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  • CHAPTER I. Looking-Glass house

  • One thing was certain, that the WHITE kitten had had nothing to do with it:--it

  • was the black kitten's fault entirely.

  • For the white kitten had been having its face washed by the old cat for the last

  • quarter of an hour (and bearing it pretty well, considering); so you see that it

  • COULDN'T have had any hand in the mischief.

  • The way Dinah washed her children's faces was this: first she held the poor thing

  • down by its ear with one paw, and then with the other paw she rubbed its face all over,

  • the wrong way, beginning at the nose: and

  • just now, as I said, she was hard at work on the white kitten, which was lying quite

  • still and trying to purr--no doubt feeling that it was all meant for its good.

  • But the black kitten had been finished with earlier in the afternoon, and so, while

  • Alice was sitting curled up in a corner of the great arm-chair, half talking to

  • herself and half asleep, the kitten had

  • been having a grand game of romps with the ball of worsted Alice had been trying to

  • wind up, and had been rolling it up and down till it had all come undone again; and

  • there it was, spread over the hearth-rug,

  • all knots and tangles, with the kitten running after its own tail in the middle.

  • 'Oh, you wicked little thing!' cried Alice, catching up the kitten, and giving it a

  • little kiss to make it understand that it was in disgrace.

  • 'Really, Dinah ought to have taught you better manners!

  • You OUGHT, Dinah, you know you ought!' she added, looking reproachfully at the old

  • cat, and speaking in as cross a voice as she could manage--and then she scrambled

  • back into the arm-chair, taking the kitten

  • and the worsted with her, and began winding up the ball again.

  • But she didn't get on very fast, as she was talking all the time, sometimes to the

  • kitten, and sometimes to herself.

  • Kitty sat very demurely on her knee, pretending to watch the progress of the

  • winding, and now and then putting out one paw and gently touching the ball, as if it

  • would be glad to help, if it might.

  • 'Do you know what to-morrow is, Kitty?' Alice began.

  • 'You'd have guessed if you'd been up in the window with me--only Dinah was making you

  • tidy, so you couldn't.

  • I was watching the boys getting in sticks for the bonfire--and it wants plenty of

  • sticks, Kitty! Only it got so cold, and it snowed so, they

  • had to leave off.

  • Never mind, Kitty, we'll go and see the bonfire to-morrow.'

  • Here Alice wound two or three turns of the worsted round the kitten's neck, just to

  • see how it would look: this led to a scramble, in which the ball rolled down

  • upon the floor, and yards and yards of it got unwound again.

  • 'Do you know, I was so angry, Kitty,' Alice went on as soon as they were comfortably

  • settled again, 'when I saw all the mischief you had been doing, I was very nearly

  • opening the window, and putting you out into the snow!

  • And you'd have deserved it, you little mischievous darling!

  • What have you got to say for yourself?

  • Now don't interrupt me!' she went on, holding up one finger.

  • 'I'm going to tell you all your faults. Number one: you squeaked twice while Dinah

  • was washing your face this morning.

  • Now you can't deny it, Kitty: I heard you! What's that you say?'

  • (pretending that the kitten was speaking.) 'Her paw went into your eye?

  • Well, that's YOUR fault, for keeping your eyes open--if you'd shut them tight up, it

  • wouldn't have happened. Now don't make any more excuses, but

  • listen!

  • Number two: you pulled Snowdrop away by the tail just as I had put down the saucer of

  • milk before her! What, you were thirsty, were you?

  • How do you know she wasn't thirsty too?

  • Now for number three: you unwound every bit of the worsted while I wasn't looking!

  • 'That's three faults, Kitty, and you've not been punished for any of them yet.

  • You know I'm saving up all your punishments for Wednesday week--Suppose they had saved

  • up all MY punishments!' she went on, talking more to herself than the kitten.

  • 'What WOULD they do at the end of a year?

  • I should be sent to prison, I suppose, when the day came.

  • Or--let me see--suppose each punishment was to be going without a dinner: then, when

  • the miserable day came, I should have to go without fifty dinners at once!

  • Well, I shouldn't mind THAT much!

  • I'd far rather go without them than eat them!

  • 'Do you hear the snow against the window- panes, Kitty?

  • How nice and soft it sounds!

  • Just as if some one was kissing the window all over outside.

  • I wonder if the snow LOVES the trees and fields, that it kisses them so gently?

  • And then it covers them up snug, you know, with a white quilt; and perhaps it says,

  • "Go to sleep, darlings, till the summer comes again."

  • And when they wake up in the summer, Kitty, they dress themselves all in green, and

  • dance about--whenever the wind blows--oh, that's very pretty!' cried Alice, dropping

  • the ball of worsted to clap her hands.

  • 'And I do so WISH it was true! I'm sure the woods look sleepy in the

  • autumn, when the leaves are getting brown. 'Kitty, can you play chess?

  • Now, don't smile, my dear, I'm asking it seriously.

  • Because, when we were playing just now, you watched just as if you understood it: and

  • when I said "Check!" you purred!

  • Well, it WAS a nice check, Kitty, and really I might have won, if it hadn't been

  • for that nasty Knight, that came wiggling down among my pieces.

  • Kitty, dear, let's pretend--' And here I wish I could tell you half the things Alice

  • used to say, beginning with her favourite phrase 'Let's pretend.'

  • She had had quite a long argument with her sister only the day before--all because

  • Alice had begun with 'Let's pretend we're kings and queens;' and her sister, who

  • liked being very exact, had argued that

  • they couldn't, because there were only two of them, and Alice had been reduced at last

  • to say, 'Well, YOU can be one of them then, and I'LL be all the rest.'

  • And once she had really frightened her old nurse by shouting suddenly in her ear,

  • 'Nurse! Do let's pretend that I'm a hungry hyaena,

  • and you're a bone.'

  • But this is taking us away from Alice's speech to the kitten.

  • 'Let's pretend that you're the Red Queen, Kitty!

  • Do you know, I think if you sat up and folded your arms, you'd look exactly like

  • her. Now do try, there's a dear!'

  • And Alice got the Red Queen off the table, and set it up before the kitten as a model

  • for it to imitate: however, the thing didn't succeed, principally, Alice said,

  • because the kitten wouldn't fold its arms properly.

  • So, to punish it, she held it up to the Looking-glass, that it might see how sulky

  • it was--'and if you're not good directly,' she added, 'I'll put you through into

  • Looking-glass House.

  • How would you like THAT?' 'Now, if you'll only attend, Kitty, and not

  • talk so much, I'll tell you all my ideas about Looking-glass House.

  • First, there's the room you can see through the glass--that's just the same as our

  • drawing room, only the things go the other way.

  • I can see all of it when I get upon a chair--all but the bit behind the

  • fireplace. Oh! I do so wish I could see THAT bit!

  • I want so much to know whether they've a fire in the winter: you never CAN tell, you

  • know, unless our fire smokes, and then smoke comes up in that room too--but that

  • may be only pretence, just to make it look as if they had a fire.

  • Well then, the books are something like our books, only the words go the wrong way; I

  • know that, because I've held up one of our books to the glass, and then they hold up

  • one in the other room.

  • 'How would you like to live in Looking- glass House, Kitty?

  • I wonder if they'd give you milk in there?

  • Perhaps Looking-glass milk isn't good to drink--But oh, Kitty! now we come to the

  • passage.

  • You can just see a little PEEP of the passage in Looking-glass House, if you

  • leave the door of our drawing-room wide open: and it's very like our passage as far

  • as you can see, only you know it may be quite different on beyond.

  • Oh, Kitty! how nice it would be if we could only get through into Looking-glass House!

  • I'm sure it's got, oh! such beautiful things in it!

  • Let's pretend there's a way of getting through into it, somehow, Kitty.

  • Let's pretend the glass has got all soft like gauze, so that we can get through.

  • Why, it's turning into a sort of mist now, I declare!

  • It'll be easy enough to get through--' She was up on the chimney-piece while she said

  • this, though she hardly knew how she had got there.

  • And certainly the glass WAS beginning to melt away, just like a bright silvery mist.

  • In another moment Alice was through the glass, and had jumped lightly down into the

  • Looking-glass room.

  • The very first thing she did was to look whether there was a fire in the fireplace,

  • and she was quite pleased to find that there was a real one, blazing away as

  • brightly as the one she had left behind.

  • 'So I shall be as warm here as I was in the old room,' thought Alice: 'warmer, in fact,

  • because there'll be no one here to scold me away from the fire.

  • Oh, what fun it'll be, when they see me through the glass in here, and can't get at

  • me!'

  • Then she began looking about, and noticed that what could be seen from the old room

  • was quite common and uninteresting, but that all the rest was as different as

  • possible.

  • For instance, the pictures on the wall next the fire seemed to be all alive, and the

  • very clock on the chimney-piece (you know you can only see the back of it in the

  • Looking-glass) had got the face of a little old man, and grinned at her.

  • 'They don't keep this room so tidy as the other,' Alice thought to herself, as she

  • noticed several of the chessmen down in the hearth among the cinders: but in another

  • moment, with a little 'Oh!' of surprise,

  • she was down on her hands and knees watching them.

  • The chessmen were walking about, two and two!

  • 'Here are the Red King and the Red Queen,' Alice said (in a whisper, for fear of

  • frightening them), 'and there are the White King and the White Queen sitting on the

  • edge of the shovel--and here are two

  • castles walking arm in arm--I don't think they can hear me,' she went on, as she put

  • her head closer down, 'and I'm nearly sure they can't see me.

  • I feel somehow as if I were invisible--'

  • Here something began squeaking on the table behind Alice, and made her turn her head

  • just in time to see one of the White Pawns roll over and begin kicking: she watched it

  • with great curiosity to see what would happen next.

  • 'It is the voice of my child!' the White Queen cried out as she rushed past the

  • King, so violently that she knocked him over among the cinders.

  • 'My precious Lily!

  • My imperial kitten!' and she began scrambling wildly up the side of the

  • fender.

  • 'Imperial fiddlestick!' said the King, rubbing his nose, which had been hurt by

  • the fall.

  • He had a right to be a LITTLE annoyed with the Queen, for he was covered with ashes

  • from head to foot.

  • Alice was very anxious to be of use, and, as the poor little Lily was nearly

  • screaming herself into a fit, she hastily picked up the Queen and set her on the

  • table by the side of her noisy little daughter.

  • The Queen gasped, and sat down: the rapid journey through the air had quite taken

  • away her breath and for a minute or two she could do nothing but hug the little Lily in

  • silence.

  • As soon as she had recovered her breath a little, she called out to the White King,

  • who was sitting sulkily among the ashes, 'Mind the volcano!'

  • 'What volcano?' said the King, looking up anxiously into the fire, as if he thought

  • that was the most likely place to find one. 'Blew--me--up,' panted the Queen, who was

  • still a little out of breath.

  • 'Mind you come up--the regular way--don't get blown up!'

  • Alice watched the White King as he slowly struggled up from bar to bar, till at last

  • she said, 'Why, you'll be hours and hours getting to the table, at that rate.

  • I'd far better help you, hadn't I?'

  • But the King took no notice of the question: it was quite clear that he could

  • neither hear her nor see her.

  • So Alice picked him up very gently, and lifted him across more slowly than she had

  • lifted the Queen, that she mightn't take his breath away: but, before she put him on

  • the table, she thought she might as well

  • dust him a little, he was so covered with ashes.

  • She said afterwards that she had never seen in all her life such a face as the King

  • made, when he found himself held in the air by an invisible hand, and being dusted: he

  • was far too much astonished to cry out, but

  • his eyes and his mouth went on getting larger and larger, and rounder and rounder,

  • till her hand shook so with laughing that she nearly let him drop upon the floor.

  • 'Oh! PLEASE don't make such faces, my dear!' she cried out, quite forgetting that

  • the King couldn't hear her. 'You make me laugh so that I can hardly

  • hold you!

  • And don't keep your mouth so wide open! All the ashes will get into it--there, now

  • I think you're tidy enough!' she added, as she smoothed his hair, and set him upon the

  • table near the Queen.

  • The King immediately fell flat on his back, and lay perfectly still: and Alice was a

  • little alarmed at what she had done, and went round the room to see if she could

  • find any water to throw over him.

  • However, she could find nothing but a bottle of ink, and when she got back with

  • it she found he had recovered, and he and the Queen were talking together in a

  • frightened whisper--so low, that Alice could hardly hear what they said.

  • The King was saying, 'I assure, you my dear, I turned cold to the very ends of my

  • whiskers!'

  • To which the Queen replied, 'You haven't got any whiskers.'

  • 'The horror of that moment,' the King went on, 'I shall never, NEVER forget!'

  • 'You will, though,' the Queen said, 'if you don't make a memorandum of it.'

  • Alice looked on with great interest as the King took an enormous memorandum-book out

  • of his pocket, and began writing.

  • A sudden thought struck her, and she took hold of the end of the pencil, which came

  • some way over his shoulder, and began writing for him.

  • The poor King looked puzzled and unhappy, and struggled with the pencil for some time

  • without saying anything; but Alice was too strong for him, and at last he panted out,

  • 'My dear!

  • I really MUST get a thinner pencil. I can't manage this one a bit; it writes

  • all manner of things that I don't intend--'

  • 'What manner of things?' said the Queen, looking over the book (in which Alice had

  • put 'THE WHITE KNIGHT IS SLIDING DOWN THE POKER.

  • HE BALANCES VERY BADLY') 'That's not a memorandum of YOUR feelings!'

  • There was a book lying near Alice on the table, and while she sat watching the White

  • King (for she was still a little anxious about him, and had the ink all ready to

  • throw over him, in case he fainted again),

  • she turned over the leaves, to find some part that she could read, '--for it's all

  • in some language I don't know,' she said to herself.

  • It was like this.

  • YKCOWREBBAJ sevotyhtilsehtdna,gillirbsawT'

  • ebawehtnielbmigdnaerygdiD ,sevogorobehterewysmimllA

  • .ebargtuoshtaremomehtdnA

  • She puzzled over this for some time, but at last a bright thought struck her.

  • 'Why, it's a Looking-glass book, of course! And if I hold it up to a glass, the words

  • will all go the right way again.'

  • This was the poem that Alice read.

  • JABBERWOCKY 'Twasbrillig,andtheslithytoves

  • Didgyreandgimbleinthewabe; Allmimsyweretheborogoves,

  • Andthemomerathsoutgrabe.

  • 'BewaretheJabberwock,myson! Thejawsthatbite,theclawsthatcatch!

  • BewaretheJubjubbird,andshun ThefrumiousBandersnatch!'

  • Hetookhisvorpalswordinhand: Longtimethemanxomefoehesought--

  • SorestedhebytheTumtumtree, Andstoodawhileinthought.

  • Andasinuffishthoughthestood, TheJabberwock,witheyesofflame,

  • Camewhifflingthroughthetulgeywood, Andburbledasitcame!

  • One,two!One,two!Andthroughandthrough Thevorpalbladewentsnicker-snack!

  • Heleftitdead,andwithitshead Hewentgalumphingback.

