Wormuloid. This week’s artifact is The Lego Movie, based on the tiny

choking hazards humans used to train their army of child

architects. The film tells the story of yellow

humanoid creature Emmet Brickowski, a construction worker who is rather

unpopular despite having the voice of a charismatic and bankable

leading man. One day, Emmet sees a cute girl, which naturally leads him to

fall down a big hole. He gets a doohickey stuck to his back, but

fortunately it’s the famed Piece of Resistance, so now everyone wants

to hang out with him. During this chillsesh, Emmet learns

that President Business plans to freeze the world with a weapon

called the Kragle, which is smidge megalomaniacal for a government

official. The cute girl, whose named is Wyldstyle with two Y’s

because humans were the worst, returns to save Emmet with some

fancy punches. She takes him to meet Vitruvius, who is known to

locate certain things from time to time. They believe Emmet is the

One, I mean the Boy Who Lived, I mean the Special. They visit one of

my recurring nightmares to meet with the Master Builders, who don’t need

instruction manuals, but could use an etiquette lesson or two.

The cops follow them there and destroy the place, so Emmet

gallantly hides in a couch, then even more gallantly leads an attack

on President Business’ headquarters. Let’s hope

there’s an elevator.

Doesn’t matter, because President Business immediately defeats

everyone and sentences them to join a thinktank. Vitruvius tells Emmet

he made up the prophecy about the Special, so Emmet jumps out the

window. As luck would have it, he falls

right into a wormhole and awakens in another dimension, where it is

revealed that he and all his friends are toys in some kind of

“toy story.” Turns out the larger conflict is between the kid from

The Wonder Years and his rule-crazy father, actor-slash-entrepreneur

Will Ferrell. They have a nice little heart to heart about easing

up on the Krazy Glue, then everyone has a good cry and we all go home

to call our parents. The Lego Movie may be fashioned as

a movie for children and brandwhores, but it’s actually a

satirical jab at the 21st century American political, economic, and

social landscape. President Business is the president, as one

half of his name suggests, but the other half suggests he’s all about

the bottom line. This juxtaposition satirizes the effect money has over

politics, and the increasingly blurred line -- you know you want

it -- between corporate and political power. In a prime example

of crony capitalism, all media, business, government, and

interpersonal interactions are controlled by a single corporation.

The Octan Energy Corp is a sly reference to the behemoths that

controlled life on Earth: Bing, Google Plus, and, of course, Tidal

high-fidelity, lossless laundry detergent.

President Business is a corporate

despot, and wants to maintain the status quo by gluing everyone in

place, something I’ve considered with my children on more than one

occasion. He uses his control of the economy to subjugate his

citizens, even using a coin as an actual weapon. The

proletariat is subdued into silence and complacency with the allure of

Taco Tuesday, proving once and for all that humans were powerless to

resist alliteration. Citizens are also dulled into submission by

watching “Where Are My Pants”, a show that pokes fun at an

era of mindless television, not to mention its cheap, short-form,

internet-only facsimiles. And if that wasn’t enough to take

television down a peg, the film also includes numerous literary

allusions. An “I’ve got my eye on you” poster and surveillance camera call

to mind George Orwell’s 1984 classic, 1984. Cloud Cuckoo

Land is a reference to a play by Aristophanes called “The Birds”

featuring a chaotic realm of the same name. The name “Vitruvius” is

architecture, which later inspired Da Vinci to create his famous “Vitruvian Guy".

architecture, which later inspired Da Vinci to create his famous “Vitruvian

Guy," or “Truvie” to his friends.

The film also features some bizarre existential undertones. After his

death trip into oblivion, Emmet enters a heightened reality

where he realizes free will is an illusion, and he is nothing more

than a puppet being controlled by some snot-nosed fleshmonster. When

Emmet wiggles off the table, he is undergoing an existential

rebellion, refusing to let anyone define him -- be it his societal

overlords, his God, or beloved child star Fred Savage.

Emmet becomes a religious figure, which is appropriate, given that

his name means “truth” in Hebrew. His entry into the “real world”

symbolizes death, so his return is a Christ-like resurrection. And

just like Christ, he ends up stealing Batman’s girlfriend.

Ultimately, The Lego Movie is a celebration of creativity and

individualism over uniformity. Emmet lives in a society as rigid

as the blocks themselves, his individual will smothered by

instructions and a terrifyingly catchy song. As Emmet eventually

learns, to become the Special, "you must embrace what is special about

YOU.” Don’t settle for being just another cog in some larger machine.

Now this may seem like a harsh indictment of corporations for a

glorified two-hour toy commercial, but keep in mind that Earth’s

greatest export was hypocrisy. For Earthling Cinema, I’m

Wormuloid. Sweet dreams.