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  • CHAPTER XII

  • The promise of a smooth career, which my first calm introduction to Thornfield Hall

  • seemed to pledge, was not belied on a longer acquaintance with the place and its

  • inmates.

  • Mrs. Fairfax turned out to be what she appeared, a placid-tempered, kind-natured

  • woman, of competent education and average intelligence.

  • My pupil was a lively child, who had been spoilt and indulged, and therefore was

  • sometimes wayward; but as she was committed entirely to my care, and no injudicious

  • interference from any quarter ever thwarted

  • my plans for her improvement, she soon forgot her little freaks, and became

  • obedient and teachable.

  • She had no great talents, no marked traits of character, no peculiar development of

  • feeling or taste which raised her one inch above the ordinary level of childhood; but

  • neither had she any deficiency or vice which sunk her below it.

  • She made reasonable progress, entertained for me a vivacious, though perhaps not very

  • profound, affection; and by her simplicity, gay prattle, and efforts to please,

  • inspired me, in return, with a degree of

  • attachment sufficient to make us both content in each other's society.

  • This, par parenthese, will be thought cool language by persons who entertain

  • solemn doctrines about the angelic nature of children, and the duty of those charged

  • with their education to conceive for them

  • an idolatrous devotion: but I am not writing to flatter parental egotism, to

  • echo cant, or prop up humbug; I am merely telling the truth.

  • I felt a conscientious solicitude for Adele's welfare and progress, and a quiet

  • liking for her little self: just as I cherished towards Mrs. Fairfax a

  • thankfulness for her kindness, and a

  • pleasure in her society proportionate to the tranquil regard she had for me, and the

  • moderation of her mind and character.

  • Anybody may blame me who likes, when I add further, that, now and then, when I took a

  • walk by myself in the grounds; when I went down to the gates and looked through them

  • along the road; or when, while Adele played

  • with her nurse, and Mrs. Fairfax made jellies in the storeroom, I climbed the

  • three staircases, raised the trap-door of the attic, and having reached the leads,

  • looked out afar over sequestered field and

  • hill, and along dim sky-line--that then I longed for a power of vision which might

  • overpass that limit; which might reach the busy world, towns, regions full of life I

  • had heard of but never seen--that then I

  • desired more of practical experience than I possessed; more of intercourse with my

  • kind, of acquaintance with variety of character, than was here within my reach.

  • I valued what was good in Mrs. Fairfax, and what was good in Adele; but I believed in

  • the existence of other and more vivid kinds of goodness, and what I believed in I

  • wished to behold.

  • Who blames me? Many, no doubt; and I shall be called

  • discontented.

  • I could not help it: the restlessness was in my nature; it agitated me to pain

  • sometimes.

  • Then my sole relief was to walk along the corridor of the third storey, backwards and

  • forwards, safe in the silence and solitude of the spot, and allow my mind's eye to

  • dwell on whatever bright visions rose

  • before it--and, certainly, they were many and glowing; to let my heart be heaved by

  • the exultant movement, which, while it swelled it in trouble, expanded it with

  • life; and, best of all, to open my inward

  • ear to a tale that was never ended--a tale my imagination created, and narrated

  • continuously; quickened with all of incident, life, fire, feeling, that I

  • desired and had not in my actual existence.

  • It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with tranquillity: they must

  • have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it.

  • Millions are condemned to a stiller doom than mine, and millions are in silent

  • revolt against their lot.

  • Nobody knows how many rebellions besides political rebellions ferment in the masses

  • of life which people earth.

  • Women are supposed to be very calm generally: but women feel just as men feel;

  • they need exercise for their faculties, and a field for their efforts, as much as their

  • brothers do; they suffer from too rigid a

  • restraint, too absolute a stagnation, precisely as men would suffer; and it is

  • narrow-minded in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to

  • confine themselves to making puddings and

  • knitting stockings, to playing on the piano and embroidering bags.

  • It is thoughtless to condemn them, or laugh at them, if they seek to do more or learn

  • more than custom has pronounced necessary for their sex.

  • When thus alone, I not unfrequently heard Grace Poole's laugh: the same peal, the

  • same low, slow ha! ha! which, when first heard, had thrilled me: I heard, too, her

  • eccentric murmurs; stranger than her laugh.

  • There were days when she was quite silent; but there were others when I could not

  • account for the sounds she made.

  • Sometimes I saw her: she would come out of her room with a basin, or a plate, or a

  • tray in her hand, go down to the kitchen and shortly return, generally (oh, romantic

  • reader, forgive me for telling the plain truth!) bearing a pot of porter.

  • Her appearance always acted as a damper to the curiosity raised by her oral oddities:

  • hard-featured and staid, she had no point to which interest could attach.

  • I made some attempts to draw her into conversation, but she seemed a person of

  • few words: a monosyllabic reply usually cut short every effort of that sort.

  • The other members of the household, viz., John and his wife, Leah the housemaid, and

  • Sophie the French nurse, were decent people; but in no respect remarkable; with

  • Sophie I used to talk French, and sometimes

  • I asked her questions about her native country; but she was not of a descriptive

  • or narrative turn, and generally gave such vapid and confused answers as were

  • calculated rather to check than encourage inquiry.

  • October, November, December passed away.

  • One afternoon in January, Mrs. Fairfax had begged a holiday for Adele, because she had

  • a cold; and, as Adele seconded the request with an ardour that reminded me how

  • precious occasional holidays had been to me

  • in my own childhood, I accorded it, deeming that I did well in showing pliability on

  • the point.

  • It was a fine, calm day, though very cold; I was tired of sitting still in the library

  • through a whole long morning: Mrs. Fairfax had just written a letter which was waiting

  • to be posted, so I put on my bonnet and

  • cloak and volunteered to carry it to Hay; the distance, two miles, would be a

  • pleasant winter afternoon walk.

  • Having seen Adele comfortably seated in her little chair by Mrs. Fairfax's parlour

  • fireside, and given her her best wax doll (which I usually kept enveloped in silver

  • paper in a drawer) to play with, and a

  • story-book for change of amusement; and having replied to her "Revenez bientot, ma

  • bonne amie, ma chere Mdlle. Jeannette," with a kiss I set out.

  • The ground was hard, the air was still, my road was lonely; I walked fast till I got

  • warm, and then I walked slowly to enjoy and analyse the species of pleasure brooding

  • for me in the hour and situation.

  • It was three o'clock; the church bell tolled as I passed under the belfry: the

  • charm of the hour lay in its approaching dimness, in the low-gliding and pale-

  • beaming sun.

  • I was a mile from Thornfield, in a lane noted for wild roses in summer, for nuts

  • and blackberries in autumn, and even now possessing a few coral treasures in hips

  • and haws, but whose best winter delight lay in its utter solitude and leafless repose.

  • If a breath of air stirred, it made no sound here; for there was not a holly, not

  • an evergreen to rustle, and the stripped hawthorn and hazel bushes were as still as

  • the white, worn stones which causewayed the middle of the path.

  • Far and wide, on each side, there were only fields, where no cattle now browsed; and

  • the little brown birds, which stirred occasionally in the hedge, looked like

  • single russet leaves that had forgotten to drop.

  • This lane inclined up-hill all the way to Hay; having reached the middle, I sat down

  • on a stile which led thence into a field.

  • Gathering my mantle about me, and sheltering my hands in my muff, I did not

  • feel the cold, though it froze keenly; as was attested by a sheet of ice covering the

  • causeway, where a little brooklet, now

  • congealed, had overflowed after a rapid thaw some days since.

  • From my seat I could look down on Thornfield: the grey and battlemented hall

  • was the principal object in the vale below me; its woods and dark rookery rose against

  • the west.

  • I lingered till the sun went down amongst the trees, and sank crimson and clear

  • behind them. I then turned eastward.

  • On the hill-top above me sat the rising moon; pale yet as a cloud, but brightening

  • momentarily, she looked over Hay, which, half lost in trees, sent up a blue smoke

  • from its few chimneys: it was yet a mile

  • distant, but in the absolute hush I could hear plainly its thin murmurs of life.

  • My ear, too, felt the flow of currents; in what dales and depths I could not tell: but

  • there were many hills beyond Hay, and doubtless many becks threading their

  • passes.

  • That evening calm betrayed alike the tinkle of the nearest streams, the sough of the

  • most remote.

  • A rude noise broke on these fine ripplings and whisperings, at once so far away and so

  • clear: a positive tramp, tramp, a metallic clatter, which effaced the soft wave-

  • wanderings; as, in a picture, the solid

  • mass of a crag, or the rough boles of a great oak, drawn in dark and strong on the

  • foreground, efface the aerial distance of azure hill, sunny horizon, and blended

  • clouds where tint melts into tint.

  • The din was on the causeway: a horse was coming; the windings of the lane yet hid

  • it, but it approached.

  • I was just leaving the stile; yet, as the path was narrow, I sat still to let it go

  • by.

  • In those days I was young, and all sorts of fancies bright and dark tenanted my mind:

  • the memories of nursery stories were there amongst other rubbish; and when they

  • recurred, maturing youth added to them a

  • vigour and vividness beyond what childhood could give.

  • As this horse approached, and as I watched for it to appear through the dusk, I

  • remembered certain of Bessie's tales, wherein figured a North-of-England spirit

  • called a "Gytrash," which, in the form of

  • horse, mule, or large dog, haunted solitary ways, and sometimes came upon belated

  • travellers, as this horse was now coming upon me.

  • It was very near, but not yet in sight; when, in addition to the tramp, tramp, I

  • heard a rush under the hedge, and close down by the hazel stems glided a great dog,

  • whose black and white colour made him a distinct object against the trees.

  • It was exactly one form of Bessie's Gytrash--a lion-like creature with long

  • hair and a huge head: it passed me, however, quietly enough; not staying to

  • look up, with strange pretercanine eyes, in my face, as I half expected it would.

  • The horse followed,--a tall steed, and on its back a rider.

  • The man, the human being, broke the spell at once.

  • Nothing ever rode the Gytrash: it was always alone; and goblins, to my notions,

  • though they might tenant the dumb carcasses of beasts, could scarce covet shelter in

  • the commonplace human form.

  • No Gytrash was this,--only a traveller taking the short cut to Millcote.

  • He passed, and I went on; a few steps, and I turned: a sliding sound and an

  • exclamation of "What the deuce is to do now?" and a clattering tumble, arrested my

  • attention.

  • Man and horse were down; they had slipped on the sheet of ice which glazed the

  • causeway.

  • The dog came bounding back, and seeing his master in a predicament, and hearing the

  • horse groan, barked till the evening hills echoed the sound, which was deep in

  • proportion to his magnitude.

  • He snuffed round the prostrate group, and then he ran up to me; it was all he could

  • do,--there was no other help at hand to summon.

  • I obeyed him, and walked down to the traveller, by this time struggling himself

  • free of his steed.

  • His efforts were so vigorous, I thought he could not be much hurt; but I asked him the

  • question-- "Are you injured, sir?"

  • I think he was swearing, but am not certain; however, he was pronouncing some

  • formula which prevented him from replying to me directly.

  • "Can I do anything?"

  • I asked again. "You must just stand on one side," he

  • answered as he rose, first to his knees, and then to his feet.

  • I did; whereupon began a heaving, stamping, clattering process, accompanied by a

  • barking and baying which removed me effectually some yards' distance; but I

  • would not be driven quite away till I saw the event.

  • This was finally fortunate; the horse was re-established, and the dog was silenced

  • with a "Down, Pilot!"

  • The traveller now, stooping, felt his foot and leg, as if trying whether they were

  • sound; apparently something ailed them, for he halted to the stile whence I had just

  • risen, and sat down.

  • I was in the mood for being useful, or at least officious, I think, for I now drew

  • near him again.

  • "If you are hurt, and want help, sir, I can fetch some one either from Thornfield Hall

  • or from Hay."

  • "Thank you: I shall do: I have no broken bones,--only a sprain;" and again he stood

  • up and tried his foot, but the result extorted an involuntary "Ugh!"

  • Something of daylight still lingered, and the moon was waxing bright: I could see him

  • plainly.

  • His figure was enveloped in a riding cloak, fur collared and steel clasped; its details

  • were not apparent, but I traced the general points of middle height and considerable

  • breadth of chest.

  • He had a dark face, with stern features and a heavy brow; his eyes and gathered

  • eyebrows looked ireful and thwarted just now; he was past youth, but had not reached

  • middle-age; perhaps he might be thirty- five.

  • I felt no fear of him, and but little shyness.

  • Had he been a handsome, heroic- looking young gentleman, I should not have dared to

  • stand thus questioning him against his will, and offering my services unasked.

  • I had hardly ever seen a handsome youth; never in my life spoken to one.

  • I had a theoretical reverence and homage for beauty, elegance, gallantry,

  • fascination; but had I met those qualities incarnate in masculine shape, I should have

  • known instinctively that they neither had

  • nor could have sympathy with anything in me, and should have shunned them as one

  • would fire, lightning, or anything else that is bright but antipathetic.

  • If even this stranger had smiled and been good-humoured to me when I addressed him;

  • if he had put off my offer of assistance gaily and with thanks, I should have gone

  • on my way and not felt any vocation to

  • renew inquiries: but the frown, the roughness of the traveller, set me at my

  • ease: I retained my station when he waved to me to go, and announced--

  • "I cannot think of leaving you, sir, at so late an hour, in this solitary lane, till I

  • see you are fit to mount your horse."

  • He looked at me when I said this; he had hardly turned his eyes in my direction

  • before.

  • "I should think you ought to be at home yourself," said he, "if you have a home in

  • this neighbourhood: where do you come from?"

  • "From just below; and I am not at all afraid of being out late when it is

  • moonlight: I will run over to Hay for you with pleasure, if you wish it: indeed, I am

  • going there to post a letter."

  • "You live just below--do you mean at that house with the battlements?" pointing to

  • Thornfield Hall, on which the moon cast a hoary gleam, bringing it out distinct and

  • pale from the woods that, by contrast with

  • the western sky, now seemed one mass of shadow.

  • "Yes, sir." "Whose house is it?"

  • "Mr. Rochester's."

  • "Do you know Mr. Rochester?" "No, I have never seen him."

  • "He is not resident, then?" "No."

  • "Can you tell me where he is?"

  • "I cannot." "You are not a servant at the hall, of

  • course.