  • 'AndhastthouslaintheJabberwock? Cometomyarms,mybeamishboy!

  • Ofrabjousday!Callooh!Callay!' Hechortledinhisjoy.

  • 'Twasbrillig,andtheslithytoves Didgyreandgimbleinthewabe;

  • Allmimsyweretheborogoves, Andthemomerathsoutgrabe.

  • 'It seems very pretty,' she said when she had finished it, 'but it's RATHER hard to

  • understand!'

  • (You see she didn't like to confess, even to herself, that she couldn't make it out

  • at all.)

  • 'Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas--only I don't exactly know what they

  • are! However, SOMEBODY killed SOMETHING: that's

  • clear, at any rate--'

  • 'But oh!' thought Alice, suddenly jumping up, 'if I don't make haste I shall have to

  • go back through the Looking-glass, before I've seen what the rest of the house is

  • like!

  • Let's have a look at the garden first!'

  • She was out of the room in a moment, and ran down stairs--or, at least, it wasn't

  • exactly running, but a new invention of hers for getting down stairs quickly and

  • easily, as Alice said to herself.

  • She just kept the tips of her fingers on the hand-rail, and floated gently down

  • without even touching the stairs with her feet; then she floated on through the hall,

  • and would have gone straight out at the

  • door in the same way, if she hadn't caught hold of the door-post.

  • She was getting a little giddy with so much floating in the air, and was rather glad to

  • find herself walking again in the natural way.

  • >

  • CHAPTER II. The Garden of Live Flowers

  • 'I should see the garden far better,' said Alice to herself, 'if I could get to the

  • top of that hill: and here's a path that leads straight to it--at least, no, it

  • doesn't do that--' (after going a few yards

  • along the path, and turning several sharp corners), 'but I suppose it will at last.

  • But how curiously it twists! It's more like a corkscrew than a path!

  • Well, THIS turn goes to the hill, I suppose--no, it doesn't!

  • This goes straight back to the house! Well then, I'll try it the other way.'

  • And so she did: wandering up and down, and trying turn after turn, but always coming

  • back to the house, do what she would.

  • Indeed, once, when she turned a corner rather more quickly than usual, she ran

  • against it before she could stop herself.

  • 'It's no use talking about it,' Alice said, looking up at the house and pretending it

  • was arguing with her. 'I'm NOT going in again yet.

  • I know I should have to get through the Looking-glass again--back into the old

  • room--and there'd be an end of all my adventures!'

  • So, resolutely turning her back upon the house, she set out once more down the path,

  • determined to keep straight on till she got to the hill.

  • For a few minutes all went on well, and she was just saying, 'I really SHALL do it this

  • time--' when the path gave a sudden twist and shook itself (as she described it

  • afterwards), and the next moment she found herself actually walking in at the door.

  • 'Oh, it's too bad!' she cried. 'I never saw such a house for getting in

  • the way!

  • Never!' However, there was the hill full in sight,

  • so there was nothing to be done but start again.

  • This time she came upon a large flower-bed, with a border of daisies, and a willow-tree

  • growing in the middle.

  • 'O Tiger-lily,' said Alice, addressing herself to one that was waving gracefully

  • about in the wind, 'I WISH you could talk!' 'We CAN talk,' said the Tiger-lily: 'when

  • there's anybody worth talking to.'

  • Alice was so astonished that she could not speak for a minute: it quite seemed to take

  • her breath away.

  • At length, as the Tiger-lily only went on waving about, she spoke again, in a timid

  • voice--almost in a whisper. 'And can ALL the flowers talk?'

  • 'As well as YOU can,' said the Tiger-lily.

  • 'And a great deal louder.' 'It isn't manners for us to begin, you

  • know,' said the Rose, 'and I really was wondering when you'd speak!

  • Said I to myself, "Her face has got SOME sense in it, though it's not a clever one!"

  • Still, you're the right colour, and that goes a long way.'

  • 'I don't care about the colour,' the Tiger- lily remarked.

  • 'If only her petals curled up a little more, she'd be all right.'

  • Alice didn't like being criticised, so she began asking questions.

  • 'Aren't you sometimes frightened at being planted out here, with nobody to take care

  • of you?'

  • 'There's the tree in the middle,' said the Rose: 'what else is it good for?'

  • 'But what could it do, if any danger came?' Alice asked.

  • 'It says "Bough-wough!"' cried a Daisy: 'that's why its branches are called

  • boughs!'

  • 'Didn't you know THAT?' cried another Daisy, and here they all began shouting

  • together, till the air seemed quite full of little shrill voices.

  • 'Silence, every one of you!' cried the Tiger-lily, waving itself passionately from

  • side to side, and trembling with excitement.

  • 'They know I can't get at them!' it panted, bending its quivering head towards Alice,

  • 'or they wouldn't dare to do it!' 'Never mind!'

  • Alice said in a soothing tone, and stooping down to the daisies, who were just

  • beginning again, she whispered, 'If you don't hold your tongues, I'll pick you!'

  • There was silence in a moment, and several of the pink daisies turned white.

  • 'That's right!' said the Tiger-lily. 'The daisies are worst of all.

  • When one speaks, they all begin together, and it's enough to make one wither to hear

  • the way they go on!' 'How is it you can all talk so nicely?'

  • Alice said, hoping to get it into a better temper by a compliment.

  • 'I've been in many gardens before, but none of the flowers could talk.'

  • 'Put your hand down, and feel the ground,' said the Tiger-lily.

  • 'Then you'll know why.' Alice did so.

  • 'It's very hard,' she said, 'but I don't see what that has to do with it.'

  • 'In most gardens,' the Tiger-lily said, 'they make the beds too soft--so that the

  • flowers are always asleep.'

  • This sounded a very good reason, and Alice was quite pleased to know it.

  • 'I never thought of that before!' she said.

  • 'It's MY opinion that you never think AT ALL,' the Rose said in a rather severe

  • tone.

  • 'I never saw anybody that looked stupider,' a Violet said, so suddenly, that Alice

  • quite jumped; for it hadn't spoken before. 'Hold YOUR tongue!' cried the Tiger-lily.

  • 'As if YOU ever saw anybody!

  • You keep your head under the leaves, and snore away there, till you know no more

  • what's going on in the world, than if you were a bud!'

  • 'Are there any more people in the garden besides me?'

  • Alice said, not choosing to notice the Rose's last remark.

  • 'There's one other flower in the garden that can move about like you,' said the

  • Rose.

  • 'I wonder how you do it--' ('You're always wondering,' said the Tiger-lily), 'but

  • she's more bushy than you are.' 'Is she like me?'

  • Alice asked eagerly, for the thought crossed her mind, 'There's another little

  • girl in the garden, somewhere!'

  • 'Well, she has the same awkward shape as you,' the Rose said, 'but she's redder--and

  • her petals are shorter, I think.'

  • 'Her petals are done up close, almost like a dahlia,' the Tiger-lily interrupted: 'not

  • tumbled about anyhow, like yours.'

  • 'But that's not YOUR fault,' the Rose added kindly: 'you're beginning to fade, you

  • know--and then one can't help one's petals getting a little untidy.'

  • Alice didn't like this idea at all: so, to change the subject, she asked 'Does she

  • ever come out here?' 'I daresay you'll see her soon,' said the

  • Rose.

  • 'She's one of the thorny kind.' 'Where does she wear the thorns?'

  • Alice asked with some curiosity. 'Why all round her head, of course,' the

  • Rose replied.

  • 'I was wondering YOU hadn't got some too. I thought it was the regular rule.'

  • 'She's coming!' cried the Larkspur. 'I hear her footstep, thump, thump, thump,

  • along the gravel-walk!'

  • Alice looked round eagerly, and found that it was the Red Queen.

  • 'She's grown a good deal!' was her first remark.

  • She had indeed: when Alice first found her in the ashes, she had been only three

  • inches high--and here she was, half a head taller than Alice herself!

  • 'It's the fresh air that does it,' said the Rose: 'wonderfully fine air it is, out

  • here.'

  • 'I think I'll go and meet her,' said Alice, for, though the flowers were interesting

  • enough, she felt that it would be far grander to have a talk with a real Queen.

  • 'You can't possibly do that,' said the Rose: 'I should advise you to walk the

  • other way.'

  • This sounded nonsense to Alice, so she said nothing, but set off at once towards the

  • Red Queen.

  • To her surprise, she lost sight of her in a moment, and found herself walking in at the

  • front-door again.

  • A little provoked, she drew back, and after looking everywhere for the queen (whom she

  • spied out at last, a long way off), she thought she would try the plan, this time,

  • of walking in the opposite direction.

  • It succeeded beautifully. She had not been walking a minute before

  • she found herself face to face with the Red Queen, and full in sight of the hill she

  • had been so long aiming at.

  • 'Where do you come from?' said the Red Queen.

  • 'And where are you going? Look up, speak nicely, and don't twiddle

  • your fingers all the time.'

  • Alice attended to all these directions, and explained, as well as she could, that she

  • had lost her way.

  • 'I don't know what you mean by YOUR way,' said the Queen: 'all the ways about here

  • belong to ME--but why did you come out here at all?' she added in a kinder tone.

  • 'Curtsey while you're thinking what to say, it saves time.'

  • Alice wondered a little at this, but she was too much in awe of the Queen to

  • disbelieve it.

  • 'I'll try it when I go home,' she thought to herself, 'the next time I'm a little

  • late for dinner.'

  • 'It's time for you to answer now,' the Queen said, looking at her watch: 'open

  • your mouth a LITTLE wider when you speak, and always say "your Majesty."'

  • 'I only wanted to see what the garden was like, your Majesty--'

  • 'That's right,' said the Queen, patting her on the head, which Alice didn't like at

  • all, 'though, when you say "garden,"--I'VE seen gardens, compared with which this

  • would be a wilderness.'

  • Alice didn't dare to argue the point, but went on: '--and I thought I'd try and find

  • my way to the top of that hill--'

  • 'When you say "hill,"' the Queen interrupted, 'I could show you hills, in

  • comparison with which you'd call that a valley.'

  • 'No, I shouldn't,' said Alice, surprised into contradicting her at last: 'a hill

  • CAN'T be a valley, you know. That would be nonsense--'

  • The Red Queen shook her head, 'You may call it "nonsense" if you like,' she said, 'but

  • I'VE heard nonsense, compared with which that would be as sensible as a dictionary!'

  • Alice curtseyed again, as she was afraid from the Queen's tone that she was a LITTLE

  • offended: and they walked on in silence till they got to the top of the little

  • hill.

  • For some minutes Alice stood without speaking, looking out in all directions

  • over the country--and a most curious country it was.

  • There were a number of tiny little brooks running straight across it from side to

  • side, and the ground between was divided up into squares by a number of little green

  • hedges, that reached from brook to brook.

  • 'I declare it's marked out just like a large chessboard!'

  • Alice said at last. 'There ought to be some men moving about

  • somewhere--and so there are!'

  • She added in a tone of delight, and her heart began to beat quick with excitement

  • as she went on.

  • 'It's a great huge game of chess that's being played--all over the world--if this

  • IS the world at all, you know. Oh, what fun it is!

  • How I WISH I was one of them!

  • I wouldn't mind being a Pawn, if only I might join--though of course I should LIKE

  • to be a Queen, best.'

  • She glanced rather shyly at the real Queen as she said this, but her companion only

  • smiled pleasantly, and said, 'That's easily managed.

  • You can be the White Queen's Pawn, if you like, as Lily's too young to play; and

  • you're in the Second Square to begin with: when you get to the Eighth Square you'll be

  • a Queen--' Just at this moment, somehow or other, they began to run.

  • Alice never could quite make out, in thinking it over afterwards, how it was

  • that they began: all she remembers is, that they were running hand in hand, and the

  • Queen went so fast that it was all she

  • could do to keep up with her: and still the Queen kept crying 'Faster!

  • Faster!' but Alice felt she COULD NOT go faster, though she had not breath left to

  • say so.

  • The most curious part of the thing was, that the trees and the other things round

  • them never changed their places at all: however fast they went, they never seemed

  • to pass anything.

  • 'I wonder if all the things move along with us?' thought poor puzzled Alice.

  • And the Queen seemed to guess her thoughts, for she cried, 'Faster!

  • Don't try to talk!'

  • Not that Alice had any idea of doing THAT. She felt as if she would never be able to

  • talk again, she was getting so much out of breath: and still the Queen cried 'Faster!

  • Faster!' and dragged her along.

  • 'Are we nearly there?' Alice managed to pant out at last.

  • 'Nearly there!' the Queen repeated. 'Why, we passed it ten minutes ago!

  • Faster!'

  • And they ran on for a time in silence, with the wind whistling in Alice's ears, and

  • almost blowing her hair off her head, she fancied.

  • 'Now! Now!' cried the Queen.

  • 'Faster! Faster!'

  • And they went so fast that at last they seemed to skim through the air, hardly

  • touching the ground with their feet, till suddenly, just as Alice was getting quite

  • exhausted, they stopped, and she found

  • herself sitting on the ground, breathless and giddy.

  • The Queen propped her up against a tree, and said kindly, 'You may rest a little

  • now.'

  • Alice looked round her in great surprise. 'Why, I do believe we've been under this

  • tree the whole time! Everything's just as it was!'

  • 'Of course it is,' said the Queen, 'what would you have it?'

  • 'Well, in OUR country,' said Alice, still panting a little, 'you'd generally get to

  • somewhere else--if you ran very fast for a long time, as we've been doing.'

  • 'A slow sort of country!' said the Queen.

  • 'Now, HERE, you see, it takes all the running YOU can do, to keep in the same

  • place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must

  • run at least twice as fast as that!'

  • 'I'd rather not try, please!' said Alice. 'I'm quite content to stay here--only I AM

  • so hot and thirsty!'

  • 'I know what YOU'D like!' the Queen said good-naturedly, taking a little box out of

  • her pocket. 'Have a biscuit?'

  • Alice thought it would not be civil to say 'No,' though it wasn't at all what she

  • wanted.

  • So she took it, and ate it as well as she could: and it was VERY dry; and she thought

  • she had never been so nearly choked in all her life.

  • 'While you're refreshing yourself,' said the Queen, 'I'll just take the

  • measurements.'

  • And she took a ribbon out of her pocket, marked in inches, and began measuring the

  • ground, and sticking little pegs in here and there.

  • 'At the end of two yards,' she said, putting in a peg to mark the distance, 'I

  • shall give you your directions--have another biscuit?'

  • 'No, thank you,' said Alice: 'one's QUITE enough!'

  • 'Thirst quenched, I hope?' said the Queen.

  • Alice did not know what to say to this, but luckily the Queen did not wait for an

  • answer, but went on. 'At the end of THREE yards I shall repeat

  • them--for fear of your forgetting them.

  • At the end of FOUR, I shall say good-bye. And at the end of FIVE, I shall go!'

  • She had got all the pegs put in by this time, and Alice looked on with great

  • interest as she returned to the tree, and then began slowly walking down the row.

