Let's talk about losing your virginity.

The first thing you need to know about losing your virginity

is that you're not losing anything.

Despite the way that people talk about virginity,

it's not like some appendage that's stuck on you

and as soon as you have sex,

it just floats off into the abyss.

Bye, virginity!

Was nice knowing ya!

So when I talk about first-time sex,

I prefer to call it your sexual debut!

In the month leading up to your sexual debut,

there's someone you're interested in,

things are sort of heating up between the two of you,

that's great,

spend some time getting comfortable with each other sexually.

This is gonna make things so much less awkward later.

It's also not a bad idea to get comfortable with yourself.

Get some alone time and check your shit out!

Identify all the major parts of your genitals,

touch them, see what they feel like…

You could take a whiff.

And if you're feeling really adventurous…

you could even taste it!

That's not cannibalism, is it?

No, of course not!

Beside checking things out,

it's not a bad idea to masturbate.

Experiment with what feels good

and if you've never orgasmed before,

this can be a really good way to learn.

That said, don't stress if you haven't learnt how to orgasm yet.

For people who have vaginas,

it can be a little tricky to learn.

There's no checklist when it comes to this question,

really it comes down to being in touch with yourself.

Some good signs that you're ready

are that you want to do it

and you feel excited about it,

and you are going to be doing it

with someone who you feel comfortable with,

and you're doing it for yourself,

not to prove that you're cool

or to prove that you love someone.

Readiness is when you are in the driver seat

and you know how to drive that shit.

Readiness is knowing how to protect yourself

against STIs and pregnancy.

It's having had conversations about sex with your partner.

And remember that there is no rush!

Don't be afraid to take your time,

there's no deadline here.

The number one thing you all tweeted and tumblred me about

when I posted about this video

was pain during sex.

And I have great news for you.

The first time you do it, it doesn't have to hurt!

Forget what everyone's told you

about having to break your hymen,

about it being bloody and messy.

It's a lie.

Here's how you can avoid the pain.

A few weeks before, you wanna start with your fingers,

start streching out the hymen a little bit

and then, 1. make sure you have lots of foreplay,

make sure you're really turned on and horny beforehand

so do some massages, oral sex,

whatever you all do.

Penis will be erect, that's the obvious one,

but for a vagina, you know you're really turned on

when the lips in this area down here get a little bit puffy.

Number 2 : relax!

If you're really stressed out and tense,

that's gonna translate into pain!

Take some deep breaths,

relax the muscles in the area,

do what you need to do to become as chill as you can.

Number 3 :

lube, lube, lube, lube, luuube!

Just a truckload of lube!

OK, not a truckload.

A few squirts should do.

Put a little on the inside,

rub all over the outside.

Number thrff… What number am I at? 4?

Pick it up slow!

So people with the penises,

take your partner's cue,

and go nice and slow especially at first.

If it really hurts, stop!

Cause something's wrong.

If you're bleeding, stop!

Cause something's wrong.

What you will feel at first,

is this sort of uncomfortable stretching sensation.

As your muscles relax, and you start to get more into it,

that sensation should be less and less noticeable.

And 5 : communicate the whole way.

"Does this feel good?"

"Does that feel good?"

"No, I don't like that."

"Let's do more of this."

Strong communication = good sex!

The two main questions you all sent me

about the aftermath are

1. basically, guys are worried that they came too fast.

Don't be so hard on yourself,

when you're nervous,

and if you're used to just masturbating really quickly,

it happens.

The other question that I get is

if having sex with someone is gonna make you

feel forever attached to them afterwards.

And surely, the answer is no,

it's just another way to scare you out of having sex.

What does happen after you orgasm,

is a release of oxytocin.

Makes people bond with each other.

But it doesn't last your whole life.

In fact, it doesn't last more than a few hours.

What can last a little longer

is just a feeling of vulnerability

and closeness to that person

who you just shared this special experience with.

Which is why it's beneficial

to have a trusting relationship with that person,

so that you feel supported and safe with them

and you don't have to worry about having made the wrong choice.

And even if that did happen, just remember

your sexual debut doesn't have to be perfect!

There's a danger in putting too much value and pressure on it.

Yeah, it's significant and it's awesome,

and it's exciting,

but there is so much more to come!

Most important thing is : have fun,

do what feels good to you.

If you have any more questions, leave a comment down below,

I'm gonna be looking at the comments section,

there's also awesome people in the sex+ audience

who I'm sure will be happy to help you out.

Have a great week everyone,

I'll see you again soon.