I'm the King, baby.

But of Thebes <Theebs>, not rock and roll...

Still, it's a pretty cushy gig for the most part. Except for that pesky curse that's

making everything wither and die.

It's really a drag when there are no cows for the royal burger, and your servant drops

dead in your plate of wilted asparagus.

I sent my brother in law, Creon, <KREE-on> to the oracle, to find out what the deal was.

He got the answer, right from Apollo's mouth...

We needed to launch a full scale investigation to find out who killed Thebes' previous king,

Laius <<LAY-iss>>.

I was on the case, and was using proven crime solving techniques....

...but my focus was pulled when that incredibly annoying chorus had to butt in.

All right, all right. So I got the old coot to make an appearance, and you know what his

helpful hint was? Apparently I'm the murderer.

Uh, I think I'd remember something like that. And then he told me I was going to die blind

and alone, and went on some cockamamie tangent about me being married to my mother.

Okay, all right guys. Where's the camera? I'm being Punk'd, right?

But I knew what was really going on. Creon and Teiresias <Tie-REE-zee-us> were plotting

to take over the kingdom. This wasn't the first time somebody had been after my crown.

It was lucky for those backstabbers that my lady Jocasta <Joe-CAST-uh> showed up to calm me down.

She told me all about how unreliable predictions can be. Like, once someone told Laius that

Jocasta and Laius' son would kill him and marry her. Isn't that wild?

But they got rid of that creepy kid.

And, I mean, yeah, I did kill a few guys in a fight a while ago.

But that's ancient history. Totally unrelated. Then, a messenger showed up and dropped the

bombshell that my dad was dead. But he really wasn't my dad, because apparently I was

adopted. A lonely king and queen were shopping around for a kid, and got one off a local shepherd.

I decided to investigate about this shepherd, even though Jo didn't want me to.

I probably should have listened to her, because then I wouldn't have learned... that I was

Laius and Jocasta's kid. Which means...which means...

BLECCHHH! A servant came in at this dramatic moment

and told me that Jocasta had killed herself. I couldn't believe my wife...I mean,

my mom was dead! I mean...BLECCHHH!

I was feeling a little emotionally fragile at this moment. You could say I was

a sight for sore eyes...

But I guess hindsight is always 20/20, right?

At least I'm not being kept in the dark anymore...

I'm sorry, these puns are getting cornea and cornea...