  • At the two-yard peg she faced round, and said, 'A pawn goes two squares in its first

  • move, you know.

  • So you'll go VERY quickly through the Third Square--by railway, I should think--and

  • you'll find yourself in the Fourth Square in no time.

  • Well, THAT square belongs to Tweedledum and Tweedledee--the Fifth is mostly water--the

  • Sixth belongs to Humpty Dumpty--But you make no remark?'

  • 'I--I didn't know I had to make one--just then,' Alice faltered out.

  • 'You SHOULD have said, "It's extremely kind of you to tell me all this"--however, we'll

  • suppose it said--the Seventh Square is all forest--however, one of the Knights will

  • show you the way--and in the Eighth Square

  • we shall be Queens together, and it's all feasting and fun!'

  • Alice got up and curtseyed, and sat down again.

  • At the next peg the Queen turned again, and this time she said, 'Speak in French when

  • you can't think of the English for a thing- -turn out your toes as you walk--and

  • remember who you are!'

  • She did not wait for Alice to curtsey this time, but walked on quickly to the next

  • peg, where she turned for a moment to say 'good-bye,' and then hurried on to the

  • last.

  • How it happened, Alice never knew, but exactly as she came to the last peg, she

  • was gone.

  • Whether she vanished into the air, or whether she ran quickly into the wood ('and

  • she CAN run very fast!' thought Alice), there was no way of guessing, but she was

  • gone, and Alice began to remember that she

  • was a Pawn, and that it would soon be time for her to move.

  • >

  • CHAPTER III. Looking-Glass Insects

  • Of course the first thing to do was to make a grand survey of the country she was going

  • to travel through.

  • 'It's something very like learning geography,' thought Alice, as she stood on

  • tiptoe in hopes of being able to see a little further.

  • 'Principal rivers--there ARE none.

  • Principal mountains--I'm on the only one, but I don't think it's got any name.

  • Principal towns--why, what ARE those creatures, making honey down there?

  • They can't be bees--nobody ever saw bees a mile off, you know--' and for some time she

  • stood silent, watching one of them that was bustling about among the flowers, poking

  • its proboscis into them, 'just as if it was a regular bee,' thought Alice.

  • However, this was anything but a regular bee: in fact it was an elephant--as Alice

  • soon found out, though the idea quite took her breath away at first.

  • 'And what enormous flowers they must be!' was her next idea.

  • 'Something like cottages with the roofs taken off, and stalks put to them--and what

  • quantities of honey they must make!

  • I think I'll go down and--no, I won't JUST yet,' she went on, checking herself just as

  • she was beginning to run down the hill, and trying to find some excuse for turning shy

  • so suddenly.

  • 'It'll never do to go down among them without a good long branch to brush them

  • away--and what fun it'll be when they ask me how I like my walk.

  • I shall say--"Oh, I like it well enough--"' (here came the favourite little toss of the

  • head), '"only it was so dusty and hot, and the elephants did tease so!"'

  • 'I think I'll go down the other way,' she said after a pause: 'and perhaps I may

  • visit the elephants later on. Besides, I do so want to get into the Third

  • Square!'

  • So with this excuse she ran down the hill and jumped over the first of the six little

  • brooks. 'Tickets, please!' said the Guard, putting

  • his head in at the window.

  • In a moment everybody was holding out a ticket: they were about the same size as

  • the people, and quite seemed to fill the carriage.

  • 'Now then!

  • Show your ticket, child!' the Guard went on, looking angrily at Alice.

  • And a great many voices all said together ('like the chorus of a song,' thought

  • Alice), 'Don't keep him waiting, child!

  • Why, his time is worth a thousand pounds a minute!'

  • 'I'm afraid I haven't got one,' Alice said in a frightened tone: 'there wasn't a

  • ticket-office where I came from.'

  • And again the chorus of voices went on. 'There wasn't room for one where she came

  • from. The land there is worth a thousand pounds

  • an inch!'

  • 'Don't make excuses,' said the Guard: 'you should have bought one from the engine-

  • driver.' And once more the chorus of voices went on

  • with 'The man that drives the engine.

  • Why, the smoke alone is worth a thousand pounds a puff!'

  • Alice thought to herself, 'Then there's no use in speaking.'

  • The voices didn't join in this time, as she hadn't spoken, but to her great surprise,

  • they all THOUGHT in chorus (I hope you understand what THINKING IN CHORUS means--

  • for I must confess that I don't), 'Better say nothing at all.

  • Language is worth a thousand pounds a word!'

  • 'I shall dream about a thousand pounds tonight, I know I shall!' thought Alice.

  • All this time the Guard was looking at her, first through a telescope, then through a

  • microscope, and then through an opera- glass.

  • At last he said, 'You're travelling the wrong way,' and shut up the window and went

  • away.

  • 'So young a child,' said the gentleman sitting opposite to her (he was dressed in

  • white paper), 'ought to know which way she's going, even if she doesn't know her

  • own name!'

  • A Goat, that was sitting next to the gentleman in white, shut his eyes and said

  • in a loud voice, 'She ought to know her way to the ticket-office, even if she doesn't

  • know her alphabet!'

  • There was a Beetle sitting next to the Goat (it was a very queer carriage-full of

  • passengers altogether), and, as the rule seemed to be that they should all speak in

  • turn, HE went on with 'She'll have to go back from here as luggage!'

  • Alice couldn't see who was sitting beyond the Beetle, but a hoarse voice spoke next.

  • 'Change engines--' it said, and was obliged to leave off.

  • 'It sounds like a horse,' Alice thought to herself.

  • And an extremely small voice, close to her ear, said, 'You might make a joke on that--

  • something about "horse" and "hoarse," you know.'

  • Then a very gentle voice in the distance said, 'She must be labelled "Lass, with

  • care," you know--'

  • And after that other voices went on ('What a number of people there are in the

  • carriage!' thought Alice), saying, 'She must go by post, as she's got a head on

  • her--' 'She must be sent as a message by

  • the telegraph--' 'She must draw the train herself the rest of the way--' and so on.

  • But the gentleman dressed in white paper leaned forwards and whispered in her ear,

  • 'Never mind what they all say, my dear, but take a return-ticket every time the train

  • stops.'

  • 'Indeed I shan't!' Alice said rather impatiently.

  • 'I don't belong to this railway journey at all--I was in a wood just now--and I wish I

  • could get back there.'

  • 'You might make a joke on THAT,' said the little voice close to her ear: 'something

  • about "you WOULD if you could," you know.'

  • 'Don't tease so,' said Alice, looking about in vain to see where the voice came from;

  • 'if you're so anxious to have a joke made, why don't you make one yourself?'

  • The little voice sighed deeply: it was VERY unhappy, evidently, and Alice would have

  • said something pitying to comfort it, 'If it would only sigh like other people!' she

  • thought.

  • But this was such a wonderfully small sigh, that she wouldn't have heard it at all, if

  • it hadn't come QUITE close to her ear.

  • The consequence of this was that it tickled her ear very much, and quite took off her

  • thoughts from the unhappiness of the poor little creature.

  • 'I know you are a friend,' the little voice went on; 'a dear friend, and an old friend.

  • And you won't hurt me, though I AM an insect.'

  • 'What kind of insect?'

  • Alice inquired a little anxiously. What she really wanted to know was, whether

  • it could sting or not, but she thought this wouldn't be quite a civil question to ask.

  • 'What, then you don't--' the little voice began, when it was drowned by a shrill

  • scream from the engine, and everybody jumped up in alarm, Alice among the rest.

  • The Horse, who had put his head out of the window, quietly drew it in and said, 'It's

  • only a brook we have to jump over.'

  • Everybody seemed satisfied with this, though Alice felt a little nervous at the

  • idea of trains jumping at all.

  • 'However, it'll take us into the Fourth Square, that's some comfort!' she said to

  • herself.

  • In another moment she felt the carriage rise straight up into the air, and in her

  • fright she caught at the thing nearest to her hand, which happened to be the Goat's

  • beard.

  • But the beard seemed to melt away as she touched it, and she found herself sitting

  • quietly under a tree--while the Gnat (for that was the insect she had been talking

  • to) was balancing itself on a twig just

  • over her head, and fanning her with its wings.

  • It certainly was a VERY large Gnat: 'about the size of a chicken,' Alice thought.

  • Still, she couldn't feel nervous with it, after they had been talking together so

  • long.

  • '--then you don't like all insects?' the Gnat went on, as quietly as if nothing had

  • happened. 'I like them when they can talk,' Alice

  • said.

  • 'None of them ever talk, where I come from.'

  • 'What sort of insects do you rejoice in, where YOU come from?' the Gnat inquired.

  • 'I don't REJOICE in insects at all,' Alice explained, 'because I'm rather afraid of

  • them--at least the large kinds. But I can tell you the names of some of

  • them.'

  • 'Of course they answer to their names?' the Gnat remarked carelessly.

  • 'I never knew them do it.' 'What's the use of their having names,' the

  • Gnat said, 'if they won't answer to them?'

  • 'No use to THEM,' said Alice; 'but it's useful to the people who name them, I

  • suppose. If not, why do things have names at all?'

  • 'I can't say,' the Gnat replied.

  • 'Further on, in the wood down there, they've got no names--however, go on with

  • your list of insects: you're wasting time.' 'Well, there's the Horse-fly,' Alice began,

  • counting off the names on her fingers.

  • 'All right,' said the Gnat: 'half way up that bush, you'll see a Rocking-horse-fly,

  • if you look. It's made entirely of wood, and gets about

  • by swinging itself from branch to branch.'

  • 'What does it live on?' Alice asked, with great curiosity.

  • 'Sap and sawdust,' said the Gnat. 'Go on with the list.'

  • Alice looked up at the Rocking-horse-fly with great interest, and made up her mind

  • that it must have been just repainted, it looked so bright and sticky; and then she

  • went on.

  • 'And there's the Dragon-fly.' 'Look on the branch above your head,' said

  • the Gnat, 'and there you'll find a snap- dragon-fly.

  • Its body is made of plum-pudding, its wings of holly-leaves, and its head is a raisin

  • burning in brandy.' 'And what does it live on?'

  • 'Frumenty and mince pie,' the Gnat replied; 'and it makes its nest in a Christmas box.'

  • 'And then there's the Butterfly,' Alice went on, after she had taken a good look at

  • the insect with its head on fire, and had thought to herself, 'I wonder if that's the

  • reason insects are so fond of flying into

  • candles--because they want to turn into Snap-dragon-flies!'

  • 'Crawling at your feet,' said the Gnat (Alice drew her feet back in some alarm),

  • 'you may observe a Bread-and-Butterfly.

  • Its wings are thin slices of Bread-and- butter, its body is a crust, and its head

  • is a lump of sugar.' 'And what does IT live on?'

  • 'Weak tea with cream in it.'

  • A new difficulty came into Alice's head. 'Supposing it couldn't find any?' she

  • suggested. 'Then it would die, of course.'

  • 'But that must happen very often,' Alice remarked thoughtfully.

  • 'It always happens,' said the Gnat. After this, Alice was silent for a minute

  • or two, pondering.

  • The Gnat amused itself meanwhile by humming round and round her head: at last it

  • settled again and remarked, 'I suppose you don't want to lose your name?'

  • 'No, indeed,' Alice said, a little anxiously.

  • 'And yet I don't know,' the Gnat went on in a careless tone: 'only think how convenient

  • it would be if you could manage to go home without it!

  • For instance, if the governess wanted to call you to your lessons, she would call

  • out "come here--," and there she would have to leave off, because there wouldn't be any

  • name for her to call, and of course you wouldn't have to go, you know.'

  • 'That would never do, I'm sure,' said Alice: 'the governess would never think of

  • excusing me lessons for that.

  • If she couldn't remember my name, she'd call me "Miss!" as the servants do.'

  • 'Well, if she said "Miss," and didn't say anything more,' the Gnat remarked, 'of

  • course you'd miss your lessons.

  • That's a joke. I wish YOU had made it.'

  • 'Why do you wish I had made it?' Alice asked.

  • 'It's a very bad one.'

  • But the Gnat only sighed deeply, while two large tears came rolling down its cheeks.

  • 'You shouldn't make jokes,' Alice said, 'if it makes you so unhappy.'

  • Then came another of those melancholy little sighs, and this time the poor Gnat

  • really seemed to have sighed itself away, for, when Alice looked up, there was

  • nothing whatever to be seen on the twig,

  • and, as she was getting quite chilly with sitting still so long, she got up and

  • walked on.

  • She very soon came to an open field, with a wood on the other side of it: it looked

  • much darker than the last wood, and Alice felt a LITTLE timid about going into it.

  • However, on second thoughts, she made up her mind to go on: 'for I certainly won't

  • go BACK,' she thought to herself, and this was the only way to the Eighth Square.

  • 'This must be the wood,' she said thoughtfully to herself, 'where things have

  • no names. I wonder what'll become of MY name when I

  • go in?

  • I shouldn't like to lose it at all--because they'd have to give me another, and it

  • would be almost certain to be an ugly one. But then the fun would be trying to find

  • the creature that had got my old name!

  • That's just like the advertisements, you know, when people lose dogs--"ANSWERS TO

  • THE NAME OF 'DASH:' HAD ON A BRASS COLLAR"- -just fancy calling everything you met

  • "Alice," till one of them answered!

  • Only they wouldn't answer at all, if they were wise.'

  • She was rambling on in this way when she reached the wood: it looked very cool and

  • shady.

  • 'Well, at any rate it's a great comfort,' she said as she stepped under the trees,

  • 'after being so hot, to get into the--into WHAT?' she went on, rather surprised at not

  • being able to think of the word.

  • 'I mean to get under the--under the--under THIS, you know!' putting her hand on the

  • trunk of the tree. 'What DOES it call itself, I wonder?

  • I do believe it's got no name--why, to be sure it hasn't!'

  • She stood silent for a minute, thinking: then she suddenly began again.

  • 'Then it really HAS happened, after all!

  • And now, who am I? I WILL remember, if I can!

  • I'm determined to do it!'

  • But being determined didn't help much, and all she could say, after a great deal of

  • puzzling, was, 'L, I KNOW it begins with L!'

  • Just then a Fawn came wandering by: it looked at Alice with its large gentle eyes,

  • but didn't seem at all frightened. 'Here then!

  • Here then!'

  • Alice said, as she held out her hand and tried to stroke it; but it only started

  • back a little, and then stood looking at her again.

  • 'What do you call yourself?' the Fawn said at last.

  • Such a soft sweet voice it had! 'I wish I knew!' thought poor Alice.

  • She answered, rather sadly, 'Nothing, just now.'

  • 'Think again,' it said: 'that won't do.' Alice thought, but nothing came of it.

  • 'Please, would you tell me what YOU call yourself?' she said timidly.

  • 'I think that might help a little.' 'I'll tell you, if you'll move a little

  • further on,' the Fawn said.

  • 'I can't remember here.'

  • So they walked on together though the wood, Alice with her arms clasped lovingly round

  • the soft neck of the Fawn, till they came out into another open field, and here the

  • Fawn gave a sudden bound into the air, and shook itself free from Alice's arms.