  • You are--" He stopped, ran his eye over my dress, which, as usual, was quite simple: a

  • black merino cloak, a black beaver bonnet; neither of them half fine enough for a

  • lady's-maid.

  • He seemed puzzled to decide what I was; I helped him.

  • "I am the governess." "Ah, the governess!" he repeated; "deuce

  • take me, if I had not forgotten!

  • The governess!" and again my raiment underwent scrutiny.

  • In two minutes he rose from the stile: his face expressed pain when he tried to move.

  • "I cannot commission you to fetch help," he said; "but you may help me a little

  • yourself, if you will be so kind." "Yes, sir."

  • "You have not an umbrella that I can use as a stick?"

  • "No." "Try to get hold of my horse's bridle and

  • lead him to me: you are not afraid?"

  • I should have been afraid to touch a horse when alone, but when told to do it, I was

  • disposed to obey.

  • I put down my muff on the stile, and went up to the tall steed; I endeavoured to

  • catch the bridle, but it was a spirited thing, and would not let me come near its

  • head; I made effort on effort, though in

  • vain: meantime, I was mortally afraid of its trampling fore-feet.

  • The traveller waited and watched for some time, and at last he laughed.

  • {I was mortally afraid of its trampling forefeet: p107.jpg}

  • "I see," he said, "the mountain will never be brought to Mahomet, so all you can do is

  • to aid Mahomet to go to the mountain; I must beg of you to come here."

  • I came.

  • "Excuse me," he continued: "necessity compels me to make you useful."

  • He laid a heavy hand on my shoulder, and leaning on me with some stress, limped to

  • his horse.

  • Having once caught the bridle, he mastered it directly and sprang to his saddle;

  • grimacing grimly as he made the effort, for it wrenched his sprain.

  • "Now," said he, releasing his under lip from a hard bite, "just hand me my whip; it

  • lies there under the hedge." I sought it and found it.

  • "Thank you; now make haste with the letter to Hay, and return as fast as you can."

  • A touch of a spurred heel made his horse first start and rear, and then bound away;

  • the dog rushed in his traces; all three vanished,

  • "Like heath that, in the wilderness, The wild wind whirls away."

  • I took up my muff and walked on.

  • The incident had occurred and was gone for me: it was an incident of no moment, no

  • romance, no interest in a sense; yet it marked with change one single hour of a

  • monotonous life.

  • My help had been needed and claimed; I had given it: I was pleased to have done

  • something; trivial, transitory though the deed was, it was yet an active thing, and I

  • was weary of an existence all passive.

  • The new face, too, was like a new picture introduced to the gallery of memory; and it

  • was dissimilar to all the others hanging there: firstly, because it was masculine;

  • and, secondly, because it was dark, strong, and stern.

  • I had it still before me when I entered Hay, and slipped the letter into the post-

  • office; I saw it as I walked fast down-hill all the way home.

  • When I came to the stile, I stopped a minute, looked round and listened, with an

  • idea that a horse's hoofs might ring on the causeway again, and that a rider in a

  • cloak, and a Gytrash-like Newfoundland dog,

  • might be again apparent: I saw only the hedge and a pollard willow before me,

  • rising up still and straight to meet the moonbeams; I heard only the faintest waft

  • of wind roaming fitful among the trees

  • round Thornfield, a mile distant; and when I glanced down in the direction of the

  • murmur, my eye, traversing the hall-front, caught a light kindling in a window: it

  • reminded me that I was late, and I hurried on.

  • I did not like re-entering Thornfield.

  • To pass its threshold was to return to stagnation; to cross the silent hall, to

  • ascend the darksome staircase, to seek my own lonely little room, and then to meet

  • tranquil Mrs. Fairfax, and spend the long

  • winter evening with her, and her only, was to quell wholly the faint excitement

  • wakened by my walk,--to slip again over my faculties the viewless fetters of an

  • uniform and too still existence; of an

  • existence whose very privileges of security and ease I was becoming incapable of

  • appreciating.

  • What good it would have done me at that time to have been tossed in the storms of

  • an uncertain struggling life, and to have been taught by rough and bitter experience

  • to long for the calm amidst which I now repined!

  • Yes, just as much good as it would do a man tired of sitting still in a "too easy

  • chair" to take a long walk: and just as natural was the wish to stir, under my

  • circumstances, as it would be under his.

  • I lingered at the gates; I lingered on the lawn; I paced backwards and forwards on the

  • pavement; the shutters of the glass door were closed; I could not see into the

  • interior; and both my eyes and spirit

  • seemed drawn from the gloomy house--from the grey-hollow filled with rayless cells,

  • as it appeared to me--to that sky expanded before me,--a blue sea absolved from taint

  • of cloud; the moon ascending it in solemn

  • march; her orb seeming to look up as she left the hill-tops, from behind which she

  • had come, far and farther below her, and aspired to the zenith, midnight dark in its

  • fathomless depth and measureless distance;

  • and for those trembling stars that followed her course; they made my heart tremble, my

  • veins glow when I viewed them.

  • Little things recall us to earth; the clock struck in the hall; that sufficed; I turned

  • from moon and stars, opened a side- door, and went in.

  • The hall was not dark, nor yet was it lit, only by the high-hung bronze lamp; a warm

  • glow suffused both it and the lower steps of the oak staircase.

  • This ruddy shine issued from the great dining-room, whose two- leaved door stood

  • open, and showed a genial fire in the grate, glancing on marble hearth and brass

  • fire-irons, and revealing purple draperies

  • and polished furniture, in the most pleasant radiance.

  • It revealed, too, a group near the mantelpiece: I had scarcely caught it, and

  • scarcely become aware of a cheerful mingling of voices, amongst which I seemed

  • to distinguish the tones of Adele, when the door closed.

  • I hastened to Mrs. Fairfax's room; there was a fire there too, but no candle, and no

  • Mrs. Fairfax.

  • Instead, all alone, sitting upright on the rug, and gazing with gravity at the blaze,

  • I beheld a great black and white long- haired dog, just like the Gytrash of the

  • lane.

  • It was so like it that I went forward and said--"Pilot" and the thing got up and came

  • to me and snuffed me.

  • I caressed him, and he wagged his great tail; but he looked an eerie creature to be

  • alone with, and I could not tell whence he had come.

  • I rang the bell, for I wanted a candle; and I wanted, too, to get an account of this

  • visitant. Leah entered.

  • "What dog is this?"

  • "He came with master." "With whom?"

  • "With master--Mr. Rochester--he is just arrived."

  • "Indeed! and is Mrs. Fairfax with him?"

  • "Yes, and Miss Adele; they are in the dining-room, and John is gone for a

  • surgeon; for master has had an accident; his horse fell and his ankle is sprained."

  • "Did the horse fall in Hay Lane?"

  • "Yes, coming down-hill; it slipped on some ice."

  • "Ah! Bring me a candle will you Leah?"

  • Leah brought it; she entered, followed by Mrs. Fairfax, who repeated the news; adding

  • that Mr. Carter the surgeon was come, and was now with Mr. Rochester: then she

  • hurried out to give orders about tea, and I went upstairs to take off my things.

  • >

  • CHAPTER XIII

  • Mr. Rochester, it seems, by the surgeon's orders, went to bed early that night; nor

  • did he rise soon next morning.

  • When he did come down, it was to attend to business: his agent and some of his tenants

  • were arrived, and waiting to speak with him.

  • Adele and I had now to vacate the library: it would be in daily requisition as a

  • reception-room for callers.

  • A fire was lit in an apartment upstairs, and there I carried our books, and arranged

  • it for the future schoolroom.

  • I discerned in the course of the morning that Thornfield Hall was a changed place:

  • no longer silent as a church, it echoed every hour or two to a knock at the door,

  • or a clang of the bell; steps, too, often

  • traversed the hall, and new voices spoke in different keys below; a rill from the outer

  • world was flowing through it; it had a master: for my part, I liked it better.

  • Adele was not easy to teach that day; she could not apply: she kept running to the

  • door and looking over the banisters to see if she could get a glimpse of Mr.

  • Rochester; then she coined pretexts to go

  • downstairs, in order, as I shrewdly suspected, to visit the library, where I

  • knew she was not wanted; then, when I got a little angry, and made her sit still, she

  • continued to talk incessantly of her "ami,

  • Monsieur Edouard Fairfax de Rochester," as she dubbed him (I had not before heard

  • his prenomens), and to conjecture what presents he had brought her: for it appears

  • he had intimated the night before, that

  • when his luggage came from Millcote, there would be found amongst it a little box in

  • whose contents she had an interest.

  • "Et cela doit signifier," said she, "qu'il y aura la dedans un cadeau pour moi, et

  • peut-etre pour vous aussi, mademoiselle.

  • Monsieur a parle de vous: il m'a demande le nom de ma gouvernante, et si elle n'etait

  • pas une petite personne, assez mince et un peu pale.

  • J'ai dit qu'oui: car c'est vrai, n'est-ce pas, mademoiselle?"

  • I and my pupil dined as usual in Mrs. Fairfax's parlour; the afternoon was wild

  • and snowy, and we passed it in the schoolroom.

  • At dark I allowed Adele to put away books and work, and to run downstairs; for, from

  • the comparative silence below, and from the cessation of appeals to the door-bell, I

  • conjectured that Mr. Rochester was now at liberty.

  • Left alone, I walked to the window; but nothing was to be seen thence: twilight and

  • snowflakes together thickened the air, and hid the very shrubs on the lawn.

  • I let down the curtain and went back to the fireside.

  • In the clear embers I was tracing a view, not unlike a picture I remembered to have

  • seen of the castle of Heidelberg, on the Rhine, when Mrs. Fairfax came in, breaking

  • up by her entrance the fiery mosaic I had

  • been piercing together, and scattering too some heavy unwelcome thoughts that were

  • beginning to throng on my solitude.

  • "Mr. Rochester would be glad if you and your pupil would take tea with him in the

  • drawing-room this evening," said she: "he has been so much engaged all day that he

  • could not ask to see you before."

  • "When is his tea-time?" I inquired.

  • "Oh, at six o'clock: he keeps early hours in the country.

  • You had better change your frock now; I will go with you and fasten it.

  • Here is a candle." "Is it necessary to change my frock?"

  • "Yes, you had better: I always dress for the evening when Mr. Rochester is here."

  • This additional ceremony seemed somewhat stately; however, I repaired to my room,

  • and, with Mrs. Fairfax's aid, replaced my black stuff dress by one of black silk; the

  • best and the only additional one I had,

  • except one of light grey, which, in my Lowood notions of the toilette, I thought

  • too fine to be worn, except on first-rate occasions.

  • "You want a brooch," said Mrs. Fairfax.

  • I had a single little pearl ornament which Miss Temple gave me as a parting keepsake:

  • I put it on, and then we went downstairs.

  • Unused as I was to strangers, it was rather a trial to appear thus formally summoned in

  • Mr. Rochester's presence.

  • I let Mrs. Fairfax precede me into the dining-room, and kept in her shade as we

  • crossed that apartment; and, passing the arch, whose curtain was now dropped,

  • entered the elegant recess beyond.

  • Two wax candles stood lighted on the table, and two on the mantelpiece; basking in the

  • light and heat of a superb fire, lay Pilot- -Adele knelt near him.

  • Half reclined on a couch appeared Mr. Rochester, his foot supported by the

  • cushion; he was looking at Adele and the dog: the fire shone full on his face.

  • I knew my traveller with his broad and jetty eyebrows; his square forehead, made

  • squarer by the horizontal sweep of his black hair.

  • I recognised his decisive nose, more remarkable for character than beauty; his

  • full nostrils, denoting, I thought, choler; his grim mouth, chin, and jaw--yes, all

  • three were very grim, and no mistake.

  • His shape, now divested of cloak, I perceived harmonised in squareness with his

  • physiognomy: I suppose it was a good figure in the athletic sense of the term--broad

  • chested and thin flanked, though neither tall nor graceful.

  • Mr. Rochester must have been aware of the entrance of Mrs. Fairfax and myself; but it

  • appeared he was not in the mood to notice us, for he never lifted his head as we

  • approached.

  • "Here is Miss Eyre, sir," said Mrs. Fairfax, in her quiet way.

  • He bowed, still not taking his eyes from the group of the dog and child.

  • "Let Miss Eyre be seated," said he: and there was something in the forced stiff

  • bow, in the impatient yet formal tone, which seemed further to express, "What the

  • deuce is it to me whether Miss Eyre be there or not?

  • At this moment I am not disposed to accost her."

  • I sat down quite disembarrassed.

  • A reception of finished politeness would probably have confused me: I could not have

  • returned or repaid it by answering grace and elegance on my part; but harsh caprice

  • laid me under no obligation; on the

  • contrary, a decent quiescence, under the freak of manner, gave me the advantage.

  • Besides, the eccentricity of the proceeding was piquant: I felt interested to see how

  • he would go on.

  • He went on as a statue would, that is, he neither spoke nor moved.

  • Mrs. Fairfax seemed to think it necessary that some one should be amiable, and she

  • began to talk.

  • Kindly, as usual--and, as usual, rather trite--she condoled with him on the

  • pressure of business he had had all day; on the annoyance it must have been to him with

  • that painful sprain: then she commended his

  • patience and perseverance in going through with it.

  • "Madam, I should like some tea," was the sole rejoinder she got.

  • She hastened to ring the bell; and when the tray came, she proceeded to arrange the

  • cups, spoons, &c., with assiduous celerity. I and Adele went to the table; but the

  • master did not leave his couch.

  • "Will you hand Mr. Rochester's cup?" said Mrs. Fairfax to me; "Adele might perhaps

  • spill it." I did as requested.

  • As he took the cup from my hand, Adele, thinking the moment propitious for making a

  • request in my favour, cried out--

  • "N'est-ce pas, monsieur, qu'il y a un cadeau pour Mademoiselle Eyre dans votre

  • petit coffre?" "Who talks of cadeaux?" said he gruffly.

  • "Did you expect a present, Miss Eyre?

  • Are you fond of presents?" and he searched my face with eyes that I saw were dark,

  • irate, and piercing.

  • "I hardly know, sir; I have little experience of them: they are generally

  • thought pleasant things." "Generally thought?

  • But what do you think?"

