MONICA: Hi. CHANDLER: Hey.

-Welcome home. -Oh well, look at you.

-Yeah. What do you think? -Well, it's great. It's just--

well, I'm wearing the same thing underneath. MONICA: Oh.

[Audience laughing]

See what I mean?

[Loud thud at the door]

JOEY: Hey! How come your door's locked? -Just a second.

-No, no, no, no, no. Joey can't know that I'm here.

-Why not? -Because I didn't know how to tell him...

...that I couldn't go to the Knicks game. So, I just told him that I had to stay in Tulsa

-So, you lied to him?

-Achhh. It's always better to lie than to have the complicated discussion.

Except with you. [Joey turns the knob several times]

-Hey! Open the door. What's going on?

[He knocks]

MONICA: Hi! -What are you-- Why are you dressed like that?

-Oh, because, um... well, Chandler's going to be home

in a couple of days. So, I thought I would, just, uh,

you know, practice the art of seduction. -Oh, I thought I heard a man's voice before.

-Oh I was just doing Chandler's side of the conversation. You know, like,

"Hi, how do I look?" (As Chandler) "Really sexy.

Could I BE any more turned on?"

[Audience laughing]

-Okay. Whoa, whoa.

Why are there two glasses of wine out? -Because, one of them is for you!

Cheers. Okay, bye-bye!

-You know, it's funny. I've been, ah,

practicing the art of seduction myself.

Hi ya.

[Audience laughing]

-You might want to keep practicing. -Yah.

[Chandler's cell phone rings]

It's Joey. -What?

Hey Joe. -Dude, come home!

[Audience laughing]

-What? Why? -COME. HOME.

[Audience laughing]

-Look I, I can't. What's going on? -I don't know how to tell you this but, uh...

I think Monica's cheatin' on ya.

I told you shouldn't have married someone so much hotter than you.

[Audience laughing and applauding]

All right look. If you can't come home...

...and deal with this, then I'm gonna. -NO!

-I just heard him!

[Audience laughing and applauding]

-(softly) Can you... hear him... now?

[Audience laughing]

-No. All right, I'm going in. -NO! WAIT!

-I heard him again!

[Audience laughing and applauding]

-All right, look. Just stay there. I'm coming home.

-Okay. Great. I'll see you when you get here.

I'm gonna wait out in the hall in case the dude comes out.

[Audience laughing]

-Is that really necessary? -Absolutely. You'd do it for me.

Not that you ever have to because I know how to keep my women satisfied.

[Audience laughing]

♪

[Audience laughing]

-Yeah, I didn't stay for the detention, I'm not gonna read the report card.

[Audience laughing]

-Hello. -(screaming) Ahhh! Leonard! Hi!

-Keep your voice down. -Oh, my God.

You weren't supposed to be here till Sunday. -(whispering) We finished the experiment early,

so I thought I'd come home and surprise you. -Oh, my gosh, why are we whispering?

-I didn't tell Sheldon, so we could have a few days alone.

-Oh, that is so romantic. -Uh, sure, that's why I did it.

[Audience laughing]

-Oh, I just cannot believe you're here. SHELDON: Penny, it's your lucky day.

Three of the eggs are clearly not jumbo. Grab your keys.

[Audience laughing]

-I'm sorry. I'm just distracted by something that happened over at Penny's.

-What happened? -I fear Penny is being unfaithful to Leonard.

-What? -She claimed to be alone when there was obviously...

...someone else in her apartment. I have no choice but to assume the worst,

given Leonard's lengthy sea voyage and her famously ravenous nether regions.

[Audience laughing]

-I don't think Penny would cheat on Leonard. -Oh, really?

[Audience laughing]

She and I once had a staring contest

She clapped really loud and made me blink.

It's a small leap from there to sexual infidelity.

[Audience laughing]

-You're being ridiculous.

-Amy, there were Chinese food containers...

...in the trash can.

[Audience laughing]

-Poor Leonard.

[Audience laughing]

[Audience laughing]

-Do you hear anything? -I hear a woman's voice.

-Is it Penny? -No, it's you.

All right, I hear whispering and giggling.

Now I think I hear kissing. -Yeah, like you know what kissing sounds like.

-There's kissing in Star Trek, smarty-pants.

-Let me listen.

Sounds like Leonard.

-Please. Why would Leonard come home early and waste his time kissing Penny

when he could be hanging out with his best buddy?

[Audience laughing]

Yeah, that's it. I'm catching her in the act.

-No, Sheldon, don't.

-Aha!

PENNY: What the hell? -Leonard?

-Sheldon, you cannot just barge in here like that! -Right.

[Audience laughing]

SHELDON: (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.

(Knock, knock, knock) Penny. (Knock, knock, knock) Penny.

[Audience applauding]

Are you going to answer the door or should I open it and say 'aha' again?

[Audience laughing]