I’ve taken this selfie over 100 times make sure I look as hot as possible.

這張自拍照我已經拍了超過100次了，只為了確保我看起來很帥

Ohh…Ned and Ariel got engaged. Like.

噢…尼德和愛芮訂婚了 「讚」

I hate this post I wish you would stop posing photos if you have a happy perfect life.

我恨死這則動態了 一點都不想看到你們的幸福快樂人生

“North Korea’s Internet crashes, Okay, that’s cool and all, but can someone, like, feed us or something? says North Koreans”. Tweet.

「北韓民眾: 『網路掛了，嗯酷哦，但我們全都快餓死咧，難道沒人在乎這個嗎?』」

Ahh…it took me over an hour to get that joke under 140 characters.

呼…這笑話花了我一小時多才搞定(註: 推特有140字的字數限制)

Just partying with my bros. Send

和哥兒們狂歡～

In reality, I only send you the pictures when I’m partying so I look like tons of fun.

我只有玩樂的時候才發照片 好讓大家以為我的人生超有趣

Drove to the Chinese bakery for snack. Hash tag food porn. Post

開車去中國烘培店買點心～ #食物特寫 發佈

I only take photos and ethnic food so you know that I’m more culture than you

哼 發異國食物照顯示我多元文化的特質

Not to call anyone out but I don’t have time for people who act like they’re still in high school. Post.

「請別對號入座，但本公子真的沒時間和幼稚的傢伙鬼混」

I’m definitely calling you out and you f*ing know who you are.

就是在說你 你這渾球心裡有數

@Rihanna. You’re my spirit animal. Let’s be best friends. Hash tag mom. Tweet.

「@蕾哈娜，妳是我的精神象徵，讓我們當好麻吉! #媽媽」

Notice me Senpai! I‘m your biggest friend.

快注意我啊學長!!! 我可是妳的頭號粉絲

Lol…ugly face. Send.

嘿嘿嘿 鬼臉 「傳送」

To be honest, I would never Instagram ugly selfie. Um..Snapchat lasts for like five seconds.

拜託 我才不傳醜照到Instagram Snapchat就好多了 相片持續5秒就消失

Slay queen you look flawless. Comments.

「火辣女神，妳無懈可擊」

I know you definitely don’t want this account you probably never read this.

雖然留不留言都沒差 妳可能也不會看到

But I comment anyway.

但我還是要留言

Ashley Perez invited you to “Ashley’s Super Duper 1989 Listening Party”.

普瑞茲邀請我參加她的「超讚1989音樂會」

That sounds like could be fun so I say maybe.

聽起來不錯餒 我「可能參加」

Haha…I’m definitely not going to that sh*t cause maybe means no.

ㄏㄏ…我才不會去勒 「可能參加」就是「絕對不去」

My father’s doctor who survived war-torn Korea.

「我爸是韓戰的倖存老醫生，

My butts on the internet. I feel sad now. Tweet.

我卻在這邊爽爽上網 我太可惡了」

I totally forgot who I was second and saw in mirror thought.

我剛剛一度忘了自己是誰 照鏡子才想起來

Oh sh*t. An Asian man broke into my house. Tweet.

「媽的，剛有個亞洲男闖進我家」

Is it racist that the first thought I had when I saw my reflection was I want Chinese food?

我看到鏡中倒影的第一個想法是: 「給我中國食物!」這樣算種族歧視嗎?

I’m definitely drunk.

我絕對是喝茫了