  • "I should be obliged to take time, sir, before I could give you an answer worthy of

  • your acceptance: a present has many faces to it, has it not? and one should consider

  • all, before pronouncing an opinion as to its nature."

  • "Miss Eyre, you are not so unsophisticated as Adele: she demands a 'cadeau,'

  • clamorously, the moment she sees me: you beat about the bush."

  • "Because I have less confidence in my deserts than Adele has: she can prefer the

  • claim of old acquaintance, and the right too of custom; for she says you have always

  • been in the habit of giving her playthings;

  • but if I had to make out a case I should be puzzled, since I am a stranger, and have

  • done nothing to entitle me to an acknowledgment."

  • "Oh, don't fall back on over-modesty!

  • I have examined Adele, and find you have taken great pains with her: she is not

  • bright, she has no talents; yet in a short time she has made much improvement."

  • "Sir, you have now given me my 'cadeau;' I am obliged to you: it is the meed teachers

  • most covet--praise of their pupils' progress."

  • "Humph!" said Mr. Rochester, and he took his tea in silence.

  • "Come to the fire," said the master, when the tray was taken away, and Mrs. Fairfax

  • had settled into a corner with her knitting; while Adele was leading me by the

  • hand round the room, showing me the

  • beautiful books and ornaments on the consoles and chiffonnieres.

  • We obeyed, as in duty bound; Adele wanted to take a seat on my knee, but she was

  • ordered to amuse herself with Pilot.

  • "You have been resident in my house three months?"

  • "Yes, sir." "And you came from--?"

  • "From Lowood school, in ---shire."

  • "Ah! a charitable concern. How long were you there?"

  • "Eight years." "Eight years! you must be tenacious of

  • life.

  • I thought half the time in such a place would have done up any constitution!

  • No wonder you have rather the look of another world.

  • I marvelled where you had got that sort of face.

  • When you came on me in Hay Lane last night, I thought unaccountably of fairy tales, and

  • had half a mind to demand whether you had bewitched my horse: I am not sure yet.

  • Who are your parents?"

  • "I have none." "Nor ever had, I suppose: do you remember

  • them?" "No."

  • "I thought not.

  • And so you were waiting for your people when you sat on that stile?"

  • "For whom, sir?" "For the men in green: it was a proper

  • moonlight evening for them.

  • Did I break through one of your rings, that you spread that damned ice on the

  • causeway?" I shook my head.

  • "The men in green all forsook England a hundred years ago," said I, speaking as

  • seriously as he had done. "And not even in Hay Lane, or the fields

  • about it, could you find a trace of them.

  • I don't think either summer or harvest, or winter moon, will ever shine on their

  • revels more."

  • Mrs. Fairfax had dropped her knitting, and, with raised eyebrows, seemed wondering what

  • sort of talk this was.

  • "Well," resumed Mr. Rochester, "if you disown parents, you must have some sort of

  • kinsfolk: uncles and aunts?" "No; none that I ever saw."

  • "And your home?"

  • "I have none." "Where do your brothers and sisters live?"

  • "I have no brothers or sisters." "Who recommended you to come here?"

  • "I advertised, and Mrs. Fairfax answered my advertisement."

  • "Yes," said the good lady, who now knew what ground we were upon, "and I am daily

  • thankful for the choice Providence led me to make.

  • Miss Eyre has been an invaluable companion to me, and a kind and careful teacher to

  • Adele."

  • "Don't trouble yourself to give her a character," returned Mr. Rochester:

  • "eulogiums will not bias me; I shall judge for myself.

  • She began by felling my horse."

  • "Sir?" said Mrs. Fairfax. "I have to thank her for this sprain."

  • The widow looked bewildered. "Miss Eyre, have you ever lived in a town?"

  • "No, sir."

  • "Have you seen much society?" "None but the pupils and teachers of

  • Lowood, and now the inmates of Thornfield." "Have you read much?"

  • "Only such books as came in my way; and they have not been numerous or very

  • learned."

  • "You have lived the life of a nun: no doubt you are well drilled in religious forms;--

  • Brocklehurst, who I understand directs Lowood, is a parson, is he not?"

  • "Yes, sir."

  • "And you girls probably worshipped him, as a convent full of religieuses would worship

  • their director." "Oh, no."

  • "You are very cool! No! What! a novice not worship her priest!

  • That sounds blasphemous." "I disliked Mr. Brocklehurst; and I was not

  • alone in the feeling.

  • He is a harsh man; at once pompous and meddling; he cut off our hair; and for

  • economy's sake bought us bad needles and thread, with which we could hardly sew."

  • "That was very false economy," remarked Mrs. Fairfax, who now again caught the

  • drift of the dialogue. "And was that the head and front of his

  • offending?" demanded Mr. Rochester.

  • "He starved us when he had the sole superintendence of the provision

  • department, before the committee was appointed; and he bored us with long

  • lectures once a week, and with evening

  • readings from books of his own inditing, about sudden deaths and judgments, which

  • made us afraid to go to bed." "What age were you when you went to

  • Lowood?"

  • "About ten." "And you stayed there eight years: you are

  • now, then, eighteen?" I assented.

  • "Arithmetic, you see, is useful; without its aid, I should hardly have been able to

  • guess your age.

  • It is a point difficult to fix where the features and countenance are so much at

  • variance as in your case. And now what did you learn at Lowood?

  • Can you play?"

  • "A little." "Of course: that is the established answer.

  • Go into the library--I mean, if you please.--(Excuse my tone of command; I am

  • used to say, 'Do this,' and it is done: I cannot alter my customary habits for one

  • new inmate.)--Go, then, into the library;

  • take a candle with you; leave the door open; sit down to the piano, and play a

  • tune." I departed, obeying his directions.

  • "Enough!" he called out in a few minutes.

  • "You play a little, I see; like any other English school-girl; perhaps rather better

  • than some, but not well." I closed the piano and returned.

  • Mr. Rochester continued--"Adele showed me some sketches this morning, which she said

  • were yours. I don't know whether they were entirely of

  • your doing; probably a master aided you?"

  • "No, indeed!" I interjected.

  • "Ah! that pricks pride.

  • Well, fetch me your portfolio, if you can vouch for its contents being original; but

  • don't pass your word unless you are certain: I can recognise patchwork."

  • "Then I will say nothing, and you shall judge for yourself, sir."

  • I brought the portfolio from the library. "Approach the table," said he; and I

  • wheeled it to his couch.

  • Adele and Mrs. Fairfax drew near to see the pictures.

  • "No crowding," said Mr. Rochester: "take the drawings from my hand as I finish with

  • them; but don't push your faces up to mine."

  • He deliberately scrutinised each sketch and painting.

  • Three he laid aside; the others, when he had examined them, he swept from him.

  • "Take them off to the other table, Mrs. Fairfax," said he, "and look at them with

  • Adele;--you" (glancing at me) "resume your seat, and answer my questions.

  • I perceive those pictures were done by one hand: was that hand yours?"

  • "Yes." "And when did you find time to do them?

  • They have taken much time, and some thought."

  • "I did them in the last two vacations I spent at Lowood, when I had no other

  • occupation."

  • "Where did you get your copies?" "Out of my head."

  • "That head I see now on your shoulders?" "Yes, sir."

  • "Has it other furniture of the same kind within?"

  • "I should think it may have: I should hope- -better."

  • He spread the pictures before him, and again surveyed them alternately.

  • While he is so occupied, I will tell you, reader, what they are: and first, I must

  • premise that they are nothing wonderful.

  • The subjects had, indeed, risen vividly on my mind.

  • As I saw them with the spiritual eye, before I attempted to embody them, they

  • were striking; but my hand would not second my fancy, and in each case it had wrought

  • out but a pale portrait of the thing I had conceived.

  • These pictures were in water-colours.

  • The first represented clouds low and livid, rolling over a swollen sea: all the

  • distance was in eclipse; so, too, was the foreground; or rather, the nearest billows,

  • for there was no land.

  • One gleam of light lifted into relief a half-submerged mast, on which sat a

  • cormorant, dark and large, with wings flecked with foam; its beak held a gold

  • bracelet set with gems, that I had touched

  • with as brilliant tints as my palette could yield, and as glittering distinctness as my

  • pencil could impart.

  • Sinking below the bird and mast, a drowned corpse glanced through the green water; a

  • fair arm was the only limb clearly visible, whence the bracelet had been washed or

  • torn.

  • The second picture contained for foreground only the dim peak of a hill, with grass and

  • some leaves slanting as if by a breeze.

  • Beyond and above spread an expanse of sky, dark blue as at twilight: rising into the

  • sky was a woman's shape to the bust, portrayed in tints as dusk and soft as I

  • could combine.

  • The dim forehead was crowned with a star; the lineaments below were seen as through

  • the suffusion of vapour; the eyes shone dark and wild; the hair streamed shadowy,

  • like a beamless cloud torn by storm or by electric travail.

  • On the neck lay a pale reflection like moonlight; the same faint lustre touched

  • the train of thin clouds from which rose and bowed this vision of the Evening Star.

  • The third showed the pinnacle of an iceberg piercing a polar winter sky: a muster of

  • northern lights reared their dim lances, close serried, along the horizon.

  • Throwing these into distance, rose, in the foreground, a head,--a colossal head,

  • inclined towards the iceberg, and resting against it.

  • Two thin hands, joined under the forehead, and supporting it, drew up before the lower

  • features a sable veil, a brow quite bloodless, white as bone, and an eye hollow

  • and fixed, blank of meaning but for the glassiness of despair, alone were visible.

  • Above the temples, amidst wreathed turban folds of black drapery, vague in its

  • character and consistency as cloud, gleamed a ring of white flame, gemmed with sparkles

  • of a more lurid tinge.

  • This pale crescent was "the likeness of a kingly crown;" what it diademed was "the

  • shape which shape had none." "Were you happy when you painted these

  • pictures?" asked Mr. Rochester presently.

  • "I was absorbed, sir: yes, and I was happy. To paint them, in short, was to enjoy one

  • of the keenest pleasures I have ever known."

  • "That is not saying much.

  • Your pleasures, by your own account, have been few; but I daresay you did exist in a

  • kind of artist's dreamland while you blent and arranged these strange tints.

  • Did you sit at them long each day?"

  • "I had nothing else to do, because it was the vacation, and I sat at them from

  • morning till noon, and from noon till night: the length of the midsummer days

  • favoured my inclination to apply."

  • "And you felt self-satisfied with the result of your ardent labours?"

  • "Far from it.

  • I was tormented by the contrast between my idea and my handiwork: in each case I had

  • imagined something which I was quite powerless to realise."

  • "Not quite: you have secured the shadow of your thought; but no more, probably.

  • You had not enough of the artist's skill and science to give it full being: yet the

  • drawings are, for a school-girl, peculiar.

  • As to the thoughts, they are elfish. These eyes in the Evening Star you must

  • have seen in a dream.

  • How could you make them look so clear, and yet not at all brilliant? for the planet

  • above quells their rays. And what meaning is that in their solemn

  • depth?

  • And who taught you to paint wind? There is a high gale in that sky, and on

  • this hill-top. Where did you see Latmos?

  • For that is Latmos.

  • There! put the drawings away!" I had scarce tied the strings of the

  • portfolio, when, looking at his watch, he said abruptly--

  • "It is nine o'clock: what are you about, Miss Eyre, to let Adele sit up so long?

  • Take her to bed."

  • Adele went to kiss him before quitting the room: he endured the caress, but scarcely

  • seemed to relish it more than Pilot would have done, nor so much.

  • "I wish you all good-night, now," said he, making a movement of the hand towards the

  • door, in token that he was tired of our company, and wished to dismiss us.

  • Mrs. Fairfax folded up her knitting: I took my portfolio: we curtseyed to him, received

  • a frigid bow in return, and so withdrew.

  • "You said Mr. Rochester was not strikingly peculiar, Mrs. Fairfax," I observed, when I

  • rejoined her in her room, after putting Adele to bed.

  • "Well, is he?"

  • "I think so: he is very changeful and abrupt."

  • "True: no doubt he may appear so to a stranger, but I am so accustomed to his

  • manner, I never think of it; and then, if he has peculiarities of temper, allowance

  • should be made."

  • "Why?"

  • "Partly because it is his nature--and we can none of us help our nature; and partly

  • because he has painful thoughts, no doubt, to harass him, and make his spirits

  • unequal."

  • "What about?" "Family troubles, for one thing."

  • "But he has no family." "Not now, but he has had--or, at least,

  • relatives.

  • He lost his elder brother a few years since."

  • "His elder brother?"

  • "Yes. The present Mr. Rochester has not been very long in possession of the

  • property; only about nine years." "Nine years is a tolerable time.

  • Was he so very fond of his brother as to be still inconsolable for his loss?"

  • "Why, no--perhaps not. I believe there were some misunderstandings

  • between them.

  • Mr. Rowland Rochester was not quite just to Mr. Edward; and perhaps he prejudiced his

  • father against him. The old gentleman was fond of money, and

  • anxious to keep the family estate together.

  • He did not like to diminish the property by division, and yet he was anxious that Mr.

  • Edward should have wealth, too, to keep up the consequence of the name; and, soon

  • after he was of age, some steps were taken

  • that were not quite fair, and made a great deal of mischief.

  • Old Mr. Rochester and Mr. Rowland combined to bring Mr. Edward into what he considered

  • a painful position, for the sake of making his fortune: what the precise nature of

  • that position was I never clearly knew, but

  • his spirit could not brook what he had to suffer in it.

  • He is not very forgiving: he broke with his family, and now for many years he has led

  • an unsettled kind of life.

  • I don't think he has ever been resident at Thornfield for a fortnight together, since

  • the death of his brother without a will left him master of the estate; and, indeed,

  • no wonder he shuns the old place."

  • "Why should he shun it?" "Perhaps he thinks it gloomy."

  • The answer was evasive.

  • I should have liked something clearer; but Mrs. Fairfax either could not, or would

  • not, give me more explicit information of the origin and nature of Mr. Rochester's

  • trials.

  • She averred they were a mystery to herself, and that what she knew was chiefly from

  • conjecture.

  • It was evident, indeed, that she wished me to drop the subject, which I did

  • accordingly.

  • >

  • CHAPTER XIV

  • For several subsequent days I saw little of Mr. Rochester.

