a time when we were sad, upset, or discouraged:

有一陣子我們好難過、心情不好，或者是很沮喪

a pet died, you got a bad grade,

寵物死掉了，成績太差

you had a fight with your best friend, and you were sad,

跟死黨吵架，然後你很難過

and that's natural.

這些都很正常

But eventually, a day, a week, a month passes,

但是平均來說，一天、一個禮拜、一個月過去

and we feel better,

就會比較好了

and even though the pain may not be completely forgotten,

縱使，傷痛也許沒辦法完全忘懷

even though those brief periods of unhappiness

縱使那些短暫的不愉快

should still be taken seriously,

仍然該受到正視

it passes, we feel better.

捱過之後，感覺就會好多了

But when you're living with depression, it doesn't just pass.

但是當你罹患了憂鬱症，就不是這樣過了

It can strike after a tragedy, or emerge out of the blue.

憂鬱會在悲劇發生後再度來襲，或是在情緒低潮的時候爆發

It can come from stress and pressure from school, friends, and family,

它可以來自於緊張、壓力，因為學校、朋友以及家人，

bullying and emotional abuse,

霸凌，還有情緒潰堤也都可能造成

and the media that damages our perception of self-image and self-worth.

還有媒體破壞了大眾對自我形象和自我價值的意識成形

I grew up as a shy, quiet, and introverted kid.

我從小就是個害羞、安靜內向的小孩

I had friends,

我還是有朋友

but in third grade, my sister, who I was very close to,

但是在三年級的時候，跟我感情很好的姊姊

left to live with another family, and after she left, I became lonely.

搬去跟其他家人住。她離開以後，我變得很孤單

My depression started taking a toll on me in eighth grade.

八年級的時候，憂鬱症開始向我襲來

I rarely talked in school,

我在學校很少講話

and although my grades were good, I had no motivation.

雖然成績還是很好，卻一點動力都沒有

I felt very lost, and once I was in that rut,

感覺很迷惘，甚至有一陣子，我就像是行尸走肉

it felt impossible to try and get out.

感覺無能為力，又走不出去

I'd heard about cutting,

我聽說了割腕

how people hurt themselves to try and cope with their depression.

有些人怎麼借由這種自殘的方式，來對抗他們的憂鬱症

So I tried it, and it became a habit, a go-to when I felt numb, for three years.

所以我試了，然後變成習慣，只要一感覺不行了，就會再傷害自己，這樣過了三年

The rest of eighth grade was hard.

我剩下的八年級過得很艱難

I was irritable,

我變得焦躁、

angry at the whole universe and angry at myself most of all.

憤世忌俗，我生全世界的氣，尤其是我自己的

The voices in my head were awful, self-loathing, and hateful.

那個在我腦袋裡的聲音，糟透了、自我厭惡，非常討厭

I cried almost every day, at the littlest of things, and felt nothing.

我幾乎每天都哭，為了一些芝麻綠豆的小事，甚至是沒來由的哭

I would have happily stopped existing.

要是可以的話，我會很高興可以消失在這世界上

When I went into freshman year, my grades started to go down.

當我進入大學當新鮮人，我的成績開始往下掉

I didn't have the motivation or energy to try harder.

我找不到動機還是動力，去為了什麼而努力

That year, I was sent to a "therapist." She really didn't help me at all, though.

那年，我被送去做心理治療。雖然那對我毫無幫助

In fact, she actually made me feel worse.

事實上，那讓我的病情更加劇了

Between freshman and sophomore year, I created a secret Instagram account.

高一到高二的暑假期間，我在Instagram（網路社群）開了一個秘密的帳號

I wanted to reach out to other people also struggling with depression.

想接觸其他也在和憂鬱症奮戰的人

Then, sophomore year started, and my depression got worse,

然後，高二開學了，我的憂鬱症更嚴重了

but I was chosen to be a part of the school's Natural Helpers Program that year.

但是那年，我被選中，成為學校志工課程的一員

Natural Helpers.

自願義工

It had to be a mistake.

這一定是哪裡弄錯了

All the other natural helpers were outgoing and confident.

所有的自願義工都該是開朗自信的啊

Then, it occurred to me: it was my Instagram,

然後，有件事爆發了，就是我那個Instagram的社群

because reaching out to others on there

因為在那邊交友

was just as noticeable as reaching out to others in school.