  • 'I'm a Fawn!' it cried out in a voice of delight, 'and, dear me! you're a human

  • child!'

  • A sudden look of alarm came into its beautiful brown eyes, and in another moment

  • it had darted away at full speed.

  • Alice stood looking after it, almost ready to cry with vexation at having lost her

  • dear little fellow-traveller so suddenly. 'However, I know my name now.' she said,

  • 'that's SOME comfort.

  • Alice--Alice--I won't forget it again. And now, which of these finger-posts ought

  • I to follow, I wonder?'

  • It was not a very difficult question to answer, as there was only one road through

  • the wood, and the two finger-posts both pointed along it.

  • 'I'll settle it,' Alice said to herself, 'when the road divides and they point

  • different ways.' But this did not seem likely to happen.

  • She went on and on, a long way, but wherever the road divided there were sure

  • to be two finger-posts pointing the same way, one marked 'TO TWEEDLEDUM'S HOUSE' and

  • the other 'TO THE HOUSE OF TWEEDLEDEE.'

  • 'I do believe,' said Alice at last, 'that they live in the same house!

  • I wonder I never thought of that before-- But I can't stay there long.

  • I'll just call and say "how d'you do?" and ask them the way out of the wood.

  • If I could only get to the Eighth Square before it gets dark!'

  • So she wandered on, talking to herself as she went, till, on turning a sharp corner,

  • she came upon two fat little men, so suddenly that she could not help starting

  • back, but in another moment she recovered herself, feeling sure that they must be.

  • >

  • CHAPTER IV. Tweedledum And Tweedledee

  • They were standing under a tree, each with an arm round the other's neck, and Alice

  • knew which was which in a moment, because one of them had 'DUM' embroidered on his

  • collar, and the other 'DEE.'

  • 'I suppose they've each got "TWEEDLE" round at the back of the collar,' she said to

  • herself.

  • They stood so still that she quite forgot they were alive, and she was just looking

  • round to see if the word "TWEEDLE" was written at the back of each collar, when

  • she was startled by a voice coming from the one marked 'DUM.'

  • 'If you think we're wax-works,' he said, 'you ought to pay, you know.

  • Wax-works weren't made to be looked at for nothing, nohow!'

  • 'Contrariwise,' added the one marked 'DEE,' 'if you think we're alive, you ought to

  • speak.'

  • 'I'm sure I'm very sorry,' was all Alice could say; for the words of the old song

  • kept ringing through her head like the ticking of a clock, and she could hardly

  • help saying them out loud:--

  • 'TweedledumandTweedledee Agreedtohaveabattle;

  • ForTweedledumsaidTweedledee Hadspoiledhisnicenewrattle.

  • Justthenflewdownamonstrouscrow, Asblackasatar-barrel;

  • Whichfrightenedboththeheroesso, Theyquiteforgottheirquarrel.'

  • 'I know what you're thinking about,' said Tweedledum: 'but it isn't so, nohow.'

  • 'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'if it was so, it might be; and if it were so,

  • it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't.

  • That's logic.' 'I was thinking,' Alice said very politely,

  • 'which is the best way out of this wood: it's getting so dark.

  • Would you tell me, please?'

  • But the little men only looked at each other and grinned.

  • They looked so exactly like a couple of great schoolboys, that Alice couldn't help

  • pointing her finger at Tweedledum, and saying 'First Boy!'

  • 'Nohow!'

  • Tweedledum cried out briskly, and shut his mouth up again with a snap.

  • 'Next Boy!' said Alice, passing on to Tweedledee, though she felt quite certain

  • he would only shout out 'Contrariwise!' and so he did.

  • 'You've been wrong!' cried Tweedledum.

  • 'The first thing in a visit is to say "How d'ye do?" and shake hands!'

  • And here the two brothers gave each other a hug, and then they held out the two hands

  • that were free, to shake hands with her.

  • Alice did not like shaking hands with either of them first, for fear of hurting

  • the other one's feelings; so, as the best way out of the difficulty, she took hold of

  • both hands at once: the next moment they were dancing round in a ring.

  • This seemed quite natural (she remembered afterwards), and she was not even surprised

  • to hear music playing: it seemed to come from the tree under which they were

  • dancing, and it was done (as well as she

  • could make it out) by the branches rubbing one across the other, like fiddles and

  • fiddle-sticks.

  • 'But it certainly WAS funny,' (Alice said afterwards, when she was telling her sister

  • the history of all this,) 'to find myself singing "HERE WE GO ROUND THE MULBERRY

  • BUSH."

  • I don't know when I began it, but somehow I felt as if I'd been singing it a long long

  • time!' The other two dancers were fat, and very

  • soon out of breath.

  • 'Four times round is enough for one dance,' Tweedledum panted out, and they left off

  • dancing as suddenly as they had begun: the music stopped at the same moment.

  • Then they let go of Alice's hands, and stood looking at her for a minute: there

  • was a rather awkward pause, as Alice didn't know how to begin a conversation with

  • people she had just been dancing with.

  • 'It would never do to say "How d'ye do?" NOW,' she said to herself: 'we seem to have

  • got beyond that, somehow!' 'I hope you're not much tired?' she said at

  • last.

  • 'Nohow. And thank you VERY much for asking,' said

  • Tweedledum. 'So much obliged!' added Tweedledee.

  • 'You like poetry?'

  • 'Ye-es, pretty well--SOME poetry,' Alice said doubtfully.

  • 'Would you tell me which road leads out of the wood?'

  • 'What shall I repeat to her?' said Tweedledee, looking round at Tweedledum

  • with great solemn eyes, and not noticing Alice's question.

  • '"THE WALRUS AND THE CARPENTER" is the longest,' Tweedledum replied, giving his

  • brother an affectionate hug. Tweedledee began instantly:

  • 'The sun was shining--'

  • Here Alice ventured to interrupt him. 'If it's VERY long,' she said, as politely

  • as she could, 'would you please tell me first which road--'

  • Tweedledee smiled gently, and began again:

  • 'Thesunwasshiningonthesea, Shiningwithallhismight:

  • Hedidhisverybesttomake Thebillowssmoothandbright--

  • Andthiswasodd,becauseitwas Themiddleofthenight.

  • Themoonwasshiningsulkily, Becauseshethoughtthesun

  • Hadgotnobusinesstobethere Afterthedaywasdone--

  • "It'sveryrudeofhim,"shesaid, "Tocomeandspoilthefun!"

  • Theseawaswetaswetcouldbe, Thesandsweredryasdry.

  • Youcouldnotseeacloud,because Nocloudwasinthesky:

  • Nobirdswereflyingoverhead-- Therewerenobirdstofly.

  • TheWalrusandtheCarpenter Werewalkingcloseathand;

  • Theyweptlikeanythingtosee Suchquantitiesofsand:

  • "Ifthiswereonlyclearedaway," Theysaid,"itWOULDbegrand!"

  • "Ifsevenmaidswithsevenmops Sweptitforhalfayear,

  • Doyousuppose,"theWalrussaid, "Thattheycouldgetitclear?"

  • "Idoubtit,"saidtheCarpenter, Andshedabittertear.

  • "OOysters,comeandwalkwithus!" TheWalrusdidbeseech.

  • "Apleasantwalk,apleasanttalk, Alongthebrinybeach:

  • Wecannotdowithmorethanfour, Togiveahandtoeach."

  • TheeldestOysterlookedathim. Butneverawordhesaid:

  • TheeldestOysterwinkedhiseye, Andshookhisheavyhead--

  • Meaningtosayhedidnotchoose Toleavetheoyster-bed.

  • Butfouryoungoystershurriedup, Alleagerforthetreat:

  • Theircoatswerebrushed,theirfaceswashed, Theirshoeswerecleanandneat--

  • Andthiswasodd,because,youknow, Theyhadn'tanyfeet.

  • FourotherOystersfollowedthem, Andyetanotherfour;

  • Andthickandfasttheycameatlast, Andmore,andmore,andmore--

  • Allhoppingthroughthefrothywaves, Andscramblingtotheshore.

  • TheWalrusandtheCarpenter Walkedonamileorso,

  • Andthentheyrestedonarock Convenientlylow:

  • AndallthelittleOystersstood Andwaitedinarow.

  • "Thetimehascome,"theWalrussaid, "Totalkofmanythings:

  • Ofshoes--andships--andsealing-wax-- Ofcabbages--andkings--

  • Andwhytheseaisboilinghot-- Andwhetherpigshavewings."

  • "Butwaitabit,"theOysterscried, "Beforewehaveourchat;

  • Forsomeofusareoutofbreath, Andallofusarefat!"

  • "Nohurry!"saidtheCarpenter. Theythankedhimmuchforthat.

  • "Aloafofbread,"theWalrussaid, "Iswhatwechieflyneed:

  • Pepperandvinegarbesides Areverygoodindeed--

  • Nowifyou'rereadyOystersdear, Wecanbegintofeed."

  • "Butnotonus!"theOysterscried, Turningalittleblue,

  • "Aftersuchkindness,thatwouldbe Adismalthingtodo!"

  • "Thenightisfine,"theWalrussaid "Doyouadmiretheview?

  • "Itwassokindofyoutocome! Andyouareverynice!"

  • TheCarpentersaidnothingbut "Cutusanotherslice:

  • Iwishyouwerenotquitesodeaf-- I'vehadtoaskyoutwice!"

  • "Itseemsashame,"theWalrussaid, "Toplaythemsuchatrick,

  • Afterwe'vebroughtthemoutsofar, Andmadethemtrotsoquick!"

  • TheCarpentersaidnothingbut "Thebutter'sspreadtoothick!"

  • "Iweepforyou,"theWalrussaid. "Ideeplysympathize."

  • Withsobsandtearshesortedout Thoseofthelargestsize.

  • Holdinghispockethandkerchief Beforehisstreamingeyes.

  • "OOysters,"saidtheCarpenter. "You'vehadapleasantrun!

  • Shallwebetrottinghomeagain?" Butanswercametherenone--

  • Andthatwasscarcelyodd,because They'deateneveryone.'

  • 'I like the Walrus best,' said Alice: 'because you see he was a LITTLE sorry for

  • the poor oysters.' 'He ate more than the Carpenter, though,'

  • said Tweedledee.

  • 'You see he held his handkerchief in front, so that the Carpenter couldn't count how

  • many he took: contrariwise.' 'That was mean!'

  • Alice said indignantly.

  • 'Then I like the Carpenter best--if he didn't eat so many as the Walrus.'

  • 'But he ate as many as he could get,' said Tweedledum.

  • This was a puzzler.

  • After a pause, Alice began, 'Well!

  • They were BOTH very unpleasant characters-- ' Here she checked herself in some alarm,

  • at hearing something that sounded to her like the puffing of a large steam-engine in

  • the wood near them, though she feared it was more likely to be a wild beast.

  • 'Are there any lions or tigers about here?' she asked timidly.

  • 'It's only the Red King snoring,' said Tweedledee.

  • 'Come and look at him!' the brothers cried, and they each took one of Alice's hands,

  • and led her up to where the King was sleeping.

  • 'Isn't he a LOVELY sight?' said Tweedledum.

  • Alice couldn't say honestly that he was.

  • He had a tall red night-cap on, with a tassel, and he was lying crumpled up into a

  • sort of untidy heap, and snoring loud--'fit to snore his head off!' as Tweedledum

  • remarked.

  • 'I'm afraid he'll catch cold with lying on the damp grass,' said Alice, who was a very

  • thoughtful little girl. 'He's dreaming now,' said Tweedledee: 'and

  • what do you think he's dreaming about?'

  • Alice said 'Nobody can guess that.' 'Why, about YOU!'

  • Tweedledee exclaimed, clapping his hands triumphantly.

  • 'And if he left off dreaming about you, where do you suppose you'd be?'

  • 'Where I am now, of course,' said Alice. 'Not you!'

  • Tweedledee retorted contemptuously.

  • 'You'd be nowhere. Why, you're only a sort of thing in his

  • dream!'

  • 'If that there King was to wake,' added Tweedledum, 'you'd go out--bang!--just like

  • a candle!' 'I shouldn't!'

  • Alice exclaimed indignantly.

  • 'Besides, if I'M only a sort of thing in his dream, what are YOU, I should like to

  • know?' 'Ditto' said Tweedledum.

  • 'Ditto, ditto' cried Tweedledee.

  • He shouted this so loud that Alice couldn't help saying, 'Hush!

  • You'll be waking him, I'm afraid, if you make so much noise.'

  • 'Well, it no use YOUR talking about waking him,' said Tweedledum, 'when you're only

  • one of the things in his dream. You know very well you're not real.'

  • 'I AM real!' said Alice and began to cry.

  • 'You won't make yourself a bit realler by crying,' Tweedledee remarked: 'there's

  • nothing to cry about.'

  • 'If I wasn't real,' Alice said--half- laughing through her tears, it all seemed

  • so ridiculous--'I shouldn't be able to cry.'

  • 'I hope you don't suppose those are real tears?'

  • Tweedledum interrupted in a tone of great contempt.

  • 'I know they're talking nonsense,' Alice thought to herself: 'and it's foolish to

  • cry about it.' So she brushed away her tears, and went on

  • as cheerfully as she could.

  • 'At any rate I'd better be getting out of the wood, for really it's coming on very

  • dark. Do you think it's going to rain?'

  • Tweedledum spread a large umbrella over himself and his brother, and looked up into

  • it. 'No, I don't think it is,' he said: 'at

  • least--not under HERE.

  • Nohow.' 'But it may rain OUTSIDE?'

  • 'It may--if it chooses,' said Tweedledee: 'we've no objection.

  • Contrariwise.'

  • 'Selfish things!' thought Alice, and she was just going to say 'Good-night' and

  • leave them, when Tweedledum sprang out from under the umbrella and seized her by the

  • wrist.

  • 'Do you see THAT?' he said, in a voice choking with passion, and his eyes grew

  • large and yellow all in a moment, as he pointed with a trembling finger at a small

  • white thing lying under the tree.

  • 'It's only a rattle,' Alice said, after a careful examination of the little white

  • thing.

  • 'Not a rattleSNAKE, you know,' she added hastily, thinking that he was frightened:

  • 'only an old rattle--quite old and broken.'

  • 'I knew it was!' cried Tweedledum, beginning to stamp about wildly and tear

  • his hair. 'It's spoilt, of course!'

  • Here he looked at Tweedledee, who immediately sat down on the ground, and

  • tried to hide himself under the umbrella.

  • Alice laid her hand upon his arm, and said in a soothing tone, 'You needn't be so

  • angry about an old rattle.' 'But it isn't old!'

  • Tweedledum cried, in a greater fury than ever.

  • 'It's new, I tell you--I bought it yesterday--my nice new RATTLE!' and his

  • voice rose to a perfect scream.

  • All this time Tweedledee was trying his best to fold up the umbrella, with himself

  • in it: which was such an extraordinary thing to do, that it quite took off Alice's

  • attention from the angry brother.