  • In the mornings he seemed much engaged with business, and, in the afternoon, gentlemen

  • from Millcote or the neighbourhood called, and sometimes stayed to dine with him.

  • When his sprain was well enough to admit of horse exercise, he rode out a good deal;

  • probably to return these visits, as he generally did not come back till late at

  • night.

  • During this interval, even Adele was seldom sent for to his presence, and all my

  • acquaintance with him was confined to an occasional rencontre in the hall, on the

  • stairs, or in the gallery, when he would

  • sometimes pass me haughtily and coldly, just acknowledging my presence by a distant

  • nod or a cool glance, and sometimes bow and smile with gentlemanlike affability.

  • His changes of mood did not offend me, because I saw that I had nothing to do with

  • their alternation; the ebb and flow depended on causes quite disconnected with

  • me.

  • One day he had had company to dinner, and had sent for my portfolio; in order,

  • doubtless, to exhibit its contents: the gentlemen went away early, to attend a

  • public meeting at Millcote, as Mrs. Fairfax

  • informed me; but the night being wet and inclement, Mr. Rochester did not accompany

  • them.

  • Soon after they were gone he rang the bell: a message came that I and Adele were to go

  • downstairs.

  • I brushed Adele's hair and made her neat, and having ascertained that I was myself in

  • my usual Quaker trim, where there was nothing to retouch--all being too close and

  • plain, braided locks included, to admit of

  • disarrangement--we descended, Adele wondering whether the petit coffre was at

  • length come; for, owing to some mistake, its arrival had hitherto been delayed.

  • She was gratified: there it stood, a little carton, on the table when we entered the

  • dining-room. She appeared to know it by instinct.

  • "Ma boite! ma boite!" exclaimed she, running towards it.

  • "Yes, there is your 'boite' at last: take it into a corner, you genuine daughter of

  • Paris, and amuse yourself with disembowelling it," said the deep and

  • rather sarcastic voice of Mr. Rochester,

  • proceeding from the depths of an immense easy-chair at the fireside.

  • "And mind," he continued, "don't bother me with any details of the anatomical process,

  • or any notice of the condition of the entrails: let your operation be conducted

  • in silence: tiens-toi tranquille, enfant; comprends-tu?"

  • Adele seemed scarcely to need the warning-- she had already retired to a sofa with her

  • treasure, and was busy untying the cord which secured the lid.

  • Having removed this impediment, and lifted certain silvery envelopes of tissue paper,

  • she merely exclaimed-- "Oh ciel!

  • Que c'est beau!" and then remained absorbed in ecstatic contemplation.

  • "Is Miss Eyre there?" now demanded the master, half rising from his seat to look

  • round to the door, near which I still stood.

  • "Ah! well, come forward; be seated here."

  • He drew a chair near his own. "I am not fond of the prattle of children,"

  • he continued; "for, old bachelor as I am, I have no pleasant associations connected

  • with their lisp.

  • It would be intolerable to me to pass a whole evening tete-a-tete with a brat.

  • Don't draw that chair farther off, Miss Eyre; sit down exactly where I placed it--

  • if you please, that is.

  • Confound these civilities! I continually forget them.

  • Nor do I particularly affect simple-minded old ladies.

  • By-the-bye, I must have mine in mind; it won't do to neglect her; she is a Fairfax,

  • or wed to one; and blood is said to be thicker than water."

  • He rang, and despatched an invitation to Mrs. Fairfax, who soon arrived, knitting-

  • basket in hand. "Good evening, madam; I sent to you for a

  • charitable purpose.

  • I have forbidden Adele to talk to me about her presents, and she is bursting with

  • repletion: have the goodness to serve her as auditress and interlocutrice; it will be

  • one of the most benevolent acts you ever performed."

  • Adele, indeed, no sooner saw Mrs. Fairfax, than she summoned her to her sofa, and

  • there quickly filled her lap with the porcelain, the ivory, the waxen contents of

  • her "boite;" pouring out, meantime,

  • explanations and raptures in such broken English as she was mistress of.

  • "Now I have performed the part of a good host," pursued Mr. Rochester, "put my

  • guests into the way of amusing each other, I ought to be at liberty to attend to my

  • own pleasure.

  • Miss Eyre, draw your chair still a little farther forward: you are yet too far back;

  • I cannot see you without disturbing my position in this comfortable chair, which I

  • have no mind to do."

  • I did as I was bid, though I would much rather have remained somewhat in the shade;

  • but Mr. Rochester had such a direct way of giving orders, it seemed a matter of course

  • to obey him promptly.

  • We were, as I have said, in the dining- room: the lustre, which had been lit for

  • dinner, filled the room with a festal breadth of light; the large fire was all

  • red and clear; the purple curtains hung

  • rich and ample before the lofty window and loftier arch; everything was still, save

  • the subdued chat of Adele (she dared not speak loud), and, filling up each pause,

  • the beating of winter rain against the panes.

  • Mr. Rochester, as he sat in his damask- covered chair, looked different to what I

  • had seen him look before; not quite so stern--much less gloomy.

  • There was a smile on his lips, and his eyes sparkled, whether with wine or not, I am

  • not sure; but I think it very probable.

  • He was, in short, in his after-dinner mood; more expanded and genial, and also more

  • self- indulgent than the frigid and rigid temper of the morning; still he looked

  • preciously grim, cushioning his massive

  • head against the swelling back of his chair, and receiving the light of the fire

  • on his granite- hewn features, and in his great, dark eyes; for he had great, dark

  • eyes, and very fine eyes, too--not without

  • a certain change in their depths sometimes, which, if it was not softness, reminded

  • you, at least, of that feeling.

  • He had been looking two minutes at the fire, and I had been looking the same

  • length of time at him, when, turning suddenly, he caught my gaze fastened on his

  • physiognomy.

  • "You examine me, Miss Eyre," said he: "do you think me handsome?"

  • I should, if I had deliberated, have replied to this question by something

  • conventionally vague and polite; but the answer somehow slipped from my tongue

  • before I was aware--"No, sir."

  • "Ah! By my word! there is something singular about you," said he: "you have the

  • air of a little nonnette; quaint, quiet, grave, and simple, as you sit with your

  • hands before you, and your eyes generally

  • bent on the carpet (except, by-the-bye, when they are directed piercingly to my

  • face; as just now, for instance); and when one asks you a question, or makes a remark

  • to which you are obliged to reply, you rap

  • out a round rejoinder, which, if not blunt, is at least brusque.

  • What do you mean by it?" "Sir, I was too plain; I beg your pardon.

  • I ought to have replied that it was not easy to give an impromptu answer to a

  • question about appearances; that tastes mostly differ; and that beauty is of little

  • consequence, or something of that sort."

  • "You ought to have replied no such thing. Beauty of little consequence, indeed!

  • And so, under pretence of softening the previous outrage, of stroking and soothing

  • me into placidity, you stick a sly penknife under my ear!

  • Go on: what fault do you find with me, pray?

  • I suppose I have all my limbs and all my features like any other man?"

  • "Mr. Rochester, allow me to disown my first answer: I intended no pointed repartee: it

  • was only a blunder." "Just so: I think so: and you shall be

  • answerable for it.

  • Criticise me: does my forehead not please you?"

  • He lifted up the sable waves of hair which lay horizontally over his brow, and showed

  • a solid enough mass of intellectual organs, but an abrupt deficiency where the suave

  • sign of benevolence should have risen.

  • "Now, ma'am, am I a fool?" "Far from it, sir.

  • You would, perhaps, think me rude if I inquired in return whether you are a

  • philanthropist?"

  • "There again!

  • Another stick of the penknife, when she pretended to pat my head: and that is

  • because I said I did not like the society of children and old women (low be it

  • spoken!).

  • No, young lady, I am not a general philanthropist; but I bear a conscience;"

  • and he pointed to the prominences which are said to indicate that faculty, and which,

  • fortunately for him, were sufficiently

  • conspicuous; giving, indeed, a marked breadth to the upper part of his head:

  • "and, besides, I once had a kind of rude tenderness of heart.

  • When I was as old as you, I was a feeling fellow enough, partial to the unfledged,

  • unfostered, and unlucky; but Fortune has knocked me about since: she has even

  • kneaded me with her knuckles, and now I

  • flatter myself I am hard and tough as an India-rubber ball; pervious, though,

  • through a chink or two still, and with one sentient point in the middle of the lump.

  • Yes: does that leave hope for me?"

  • "Hope of what, sir?" "Of my final re-transformation from India-

  • rubber back to flesh?"

  • "Decidedly he has had too much wine," I thought; and I did not know what answer to

  • make to his queer question: how could I tell whether he was capable of being re-

  • transformed?

  • "You looked very much puzzled, Miss Eyre; and though you are not pretty any more than

  • I am handsome, yet a puzzled air becomes you; besides, it is convenient, for it

  • keeps those searching eyes of yours away

  • from my physiognomy, and busies them with the worsted flowers of the rug; so puzzle

  • on. Young lady, I am disposed to be gregarious

  • and communicative to-night."

  • With this announcement he rose from his chair, and stood, leaning his arm on the

  • marble mantelpiece: in that attitude his shape was seen plainly as well as his face;

  • his unusual breadth of chest,

  • disproportionate almost to his length of limb.

  • I am sure most people would have thought him an ugly man; yet there was so much

  • unconscious pride in his port; so much ease in his demeanour; such a look of complete

  • indifference to his own external

  • appearance; so haughty a reliance on the power of other qualities, intrinsic or

  • adventitious, to atone for the lack of mere personal attractiveness, that, in looking

  • at him, one inevitably shared the

  • indifference, and, even in a blind, imperfect sense, put faith in the

  • confidence.

  • "I am disposed to be gregarious and communicative to-night," he repeated, "and

  • that is why I sent for you: the fire and the chandelier were not sufficient company

  • for me; nor would Pilot have been, for none of these can talk.

  • Adele is a degree better, but still far below the mark; Mrs. Fairfax ditto; you, I

  • am persuaded, can suit me if you will: you puzzled me the first evening I invited you

  • down here.

  • I have almost forgotten you since: other ideas have driven yours from my head; but

  • to-night I am resolved to be at ease; to dismiss what importunes, and recall what

  • pleases.

  • It would please me now to draw you out--to learn more of you--therefore speak."

  • Instead of speaking, I smiled; and not a very complacent or submissive smile either.

  • "Speak," he urged.

  • "What about, sir?" "Whatever you like.

  • I leave both the choice of subject and the manner of treating it entirely to

  • yourself."

  • Accordingly I sat and said nothing: "If he expects me to talk for the mere sake of

  • talking and showing off, he will find he has addressed himself to the wrong person,"

  • I thought.

  • "You are dumb, Miss Eyre." I was dumb still.

  • He bent his head a little towards me, and with a single hasty glance seemed to dive

  • into my eyes.

  • "Stubborn?" he said, "and annoyed. Ah! it is consistent.

  • I put my request in an absurd, almost insolent form.

  • Miss Eyre, I beg your pardon.

  • The fact is, once for all, I don't wish to treat you like an inferior: that is"

  • (correcting himself), "I claim only such superiority as must result from twenty

  • years' difference in age and a century's advance in experience.

  • This is legitimate, et j'y tiens, as Adele would say; and it is by virtue of

  • this superiority, and this alone, that I desire you to have the goodness to talk to

  • me a little now, and divert my thoughts,

  • which are galled with dwelling on one point--cankering as a rusty nail."

  • He had deigned an explanation, almost an apology, and I did not feel insensible to

  • his condescension, and would not seem so.

  • "I am willing to amuse you, if I can, sir-- quite willing; but I cannot introduce a

  • topic, because how do I know what will interest you?

  • Ask me questions, and I will do my best to answer them."

  • "Then, in the first place, do you agree with me that I have a right to be a little

  • masterful, abrupt, perhaps exacting, sometimes, on the grounds I stated, namely,

  • that I am old enough to be your father, and

  • that I have battled through a varied experience with many men of many nations,

  • and roamed over half the globe, while you have lived quietly with one set of people

  • in one house?"

  • "Do as you please, sir." "That is no answer; or rather it is a very

  • irritating, because a very evasive one. Reply clearly."

  • "I don't think, sir, you have a right to command me, merely because you are older

  • than I, or because you have seen more of the world than I have; your claim to

  • superiority depends on the use you have made of your time and experience."

  • "Humph! Promptly spoken.

  • But I won't allow that, seeing that it would never suit my case, as I have made an

  • indifferent, not to say a bad, use of both advantages.

  • Leaving superiority out of the question, then, you must still agree to receive my

  • orders now and then, without being piqued or hurt by the tone of command.

  • Will you?"

  • I smiled: I thought to myself Mr. Rochester is peculiar--he seems to forget that he

  • pays me 30 pounds per annum for receiving his orders.

  • "The smile is very well," said he, catching instantly the passing expression; "but

  • speak too."

  • "I was thinking, sir, that very few masters would trouble themselves to inquire whether

  • or not their paid subordinates were piqued and hurt by their orders."

  • "Paid subordinates!

  • What! you are my paid subordinate, are you? Oh yes, I had forgotten the salary!

  • Well then, on that mercenary ground, will you agree to let me hector a little?"

  • "No, sir, not on that ground; but, on the ground that you did forget it, and that you

  • care whether or not a dependent is comfortable in his dependency, I agree

  • heartily."

  • "And will you consent to dispense with a great many conventional forms and phrases,

  • without thinking that the omission arises from insolence?"

  • "I am sure, sir, I should never mistake informality for insolence: one I rather

  • like, the other nothing free-born would submit to, even for a salary."

  • "Humbug!

  • Most things free-born will submit to anything for a salary; therefore, keep to

  • yourself, and don't venture on generalities of which you are intensely ignorant.

  • However, I mentally shake hands with you for your answer, despite its inaccuracy;

  • and as much for the manner in which it was said, as for the substance of the speech;

  • the manner was frank and sincere; one does

  • not often see such a manner: no, on the contrary, affectation, or coldness, or

  • stupid, coarse-minded misapprehension of one's meaning are the usual rewards of

  • candour.

  • Not three in three thousand raw school- girl-governesses would have answered me as

  • you have just done.

  • But I don't mean to flatter you: if you are cast in a different mould to the majority,

  • it is no merit of yours: Nature did it.

  • And then, after all, I go too fast in my conclusions: for what I yet know, you may

  • be no better than the rest; you may have intolerable defects to counterbalance your

  • few good points."