就跟在學校一樣引人注目

However, my self-destructive actions continued,

然而，我自殘的舉動還是持續著

forcing me to wear long sleeves and thick bracelets,

這也迫使我總是得穿長袖，戴寬版的手環

so no one would see,

這樣人家才不會看到那些深深淺淺的疤痕

and I started depriving myself of food.

接著，我開始有厭食的現象

I was sent to a different counseling place which included group therapy.

我被送去另一個心理輔導的地方，那邊還有團體治療的課程

That didn't help either, though,

雖然那對我也沒用

because I had no interest in getting better.

因為我根本就不想變好

I just didn't care.

我根本不在乎

During these years, there were many times when I wanted to die.

那幾年，我有好幾次都想死掉算了

I didn't necessarily want to kill myself, but I wanted to stop existing.

我不是一心想自殺，而是想讓自己消失

I became unsafe.

我變成一顆不定時炸彈

One night, the weekend before final exams,

有一天晚上，在期末考的前一個禮拜

someone who still remains anonymous to me was afraid for my safety and called 911.

有個匿名人士因為擔心我的安危，打了911的緊急救助電話

I had gone to bed and woke up later that night to police officers in my living room,

那天晚上我在房間都已經睡了，還被警察叫醒

saying they got the call, saying I had to go to the hospital.

說他們接到報案電話，說我必須被送去醫院

I spent the fear-racked night in the emergency room,

我在急診室度過了恐懼折磨的一晚

talking to various doctors and counselors,

看了很多的醫生、心理咨詢師

crying into the scratchy, blue hospital gown.

一身藍色的病人服，哭到聲音都沙啞了

Talking to my parents was the worst part.

這些都不算什麼，要面對父母，才是最可怕的

I felt like I had let them down

我覺得我讓他們失望了

because I wasn't as strong as they thought I was.

因為我沒有他們想像的堅強

School ended, summer began, and I felt just as lost as before.

學期結束，暑假開始了，我就像以往那樣失落

I didn't see a light at the end of the tunnel.

看不到隧道後的一線光明

A few weeks into summer, my parents decided

暑假過了幾個禮拜，我的父母決定

to sign me to a summer camp called Tanglewood, up in Lincolnville,

幫我報名一個叫做「Tanglewood」的夏令營，就在Lincolnville上面

to do a three-week leadership program.

去上三個禮拜的領導培訓課程

Yeah, a three-week leadership program.

對，三個禮拜的「領導培訓課」

Perfect! (Laughter)

真是好極了！（笑）

Just what I needed. I was furious.

這正是我需要的。我氣炸了！

The thought of living in the woods with other teenagers who I didn't know was terrifying.

光是想要去和其他不認識的青少年一起住在樹林裡，我就受不了了

Despite my pleading, I had no choice.

儘管我苦苦哀求，最後還是沒有辦法，只能屈服

There were five other kids in the leadership program,

這個領導人培訓課程，還有另外五個參加的小孩

two girls and three boys, and one male and female counselor.

兩個女生跟三個男生，再加上男導師跟女導師各一個

At first, I tried to isolate myself from them.

起初，我試圖把自己孤立起來

I was scared to open myself up to them.

我害怕向他們敞開心房

But after all the challenge courses and group-bonding activities,

但是經過挑戰的課程，以及團隊建立的活動

after eight days of hiking and canoeing in the wilderness,

經過了八天野外的健行，以及划獨木舟的活動

I grew to trust them.

我漸漸信任他們了

They involved me in games and conversations.

他們讓我加入遊戲和談話

They offered me a seat next to them.

他們讓我坐在他們身邊

They paid attention to me when I shared an idea.

他們關注我提出的想法

They went out of their way to make me laugh.

他們很努力逗我開心

On the fourth night of our trip, we were all sitting around a fire,

在我們活動的第14天晚上，大家圍著火堆坐成一圈

and one of our counselors told us we'd be doing P.S.'s, personal stories.

其中一位輔導員告訴我們，接下來我們要來分享自己的人生故事

Every night, two of us would tell our life stories to the rest of the group.

每天晚上，有兩個人要講自己的故事給其他團員聽

I decided I was definitely going last.

我決定，我一定要當最後一組

Every night,

每天晚上，

the eight of us would pack ourselves into the boys' tent

我們八個都在男生的帳篷那邊擠

which was only meant to hold three people.

