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  • Hello, internet.

  • Thoughts compete for a space in your brain.

  • Cat photos, news stories, beliefs structures, funny GIFs, educational videos, not-so-educational videos, and your thinking inventory is limited.

  • A thought without a brain to think it dies.

  • Now, we can treat thoughts as though they're alivespecifically, alive like germs.

  • That might sound weird, but stick with me.

  • Take jokes.

  • Jokes are thought germs that live in your brain, and when you tell the joke to another brain, you help it to reproduce.

  • Just like when you have the flu and sneeze to help it reproduce.

  • This germ gets into its host by snot through the mouth, and this one by words through the ear, but it's reproduction either way.

  • Logging on to your social media, then, is exposing yourself to everyone's mental sneezes.

  • Each post a glob of snot with a thought germ trying to get into your brain,

  • if not for permanent residence, then at least long enough to get you to press the share button and sneeze it with everyone you know.

  • In this analogy, then, a funny cat photo with the perfect caption is a super-flu.

  • Now, just as germs exploit weak points in your immune system, so do thought germs exploit weak points in your brain, a.k.a., emotions.

  • Once inside, thought germs that press emotional buttons get their hosts to spread them more.

  • Measurably morewell, except sadness; sad thoughts don't get very far.

  • Awe is pretty good, which is why websites that construct thought germs like biological weapons arm them with them titles like,

  • "7 $whatevers that will blow your mind" or "The Shocking Secret behind $ThisThing".

  • But anger is the ultimate edge for a thought germanger bypasses your mental immune system and compels you to share it like nothing else.

  • Being aware of your brain's weak spots is necessary for good mental health, like knowing how to wash your hands.

  • Because, even without intentional construction, any thought germ on the internet can, on its own, grow more infections as it spreads.

  • To talk about why, lets forget anger for a moment and go back to that cat photo.

  • Every photo ever taken is a thought germ, and it most die a quick death, like the bazillion cat photosor baby photosposted on the internet that are never shared.

  • But a mildly funny cat photo can grow into so much more,

  • because, just as transatlantic flights were the best thing to happen to germ germs, so the internet is the best thing to happen to thought germs.

  • For once on board, that cat photo can leap into other brains, and those brains might share it, andhere's the key pointoccasionally, change it.

  • A Photoshop here, a tweaked caption there.

  • Most changes are terrible, but some make the thought germ even funnier, getting more brains to share it.

  • Which results in more changes and a shot at super-stardom.

  • Thus, a lowly cat photo can achieve global brain dominationat least for a few hours.

  • The internet, with its unparalleled ability to share and randomly change thought germs, can't help but make them stronger.

  • With jokes, that's awesome, but with angry germs, not always so awesome, no.

  • Angry germs, the more they're shared, undergo the same processchanging and distorting to be more aggravating.

  • These have a better chance of spreading than their possibly more accurate, but probably also more boring rivals.

  • But like plagues, thought germs can burn through a population too quickly.

  • Just watch your favorite meme-generating machine for a week, and you'll see the life cycle fly by.

  • However, some thought germs have found a way around burnout.

  • Now, I must warn you, depending on which thought germs live in your head and which you fight for, the next section might sound horrifying.

  • So, please keep in mind: We're talking about what makes some thought germs successful, particularly angry ones, and not how good or how bad the thoughts themselves are.

  • Deep breath; calm.

  • Thought germs can burn out because, once everyone agrees, it's hard to keep talking, and thus, thinking about them.

  • But if there's an opposing thought german argumentthen, the thinking never has to stop.

  • The disagreement doesn't have to be angry, but, again, angry helps.

  • The more visible an argument gets, the more bystanders it draws in, which makes it more visible,

  • which is why every group from the most innocuous internet forum to The National Conversation can turn into a double-rage storm across the sky in no time.

  • Wait, these thought germs aren't competing; they're cooperating.

  • Working together, they reach more brains and hold their thoughts longer than they could alone.

  • Thought germs on opposite sides of an argument can be symbiotic.

  • One tool symbiotic anger germs in particular can employ is you're-with-us-or-against-us.

  • Whatever thought germ just leaped to the front of your brain, push it backthis video isn't about that.

  • We're just talking about this tool, which makes it very hard for neutral brains to resist, and its divisiveness also grows its symbiotic partner.

  • This explains why, in some arguments, gaining more allies also gains more enemies.

  • Because though the participants think they're involved in a fiery battle to the death, from the anger germs' perspective, one side is a field of flowers and the other a flock of butterflies.

  • Of course, planting more flowers will get you more butterflies, and getting more butterflies will pollinate more flowers.

  • If there is some argument that splits the population and lasts forever, and that even the most neutral people find difficult to avoid,

  • you just might be looking at a super successful pair of symbiotic anger germs that have reached ecological stability.

  • Now, one final depressing thought.

  • Uh... I mean, one more awe-inspiring point that will reveal the secrets ofah, actually, no, it's just depressing.

  • When opposing groups get big, they don't really argue with each other; they mostly argue with themselves about how angry the other group makes them.

  • We can actually graph fights on the internet to see this in action: Each becomes its own quasi isolated internet, sharing thoughts about the other.

  • You see where this is going, right?

  • Each group breeds thought germs about the other, and as before, the most enraging, but not necessarily the most accurate, spread the fastest.

  • A group almost can't help but construct a totem of the other so enraging they'll talk about it all the time,

  • which, now that you know how thought germs grow, is exactly what makes the totem always perfectly maddening.

  • Now, all this isn't to say that there's no point in arguingthat's a different videoor that the internet isn't amazing or that there aren't things worth trying to change peoples' minds about.

  • Thought germs of all kinds come and go.

  • But it's useful to be aware of how thoughts can use our emotions to spread,

  • and how the more rapidly a thought is able to spread, the more chances it has to become even better at spreading through random changes that are made to it.

  • Sometimes that's great, sometimes it's terrible.

  • But if you want to maintain a healthy brain, it pays to be cautious of thoughts that have passed through a lot of other brains and that poke you where you're weakest.

  • It's your brain, be hygienic with it.

Hello, internet.

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