, okay.

Uh, my very awesome English Lit TA

and VP of outdoor rec for the Summer Society which is…

an outdoor social club for all girls athletics?

Uh, yeah. We host the school’s annual Adonis Festival and Hunt.

Uh,

hi.

Laura’s audience. It’s nice to be here.

Well, I wouldn’t say that I have an audience yet. But it is nice to have you.

Here.

Have you here.

So, the town hall.

We’re all packed into the auditorium and the dean stands up,

and holy crap, is she six feet of power suited, middle aged glamazon

and says: [Imitating the dean]

It has come to the attention of the university that a certain individual or individuals

are circulating rumours about students disappearing.

Rest assured,

if these disturbances do not cease, the perpetrators will be dealt with.

At which point, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna get expelled,

because nobody is saying anything,

probably because they’re afraid she’s gonna suck their souls out through their eyeballs

but then Danny gets up and just…

No, it really wasn’t that big of a deal.

Yeah, it was.

I simply wanted to point out

that you shouldn’t be calling a missing persons report rumour

when one of our own members went missing at a rush party.

See,

totally amazing.

Amazing as in just, like, a really brave person who stands up for people who can’t stand up for themselves.

Like, that kind of amazing.

Thanks.

You know,

not that it meant much after the Zetas started in on that safety patrol crap.

[Laura imitating the Zetas]

Uh, the obstreperous brothers of Zeta Omega Mu

have decided that is uncool that hotties might feel unsafe going to parties or making their walks of shame at 4 AM,

and as so have decided to personally protect any coed 7.5 or higher.

Which is just a faux chivalrous way of oppressing the female student body.

We should be reinstating our night marches.

Uh, completely [laughs nervously]!

But when Danny and the Summer Society suggested that, the alchemy department

started freaking out

because apparently, that’s gonna [imitating the alchemy department] ruin some mycological transitions.

They are such weird little creepers!

And then the Zetas piped in with this chant that pretty much sounded like pizza or death.

[laughs] Yeah and then some idiot started throwing salted herring into the crowd.

And then, the dean ended the town hall before anybody could actually talk about anything! Ugh!

Just…I’ll take it out… [pulls fish out of Laura’s hair]

Ugh…

[Laughs]

Thanks. I thought I got them all out.

The meeting may’ve sucked, but I’m really glad I ran into you.

Yeah, me too.

Hey, you know, we should collaborate.

Compare notes.

You know, figure things out.

You can document the investigation for your project here.

I think we’d make a pretty great team.

Yeah,

a team.

You and me.

Absolutely.

Cool.

Well, I’m gonna go get my notes on our missing sister, and I’ll see you later.

Sure.

Okay.

Okay.

Bye!

[Danny leaves]

Yes!

[Laura does a happy dance]

[Knock on the door]

Oh, Danny, did you forget something?

Hey, little nerd hottie.

Uh, hi. Who are you?

I’m your designated Zeta Omega Mu safety companion.

Kinda like an escort.

Only a dude.

A dudescort.

[chuckles] How awesome is that?

Yeah. Awesome.

Hey, is that fish in your hair?