  • "And so may you," I thought. My eye met his as the idea crossed my mind:

  • he seemed to read the glance, answering as if its import had been spoken as well as

  • imagined--

  • "Yes, yes, you are right," said he; "I have plenty of faults of my own: I know it, and

  • I don't wish to palliate them, I assure you.

  • God wot I need not be too severe about others; I have a past existence, a series

  • of deeds, a colour of life to contemplate within my own breast, which might well call

  • my sneers and censures from my neighbours to myself.

  • I started, or rather (for like other defaulters, I like to lay half the blame on

  • ill fortune and adverse circumstances) was thrust on to a wrong tack at the age of

  • one-and-twenty, and have never recovered

  • the right course since: but I might have been very different; I might have been as

  • good as you--wiser--almost as stainless. I envy you your peace of mind, your clean

  • conscience, your unpolluted memory.

  • Little girl, a memory without blot or contamination must be an exquisite

  • treasure--an inexhaustible source of pure refreshment: is it not?"

  • "How was your memory when you were eighteen, sir?"

  • "All right then; limpid, salubrious: no gush of bilge water had turned it to fetid

  • puddle.

  • I was your equal at eighteen--quite your equal.

  • Nature meant me to be, on the whole, a good man, Miss Eyre; one of the better kind, and

  • you see I am not so.

  • You would say you don't see it; at least I flatter myself I read as much in your eye

  • (beware, by-the-bye, what you express with that organ; I am quick at interpreting its

  • language).

  • Then take my word for it,--I am not a villain: you are not to suppose that--not

  • to attribute to me any such bad eminence; but, owing, I verily believe, rather to

  • circumstances than to my natural bent, I am

  • a trite commonplace sinner, hackneyed in all the poor petty dissipations with which

  • the rich and worthless try to put on life. Do you wonder that I avow this to you?

  • Know, that in the course of your future life you will often find yourself elected

  • the involuntary confidant of your acquaintances' secrets: people will

  • instinctively find out, as I have done,

  • that it is not your forte to tell of yourself, but to listen while others talk

  • of themselves; they will feel, too, that you listen with no malevolent scorn of

  • their indiscretion, but with a kind of

  • innate sympathy; not the less comforting and encouraging because it is very

  • unobtrusive in its manifestations." "How do you know?--how can you guess all

  • this, sir?"

  • "I know it well; therefore I proceed almost as freely as if I were writing my thoughts

  • in a diary.

  • You would say, I should have been superior to circumstances; so I should--so I should;

  • but you see I was not.

  • When fate wronged me, I had not the wisdom to remain cool: I turned desperate; then I

  • degenerated.

  • Now, when any vicious simpleton excites my disgust by his paltry ribaldry, I cannot

  • flatter myself that I am better than he: I am forced to confess that he and I are on a

  • level.

  • I wish I had stood firm--God knows I do! Dread remorse when you are tempted to err,

  • Miss Eyre; remorse is the poison of life." "Repentance is said to be its cure, sir."

  • "It is not its cure.

  • Reformation may be its cure; and I could reform--I have strength yet for that--if--

  • but where is the use of thinking of it, hampered, burdened, cursed as I am?

  • Besides, since happiness is irrevocably denied me, I have a right to get pleasure

  • out of life: and I will get it, cost what it may."

  • "Then you will degenerate still more, sir."

  • "Possibly: yet why should I, if I can get sweet, fresh pleasure?

  • And I may get it as sweet and fresh as the wild honey the bee gathers on the moor."

  • "It will sting--it will taste bitter, sir."

  • "How do you know?--you never tried it. How very serious--how very solemn you look:

  • and you are as ignorant of the matter as this cameo head" (taking one from the

  • mantelpiece).

  • "You have no right to preach to me, you neophyte, that have not passed the porch of

  • life, and are absolutely unacquainted with its mysteries."

  • "I only remind you of your own words, sir: you said error brought remorse, and you

  • pronounced remorse the poison of existence."

  • "And who talks of error now?

  • I scarcely think the notion that flittered across my brain was an error.

  • I believe it was an inspiration rather than a temptation: it was very genial, very

  • soothing--I know that.

  • Here it comes again! It is no devil, I assure you; or if it be,

  • it has put on the robes of an angel of light.

  • I think I must admit so fair a guest when it asks entrance to my heart."

  • "Distrust it, sir; it is not a true angel." "Once more, how do you know?

  • By what instinct do you pretend to distinguish between a fallen seraph of the

  • abyss and a messenger from the eternal throne--between a guide and a seducer?"

  • "I judged by your countenance, sir, which was troubled when you said the suggestion

  • had returned upon you. I feel sure it will work you more misery if

  • you listen to it."

  • "Not at all--it bears the most gracious message in the world: for the rest, you are

  • not my conscience-keeper, so don't make yourself uneasy.

  • Here, come in, bonny wanderer!"

  • He said this as if he spoke to a vision, viewless to any eye but his own; then,

  • folding his arms, which he had half extended, on his chest, he seemed to

  • enclose in their embrace the invisible being.

  • "Now," he continued, again addressing me, "I have received the pilgrim--a disguised

  • deity, as I verily believe.

  • Already it has done me good: my heart was a sort of charnel; it will now be a shrine."

  • "To speak truth, sir, I don't understand you at all: I cannot keep up the

  • conversation, because it has got out of my depth.

  • Only one thing, I know: you said you were not as good as you should like to be, and

  • that you regretted your own imperfection;-- one thing I can comprehend: you intimated

  • that to have a sullied memory was a perpetual bane.

  • It seems to me, that if you tried hard, you would in time find it possible to become

  • what you yourself would approve; and that if from this day you began with resolution

  • to correct your thoughts and actions, you

  • would in a few years have laid up a new and stainless store of recollections, to which

  • you might revert with pleasure."

  • "Justly thought; rightly said, Miss Eyre; and, at this moment, I am paving hell with

  • energy." "Sir?"

  • "I am laying down good intentions, which I believe durable as flint.

  • Certainly, my associates and pursuits shall be other than they have been."

  • "And better?"

  • "And better--so much better as pure ore is than foul dross.

  • You seem to doubt me; I don't doubt myself: I know what my aim is, what my motives are;

  • and at this moment I pass a law, unalterable as that of the Medes and

  • Persians, that both are right."

  • "They cannot be, sir, if they require a new statute to legalise them."

  • "They are, Miss Eyre, though they absolutely require a new statute: unheard-

  • of combinations of circumstances demand unheard-of rules."

  • "That sounds a dangerous maxim, sir; because one can see at once that it is

  • liable to abuse." "Sententious sage! so it is: but I swear by

  • my household gods not to abuse it."

  • "You are human and fallible." "I am: so are you--what then?"

  • "The human and fallible should not arrogate a power with which the divine and perfect

  • alone can be safely intrusted."

  • "What power?" "That of saying of any strange,

  • unsanctioned line of action,--'Let it be right.'"

  • "'Let it be right'--the very words: you have pronounced them."

  • "May it be right then," I said, as I rose, deeming it useless to continue a

  • discourse which was all darkness to me; and, besides, sensible that the character

  • of my interlocutor was beyond my

  • penetration; at least, beyond its present reach; and feeling the uncertainty, the

  • vague sense of insecurity, which accompanies a conviction of ignorance.

  • "Where are you going?"

  • "To put Adele to bed: it is past her bedtime."

  • "You are afraid of me, because I talk like a Sphynx."

  • "Your language is enigmatical, sir: but though I am bewildered, I am certainly not

  • afraid." "You are afraid--your self-love dreads a

  • blunder."

  • "In that sense I do feel apprehensive--I have no wish to talk nonsense."

  • "If you did, it would be in such a grave, quiet manner, I should mistake it for

  • sense.

  • Do you never laugh, Miss Eyre?

  • Don't trouble yourself to answer--I see you laugh rarely; but you can laugh very

  • merrily: believe me, you are not naturally austere, any more than I am naturally

  • vicious.

  • The Lowood constraint still clings to you somewhat; controlling your features,

  • muffling your voice, and restricting your limbs; and you fear in the presence of a

  • man and a brother--or father, or master, or

  • what you will--to smile too gaily, speak too freely, or move too quickly: but, in

  • time, I think you will learn to be natural with me, as I find it impossible to be

  • conventional with you; and then your looks

  • and movements will have more vivacity and variety than they dare offer now.

  • I see at intervals the glance of a curious sort of bird through the close-set bars of

  • a cage: a vivid, restless, resolute captive is there; were it but free, it would soar

  • cloud-high.

  • You are still bent on going?" "It has struck nine, sir."

  • "Never mind,--wait a minute: Adele is not ready to go to bed yet.

  • My position, Miss Eyre, with my back to the fire, and my face to the room, favours

  • observation.

  • While talking to you, I have also occasionally watched Adele (I have my own

  • reasons for thinking her a curious study,-- reasons that I may, nay, that I shall,

  • impart to you some day).

  • She pulled out of her box, about ten minutes ago, a little pink silk frock;

  • rapture lit her face as she unfolded it; coquetry runs in her blood, blends with her

  • brains, and seasons the marrow of her bones.

  • 'Il faut que je l'essaie!' cried she, 'et a l'instant meme!' and she rushed out of the

  • room.

  • She is now with Sophie, undergoing a robing process: in a few minutes she will re-

  • enter; and I know what I shall see,--a miniature of Celine Varens, as she used to

  • appear on the boards at the rising of--But never mind that.

  • However, my tenderest feelings are about to receive a shock: such is my presentiment;

  • stay now, to see whether it will be realised."

  • Ere long, Adele's little foot was heard tripping across the hall.

  • She entered, transformed as her guardian had predicted.

  • A dress of rose-coloured satin, very short, and as full in the skirt as it could be

  • gathered, replaced the brown frock she had previously worn; a wreath of rosebuds

  • circled her forehead; her feet were dressed

  • in silk stockings and small white satin sandals.

  • "Est-ce que ma robe va bien?" cried she, bounding forwards; "et mes souliers? et mes

  • bas?

  • Tenez, je crois que je vais danser!"

  • And spreading out her dress, she chasseed across the room till, having reached Mr.

  • Rochester, she wheeled lightly round before him on tip-toe, then dropped on one knee at

  • his feet, exclaiming--

  • "Monsieur, je vous remercie mille fois de votre bonte;" then rising, she added,

  • "C'est comme cela que maman faisait, n'est- ce pas, monsieur?"

  • "Pre-cise-ly!" was the answer; "and, 'comme cela,' she charmed my English gold out of

  • my British breeches' pocket.

  • I have been green, too, Miss Eyre,--ay, grass green: not a more vernal tint

  • freshens you now than once freshened me.

  • My Spring is gone, however, but it has left me that French floweret on my hands, which,

  • in some moods, I would fain be rid of.

  • Not valuing now the root whence it sprang; having found that it was of a sort which

  • nothing but gold dust could manure, I have but half a liking to the blossom,

  • especially when it looks so artificial as just now.

  • I keep it and rear it rather on the Roman Catholic principle of expiating numerous

  • sins, great or small, by one good work.

  • I'll explain all this some day. Good-night."

  • >

  • CHAPTER XV

  • Mr. Rochester did, on a future occasion, explain it.

  • It was one afternoon, when he chanced to meet me and Adele in the grounds: and while

  • she played with Pilot and her shuttlecock, he asked me to walk up and down a long

  • beech avenue within sight of her.

  • He then said that she was the daughter of a French opera-dancer, Celine Varens, towards

  • whom he had once cherished what he called a "grande passion."

  • This passion Celine had professed to return with even superior ardour.

  • He thought himself her idol, ugly as he was: he believed, as he said, that she

  • preferred his "taille d'athlete" to the elegance of the Apollo Belvidere.

  • "And, Miss Eyre, so much was I flattered by this preference of the Gallic sylph for her

  • British gnome, that I installed her in an hotel; gave her a complete establishment of

  • servants, a carriage, cashmeres, diamonds, dentelles, &c.

  • In short, I began the process of ruining myself in the received style, like any

  • other spoony.

  • I had not, it seems, the originality to chalk out a new road to shame and

  • destruction, but trode the old track with stupid exactness not to deviate an inch

  • from the beaten centre.

  • I had--as I deserved to have--the fate of all other spoonies.

  • Happening to call one evening when Celine did not expect me, I found her out; but it

  • was a warm night, and I was tired with strolling through Paris, so I sat down in

  • her boudoir; happy to breathe the air consecrated so lately by her presence.

  • No,--I exaggerate; I never thought there was any consecrating virtue about her: it

  • was rather a sort of pastille perfume she had left; a scent of musk and amber, than

  • an odour of sanctity.

  • I was just beginning to stifle with the fumes of conservatory flowers and sprinkled

  • essences, when I bethought myself to open the window and step out on to the balcony.

  • It was moonlight and gaslight besides, and very still and serene.

  • The balcony was furnished with a chair or two; I sat down, and took out a cigar,--I

  • will take one now, if you will excuse me."

  • Here ensued a pause, filled up by the producing and lighting of a cigar; having

  • placed it to his lips and breathed a trail of Havannah incense on the freezing and

  • sunless air, he went on--

  • "I liked bonbons too in those days, Miss Eyre, and I was croquant--(overlook the

  • barbarism)--croquant chocolate comfits, and smoking alternately, watching meantime

  • the equipages that rolled along the

  • fashionable streets towards the neighbouring opera-house, when in an

  • elegant close carriage drawn by a beautiful pair of English horses, and distinctly seen

  • in the brilliant city-night, I recognised the 'voiture' I had given Celine.

  • She was returning: of course my heart thumped with impatience against the iron

  • rails I leant upon.

  • The carriage stopped, as I had expected, at the hotel door; my flame (that is the very

  • word for an opera inamorata) alighted: though muffed in a cloak--an unnecessary

  • encumbrance, by-the-bye, on so warm a June

  • evening--I knew her instantly by her little foot, seen peeping from the skirt of her

  • dress, as she skipped from the carriage- step.

  • Bending over the balcony, I was about to murmur 'Mon ange'--in a tone, of course,

  • which should be audible to the ear of love alone--when a figure jumped from the

  • carriage after her; cloaked also; but that

  • was a spurred heel which had rung on the pavement, and that was a hatted head which

  • now passed under the arched porte cochere of the hotel.