  • But he couldn't quite succeed, and it ended in his rolling over, bundled up in the

  • umbrella, with only his head out: and there he lay, opening and shutting his mouth and

  • his large eyes--'looking more like a fish than anything else,' Alice thought.

  • 'Of course you agree to have a battle?' Tweedledum said in a calmer tone.

  • 'I suppose so,' the other sulkily replied, as he crawled out of the umbrella: 'only

  • SHE must help us to dress up, you know.'

  • So the two brothers went off hand-in-hand into the wood, and returned in a minute

  • with their arms full of things--such as bolsters, blankets, hearth-rugs, table-

  • cloths, dish-covers and coal-scuttles.

  • 'I hope you're a good hand at pinning and tying strings?'

  • Tweedledum remarked. 'Every one of these things has got to go

  • on, somehow or other.'

  • Alice said afterwards she had never seen such a fuss made about anything in all her

  • life--the way those two bustled about--and the quantity of things they put on--and the

  • trouble they gave her in tying strings and

  • fastening buttons--'Really they'll be more like bundles of old clothes than anything

  • else, by the time they're ready!' she said to herself, as she arranged a bolster round

  • the neck of Tweedledee, 'to keep his head from being cut off,' as he said.

  • 'You know,' he added very gravely, 'it's one of the most serious things that can

  • possibly happen to one in a battle--to get one's head cut off.'

  • Alice laughed aloud: but she managed to turn it into a cough, for fear of hurting

  • his feelings. 'Do I look very pale?' said Tweedledum,

  • coming up to have his helmet tied on.

  • (He CALLED it a helmet, though it certainly looked much more like a saucepan.)

  • 'Well--yes--a LITTLE,' Alice replied gently.

  • 'I'm very brave generally,' he went on in a low voice: 'only to-day I happen to have a

  • headache.' 'And I'VE got a toothache!' said

  • Tweedledee, who had overheard the remark.

  • 'I'm far worse off than you!' 'Then you'd better not fight to-day,' said

  • Alice, thinking it a good opportunity to make peace.

  • 'We MUST have a bit of a fight, but I don't care about going on long,' said Tweedledum.

  • 'What's the time now?' Tweedledee looked at his watch, and said

  • 'Half-past four.'

  • 'Let's fight till six, and then have dinner,' said Tweedledum.

  • 'Very well,' the other said, rather sadly: 'and SHE can watch us--only you'd better

  • not come VERY close,' he added: 'I generally hit everything I can see--when I

  • get really excited.'

  • 'And I hit everything within reach,' cried Tweedledum, 'whether I can see it or not!'

  • Alice laughed. 'You must hit the TREES pretty often, I

  • should think,' she said.

  • Tweedledum looked round him with a satisfied smile.

  • 'I don't suppose,' he said, 'there'll be a tree left standing, for ever so far round,

  • by the time we've finished!'

  • 'And all about a rattle!' said Alice, still hoping to make them a LITTLE ashamed of

  • fighting for such a trifle. 'I shouldn't have minded it so much,' said

  • Tweedledum, 'if it hadn't been a new one.'

  • 'I wish the monstrous crow would come!' thought Alice.

  • 'There's only one sword, you know,' Tweedledum said to his brother: 'but you

  • can have the umbrella--it's quite as sharp.

  • Only we must begin quick. It's getting as dark as it can.'

  • 'And darker,' said Tweedledee.

  • It was getting dark so suddenly that Alice thought there must be a thunderstorm coming

  • on. 'What a thick black cloud that is!' she

  • said.

  • 'And how fast it comes! Why, I do believe it's got wings!'

  • 'It's the crow!'

  • Tweedledum cried out in a shrill voice of alarm: and the two brothers took to their

  • heels and were out of sight in a moment. Alice ran a little way into the wood, and

  • stopped under a large tree.

  • 'It can never get at me HERE,' she thought: 'it's far too large to squeeze itself in

  • among the trees.

  • But I wish it wouldn't flap its wings so-- it makes quite a hurricane in the wood--

  • here's somebody's shawl being blown away!'

  • >

  • CHAPTER V. Wool and Water

  • She caught the shawl as she spoke, and looked about for the owner: in another

  • moment the White Queen came running wildly through the wood, with both arms stretched

  • out wide, as if she were flying, and Alice

  • very civilly went to meet her with the shawl.

  • 'I'm very glad I happened to be in the way,' Alice said, as she helped her to put

  • on her shawl again.

  • The White Queen only looked at her in a helpless frightened sort of way, and kept

  • repeating something in a whisper to herself that sounded like 'bread-and-butter, bread-

  • and-butter,' and Alice felt that if there

  • was to be any conversation at all, she must manage it herself.

  • So she began rather timidly: 'Am I addressing the White Queen?'

  • 'Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing,' The Queen said.

  • 'It isn't MY notion of the thing, at all.'

  • Alice thought it would never do to have an argument at the very beginning of their

  • conversation, so she smiled and said, 'If your Majesty will only tell me the right

  • way to begin, I'll do it as well as I can.'

  • 'But I don't want it done at all!' groaned the poor Queen.

  • 'I've been a-dressing myself for the last two hours.'

  • It would have been all the better, as it seemed to Alice, if she had got some one

  • else to dress her, she was so dreadfully untidy.

  • 'Every single thing's crooked,' Alice thought to herself, 'and she's all over

  • pins!--may I put your shawl straight for you?' she added aloud.

  • 'I don't know what's the matter with it!' the Queen said, in a melancholy voice.

  • 'It's out of temper, I think. I've pinned it here, and I've pinned it

  • there, but there's no pleasing it!'

  • 'It CAN'T go straight, you know, if you pin it all on one side,' Alice said, as she

  • gently put it right for her; 'and, dear me, what a state your hair is in!'

  • 'The brush has got entangled in it!' the Queen said with a sigh.

  • 'And I lost the comb yesterday.' Alice carefully released the brush, and did

  • her best to get the hair into order.

  • 'Come, you look rather better now!' she said, after altering most of the pins.

  • 'But really you should have a lady's maid!' 'I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure!' the

  • Queen said.

  • 'Twopence a week, and jam every other day.' Alice couldn't help laughing, as she said,

  • 'I don't want you to hire ME--and I don't care for jam.'

  • 'It's very good jam,' said the Queen.

  • 'Well, I don't want any TO-DAY, at any rate.'

  • 'You couldn't have it if you DID want it,' the Queen said.

  • 'The rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday--but never jam to-day.'

  • 'It MUST come sometimes to "jam to-day,"' Alice objected.

  • 'No, it can't,' said the Queen.

  • 'It's jam every OTHER day: to-day isn't any OTHER day, you know.'

  • 'I don't understand you,' said Alice. 'It's dreadfully confusing!'

  • 'That's the effect of living backwards,' the Queen said kindly: 'it always makes one

  • a little giddy at first--' 'Living backwards!'

  • Alice repeated in great astonishment.

  • 'I never heard of such a thing!' '--but there's one great advantage in it,

  • that one's memory works both ways.' 'I'm sure MINE only works one way,' Alice

  • remarked.

  • 'I can't remember things before they happen.'

  • 'It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards,' the Queen remarked.

  • 'What sort of things do YOU remember best?'

  • Alice ventured to ask. 'Oh, things that happened the week after

  • next,' the Queen replied in a careless tone.

  • 'For instance, now,' she went on, sticking a large piece of plaster [band-aid] on her

  • finger as she spoke, 'there's the King's Messenger.

  • He's in prison now, being punished: and the trial doesn't even begin till next

  • Wednesday: and of course the crime comes last of all.'

  • 'Suppose he never commits the crime?' said Alice.

  • 'That would be all the better, wouldn't it?' the Queen said, as she bound the

  • plaster round her finger with a bit of ribbon.

  • Alice felt there was no denying THAT.

  • 'Of course it would be all the better,' she said: 'but it wouldn't be all the better

  • his being punished.' 'You're wrong THERE, at any rate,' said the

  • Queen: 'were YOU ever punished?'

  • 'Only for faults,' said Alice. 'And you were all the better for it, I

  • know!' the Queen said triumphantly.

  • 'Yes, but then I HAD done the things I was punished for,' said Alice: 'that makes all

  • the difference.'

  • 'But if you HADN'T done them,' the Queen said, 'that would have been better still;

  • better, and better, and better!' Her voice went higher with each 'better,'

  • till it got quite to a squeak at last.

  • Alice was just beginning to say 'There's a mistake somewhere--,' when the Queen began

  • screaming so loud that she had to leave the sentence unfinished.

  • 'Oh, oh, oh!' shouted the Queen, shaking her hand about as if she wanted to shake it

  • off. 'My finger's bleeding!

  • Oh, oh, oh, oh!'

  • Her screams were so exactly like the whistle of a steam-engine, that Alice had

  • to hold both her hands over her ears. 'What IS the matter?' she said, as soon as

  • there was a chance of making herself heard.

  • 'Have you pricked your finger?' 'I haven't pricked it YET,' the Queen said,

  • 'but I soon shall--oh, oh, oh!' 'When do you expect to do it?'

  • Alice asked, feeling very much inclined to laugh.

  • 'When I fasten my shawl again,' the poor Queen groaned out: 'the brooch will come

  • undone directly.

  • Oh, oh!' As she said the words the brooch flew open,

  • and the Queen clutched wildly at it, and tried to clasp it again.

  • 'Take care!' cried Alice.

  • 'You're holding it all crooked!' And she caught at the brooch; but it was

  • too late: the pin had slipped, and the Queen had pricked her finger.

  • 'That accounts for the bleeding, you see,' she said to Alice with a smile.

  • 'Now you understand the way things happen here.'

  • 'But why don't you scream now?'

  • Alice asked, holding her hands ready to put over her ears again.

  • 'Why, I've done all the screaming already,' said the Queen.

  • 'What would be the good of having it all over again?'

  • By this time it was getting light. 'The crow must have flown away, I think,'

  • said Alice: 'I'm so glad it's gone.

  • I thought it was the night coming on.' 'I wish I could manage to be glad!' the

  • Queen said. 'Only I never can remember the rule.

  • You must be very happy, living in this wood, and being glad whenever you like!'

  • 'Only it is so VERY lonely here!'

  • Alice said in a melancholy voice; and at the thought of her loneliness two large

  • tears came rolling down her cheeks. 'Oh, don't go on like that!' cried the poor

  • Queen, wringing her hands in despair.

  • 'Consider what a great girl you are. Consider what a long way you've come to-

  • day. Consider what o'clock it is.

  • Consider anything, only don't cry!'

  • Alice could not help laughing at this, even in the midst of her tears.

  • 'Can YOU keep from crying by considering things?' she asked.

  • 'That's the way it's done,' the Queen said with great decision: 'nobody can do two

  • things at once, you know. Let's consider your age to begin with--how

  • old are you?'

  • 'I'm seven and a half exactly.' 'You needn't say "exactually,"' the Queen

  • remarked: 'I can believe it without that. Now I'll give YOU something to believe.

  • I'm just one hundred and one, five months and a day.'

  • 'I can't believe THAT!' said Alice. 'Can't you?' the Queen said in a pitying

  • tone.

  • 'Try again: draw a long breath, and shut your eyes.'

  • Alice laughed. 'There's no use trying,' she said: 'one

  • CAN'T believe impossible things.'

  • 'I daresay you haven't had much practice,' said the Queen.

  • 'When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day.

  • Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

  • There goes the shawl again!'

  • The brooch had come undone as she spoke, and a sudden gust of wind blew the Queen's

  • shawl across a little brook.

  • The Queen spread out her arms again, and went flying after it, and this time she

  • succeeded in catching it for herself. 'I've got it!' she cried in a triumphant

  • tone.

  • 'Now you shall see me pin it on again, all by myself!'

  • 'Then I hope your finger is better now?' Alice said very politely, as she crossed

  • the little brook after the Queen.

  • 'Oh, much better!' cried the Queen, her voice rising to a squeak as she went on.

  • 'Much be-etter! Be-etter!

  • Be-e-e-etter!

  • Be-e-ehh!' The last word ended in a long bleat, so

  • like a sheep that Alice quite started. She looked at the Queen, who seemed to have

  • suddenly wrapped herself up in wool.

  • Alice rubbed her eyes, and looked again. She couldn't make out what had happened at

  • all. Was she in a shop?

  • And was that really--was it really a SHEEP that was sitting on the other side of the

  • counter?

  • Rub as she could, she could make nothing more of it: she was in a little dark shop,

  • leaning with her elbows on the counter, and opposite to her was an old Sheep, sitting

  • in an arm-chair knitting, and every now and

  • then leaving off to look at her through a great pair of spectacles.

  • 'What is it you want to buy?' the Sheep said at last, looking up for a moment from

  • her knitting.

  • 'I don't QUITE know yet,' Alice said, very gently.

  • 'I should like to look all round me first, if I might.'

  • 'You may look in front of you, and on both sides, if you like,' said the Sheep: 'but

  • you can't look ALL round you--unless you've got eyes at the back of your head.'

  • But these, as it happened, Alice had NOT got: so she contented herself with turning

  • round, looking at the shelves as she came to them.

  • The shop seemed to be full of all manner of curious things--but the oddest part of it

  • all was, that whenever she looked hard at any shelf, to make out exactly what it had

  • on it, that particular shelf was always

  • quite empty: though the others round it were crowded as full as they could hold.

  • 'Things flow about so here!' she said at last in a plaintive tone, after she had

  • spent a minute or so in vainly pursuing a large bright thing, that looked sometimes

  • like a doll and sometimes like a work-box,

  • and was always in the shelf next above the one she was looking at.

  • 'And this one is the most provoking of all- -but I'll tell you what--' she added, as a

  • sudden thought struck her, 'I'll follow it up to the very top shelf of all.

  • It'll puzzle it to go through the ceiling, I expect!'

  • But even this plan failed: the 'thing' went through the ceiling as quietly as possible,

  • as if it were quite used to it.

  • 'Are you a child or a teetotum?' the Sheep said, as she took up another pair of

  • needles. 'You'll make me giddy soon, if you go on

  • turning round like that.'

  • She was now working with fourteen pairs at once, and Alice couldn't help looking at

  • her in great astonishment. 'How CAN she knit with so many?' the

  • puzzled child thought to herself.

  • 'She gets more and more like a porcupine every minute!'

  • 'Can you row?' the Sheep asked, handing her a pair of knitting-needles as she spoke.

  • 'Yes, a little--but not on land--and not with needles--' Alice was beginning to say,

  • when suddenly the needles turned into oars in her hands, and she found they were in a

  • little boat, gliding along between banks:

  • so there was nothing for it but to do her best.

  • 'Feather!' cried the Sheep, as she took up another pair of needles.

  • This didn't sound like a remark that needed any answer, so Alice said nothing, but

  • pulled away.

  • There was something very queer about the water, she thought, as every now and then

  • the oars got fast in it, and would hardly come out again.

  • 'Feather!

  • Feather!' the Sheep cried again, taking more needles.

  • 'You'll be catching a crab directly.' 'A dear little crab!' thought Alice.