那個帳篷本來只能容納三個人

My turn finally came, and I was extremely nervous,

最後，終於輪到我了，我緊張到不行

but I decided to take the chance and tell them everything.

但我決定趁這次機會，坦白我的過往

I told them about my depression and anxiety,

我告訴他們有關我的憂鬱症，還有焦慮症

I told them about the hospital night. I told them everything.

我告訴他們醫院那晚的事。我把所有的事都講出來了

We stayed up until three in the morning talking,

我們一直講到凌晨三點

and when our counselors finally sent us to bed,

最後當輔導員趕我們去睡

I followed the other girls to our tent,

我跟著其他女生去我們的帳篷

and I remember just stopping for a moment

然後我記得，我停下來了一會兒

and looking up at the sky, at all the stars,

仰望天空，滿天的星星

and I realized that I was smiling uncontrollably

接著，我意識到，我發自內心地笑了

for the first time in years.

這是多年來的頭一次

I had hoped, at the very least, they wouldn't stop being my friends

我希望，至少，他們還願意當我是朋友

after I told them about myself that night.

在那天晚上，我告訴他們我的事情之後

I didn't expect that for the rest of the three weeks at camp,

我並不期望，在露營接下來的三個禮拜

we would become even closer.

我們可以變得更要好

We became a family.

變成像一家人

I realized that I was cared for, and that I was loved.

我明白到，我在乎的、愛的東西

It hit me.

是這些東西打動了我

I could be free from my depression.

我能夠從憂鬱症中走出來

I didn't have to just live with it for the rest of my life.

在往後的人生裡，不必一直和憂鬱症為伍

Since then, things have only gotten better.

從那時候起，一切就好轉了

In the fall of junior year,

高三的秋天

I learned to stop judging people, and made dozens of new friends.

我學著不要武斷地評價別人，交了一大堆朋友

Later in junior year, I went into freshman health classes,

高三後來，我參加了高一的新生訓練

and spoke to them about overcoming pressure and judgment in high school.

跟他們說關於克服高中校園裡的壓力，還有同學對你的看法

After receiving hand-written letters from the freshmen,

收到新生親筆寫的信之後

I knew that was my words and story I could change the world.

我明白到，我的文字和故事原來可以改變這個世界

I still use my Instagram to post encouraging quotes and personal stories

我還是有在使用我的Instagram，發佈勵志的轉載文章，跟親身經歷的故事

to my almost 3,000 followers, including lots of my classmates.

給將近3千位追蹤我的人，裏面包括了我很多同學

Everyday, I'm reminded of the impact my kind words have.

每一天，我都被提醒著，這些善意的文字所能帶來的效應有多大

I'm beginning to fall in love with myself, and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

我開始愛上自己，這個有始以來最快樂的自己

I know that there are people in this audience who've experienced

我知道，這邊有些聽眾體驗過

or are currently struggling with depression.

或者，現在還在和憂鬱症奮戰

This is for you: you are not in a bottomless pit.

這是我要跟你說的，你現在站的地方，不是一個無底洞

You are not in an endless tunnel without light.

不是一個漆黑，看不到盡頭的隧道

You are not a hopeless cause.

你不是全然無望的

Help is out there.

希望就在這裡

You are loved, and you are cared for.

你是被愛，被關心著的

You have the power and the right to achieve everything you want in life.

你有這個能力，也有權力去做到你人生中任何想要的事

My life didn't just get better on its own.

我的人生並不是自己變好的

With help from friends, old and new,

是在朋友的幫助下，那些原本的老朋友、新認識的朋友

I realized that I am worth so much more than what I once thought,

我明白到，我比自己原本想得更加有價值

and that I have the power and the ability to view the world in a new way,

而且我有力量、有能力去看看這世界，用嶄新的眼光

as a place full of endless opportunities and amazing people.

就好像一個地方，充滿了生機，還有不可思議的人

I've opened myself up to what the universe has to offer,

我打開心胸，迎接宇宙所給予的

and I've created my own beautiful life.

創造了屬於自己的美麗人生

I have emerged.

我已經撥雲見日了

Thank you.

謝謝大家

(Cheers) (Applause)

（歡呼）（掌聲）

Thank you.

謝謝

(Cheers) (Applause)

（歡呼）（掌聲）