  • "You never felt jealousy, did you, Miss Eyre?

  • Of course not: I need not ask you; because you never felt love.

  • You have both sentiments yet to experience: your soul sleeps; the shock is yet to be

  • given which shall waken it.

  • You think all existence lapses in as quiet a flow as that in which your youth has

  • hitherto slid away.

  • Floating on with closed eyes and muffled ears, you neither see the rocks bristling

  • not far off in the bed of the flood, nor hear the breakers boil at their base.

  • But I tell you--and you may mark my words-- you will come some day to a craggy pass in

  • the channel, where the whole of life's stream will be broken up into whirl and

  • tumult, foam and noise: either you will be

  • dashed to atoms on crag points, or lifted up and borne on by some master-wave into a

  • calmer current--as I am now.

  • "I like this day; I like that sky of steel; I like the sternness and stillness of the

  • world under this frost.

  • I like Thornfield, its antiquity, its retirement, its old crow-trees and thorn-

  • trees, its grey facade, and lines of dark windows reflecting that metal welkin: and

  • yet how long have I abhorred the very

  • thought of it, shunned it like a great plague-house?

  • How I do still abhor--"

  • He ground his teeth and was silent: he arrested his step and struck his boot

  • against the hard ground.

  • Some hated thought seemed to have him in its grip, and to hold him so tightly that

  • he could not advance. We were ascending the avenue when he thus

  • paused; the hall was before us.

  • Lifting his eye to its battlements, he cast over them a glare such as I never saw

  • before or since.

  • Pain, shame, ire, impatience, disgust, detestation, seemed momentarily to hold a

  • quivering conflict in the large pupil dilating under his ebon eyebrow.

  • Wild was the wrestle which should be paramount; but another feeling rose and

  • triumphed: something hard and cynical: self-willed and resolute: it settled his

  • passion and petrified his countenance: he went on--

  • "During the moment I was silent, Miss Eyre, I was arranging a point with my destiny.

  • She stood there, by that beech-trunk--a hag like one of those who appeared to Macbeth

  • on the heath of Forres.

  • 'You like Thornfield?' she said, lifting her finger; and then she wrote in the air a

  • memento, which ran in lurid hieroglyphics all along the house-front, between the

  • upper and lower row of windows, 'Like it if you can!

  • Like it if you dare!'

  • "'I will like it,' said I; 'I dare like it;' and" (he subjoined moodily) "I will

  • keep my word; I will break obstacles to happiness, to goodness--yes, goodness.

  • I wish to be a better man than I have been, than I am; as Job's leviathan broke the

  • spear, the dart, and the habergeon, hindrances which others count as iron and

  • brass, I will esteem but straw and rotten wood."

  • Adele here ran before him with her shuttlecock.

  • "Away!" he cried harshly; "keep at a distance, child; or go in to Sophie!"

  • Continuing then to pursue his walk in silence, I ventured to recall him to the

  • point whence he had abruptly diverged--

  • "Did you leave the balcony, sir," I asked, "when Mdlle.

  • Varens entered?"

  • I almost expected a rebuff for this hardly well-timed question, but, on the contrary,

  • waking out of his scowling abstraction, he turned his eyes towards me, and the shade

  • seemed to clear off his brow.

  • "Oh, I had forgotten Celine! Well, to resume.

  • When I saw my charmer thus come in accompanied by a cavalier, I seemed to hear

  • a hiss, and the green snake of jealousy, rising on undulating coils from the moonlit

  • balcony, glided within my waistcoat, and

  • ate its way in two minutes to my heart's core.

  • Strange!" he exclaimed, suddenly starting again from the point.

  • "Strange that I should choose you for the confidant of all this, young lady; passing

  • strange that you should listen to me quietly, as if it were the most usual thing

  • in the world for a man like me to tell

  • stories of his opera-mistresses to a quaint, inexperienced girl like you!

  • But the last singularity explains the first, as I intimated once before: you,

  • with your gravity, considerateness, and caution were made to be the recipient of

  • secrets.

  • Besides, I know what sort of a mind I have placed in communication with my own: I know

  • it is one not liable to take infection: it is a peculiar mind: it is a unique one.

  • Happily I do not mean to harm it: but, if I did, it would not take harm from me.

  • The more you and I converse, the better; for while I cannot blight you, you may

  • refresh me."

  • After this digression he proceeded-- "I remained in the balcony.

  • 'They will come to her boudoir, no doubt,' thought I: 'let me prepare an ambush.'

  • So putting my hand in through the open window, I drew the curtain over it, leaving

  • only an opening through which I could take observations; then I closed the casement,

  • all but a chink just wide enough to furnish

  • an outlet to lovers' whispered vows: then I stole back to my chair; and as I resumed it

  • the pair came in. My eye was quickly at the aperture.

  • Celine's chamber-maid entered, lit a lamp, left it on the table, and withdrew.

  • The couple were thus revealed to me clearly: both removed their cloaks, and

  • there was 'the Varens,' shining in satin and jewels,--my gifts of course,--and there

  • was her companion in an officer's uniform;

  • and I knew him for a young roue of a vicomte--a brainless and vicious youth whom

  • I had sometimes met in society, and had never thought of hating because I despised

  • him so absolutely.

  • On recognising him, the fang of the snake Jealousy was instantly broken; because at

  • the same moment my love for Celine sank under an extinguisher.

  • A woman who could betray me for such a rival was not worth contending for; she

  • deserved only scorn; less, however, than I, who had been her dupe.

  • "They began to talk; their conversation eased me completely: frivolous, mercenary,

  • heartless, and senseless, it was rather calculated to weary than enrage a listener.

  • A card of mine lay on the table; this being perceived, brought my name under

  • discussion.

  • Neither of them possessed energy or wit to belabour me soundly, but they insulted me

  • as coarsely as they could in their little way: especially Celine, who even waxed

  • rather brilliant on my personal defects-- deformities she termed them.

  • Now it had been her custom to launch out into fervent admiration of what she called

  • my 'beaute male:' wherein she differed diametrically from you, who told me point-

  • blank, at the second interview, that you did not think me handsome.

  • The contrast struck me at the time and--" Adele here came running up again.

  • "Monsieur, John has just been to say that your agent has called and wishes to see

  • you." "Ah! in that case I must abridge.

  • Opening the window, I walked in upon them; liberated Celine from my protection; gave

  • her notice to vacate her hotel; offered her a purse for immediate exigencies;

  • disregarded screams, hysterics, prayers,

  • protestations, convulsions; made an appointment with the vicomte for a meeting

  • at the Bois de Boulogne.

  • Next morning I had the pleasure of encountering him; left a bullet in one of

  • his poor etiolated arms, feeble as the wing of a chicken in the pip, and then thought I

  • had done with the whole crew.

  • But unluckily the Varens, six months before, had given me this filette Adele,

  • who, she affirmed, was my daughter; and perhaps she may be, though I see no proofs

  • of such grim paternity written in her

  • countenance: Pilot is more like me than she.

  • Some years after I had broken with the mother, she abandoned her child, and ran

  • away to Italy with a musician or singer.

  • I acknowledged no natural claim on Adele's part to be supported by me, nor do I now

  • acknowledge any, for I am not her father; but hearing that she was quite destitute, I

  • e'en took the poor thing out of the slime

  • and mud of Paris, and transplanted it here, to grow up clean in the wholesome soil of

  • an English country garden.

  • Mrs. Fairfax found you to train it; but now you know that it is the illegitimate

  • offspring of a French opera-girl, you will perhaps think differently of your post and

  • protegee: you will be coming to me some day

  • with notice that you have found another place--that you beg me to look out for a

  • new governess, &c.--Eh?"

  • "No: Adele is not answerable for either her mother's faults or yours: I have a regard

  • for her; and now that I know she is, in a sense, parentless--forsaken by her mother

  • and disowned by you, sir--I shall cling closer to her than before.

  • How could I possibly prefer the spoilt pet of a wealthy family, who would hate her

  • governess as a nuisance, to a lonely little orphan, who leans towards her as a friend?"

  • "Oh, that is the light in which you view it!

  • Well, I must go in now; and you too: it darkens."

  • But I stayed out a few minutes longer with Adele and Pilot--ran a race with her, and

  • played a game of battledore and shuttlecock.

  • When we went in, and I had removed her bonnet and coat, I took her on my knee;

  • kept her there an hour, allowing her to prattle as she liked: not rebuking even

  • some little freedoms and trivialities into

  • which she was apt to stray when much noticed, and which betrayed in her a

  • superficiality of character, inherited probably from her mother, hardly congenial

  • to an English mind.

  • Still she had her merits; and I was disposed to appreciate all that was good in

  • her to the utmost.

  • I sought in her countenance and features a likeness to Mr. Rochester, but found none:

  • no trait, no turn of expression announced relationship.

  • It was a pity: if she could but have been proved to resemble him, he would have

  • thought more of her.

  • It was not till after I had withdrawn to my own chamber for the night, that I steadily

  • reviewed the tale Mr. Rochester had told me.

  • As he had said, there was probably nothing at all extraordinary in the substance of

  • the narrative itself: a wealthy Englishman's passion for a French dancer,

  • and her treachery to him, were every-day

  • matters enough, no doubt, in society; but there was something decidedly strange in

  • the paroxysm of emotion which had suddenly seized him when he was in the act of

  • expressing the present contentment of his

  • mood, and his newly revived pleasure in the old hall and its environs.

  • I meditated wonderingly on this incident; but gradually quitting it, as I found it

  • for the present inexplicable, I turned to the consideration of my master's manner to

  • myself.

  • The confidence he had thought fit to repose in me seemed a tribute to my discretion: I

  • regarded and accepted it as such. His deportment had now for some weeks been

  • more uniform towards me than at the first.

  • I never seemed in his way; he did not take fits of chilling hauteur: when he met me

  • unexpectedly, the encounter seemed welcome; he had always a word and sometimes a smile

  • for me: when summoned by formal invitation

  • to his presence, I was honoured by a cordiality of reception that made me feel I

  • really possessed the power to amuse him, and that these evening conferences were

  • sought as much for his pleasure as for my benefit.

  • I, indeed, talked comparatively little, but I heard him talk with relish.

  • It was his nature to be communicative; he liked to open to a mind unacquainted with

  • the world glimpses of its scenes and ways (I do not mean its corrupt scenes and

  • wicked ways, but such as derived their

  • interest from the great scale on which they were acted, the strange novelty by which

  • they were characterised); and I had a keen delight in receiving the new ideas he

  • offered, in imagining the new pictures he

  • portrayed, and following him in thought through the new regions he disclosed, never

  • startled or troubled by one noxious allusion.

  • The ease of his manner freed me from painful restraint: the friendly frankness,

  • as correct as cordial, with which he treated me, drew me to him.

  • I felt at times as if he were my relation rather than my master: yet he was imperious

  • sometimes still; but I did not mind that; I saw it was his way.

  • So happy, so gratified did I become with this new interest added to life, that I

  • ceased to pine after kindred: my thin crescent-destiny seemed to enlarge; the

  • blanks of existence were filled up; my

  • bodily health improved; I gathered flesh and strength.

  • And was Mr. Rochester now ugly in my eyes?

  • No, reader: gratitude, and many associations, all pleasurable and genial,

  • made his face the object I best liked to see; his presence in a room was more

  • cheering than the brightest fire.

  • Yet I had not forgotten his faults; indeed, I could not, for he brought them frequently

  • before me.

  • He was proud, sardonic, harsh to inferiority of every description: in my

  • secret soul I knew that his great kindness to me was balanced by unjust severity to

  • many others.

  • He was moody, too; unaccountably so; I more than once, when sent for to read to him,

  • found him sitting in his library alone, with his head bent on his folded arms; and,

  • when he looked up, a morose, almost a malignant, scowl blackened his features.

  • But I believed that his moodiness, his harshness, and his former faults of

  • morality (I say former, for now he seemed corrected of them) had their source in some

  • cruel cross of fate.

  • I believed he was naturally a man of better tendencies, higher principles, and purer

  • tastes than such as circumstances had developed, education instilled, or destiny

  • encouraged.

  • I thought there were excellent materials in him; though for the present they hung

  • together somewhat spoiled and tangled.

  • I cannot deny that I grieved for his grief, whatever that was, and would have given

  • much to assuage it.

  • Though I had now extinguished my candle and was laid down in bed, I could not sleep for

  • thinking of his look when he paused in the avenue, and told how his destiny had risen

  • up before him, and dared him to be happy at Thornfield.

  • "Why not?" I asked myself.

  • "What alienates him from the house?

  • Will he leave it again soon? Mrs. Fairfax said he seldom stayed here

  • longer than a fortnight at a time; and he has now been resident eight weeks.

  • If he does go, the change will be doleful.

  • Suppose he should be absent spring, summer, and autumn: how joyless sunshine and fine

  • days will seem!"

  • I hardly know whether I had slept or not after this musing; at any rate, I started

  • wide awake on hearing a vague murmur, peculiar and lugubrious, which sounded, I

  • thought, just above me.

  • I wished I had kept my candle burning: the night was drearily dark; my spirits were

  • depressed. I rose and sat up in bed, listening.

  • The sound was hushed.

  • I tried again to sleep; but my heart beat anxiously: my inward tranquillity was

  • broken. The clock, far down in the hall, struck

  • two.

  • Just then it seemed my chamber-door was touched; as if fingers had swept the panels

  • in groping a way along the dark gallery outside.

  • I said, "Who is there?"

  • Nothing answered. I was chilled with fear.

  • All at once I remembered that it might be Pilot, who, when the kitchen- door chanced

  • to be left open, not unfrequently found his way up to the threshold of Mr. Rochester's

  • chamber: I had seen him lying there myself in the mornings.

  • The idea calmed me somewhat: I lay down.

  • Silence composes the nerves; and as an unbroken hush now reigned again through the

  • whole house, I began to feel the return of slumber.

  • But it was not fated that I should sleep that night.

  • A dream had scarcely approached my ear, when it fled affrighted, scared by a

  • marrow-freezing incident enough.

  • This was a demoniac laugh--low, suppressed, and deep--uttered, as it seemed, at the

  • very keyhole of my chamber door.