  • 'I should like that.'

  • 'Didn't you hear me say "Feather"?' the Sheep cried angrily, taking up quite a

  • bunch of needles. 'Indeed I did,' said Alice: 'you've said it

  • very often--and very loud.

  • Please, where ARE the crabs?' 'In the water, of course!' said the Sheep,

  • sticking some of the needles into her hair, as her hands were full.

  • 'Feather, I say!'

  • 'WHY do you say "feather" so often?' Alice asked at last, rather vexed.

  • 'I'm not a bird!' 'You are,' said the Sheep: 'you're a little

  • goose.'

  • This offended Alice a little, so there was no more conversation for a minute or two,

  • while the boat glided gently on, sometimes among beds of weeds (which made the oars

  • stick fast in the water, worse then ever),

  • and sometimes under trees, but always with the same tall river-banks frowning over

  • their heads. 'Oh, please!

  • There are some scented rushes!'

  • Alice cried in a sudden transport of delight.

  • 'There really are--and SUCH beauties!'

  • 'You needn't say "please" to ME about 'em,' the Sheep said, without looking up from her

  • knitting: 'I didn't put 'em there, and I'm not going to take 'em away.'

  • 'No, but I meant--please, may we wait and pick some?'

  • Alice pleaded. 'If you don't mind stopping the boat for a

  • minute.'

  • 'How am I to stop it?' said the Sheep. 'If you leave off rowing, it'll stop of

  • itself.'

  • So the boat was left to drift down the stream as it would, till it glided gently

  • in among the waving rushes.

  • And then the little sleeves were carefully rolled up, and the little arms were plunged

  • in elbow-deep to get the rushes a good long way down before breaking them off--and for

  • a while Alice forgot all about the Sheep

  • and the knitting, as she bent over the side of the boat, with just the ends of her

  • tangled hair dipping into the water--while with bright eager eyes she caught at one

  • bunch after another of the darling scented rushes.

  • 'I only hope the boat won't tipple over!' she said to herself.

  • 'Oh, WHAT a lovely one!

  • Only I couldn't quite reach it.'

  • 'And it certainly DID seem a little provoking ('almost as if it happened on

  • purpose,' she thought) that, though she managed to pick plenty of beautiful rushes

  • as the boat glided by, there was always a more lovely one that she couldn't reach.

  • 'The prettiest are always further!' she said at last, with a sigh at the obstinacy

  • of the rushes in growing so far off, as, with flushed cheeks and dripping hair and

  • hands, she scrambled back into her place,

  • and began to arrange her new-found treasures.

  • What mattered it to her just then that the rushes had begun to fade, and to lose all

  • their scent and beauty, from the very moment that she picked them?

  • Even real scented rushes, you know, last only a very little while--and these, being

  • dream-rushes, melted away almost like snow, as they lay in heaps at her feet--but Alice

  • hardly noticed this, there were so many other curious things to think about.

  • They hadn't gone much farther before the blade of one of the oars got fast in the

  • water and WOULDN'T come out again (so Alice explained it afterwards), and the

  • consequence was that the handle of it

  • caught her under the chin, and, in spite of a series of little shrieks of 'Oh, oh, oh!'

  • from poor Alice, it swept her straight off the seat, and down among the heap of

  • rushes.

  • However, she wasn't hurt, and was soon up again: the Sheep went on with her knitting

  • all the while, just as if nothing had happened.

  • 'That was a nice crab you caught!' she remarked, as Alice got back into her place,

  • very much relieved to find herself still in the boat.

  • 'Was it?

  • I didn't see it,' Said Alice, peeping cautiously over the side of the boat into

  • the dark water. 'I wish it hadn't let go--I should so like

  • to see a little crab to take home with me!'

  • But the Sheep only laughed scornfully, and went on with her knitting.

  • 'Are there many crabs here?' said Alice.

  • 'Crabs, and all sorts of things,' said the Sheep: 'plenty of choice, only make up your

  • mind. Now, what DO you want to buy?'

  • 'To buy!'

  • Alice echoed in a tone that was half astonished and half frightened--for the

  • oars, and the boat, and the river, had vanished all in a moment, and she was back

  • again in the little dark shop.

  • 'I should like to buy an egg, please,' she said timidly.

  • 'How do you sell them?' 'Fivepence farthing for one--Twopence for

  • two,' the Sheep replied.

  • 'Then two are cheaper than one?' Alice said in a surprised tone, taking out

  • her purse. 'Only you MUST eat them both, if you buy

  • two,' said the Sheep.

  • 'Then I'll have ONE, please,' said Alice, as she put the money down on the counter.

  • For she thought to herself, 'They mightn't be at all nice, you know.'

  • The Sheep took the money, and put it away in a box: then she said 'I never put things

  • into people's hands--that would never do-- you must get it for yourself.'

  • And so saying, she went off to the other end of the shop, and set the egg upright on

  • a shelf.

  • 'I wonder WHY it wouldn't do?' thought Alice, as she groped her way among the

  • tables and chairs, for the shop was very dark towards the end.

  • 'The egg seems to get further away the more I walk towards it.

  • Let me see, is this a chair? Why, it's got branches, I declare!

  • How very odd to find trees growing here!

  • And actually here's a little brook! Well, this is the very queerest shop I ever

  • saw!'

  • So she went on, wondering more and more at every step, as everything turned into a

  • tree the moment she came up to it, and she quite expected the egg to do the same.

  • >

  • CHAPTER VI. Humpty Dumpty

  • However, the egg only got larger and larger, and more and more human: when she

  • had come within a few yards of it, she saw that it had eyes and a nose and mouth; and

  • when she had come close to it, she saw clearly that it was HUMPTY DUMPTY himself.

  • 'It can't be anybody else!' she said to herself.

  • 'I'm as certain of it, as if his name were written all over his face.'

  • It might have been written a hundred times, easily, on that enormous face.

  • Humpty Dumpty was sitting with his legs crossed, like a Turk, on the top of a high

  • wall--such a narrow one that Alice quite wondered how he could keep his balance--

  • and, as his eyes were steadily fixed in the

  • opposite direction, and he didn't take the least notice of her, she thought he must be

  • a stuffed figure after all.

  • 'And how exactly like an egg he is!' she said aloud, standing with her hands ready

  • to catch him, for she was every moment expecting him to fall.

  • 'It's VERY provoking,' Humpty Dumpty said after a long silence, looking away from

  • Alice as he spoke, 'to be called an egg-- VERY!'

  • 'I said you LOOKED like an egg, Sir,' Alice gently explained.

  • 'And some eggs are very pretty, you know' she added, hoping to turn her remark into a

  • sort of a compliment.

  • 'Some people,' said Humpty Dumpty, looking away from her as usual, 'have no more sense

  • than a baby!'

  • Alice didn't know what to say to this: it wasn't at all like conversation, she

  • thought, as he never said anything to HER; in fact, his last remark was evidently

  • addressed to a tree--so she stood and softly repeated to herself:--

  • 'Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall: Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

  • All the King's horses and all the King's men

  • Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again.'

  • 'That last line is much too long for the poetry,' she added, almost out loud,

  • forgetting that Humpty Dumpty would hear her.

  • 'Don't stand there chattering to yourself like that,' Humpty Dumpty said, looking at

  • her for the first time, 'but tell me your name and your business.'

  • 'My NAME is Alice, but--'

  • 'It's a stupid enough name!' Humpty Dumpty interrupted impatiently.

  • 'What does it mean?' 'MUST a name mean something?'

  • Alice asked doubtfully.

  • 'Of course it must,' Humpty Dumpty said with a short laugh: 'MY name means the

  • shape I am--and a good handsome shape it is, too.

  • With a name like yours, you might be any shape, almost.'

  • 'Why do you sit out here all alone?' said Alice, not wishing to begin an argument.

  • 'Why, because there's nobody with me!' cried Humpty Dumpty.

  • 'Did you think I didn't know the answer to THAT?

  • Ask another.'

  • 'Don't you think you'd be safer down on the ground?'

  • Alice went on, not with any idea of making another riddle, but simply in her good-

  • natured anxiety for the queer creature.

  • 'That wall is so VERY narrow!' 'What tremendously easy riddles you ask!'

  • Humpty Dumpty growled out. 'Of course I don't think so!

  • Why, if ever I DID fall off--which there's no chance of--but IF I did--' Here he

  • pursed up his lips and looked so solemn and grand that Alice could hardly help

  • laughing.

  • 'IF I did fall,' he went on, 'THE KING HAS PROMISED ME--ah, you may turn pale, if you

  • like! You didn't think I was going to say that,

  • did you?

  • THE KING HAS PROMISED ME-- WITH HIS VERY OWN MOUTH--to--to--'

  • 'To send all his horses and all his men,' Alice interrupted, rather unwisely.

  • 'Now I declare that's too bad!'

  • Humpty Dumpty cried, breaking into a sudden passion.

  • 'You've been listening at doors--and behind trees--and down chimneys--or you couldn't

  • have known it!'

  • 'I haven't, indeed!' Alice said very gently.

  • 'It's in a book.' 'Ah, well!

  • They may write such things in a BOOK,' Humpty Dumpty said in a calmer tone.

  • 'That's what you call a History of England, that is.

  • Now, take a good look at me!

  • I'm one that has spoken to a King, I am: mayhap you'll never see such another: and

  • to show you I'm not proud, you may shake hands with me!'

  • And he grinned almost from ear to ear, as he leant forwards (and as nearly as

  • possible fell off the wall in doing so) and offered Alice his hand.

  • She watched him a little anxiously as she took it.

  • 'If he smiled much more, the ends of his mouth might meet behind,' she thought: 'and

  • then I don't know what would happen to his head!

  • I'm afraid it would come off!'

  • 'Yes, all his horses and all his men,' Humpty Dumpty went on.

  • 'They'd pick me up again in a minute, THEY would!

  • However, this conversation is going on a little too fast: let's go back to the last

  • remark but one.' 'I'm afraid I can't quite remember it,'

  • Alice said very politely.

  • 'In that case we start fresh,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'and it's my turn to choose a

  • subject--' ('He talks about it just as if it was a game!' thought Alice.)

  • 'So here's a question for you.

  • How old did you say you were?' Alice made a short calculation, and said

  • 'Seven years and six months.' 'Wrong!'

  • Humpty Dumpty exclaimed triumphantly.

  • 'You never said a word like it!' 'I though you meant "How old ARE you?"'

  • Alice explained. 'If I'd meant that, I'd have said it,' said

  • Humpty Dumpty.

  • Alice didn't want to begin another argument, so she said nothing.

  • 'Seven years and six months!' Humpty Dumpty repeated thoughtfully.

  • 'An uncomfortable sort of age.

  • Now if you'd asked MY advice, I'd have said "Leave off at seven"--but it's too late

  • now.' 'I never ask advice about growing,' Alice

  • said indignantly.

  • 'Too proud?' the other inquired. Alice felt even more indignant at this

  • suggestion. 'I mean,' she said, 'that one can't help

  • growing older.'

  • 'ONE can't, perhaps,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'but TWO can.

  • With proper assistance, you might have left off at seven.'

  • 'What a beautiful belt you've got on!'

  • Alice suddenly remarked. (They had had quite enough of the subject

  • of age, she thought: and if they really were to take turns in choosing subjects, it

  • was her turn now.)

  • 'At least,' she corrected herself on second thoughts, 'a beautiful cravat, I should

  • have said--no, a belt, I mean--I beg your pardon!' she added in dismay, for Humpty

  • Dumpty looked thoroughly offended, and she

  • began to wish she hadn't chosen that subject.

  • 'If I only knew,' she thought to herself, 'which was neck and which was waist!'

  • Evidently Humpty Dumpty was very angry, though he said nothing for a minute or two.

  • When he DID speak again, it was in a deep growl.

  • 'It is a--MOST--PROVOKING--thing,' he said at last, 'when a person doesn't know a

  • cravat from a belt!'

  • 'I know it's very ignorant of me,' Alice said, in so humble a tone that Humpty

  • Dumpty relented. 'It's a cravat, child, and a beautiful one,

  • as you say.

  • It's a present from the White King and Queen.

  • There now!'

  • 'Is it really?' said Alice, quite pleased to find that she HAD chosen a good subject,

  • after all.

  • 'They gave it me,' Humpty Dumpty continued thoughtfully, as he crossed one knee over

  • the other and clasped his hands round it, 'they gave it me--for an un-birthday

  • present.'

  • 'I beg your pardon?' Alice said with a puzzled air.

  • 'I'm not offended,' said Humpty Dumpty. 'I mean, what IS an un-birthday present?'

  • 'A present given when it isn't your birthday, of course.'

  • Alice considered a little. 'I like birthday presents best,' she said

  • at last.

  • 'You don't know what you're talking about!' cried Humpty Dumpty.

  • 'How many days are there in a year?' 'Three hundred and sixty-five,' said Alice.

  • 'And how many birthdays have you?'

  • 'One.' 'And if you take one from three hundred and

  • sixty-five, what remains?' 'Three hundred and sixty-four, of course.'

  • Humpty Dumpty looked doubtful.

  • 'I'd rather see that done on paper,' he said.

  • Alice couldn't help smiling as she took out her memorandum-book, and worked the sum for

  • him:

  • Humpty Dumpty took the book, and looked at it carefully.

  • 'That seems to be done right--' he began. 'You're holding it upside down!'

  • Alice interrupted.

  • 'To be sure I was!' Humpty Dumpty said gaily, as she turned it

  • round for him. 'I thought it looked a little queer.

  • As I was saying, that SEEMS to be done right--though I haven't time to look it

  • over thoroughly just now--and that shows that there are three hundred and sixty-four

  • days when you might get un-birthday presents--'

  • 'Certainly,' said Alice. 'And only ONE for birthday presents, you

  • know.

  • There's glory for you!' 'I don't know what you mean by "glory,"'

  • Alice said. Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously.

  • 'Of course you don't--till I tell you.

  • I meant "there's a nice knock-down argument for you!"'

  • 'But "glory" doesn't mean "a nice knock- down argument,"' Alice objected.

  • 'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, 'it means just what

  • I choose it to mean--neither more nor less.'

  • 'The question is,' said Alice, 'whether you CAN make words mean so many different

  • things.' 'The question is,' said Humpty Dumpty,

  • 'which is to be master--that's all.'

  • Alice was too much puzzled to say anything, so after a minute Humpty Dumpty began

  • again.

  • 'They've a temper, some of them-- particularly verbs, they're the proudest--

  • adjectives you can do anything with, but not verbs--however, I can manage the whole

  • lot of them!

  • Impenetrability! That's what I say!'

  • 'Would you tell me, please,' said Alice 'what that means?'

  • 'Now you talk like a reasonable child,' said Humpty Dumpty, looking very much

  • pleased.

  • 'I meant by "impenetrability" that we've had enough of that subject, and it would be

  • just as well if you'd mention what you mean to do next, as I suppose you don't mean to

  • stop here all the rest of your life.'

  • 'That's a great deal to make one word mean,' Alice said in a thoughtful tone.

