Did you see that?

I mean, so Nicole Kidman--

turns out she thought she was going on a date with you.

- [laughs] Yeah, no.

This is honestly another thing--

I--I'm really embarrassed about this.

So--but this is like therapy, so this is--feels good.

I can talk to you guys about this.

- Good.

- I had Nicole Kidman--

my friend called me and said, "Dude, what are you doing?"

I go, "I'm walking home." - How long ago was this?

Before you were married, obviously.

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. This was 2002, I'm gonna say?

Right before I met my wife in 2004.

So, 2002, I'm single,

but I don't think about this remotely as my chances of date--

so I think she was named "Most Beautiful Person" that year.

So this is beyond my-- so, anyway,

my friend called and says, "I have Nicole Kidman with me.

She wants to meet you, and I think it's about a movie."

"Bewitched," she was about to make.

And I go, "Oh, yeah."

Well, she ended up making it with Will Ferrell,

and it was great and whatever.

So I go, "Okay, great.

Well, where do you want to meet?"

He goes, "We'll come to your apartment."

I go, "Oh, my God, you're gonna bring

Nicole Kidman to my apartment?"

Like, this is--

"Uh, okay, uh, what do I--what do I put out?

I don't know what to do."

So my friend goes, "Go get some cheese and crackers."

I go, "Cheese and crackers?"

I mean, like, I'm seriously living the bachelor life.

I have sneakers and video games all over my house.

I don't know what's going on, so I go,

"What--what kind of cheese?"

I'm walking into a deli.

He goes, "Some Brie or something."

I go, "What is Brie cheese?

I don't even know what that is."

So I go-- he goes, "I got to go."

So I'm going, and I go, "Do you have Brie cheese?"

I really don't know what it is.

So I get a thing of-- I go to this aisle,

I get Brie cheese and saltine crackers, and--

[laughter]

And I go, and I--

I don't know anything about cheese and crackers.

I don't even have a cracker plate.

So I put the cheese on a normal dinner plate,

and I had the saltines, but I-- I'll never forget this--

- Saltines.

- I peeled it back almost like a disco '70s shirt

where you just-- I peeled it back

so it was kind of a little showy,

a little glamorous, and like--

- It was still in the sleeve? - Yeah, yeah.

Still in the sleeve. [both laugh]

And I feathered out the crackers so it was classy.

And-- and I totally remember this.

And so Nicole Kidman's coming on my show,

and I called my friend, and I go,

"Dude, Nicole Kidman's coming on.

"You remember when you brought her to my house,

and I was so embarrassed, and I had"--

And he goes--he goes, "Yeah, yeah.

That'll be fun. Tell her I said hi."

I go, "Great." She's so nice.

Comes on, I'm telling this story

just like this, and she goes,

"The reason why I was there wasn't because

I wanted you for the movie."

I go, "Huh?"

She goes, "No, I liked you," or something.

And I was like, "Wait, what happened?

Wait, wait, wait." [laughter]

"Wait, did I-- are you saying that we--

we basically-- we went on a date?"

And then she goes, "Yeah, it was terrible."

[laughter] And I go, "Oh, my gosh."

And so I'm starting to get red,

because I was ready to tell my embarrassing story,

but then it got a little bit too real.

She's like, "Then you started playing video games."

And so I go, "All right, now--

now you're getting a little bit too close to the bone."

Like, now it's like--yeah. But it all worked out.

She's obviously happy with Keith Urban,

and I'm lucky-- I lucked out.

I have the best wife in the whole wide world.

I love her.