  • The head of my bed was near the door, and I thought at first the goblin-laugher stood

  • at my bedside--or rather, crouched by my pillow: but I rose, looked round, and could

  • see nothing; while, as I still gazed, the

  • unnatural sound was reiterated: and I knew it came from behind the panels.

  • My first impulse was to rise and fasten the bolt; my next, again to cry out, "Who is

  • there?"

  • Something gurgled and moaned.

  • Ere long, steps retreated up the gallery towards the third-storey staircase: a door

  • had lately been made to shut in that staircase; I heard it open and close, and

  • all was still.

  • "Was that Grace Poole? and is she possessed with a devil?" thought I.

  • Impossible now to remain longer by myself: I must go to Mrs. Fairfax.

  • I hurried on my frock and a shawl; I withdrew the bolt and opened the door with

  • a trembling hand. There was a candle burning just outside,

  • and on the matting in the gallery.

  • I was surprised at this circumstance: but still more was I amazed to perceive the air

  • quite dim, as if filled with smoke; and, while looking to the right hand and left,

  • to find whence these blue wreaths issued, I

  • became further aware of a strong smell of burning.

  • Something creaked: it was a door ajar; and that door was Mr. Rochester's, and the

  • smoke rushed in a cloud from thence.

  • I thought no more of Mrs. Fairfax; I thought no more of Grace Poole, or the

  • laugh: in an instant, I was within the chamber.

  • Tongues of flame darted round the bed: the curtains were on fire.

  • In the midst of blaze and vapour, Mr. Rochester lay stretched motionless, in deep

  • sleep.

  • "Wake! wake!" I cried.

  • I shook him, but he only murmured and turned: the smoke had stupefied him.

  • Not a moment could be lost: the very sheets were kindling, I rushed to his basin and

  • ewer; fortunately, one was wide and the other deep, and both were filled with

  • water.

  • I heaved them up, deluged the bed and its occupant, flew back to my own room, brought

  • my own water-jug, baptized the couch afresh, and, by God's aid, succeeded in

  • extinguishing the flames which were devouring it.

  • The hiss of the quenched element, the breakage of a pitcher which I flung from my

  • hand when I had emptied it, and, above all, the splash of the shower-bath I had

  • liberally bestowed, roused Mr. Rochester at last.

  • Though it was now dark, I knew he was awake; because I heard him fulminating

  • strange anathemas at finding himself lying in a pool of water.

  • "Is there a flood?" he cried.

  • "No, sir," I answered; "but there has been a fire: get up, do; you are quenched now; I

  • will fetch you a candle."

  • "In the name of all the elves in Christendom, is that Jane Eyre?" he

  • demanded. "What have you done with me, witch,

  • sorceress?

  • Who is in the room besides you? Have you plotted to drown me?"

  • "I will fetch you a candle, sir; and, in Heaven's name, get up.

  • Somebody has plotted something: you cannot too soon find out who and what it is."

  • "There!

  • I am up now; but at your peril you fetch a candle yet: wait two minutes till I get

  • into some dry garments, if any dry there be--yes, here is my dressing-gown.

  • Now run!"

  • I did run; I brought the candle which still remained in the gallery.

  • He took it from my hand, held it up, and surveyed the bed, all blackened and

  • scorched, the sheets drenched, the carpet round swimming in water.

  • "What is it? and who did it?" he asked.

  • I briefly related to him what had transpired: the strange laugh I had heard

  • in the gallery: the step ascending to the third storey; the smoke,--the smell of fire

  • which had conducted me to his room; in what

  • state I had found matters there, and how I had deluged him with all the water I could

  • lay hands on. {"What is it and who did it?" he asked:

  • p140.jpg}

  • He listened very gravely; his face, as I went on, expressed more concern than

  • astonishment; he did not immediately speak when I had concluded.

  • "Shall I call Mrs. Fairfax?"

  • I asked. "Mrs. Fairfax?

  • No; what the deuce would you call her for? What can she do?

  • Let her sleep unmolested."

  • "Then I will fetch Leah, and wake John and his wife."

  • "Not at all: just be still. You have a shawl on.

  • If you are not warm enough, you may take my cloak yonder; wrap it about you, and sit

  • down in the arm-chair: there,--I will put it on.

  • Now place your feet on the stool, to keep them out of the wet.

  • I am going to leave you a few minutes. I shall take the candle.

  • Remain where you are till I return; be as still as a mouse.

  • I must pay a visit to the second storey. Don't move, remember, or call any one."

  • He went: I watched the light withdraw.

  • He passed up the gallery very softly, unclosed the staircase door with as little

  • noise as possible, shut it after him, and the last ray vanished.

  • I was left in total darkness.

  • I listened for some noise, but heard nothing.

  • A very long time elapsed.

  • I grew weary: it was cold, in spite of the cloak; and then I did not see the use of

  • staying, as I was not to rouse the house.

  • I was on the point of risking Mr. Rochester's displeasure by disobeying his

  • orders, when the light once more gleamed dimly on the gallery wall, and I heard his

  • unshod feet tread the matting.

  • "I hope it is he," thought I, "and not something worse."

  • He re-entered, pale and very gloomy.

  • "I have found it all out," said he, setting his candle down on the washstand; "it is as

  • I thought." "How, sir?"

  • He made no reply, but stood with his arms folded, looking on the ground.

  • At the end of a few minutes he inquired in rather a peculiar tone--

  • "I forget whether you said you saw anything when you opened your chamber door."

  • "No, sir, only the candlestick on the ground."

  • "But you heard an odd laugh?

  • You have heard that laugh before, I should think, or something like it?"

  • "Yes, sir: there is a woman who sews here, called Grace Poole,--she laughs in that

  • way.

  • She is a singular person." "Just so.

  • Grace Poole--you have guessed it. She is, as you say, singular--very.

  • Well, I shall reflect on the subject.

  • Meantime, I am glad that you are the only person, besides myself, acquainted with the

  • precise details of to-night's incident. You are no talking fool: say nothing about

  • it.

  • I will account for this state of affairs" (pointing to the bed): "and now return to

  • your own room. I shall do very well on the sofa in the

  • library for the rest of the night.

  • It is near four:--in two hours the servants will be up."

  • "Good-night, then, sir," said I, departing. He seemed surprised--very inconsistently

  • so, as he had just told me to go.

  • "What!" he exclaimed, "are you quitting me already, and in that way?"

  • "You said I might go, sir."

  • "But not without taking leave; not without a word or two of acknowledgment and good-

  • will: not, in short, in that brief, dry fashion.

  • Why, you have saved my life!--snatched me from a horrible and excruciating death! and

  • you walk past me as if we were mutual strangers!

  • At least shake hands."

  • He held out his hand; I gave him mine: he took it first in one, them in both his own.

  • "You have saved my life: I have a pleasure in owing you so immense a debt.

  • I cannot say more.

  • Nothing else that has being would have been tolerable to me in the character of

  • creditor for such an obligation: but you: it is different;--I feel your benefits no

  • burden, Jane."

  • He paused; gazed at me: words almost visible trembled on his lips,--but his

  • voice was checked. "Good-night again, sir.

  • There is no debt, benefit, burden, obligation, in the case."

  • "I knew," he continued, "you would do me good in some way, at some time;--I saw it

  • in your eyes when I first beheld you: their expression and smile did not"--(again he

  • stopped)--"did not" (he proceeded hastily)

  • "strike delight to my very inmost heart so for nothing.

  • People talk of natural sympathies; I have heard of good genii: there are grains of

  • truth in the wildest fable.

  • My cherished preserver, goodnight!" Strange energy was in his voice, strange

  • fire in his look. "I am glad I happened to be awake," I said:

  • and then I was going.

  • "What! you will go?" "I am cold, sir."

  • "Cold? Yes,--and standing in a pool!

  • Go, then, Jane; go!"

  • But he still retained my hand, and I could not free it.

  • I bethought myself of an expedient. "I think I hear Mrs. Fairfax move, sir,"

  • said I.

  • "Well, leave me:" he relaxed his fingers, and I was gone.

  • I regained my couch, but never thought of sleep.

  • Till morning dawned I was tossed on a buoyant but unquiet sea, where billows of

  • trouble rolled under surges of joy.

  • I thought sometimes I saw beyond its wild waters a shore, sweet as the hills of

  • Beulah; and now and then a freshening gale, wakened by hope, bore my spirit

  • triumphantly towards the bourne: but I

  • could not reach it, even in fancy--a counteracting breeze blew off land, and

  • continually drove me back. Sense would resist delirium: judgment would

  • warn passion.

  • Too feverish to rest, I rose as soon as day dawned.

  • >

  • CHAPTER XVI

  • I both wished and feared to see Mr. Rochester on the day which followed this

  • sleepless night: I wanted to hear his voice again, yet feared to meet his eye.

  • During the early part of the morning, I momentarily expected his coming; he was not

  • in the frequent habit of entering the schoolroom, but he did step in for a few

  • minutes sometimes, and I had the impression that he was sure to visit it that day.

  • But the morning passed just as usual: nothing happened to interrupt the quiet

  • course of Adele's studies; only soon after breakfast, I heard some bustle in the

  • neighbourhood of Mr. Rochester's chamber,

  • Mrs. Fairfax's voice, and Leah's, and the cook's--that is, John's wife--and even

  • John's own gruff tones. There were exclamations of "What a mercy

  • master was not burnt in his bed!"

  • "It is always dangerous to keep a candle lit at night."

  • "How providential that he had presence of mind to think of the water-jug!"

  • "I wonder he waked nobody!"

  • "It is to be hoped he will not take cold with sleeping on the library sofa," &c.

  • To much confabulation succeeded a sound of scrubbing and setting to rights; and when I

  • passed the room, in going downstairs to dinner, I saw through the open door that

  • all was again restored to complete order; only the bed was stripped of its hangings.

  • Leah stood up in the window-seat, rubbing the panes of glass dimmed with smoke.

  • I was about to address her, for I wished to know what account had been given of the

  • affair: but, on advancing, I saw a second person in the chamber--a woman sitting on a

  • chair by the bedside, and sewing rings to new curtains.

  • That woman was no other than Grace Poole.

  • There she sat, staid and taciturn-looking, as usual, in her brown stuff gown, her

  • check apron, white handkerchief, and cap.

  • She was intent on her work, in which her whole thoughts seemed absorbed: on her hard

  • forehead, and in her commonplace features, was nothing either of the paleness or

  • desperation one would have expected to see

  • marking the countenance of a woman who had attempted murder, and whose intended victim

  • had followed her last night to her lair, and (as I believed), charged her with the

  • crime she wished to perpetrate.

  • I was amazed--confounded. She looked up, while I still gazed at her:

  • no start, no increase or failure of colour betrayed emotion, consciousness of guilt,

  • or fear of detection.

  • She said "Good morning, Miss," in her usual phlegmatic and brief manner; and taking up

  • another ring and more tape, went on with her sewing.

  • "I will put her to some test," thought I: "such absolute impenetrability is past

  • comprehension." "Good morning, Grace," I said.

  • "Has anything happened here?

  • I thought I heard the servants all talking together a while ago."

  • "Only master had been reading in his bed last night; he fell asleep with his candle

  • lit, and the curtains got on fire; but, fortunately, he awoke before the bed-

  • clothes or the wood-work caught, and

  • contrived to quench the flames with the water in the ewer."

  • "A strange affair!"

  • I said, in a low voice: then, looking at her fixedly--"Did Mr. Rochester wake

  • nobody? Did no one hear him move?"

  • She again raised her eyes to me, and this time there was something of consciousness

  • in their expression. She seemed to examine me warily; then she

  • answered--

  • "The servants sleep so far off, you know, Miss, they would not be likely to hear.

  • Mrs. Fairfax's room and yours are the nearest to master's; but Mrs. Fairfax said

  • she heard nothing: when people get elderly, they often sleep heavy."

  • She paused, and then added, with a sort of assumed indifference, but still in a marked

  • and significant tone--"But you are young, Miss; and I should say a light sleeper:

  • perhaps you may have heard a noise?"

  • "I did," said I, dropping my voice, so that Leah, who was still polishing the panes,

  • could not hear me, "and at first I thought it was Pilot: but Pilot cannot laugh; and I

  • am certain I heard a laugh, and a strange one."

  • She took a new needleful of thread, waxed it carefully, threaded her needle with a

  • steady hand, and then observed, with perfect composure--

  • "It is hardly likely master would laugh, I should think, Miss, when he was in such

  • danger: You must have been dreaming."

  • "I was not dreaming," I said, with some warmth, for her brazen coolness provoked

  • me. Again she looked at me; and with the same

  • scrutinising and conscious eye.

  • "Have you told master that you heard a laugh?" she inquired.

  • "I have not had the opportunity of speaking to him this morning."

  • "You did not think of opening your door and looking out into the gallery?" she further

  • asked.

  • She appeared to be cross-questioning me, attempting to draw from me information

  • unawares.

  • The idea struck me that if she discovered I knew or suspected her guilt, she would be

  • playing of some of her malignant pranks on me; I thought it advisable to be on my

  • guard.

  • "On the contrary," said I, "I bolted my door."

  • "Then you are not in the habit of bolting your door every night before you get into

  • bed?"

  • "Fiend! she wants to know my habits, that she may lay her plans accordingly!"

  • Indignation again prevailed over prudence: I replied sharply, "Hitherto I have often

  • omitted to fasten the bolt: I did not think it necessary.

  • I was not aware any danger or annoyance was to be dreaded at Thornfield Hall: but in

  • future" (and I laid marked stress on the words) "I shall take good care to make all

  • secure before I venture to lie down."

  • "It will be wise so to do," was her answer: "this neighbourhood is as quiet as any I

  • know, and I never heard of the hall being attempted by robbers since it was a house;

  • though there are hundreds of pounds' worth

  • of plate in the plate-closet, as is well known.

  • And you see, for such a large house, there are very few servants, because master has

  • never lived here much; and when he does come, being a bachelor, he needs little

  • waiting on: but I always think it best to

  • err on the safe side; a door is soon fastened, and it is as well to have a drawn

  • bolt between one and any mischief that may be about.

  • A deal of people, Miss, are for trusting all to Providence; but I say Providence

  • will not dispense with the means, though He often blesses them when they are used

  • discreetly."

  • And here she closed her harangue: a long one for her, and uttered with the

  • demureness of a Quakeress.