  • 'When I make a word do a lot of work like that,' said Humpty Dumpty, 'I always pay it

  • extra.'

  • 'Oh!' said Alice. She was too much puzzled to make any other

  • remark.

  • 'Ah, you should see 'em come round me of a Saturday night,' Humpty Dumpty went on,

  • wagging his head gravely from side to side: 'for to get their wages, you know.'

  • (Alice didn't venture to ask what he paid them with; and so you see I can't tell

  • YOU.) 'You seem very clever at explaining words,

  • Sir,' said Alice.

  • 'Would you kindly tell me the meaning of the poem called "Jabberwocky"?'

  • 'Let's hear it,' said Humpty Dumpty.

  • 'I can explain all the poems that were ever invented--and a good many that haven't been

  • invented just yet.' This sounded very hopeful, so Alice

  • repeated the first verse:

  • 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;

  • All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.

  • 'That's enough to begin with,' Humpty Dumpty interrupted: 'there are plenty of

  • hard words there.

  • "BRILLIG" means four o'clock in the afternoon--the time when you begin BROILING

  • things for dinner.' 'That'll do very well,' said Alice: 'and

  • "SLITHY"?'

  • 'Well, "SLITHY" means "lithe and slimy." "Lithe" is the same as "active."

  • You see it's like a portmanteau--there are two meanings packed up into one word.'

  • 'I see it now,' Alice remarked thoughtfully: 'and what are "TOVES"?'

  • 'Well, "TOVES" are something like badgers-- they're something like lizards--and they're

  • something like corkscrews.'

  • 'They must be very curious looking creatures.'

  • 'They are that,' said Humpty Dumpty: 'also they make their nests under sun-dials--also

  • they live on cheese.'

  • 'And what's the "GYRE" and to "GIMBLE"?' 'To "GYRE" is to go round and round like a

  • gyroscope. To "GIMBLE" is to make holes like a

  • gimlet.'

  • 'And "THE WABE" is the grass-plot round a sun-dial, I suppose?' said Alice, surprised

  • at her own ingenuity. 'Of course it is.

  • It's called "WABE," you know, because it goes a long way before it, and a long way

  • behind it--' 'And a long way beyond it on each side,'

  • Alice added.

  • 'Exactly so. Well, then, "MIMSY" is "flimsy and

  • miserable" (there's another portmanteau for you).

  • And a "BOROGOVE" is a thin shabby-looking bird with its feathers sticking out all

  • round--something like a live mop.' 'And then "MOME RATHS"?' said Alice.

  • 'I'm afraid I'm giving you a great deal of trouble.'

  • 'Well, a "RATH" is a sort of green pig: but "MOME" I'm not certain about.

  • I think it's short for "from home"--meaning that they'd lost their way, you know.'

  • 'And what does "OUTGRABE" mean?'

  • 'Well, "OUTGRABING" is something between bellowing and whistling, with a kind of

  • sneeze in the middle: however, you'll hear it done, maybe--down in the wood yonder--

  • and when you've once heard it you'll be QUITE content.

  • Who's been repeating all that hard stuff to you?'

  • 'I read it in a book,' said Alice.

  • 'But I had some poetry repeated to me, much easier than that, by--Tweedledee, I think

  • it was.'

  • 'As to poetry, you know,' said Humpty Dumpty, stretching out one of his great

  • hands, 'I can repeat poetry as well as other folk, if it comes to that--'

  • 'Oh, it needn't come to that!'

  • Alice hastily said, hoping to keep him from beginning.

  • 'The piece I'm going to repeat,' he went on without noticing her remark, 'was written

  • entirely for your amusement.'

  • Alice felt that in that case she really OUGHT to listen to it, so she sat down, and

  • said 'Thank you' rather sadly.

  • 'In winter, when the fields are white, I sing this song for your delight--

  • only I don't sing it,' he added, as an explanation.

  • 'I see you don't,' said Alice. 'If you can SEE whether I'm singing or not,

  • you've sharper eyes than most.'

  • Humpty Dumpty remarked severely. Alice was silent.

  • 'In spring, when woods are getting green, I'll try and tell you what I mean.'

  • 'Thank you very much,' said Alice.

  • 'In summer, when the days are long, Perhaps you'll understand the song:

  • In autumn, when the leaves are brown, Take pen and ink, and write it down.'

  • 'I will, if I can remember it so long,' said Alice.

  • 'You needn't go on making remarks like that,' Humpty Dumpty said: 'they're not

  • sensible, and they put me out.'

  • 'I sent a message to the fish: I told them "This is what I wish."

  • The little fishes of the sea, They sent an answer back to me.

  • The little fishes' answer was "We cannot do it, Sir, because--"'

  • 'I'm afraid I don't quite understand,' said Alice.

  • 'It gets easier further on,' Humpty Dumpty replied.

  • 'I sent to them again to say "It will be better to obey."

  • The fishes answered with a grin, "Why, what a temper you are in!"

  • I told them once, I told them twice: They would not listen to advice.

  • I took a kettle large and new, Fit for the deed I had to do.

  • My heart went hop, my heart went thump; I filled the kettle at the pump.

  • Then some one came to me and said, "The little fishes are in bed."

  • I said to him, I said it plain, "Then you must wake them up again."

  • I said it very loud and clear; I went and shouted in his ear.'

  • Humpty Dumpty raised his voice almost to a scream as he repeated this verse, and Alice

  • thought with a shudder, 'I wouldn't have been the messenger for ANYTHING!'

  • 'But he was very stiff and proud; He said "You needn't shout so loud!"

  • And he was very proud and stiff; He said "I'd go and wake them, if--"

  • I took a corkscrew from the shelf: I went to wake them up myself.

  • And when I found the door was locked, I pulled and pushed and kicked and knocked.

  • And when I found the door was shut, I tried to turn the handle, but--'

  • There was a long pause. 'Is that all?'

  • Alice timidly asked. 'That's all,' said Humpty Dumpty.

  • 'Good-bye.'

  • This was rather sudden, Alice thought: but, after such a VERY strong hint that she

  • ought to be going, she felt that it would hardly be civil to stay.

  • So she got up, and held out her hand.

  • 'Good-bye, till we meet again!' she said as cheerfully as she could.

  • 'I shouldn't know you again if we DID meet,' Humpty Dumpty replied in a

  • discontented tone, giving her one of his fingers to shake; 'you're so exactly like

  • other people.'

  • 'The face is what one goes by, generally,' Alice remarked in a thoughtful tone.

  • 'That's just what I complain of,' said Humpty Dumpty.

  • 'Your face is the same as everybody has-- the two eyes, so--' (marking their places

  • in the air with this thumb) 'nose in the middle, mouth under.

  • It's always the same.

  • Now if you had the two eyes on the same side of the nose, for instance--or the

  • mouth at the top--that would be SOME help.' 'It wouldn't look nice,' Alice objected.

  • But Humpty Dumpty only shut his eyes and said 'Wait till you've tried.'

  • Alice waited a minute to see if he would speak again, but as he never opened his

  • eyes or took any further notice of her, she said 'Good-bye!' once more, and, getting no

  • answer to this, she quietly walked away:

  • but she couldn't help saying to herself as she went, 'Of all the unsatisfactory--'

  • (she repeated this aloud, as it was a great comfort to have such a long word to say)

  • 'of all the unsatisfactory people I EVER

  • met--' She never finished the sentence, for at this moment a heavy crash shook the

  • forest from end to end.

  • >

  • CHAPTER VII. The Lion and the Unicorn

  • The next moment soldiers came running through the wood, at first in twos and

  • threes, then ten or twenty together, and at last in such crowds that they seemed to

  • fill the whole forest.

  • Alice got behind a tree, for fear of being run over, and watched them go by.

  • She thought that in all her life she had never seen soldiers so uncertain on their

  • feet: they were always tripping over something or other, and whenever one went

  • down, several more always fell over him, so

  • that the ground was soon covered with little heaps of men.

  • Then came the horses.

  • Having four feet, these managed rather better than the foot-soldiers: but even

  • THEY stumbled now and then; and it seemed to be a regular rule that, whenever a horse

  • stumbled the rider fell off instantly.

  • The confusion got worse every moment, and Alice was very glad to get out of the wood

  • into an open place, where she found the White King seated on the ground, busily

  • writing in his memorandum-book.

  • 'I've sent them all!' the King cried in a tone of delight, on seeing Alice.

  • 'Did you happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you came through the wood?'

  • 'Yes, I did,' said Alice: 'several thousand, I should think.'

  • 'Four thousand two hundred and seven, that's the exact number,' the King said,

  • referring to his book.

  • 'I couldn't send all the horses, you know, because two of them are wanted in the game.

  • And I haven't sent the two Messengers, either.

  • They're both gone to the town.

  • Just look along the road, and tell me if you can see either of them.'

  • 'I see nobody on the road,' said Alice. 'I only wish I had such eyes,' the King

  • remarked in a fretful tone.

  • 'To be able to see Nobody! And at that distance, too!

  • Why, it's as much as I can do to see real people, by this light!'

  • All this was lost on Alice, who was still looking intently along the road, shading

  • her eyes with one hand. 'I see somebody now!' she exclaimed at

  • last.

  • 'But he's coming very slowly--and what curious attitudes he goes into!'

  • (For the messenger kept skipping up and down, and wriggling like an eel, as he came

  • along, with his great hands spread out like fans on each side.)

  • 'Not at all,' said the King.

  • 'He's an Anglo-Saxon Messenger--and those are Anglo-Saxon attitudes.

  • He only does them when he's happy. His name is Haigha.'

  • (He pronounced it so as to rhyme with 'mayor.')

  • 'I love my love with an H,' Alice couldn't help beginning, 'because he is Happy.

  • I hate him with an H, because he is Hideous.

  • I fed him with--with--with Ham-sandwiches and Hay.

  • His name is Haigha, and he lives--'

  • 'He lives on the Hill,' the King remarked simply, without the least idea that he was

  • joining in the game, while Alice was still hesitating for the name of a town beginning

  • with H.

  • 'The other Messenger's called Hatta. I must have TWO, you know--to come and go.

  • One to come, and one to go.' 'I beg your pardon?' said Alice.

  • 'It isn't respectable to beg,' said the King.

  • 'I only meant that I didn't understand,' said Alice.

  • 'Why one to come and one to go?'

  • 'Didn't I tell you?' the King repeated impatiently.

  • 'I must have Two--to fetch and carry. One to fetch, and one to carry.'

  • At this moment the Messenger arrived: he was far too much out of breath to say a

  • word, and could only wave his hands about, and make the most fearful faces at the poor

  • King.

  • 'This young lady loves you with an H,' the King said, introducing Alice in the hope of

  • turning off the Messenger's attention from himself--but it was no use--the Anglo-Saxon

  • attitudes only got more extraordinary every

  • moment, while the great eyes rolled wildly from side to side.

  • 'You alarm me!' said the King. 'I feel faint--Give me a ham sandwich!'

  • On which the Messenger, to Alice's great amusement, opened a bag that hung round his

  • neck, and handed a sandwich to the King, who devoured it greedily.

  • 'Another sandwich!' said the King.

  • 'There's nothing but hay left now,' the Messenger said, peeping into the bag.

  • 'Hay, then,' the King murmured in a faint whisper.

  • Alice was glad to see that it revived him a good deal.

  • 'There's nothing like eating hay when you're faint,' he remarked to her, as he

  • munched away.

  • 'I should think throwing cold water over you would be better,' Alice suggested: 'or

  • some sal-volatile.' 'I didn't say there was nothing BETTER,'

  • the King replied.

  • 'I said there was nothing LIKE it.' Which Alice did not venture to deny.

  • 'Who did you pass on the road?' the King went on, holding out his hand to the

  • Messenger for some more hay.

  • 'Nobody,' said the Messenger. 'Quite right,' said the King: 'this young

  • lady saw him too. So of course Nobody walks slower than you.'

  • 'I do my best,' the Messenger said in a sulky tone.

  • 'I'm sure nobody walks much faster than I do!'

  • 'He can't do that,' said the King, 'or else he'd have been here first.

  • However, now you've got your breath, you may tell us what's happened in the town.'

  • 'I'll whisper it,' said the Messenger, putting his hands to his mouth in the shape

  • of a trumpet, and stooping so as to get close to the King's ear.

  • Alice was sorry for this, as she wanted to hear the news too.

  • However, instead of whispering, he simply shouted at the top of his voice 'They're at

  • it again!'

  • 'Do you call THAT a whisper?' cried the poor King, jumping up and shaking himself.

  • 'If you do such a thing again, I'll have you buttered!

  • It went through and through my head like an earthquake!'

  • 'It would have to be a very tiny earthquake!' thought Alice.

  • 'Who are at it again?' she ventured to ask.

  • 'Why the Lion and the Unicorn, of course,' said the King.

  • 'Fighting for the crown?'

  • 'Yes, to be sure,' said the King: 'and the best of the joke is, that it's MY crown all

  • the while! Let's run and see them.'

  • And they trotted off, Alice repeating to herself, as she ran, the words of the old

  • song:--

  • 'The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown:

  • The Lion beat the Unicorn all round the town.

  • Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown;

  • Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of town.'

  • 'Does--the one--that wins--get the crown?' she asked, as well as she could, for the

  • run was putting her quite out of breath. 'Dear me, no!' said the King.

  • 'What an idea!'

  • 'Would you--be good enough,' Alice panted out, after running a little further, 'to

  • stop a minute--just to get--one's breath again?'

  • 'I'm GOOD enough,' the King said, 'only I'm not strong enough.

  • You see, a minute goes by so fearfully quick.

  • You might as well try to stop a Bandersnatch!'

  • Alice had no more breath for talking, so they trotted on in silence, till they came

  • in sight of a great crowd, in the middle of which the Lion and Unicorn were fighting.

  • They were in such a cloud of dust, that at first Alice could not make out which was

  • which: but she soon managed to distinguish the Unicorn by his horn.

  • They placed themselves close to where Hatta, the other messenger, was standing

  • watching the fight, with a cup of tea in one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in

  • the other.

  • 'He's only just out of prison, and he hadn't finished his tea when he was sent

  • in,' Haigha whispered to Alice: 'and they only give them oyster-shells in there--so

  • you see he's very hungry and thirsty.

  • How are you, dear child?' he went on, putting his arm affectionately round

  • Hatta's neck. Hatta looked round and nodded, and went on

  • with his bread and butter.

  • 'Were you happy in prison, dear child?' said Haigha.

  • Hatta looked round once more, and this time a tear or two trickled down his cheek: but

  • not a word would he say.

  • 'Speak, can't you!' Haigha cried impatiently.

  • But Hatta only munched away, and drank some more tea.

  • 'Speak, won't you!' cried the King.

  • 'How are they getting on with the fight?' Hatta made a desperate effort, and

  • swallowed a large piece of bread-and- butter.

  • 'They're getting on very well,' he said in a choking voice: 'each of them has been

  • down about eighty-seven times.' 'Then I suppose they'll soon bring the

  • white bread and the brown?'