  • I still stood absolutely dumfoundered at what appeared to me her miraculous self-

  • possession and most inscrutable hypocrisy, when the cook entered.

  • "Mrs. Poole," said she, addressing Grace, "the servants' dinner will soon be ready:

  • will you come down?"

  • "No; just put my pint of porter and bit of pudding on a tray, and I'll carry it

  • upstairs." "You'll have some meat?"

  • "Just a morsel, and a taste of cheese, that's all."

  • "And the sago?"

  • "Never mind it at present: I shall be coming down before teatime: I'll make it

  • myself."

  • The cook here turned to me, saying that Mrs. Fairfax was waiting for me: so I

  • departed.

  • I hardly heard Mrs. Fairfax's account of the curtain conflagration during dinner, so

  • much was I occupied in puzzling my brains over the enigmatical character of Grace

  • Poole, and still more in pondering the

  • problem of her position at Thornfield and questioning why she had not been given into

  • custody that morning, or, at the very least, dismissed from her master's service.

  • He had almost as much as declared his conviction of her criminality last night:

  • what mysterious cause withheld him from accusing her?

  • Why had he enjoined me, too, to secrecy?

  • It was strange: a bold, vindictive, and haughty gentleman seemed somehow in the

  • power of one of the meanest of his dependants; so much in her power, that even

  • when she lifted her hand against his life,

  • he dared not openly charge her with the attempt, much less punish her for it.

  • Had Grace been young and handsome, I should have been tempted to think that tenderer

  • feelings than prudence or fear influenced Mr. Rochester in her behalf; but, hard-

  • favoured and matronly as she was, the idea could not be admitted.

  • "Yet," I reflected, "she has been young once; her youth would be contemporary with

  • her master's: Mrs. Fairfax told me once, she had lived here many years.

  • I don't think she can ever have been pretty; but, for aught I know, she may

  • possess originality and strength of character to compensate for the want of

  • personal advantages.

  • Mr. Rochester is an amateur of the decided and eccentric: Grace is eccentric at least.

  • What if a former caprice (a freak very possible to a nature so sudden and

  • headstrong as his) has delivered him into her power, and she now exercises over his

  • actions a secret influence, the result of

  • his own indiscretion, which he cannot shake off, and dare not disregard?"

  • But, having reached this point of conjecture, Mrs. Poole's square, flat

  • figure, and uncomely, dry, even coarse face, recurred so distinctly to my mind's

  • eye, that I thought, "No; impossible! my supposition cannot be correct.

  • Yet," suggested the secret voice which talks to us in our own hearts, "you are not

  • beautiful either, and perhaps Mr. Rochester approves you: at any rate, you have often

  • felt as if he did; and last night--remember

  • his words; remember his look; remember his voice!"

  • I well remembered all; language, glance, and tone seemed at the moment vividly

  • renewed.

  • I was now in the schoolroom; Adele was drawing; I bent over her and directed her

  • pencil. She looked up with a sort of start.

  • "Qu' avez-vous, mademoiselle?" said she.

  • "Vos doigts tremblent comme la feuille, et vos joues sont rouges: mais, rouges comme

  • des cerises!" "I am hot, Adele, with stooping!"

  • She went on sketching; I went on thinking.

  • I hastened to drive from my mind the hateful notion I had been conceiving

  • respecting Grace Poole; it disgusted me. I compared myself with her, and found we

  • were different.

  • Bessie Leaven had said I was quite a lady; and she spoke truth--I was a lady.

  • And now I looked much better than I did when Bessie saw me; I had more colour and

  • more flesh, more life, more vivacity, because I had brighter hopes and keener

  • enjoyments.

  • "Evening approaches," said I, as I looked towards the window.

  • "I have never heard Mr. Rochester's voice or step in the house to-day; but surely I

  • shall see him before night: I feared the meeting in the morning; now I desire it,

  • because expectation has been so long baffled that it is grown impatient."

  • When dusk actually closed, and when Adele left me to go and play in the nursery with

  • Sophie, I did most keenly desire it.

  • I listened for the bell to ring below; I listened for Leah coming up with a message;

  • I fancied sometimes I heard Mr. Rochester's own tread, and I turned to the door,

  • expecting it to open and admit him.

  • The door remained shut; darkness only came in through the window.

  • Still it was not late; he often sent for me at seven and eight o'clock, and it was yet

  • but six.

  • Surely I should not be wholly disappointed to-night, when I had so many things to say

  • to him!

  • I wanted again to introduce the subject of Grace Poole, and to hear what he would

  • answer; I wanted to ask him plainly if he really believed it was she who had made

  • last night's hideous attempt; and if so, why he kept her wickedness a secret.

  • It little mattered whether my curiosity irritated him; I knew the pleasure of

  • vexing and soothing him by turns; it was one I chiefly delighted in, and a sure

  • instinct always prevented me from going too

  • far; beyond the verge of provocation I never ventured; on the extreme brink I

  • liked well to try my skill.

  • Retaining every minute form of respect, every propriety of my station, I could

  • still meet him in argument without fear or uneasy restraint; this suited both him and

  • me.

  • A tread creaked on the stairs at last. Leah made her appearance; but it was only

  • to intimate that tea was ready in Mrs. Fairfax's room.

  • Thither I repaired, glad at least to go downstairs; for that brought me, I

  • imagined, nearer to Mr. Rochester's presence.

  • "You must want your tea," said the good lady, as I joined her; "you ate so little

  • at dinner.

  • I am afraid," she continued, "you are not well to- day: you look flushed and

  • feverish." "Oh, quite well!

  • I never felt better."

  • "Then you must prove it by evincing a good appetite; will you fill the teapot while I

  • knit off this needle?"

  • Having completed her task, she rose to draw down the blind, which she had hitherto kept

  • up, by way, I suppose, of making the most of daylight, though dusk was now fast

  • deepening into total obscurity.

  • "It is fair to-night," said she, as she looked through the panes, "though not

  • starlight; Mr. Rochester has, on the whole, had a favourable day for his journey."

  • "Journey!--Is Mr. Rochester gone anywhere?

  • I did not know he was out." "Oh, he set off the moment he had

  • breakfasted! He is gone to the Leas, Mr. Eshton's place,

  • ten miles on the other side Millcote.

  • I believe there is quite a party assembled there; Lord Ingram, Sir George Lynn,

  • Colonel Dent, and others." "Do you expect him back to-night?"

  • "No--nor to-morrow either; I should think he is very likely to stay a week or more:

  • when these fine, fashionable people get together, they are so surrounded by

  • elegance and gaiety, so well provided with

  • all that can please and entertain, they are in no hurry to separate.

  • Gentlemen especially are often in request on such occasions; and Mr. Rochester is so

  • talented and so lively in society, that I believe he is a general favourite: the

  • ladies are very fond of him; though you

  • would not think his appearance calculated to recommend him particularly in their

  • eyes: but I suppose his acquirements and abilities, perhaps his wealth and good

  • blood, make amends for any little fault of look."

  • "Are there ladies at the Leas?"

  • "There are Mrs. Eshton and her three daughters--very elegant young ladies

  • indeed; and there are the Honourable Blanche and Mary Ingram, most beautiful

  • women, I suppose: indeed I have seen

  • Blanche, six or seven years since, when she was a girl of eighteen.

  • She came here to a Christmas ball and party Mr. Rochester gave.

  • You should have seen the dining-room that day--how richly it was decorated, how

  • brilliantly lit up!

  • I should think there were fifty ladies and gentlemen present--all of the first county

  • families; and Miss Ingram was considered the belle of the evening."

  • "You saw her, you say, Mrs. Fairfax: what was she like?"

  • "Yes, I saw her.

  • The dining-room doors were thrown open; and, as it was Christmas-time, the servants

  • were allowed to assemble in the hall, to hear some of the ladies sing and play.

  • Mr. Rochester would have me to come in, and I sat down in a quiet corner and watched

  • them.

  • I never saw a more splendid scene: the ladies were magnificently dressed; most of

  • them--at least most of the younger ones-- looked handsome; but Miss Ingram was

  • certainly the queen."

  • "And what was she like?"

  • "Tall, fine bust, sloping shoulders; long, graceful neck: olive complexion, dark and

  • clear; noble features; eyes rather like Mr. Rochester's: large and black, and as

  • brilliant as her jewels.

  • And then she had such a fine head of hair; raven-black and so becomingly arranged: a

  • crown of thick plaits behind, and in front the longest, the glossiest curls I ever

  • saw.

  • She was dressed in pure white; an amber- coloured scarf was passed over her shoulder

  • and across her breast, tied at the side, and descending in long, fringed ends below

  • her knee.

  • She wore an amber-coloured flower, too, in her hair: it contrasted well with the jetty

  • mass of her curls." "She was greatly admired, of course?"

  • "Yes, indeed: and not only for her beauty, but for her accomplishments.

  • She was one of the ladies who sang: a gentleman accompanied her on the piano.

  • She and Mr. Rochester sang a duet."

  • "Mr. Rochester? I was not aware he could sing."

  • "Oh! he has a fine bass voice, and an excellent taste for music."

  • "And Miss Ingram: what sort of a voice had she?"

  • "A very rich and powerful one: she sang delightfully; it was a treat to listen to

  • her;--and she played afterwards.

  • I am no judge of music, but Mr. Rochester is; and I heard him say her execution was

  • remarkably good." "And this beautiful and accomplished lady,

  • she is not yet married?"

  • "It appears not: I fancy neither she nor her sister have very large fortunes.

  • Old Lord Ingram's estates were chiefly entailed, and the eldest son came in for

  • everything almost."

  • "But I wonder no wealthy nobleman or gentleman has taken a fancy to her: Mr.

  • Rochester, for instance. He is rich, is he not?"

  • "Oh! yes.

  • But you see there is a considerable difference in age: Mr. Rochester is nearly

  • forty; she is but twenty-five." "What of that?

  • More unequal matches are made every day."

  • "True: yet I should scarcely fancy Mr. Rochester would entertain an idea of the

  • sort. But you eat nothing: you have scarcely

  • tasted since you began tea."

  • "No: I am too thirsty to eat. Will you let me have another cup?"

  • I was about again to revert to the probability of a union between Mr.

  • Rochester and the beautiful Blanche; but Adele came in, and the conversation was

  • turned into another channel.

  • When once more alone, I reviewed the information I had got; looked into my

  • heart, examined its thoughts and feelings, and endeavoured to bring back with a strict

  • hand such as had been straying through

  • imagination's boundless and trackless waste, into the safe fold of common sense.

  • Arraigned at my own bar, Memory having given her evidence of the hopes, wishes,

  • sentiments I had been cherishing since last night--of the general state of mind in

  • which I had indulged for nearly a fortnight

  • past; Reason having come forward and told, in her own quiet way a plain, unvarnished

  • tale, showing how I had rejected the real, and rabidly devoured the ideal;--I

  • pronounced judgment to this effect:--

  • That a greater fool than Jane Eyre had never breathed the breath of life; that a

  • more fantastic idiot had never surfeited herself on sweet lies, and swallowed poison

  • as if it were nectar.

  • "You," I said, "a favourite with Mr. Rochester?

  • You gifted with the power of pleasing him?

  • You of importance to him in any way?

  • Go! your folly sickens me.

  • And you have derived pleasure from occasional tokens of preference--equivocal

  • tokens shown by a gentleman of family and a man of the world to a dependent and a

  • novice.

  • How dared you? Poor stupid dupe!--Could not even self-

  • interest make you wiser?

  • You repeated to yourself this morning the brief scene of last night?--Cover your face

  • and be ashamed! He said something in praise of your eyes,

  • did he?

  • Blind puppy! Open their bleared lids and look on your

  • own accursed senselessness!

  • It does good to no woman to be flattered by her superior, who cannot possibly intend to

  • marry her; and it is madness in all women to let a secret love kindle within them,

  • which, if unreturned and unknown, must

  • devour the life that feeds it; and, if discovered and responded to, must lead,

  • ignis-fatus-like, into miry wilds whence there is no extrication.

  • "Listen, then, Jane Eyre, to your sentence: to-morrow, place the glass before you, and

  • draw in chalk your own picture, faithfully, without softening one defect; omit no harsh

  • line, smooth away no displeasing

  • irregularity; write under it, 'Portrait of a Governess, disconnected, poor, and

  • plain.'

  • "Afterwards, take a piece of smooth ivory-- you have one prepared in your drawing-box:

  • take your palette, mix your freshest, finest, clearest tints; choose your most

  • delicate camel-hair pencils; delineate

  • carefully the loveliest face you can imagine; paint it in your softest shades

  • and sweetest lines, according to the description given by Mrs. Fairfax of

  • Blanche Ingram; remember the raven

  • ringlets, the oriental eye;--What! you revert to Mr. Rochester as a model!

  • Order! No snivel!--no sentiment!--no regret!

  • I will endure only sense and resolution.

  • Recall the august yet harmonious lineaments, the Grecian neck and bust; let

  • the round and dazzling arm be visible, and the delicate hand; omit neither diamond

  • ring nor gold bracelet; portray faithfully

  • the attire, aerial lace and glistening satin, graceful scarf and golden rose; call

  • it 'Blanche, an accomplished lady of rank.'

  • "Whenever, in future, you should chance to fancy Mr. Rochester thinks well of you,

  • take out these two pictures and compare them: say, 'Mr. Rochester might probably

  • win that noble lady's love, if he chose to

  • strive for it; is it likely he would waste a serious thought on this indigent and

  • insignificant plebeian?'"

  • "I'll do it," I resolved: and having framed this determination, I grew calm, and fell

  • asleep. I kept my word.

  • An hour or two sufficed to sketch my own portrait in crayons; and in less than a

  • fortnight I had completed an ivory miniature of an imaginary Blanche Ingram.

  • It looked a lovely face enough, and when compared with the real head in chalk, the

  • contrast was as great as self- control could desire.

  • I derived benefit from the task: it had kept my head and hands employed, and had

  • given force and fixedness to the new impressions I wished to stamp indelibly on

  • my heart.

  • Ere long, I had reason to congratulate myself on the course of wholesome

  • discipline to which I had thus forced my feelings to submit.

  • Thanks to it, I was able to meet subsequent occurrences with a decent calm, which, had

  • they found me unprepared, I should probably have been unequal to maintain, even

  • externally.

  • >

CHAPTER XII

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