  • Alice ventured to remark. 'It's waiting for 'em now,' said Hatta:

  • 'this is a bit of it as I'm eating.'

  • There was a pause in the fight just then, and the Lion and the Unicorn sat down,

  • panting, while the King called out 'Ten minutes allowed for refreshments!'

  • Haigha and Hatta set to work at once, carrying rough trays of white and brown

  • bread. Alice took a piece to taste, but it was

  • VERY dry.

  • 'I don't think they'll fight any more to- day,' the King said to Hatta: 'go and order

  • the drums to begin.' And Hatta went bounding away like a

  • grasshopper.

  • For a minute or two Alice stood silent, watching him.

  • Suddenly she brightened up. 'Look, look!' she cried, pointing eagerly.

  • 'There's the White Queen running across the country!

  • She came flying out of the wood over yonder--How fast those Queens CAN run!'

  • 'There's some enemy after her, no doubt,' the King said, without even looking round.

  • 'That wood's full of them.' 'But aren't you going to run and help her?'

  • Alice asked, very much surprised at his taking it so quietly.

  • 'No use, no use!' said the King. 'She runs so fearfully quick.

  • You might as well try to catch a Bandersnatch!

  • But I'll make a memorandum about her, if you like--She's a dear good creature,' he

  • repeated softly to himself, as he opened his memorandum-book.

  • 'Do you spell "creature" with a double "e"?'

  • At this moment the Unicorn sauntered by them, with his hands in his pockets.

  • 'I had the best of it this time?' he said to the King, just glancing at him as he

  • passed. 'A little--a little,' the King replied,

  • rather nervously.

  • 'You shouldn't have run him through with your horn, you know.'

  • 'It didn't hurt him,' the Unicorn said carelessly, and he was going on, when his

  • eye happened to fall upon Alice: he turned round rather instantly, and stood for some

  • time looking at her with an air of the deepest disgust.

  • 'What--is--this?' he said at last. 'This is a child!'

  • Haigha replied eagerly, coming in front of Alice to introduce her, and spreading out

  • both his hands towards her in an Anglo- Saxon attitude.

  • 'We only found it to-day.

  • It's as large as life, and twice as natural!'

  • 'I always thought they were fabulous monsters!' said the Unicorn.

  • 'Is it alive?'

  • 'It can talk,' said Haigha, solemnly. The Unicorn looked dreamily at Alice, and

  • said 'Talk, child.'

  • Alice could not help her lips curling up into a smile as she began: 'Do you know, I

  • always thought Unicorns were fabulous monsters, too!

  • I never saw one alive before!'

  • 'Well, now that we HAVE seen each other,' said the Unicorn, 'if you'll believe in me,

  • I'll believe in you. Is that a bargain?'

  • 'Yes, if you like,' said Alice.

  • 'Come, fetch out the plum-cake, old man!' the Unicorn went on, turning from her to

  • the King. 'None of your brown bread for me!'

  • 'Certainly--certainly!' the King muttered, and beckoned to Haigha.

  • 'Open the bag!' he whispered. 'Quick!

  • Not that one--that's full of hay!'

  • Haigha took a large cake out of the bag, and gave it to Alice to hold, while he got

  • out a dish and carving-knife. How they all came out of it Alice couldn't

  • guess.

  • It was just like a conjuring-trick, she thought.

  • The Lion had joined them while this was going on: he looked very tired and sleepy,

  • and his eyes were half shut.

  • 'What's this!' he said, blinking lazily at Alice, and speaking in a deep hollow tone

  • that sounded like the tolling of a great bell.

  • 'Ah, what IS it, now?' the Unicorn cried eagerly.

  • 'You'll never guess! I couldn't.'

  • The Lion looked at Alice wearily.

  • 'Are you animal--vegetable--or mineral?' he said, yawning at every other word.

  • 'It's a fabulous monster!' the Unicorn cried out, before Alice could reply.

  • 'Then hand round the plum-cake, Monster,' the Lion said, lying down and putting his

  • chin on this paws.

  • 'And sit down, both of you,' (to the King and the Unicorn): 'fair play with the cake,

  • you know!'

  • The King was evidently very uncomfortable at having to sit down between the two great

  • creatures; but there was no other place for him.

  • 'What a fight we might have for the crown, NOW!' the Unicorn said, looking slyly up at

  • the crown, which the poor King was nearly shaking off his head, he trembled so much.

  • 'I should win easy,' said the Lion.

  • 'I'm not so sure of that,' said the Unicorn.

  • 'Why, I beat you all round the town, you chicken!' the Lion replied angrily, half

  • getting up as he spoke.

  • Here the King interrupted, to prevent the quarrel going on: he was very nervous, and

  • his voice quite quivered. 'All round the town?' he said.

  • 'That's a good long way.

  • Did you go by the old bridge, or the market-place?

  • You get the best view by the old bridge.' 'I'm sure I don't know,' the Lion growled

  • out as he lay down again.

  • 'There was too much dust to see anything. What a time the Monster is, cutting up that

  • cake!'

  • Alice had seated herself on the bank of a little brook, with the great dish on her

  • knees, and was sawing away diligently with the knife.

  • 'It's very provoking!' she said, in reply to the Lion (she was getting quite used to

  • being called 'the Monster'). 'I've cut several slices already, but they

  • always join on again!'

  • 'You don't know how to manage Looking-glass cakes,' the Unicorn remarked.

  • 'Hand it round first, and cut it afterwards.'

  • This sounded nonsense, but Alice very obediently got up, and carried the dish

  • round, and the cake divided itself into three pieces as she did so.

  • 'NOW cut it up,' said the Lion, as she returned to her place with the empty dish.

  • 'I say, this isn't fair!' cried the Unicorn, as Alice sat with the knife in her

  • hand, very much puzzled how to begin.

  • 'The Monster has given the Lion twice as much as me!'

  • 'She's kept none for herself, anyhow,' said the Lion.

  • 'Do you like plum-cake, Monster?'

  • But before Alice could answer him, the drums began.

  • Where the noise came from, she couldn't make out: the air seemed full of it, and it

  • rang through and through her head till she felt quite deafened.

  • She started to her feet and sprang across the little brook in her terror, and had

  • just time to see the Lion and the Unicorn rise to their feet, with angry looks at

  • being interrupted in their feast, before

  • she dropped to her knees, and put her hands over her ears, vainly trying to shut out

  • the dreadful uproar.

  • 'If THAT doesn't "drum them out of town,"' she thought to herself, 'nothing ever

  • will!'

  • >

  • CHAPTER VIII. 'It's my own Invention'

  • After a while the noise seemed gradually to die away, till all was dead silence, and

  • Alice lifted up her head in some alarm.

  • There was no one to be seen, and her first thought was that she must have been

  • dreaming about the Lion and the Unicorn and those queer Anglo-Saxon Messengers.

  • However, there was the great dish still lying at her feet, on which she had tried

  • to cut the plum-cake, 'So I wasn't dreaming, after all,' she said to herself,

  • 'unless--unless we're all part of the same dream.

  • Only I do hope it's MY dream, and not the Red King's!

  • I don't like belonging to another person's dream,' she went on in a rather complaining

  • tone: 'I've a great mind to go and wake him, and see what happens!'

  • At this moment her thoughts were interrupted by a loud shouting of 'Ahoy!

  • Ahoy!

  • Check!' and a Knight dressed in crimson armour came galloping down upon her,

  • brandishing a great club.

  • Just as he reached her, the horse stopped suddenly: 'You're my prisoner!' the Knight

  • cried, as he tumbled off his horse.

  • Startled as she was, Alice was more frightened for him than for herself at the

  • moment, and watched him with some anxiety as he mounted again.

  • As soon as he was comfortably in the saddle, he began once more 'You're my--'

  • but here another voice broke in 'Ahoy! Ahoy!

  • Check!' and Alice looked round in some surprise for the new enemy.

  • This time it was a White Knight.

  • He drew up at Alice's side, and tumbled off his horse just as the Red Knight had done:

  • then he got on again, and the two Knights sat and looked at each other for some time

  • without speaking.

  • Alice looked from one to the other in some bewilderment.

  • 'She's MY prisoner, you know!' the Red Knight said at last.

  • 'Yes, but then I came and rescued her!' the White Knight replied.

  • 'Well, we must fight for her, then,' said the Red Knight, as he took up his helmet

  • (which hung from the saddle, and was something the shape of a horse's head), and

  • put it on.

  • 'You will observe the Rules of Battle, of course?' the White Knight remarked, putting

  • on his helmet too.

  • 'I always do,' said the Red Knight, and they began banging away at each other with

  • such fury that Alice got behind a tree to be out of the way of the blows.

  • 'I wonder, now, what the Rules of Battle are,' she said to herself, as she watched

  • the fight, timidly peeping out from her hiding-place: 'one Rule seems to be, that

  • if one Knight hits the other, he knocks him

  • off his horse, and if he misses, he tumbles off himself--and another Rule seems to be

  • that they hold their clubs with their arms, as if they were Punch and Judy--What a

  • noise they make when they tumble!

  • Just like a whole set of fire-irons falling into the fender!

  • And how quiet the horses are! They let them get on and off them just as

  • if they were tables!'

  • Another Rule of Battle, that Alice had not noticed, seemed to be that they always fell

  • on their heads, and the battle ended with their both falling off in this way, side by

  • side: when they got up again, they shook

  • hands, and then the Red Knight mounted and galloped off.

  • 'It was a glorious victory, wasn't it?' said the White Knight, as he came up

  • panting.

  • 'I don't know,' Alice said doubtfully. 'I don't want to be anybody's prisoner.

  • I want to be a Queen.' 'So you will, when you've crossed the next

  • brook,' said the White Knight.

  • 'I'll see you safe to the end of the wood-- and then I must go back, you know.

  • That's the end of my move.' 'Thank you very much,' said Alice.

  • 'May I help you off with your helmet?'

  • It was evidently more than he could manage by himself; however, she managed to shake

  • him out of it at last.

  • 'Now one can breathe more easily,' said the Knight, putting back his shaggy hair with

  • both hands, and turning his gentle face and large mild eyes to Alice.

  • She thought she had never seen such a strange-looking soldier in all her life.

  • He was dressed in tin armour, which seemed to fit him very badly, and he had a queer-

  • shaped little deal box fastened across his shoulder, upside-down, and with the lid

  • hanging open.

  • Alice looked at it with great curiosity. 'I see you're admiring my little box.' the

  • Knight said in a friendly tone. 'It's my own invention--to keep clothes and

  • sandwiches in.

  • You see I carry it upside-down, so that the rain can't get in.'

  • 'But the things can get OUT,' Alice gently remarked.

  • 'Do you know the lid's open?'

  • 'I didn't know it,' the Knight said, a shade of vexation passing over his face.

  • 'Then all the things must have fallen out! And the box is no use without them.'

  • He unfastened it as he spoke, and was just going to throw it into the bushes, when a

  • sudden thought seemed to strike him, and he hung it carefully on a tree.

  • 'Can you guess why I did that?' he said to Alice.

  • Alice shook her head. 'In hopes some bees may make a nest in it--

  • then I should get the honey.'

  • 'But you've got a bee-hive--or something like one--fastened to the saddle,' said

  • Alice.

  • 'Yes, it's a very good bee-hive,' the Knight said in a discontented tone, 'one of

  • the best kind. But not a single bee has come near it yet.

  • And the other thing is a mouse-trap.

  • I suppose the mice keep the bees out--or the bees keep the mice out, I don't know

  • which.' 'I was wondering what the mouse-trap was

  • for,' said Alice.

  • 'It isn't very likely there would be any mice on the horse's back.'

  • 'Not very likely, perhaps,' said the Knight: 'but if they DO come, I don't

  • choose to have them running all about.'

  • 'You see,' he went on after a pause, 'it's as well to be provided for EVERYTHING.

  • That's the reason the horse has all those anklets round his feet.'

  • 'But what are they for?'

  • Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity. 'To guard against the bites of sharks,' the

  • Knight replied. 'It's an invention of my own.

  • And now help me on.

  • I'll go with you to the end of the wood-- What's the dish for?'

  • 'It's meant for plum-cake,' said Alice. 'We'd better take it with us,' the Knight

  • said.

  • 'It'll come in handy if we find any plum- cake.

  • Help me to get it into this bag.'

  • This took a very long time to manage, though Alice held the bag open very

  • carefully, because the Knight was so VERY awkward in putting in the dish: the first

  • two or three times that he tried he fell in himself instead.

  • 'It's rather a tight fit, you see,' he said, as they got it in a last; 'There are

  • so many candlesticks in the bag.'

  • And he hung it to the saddle, which was already loaded with bunches of carrots, and

  • fire-irons, and many other things. 'I hope you've got your hair well fastened

  • on?' he continued, as they set off.

  • 'Only in the usual way,' Alice said, smiling.

  • 'That's hardly enough,' he said, anxiously. 'You see the wind is so VERY strong here.

  • It's as strong as soup.'

  • 'Have you invented a plan for keeping the hair from being blown off?'

  • Alice enquired. 'Not yet,' said the Knight.

  • 'But I've got a plan for keeping it from FALLING off.'

  • 'I should like to hear it, very much.' 'First you take an upright stick,' said the

  • Knight.

  • 'Then you make your hair creep up it, like a fruit-tree.

  • Now the reason hair falls off is because it hangs DOWN--things never fall UPWARDS, you

  • know.

  • It's a plan of my own invention. You may try it if you like.'

  • It didn't sound a comfortable plan, Alice thought, and for a few minutes she walked

  • on in silence, puzzling over the idea, and every now and then stopping to help the

  • poor Knight, who certainly was NOT a good rider.

  • Whenever the horse stopped (which it did very often), he fell off in front; and

  • whenever it went on again (which it generally did rather suddenly), he fell off

  • behind.

  • Otherwise he kept on pretty well, except that he had a habit of now and then falling

  • off sideways; and as he generally did this on the side on which Alice was walking, she

  • soon found that it was the best plan not to walk QUITE close to the horse.

  • 'I'm afraid you've not had much practice in riding,' she ventured to say, as she was

  • helping him up from his fifth tumble.

  • The Knight looked very much surprised, and a little offended at the remark.

  • 'What makes you say that?' he asked, as he scrambled back into the saddle, keeping

  • hold of Alice's hair with one hand, to save himself from falling over on the other

  • side.

  • 'Because people don't fall off quite so often, when they've had much practice.'

  • 'I've had plenty of practice,' the Knight said very gravely: 'plenty of practice!'

  • Alice could think of nothing better to say than 'Indeed?' but she said it as heartily

  • as she could.

  • They went on a little way in silence after this, the Knight with his eyes shut,

  • muttering to himself, and Alice watching anxiously for the next tumble.

  • 'The great art of riding,' the Knight suddenly began in a loud voice, waving his

  • right arm as he spoke, 'is to keep--' Here the sentence ended as suddenly as it had

  • begun, as the Knight fell heavily on the

  • top of his head exactly in the path where Alice was walking.

  • She was quite frightened this time, and said in an anxious tone, as she picked him

  • up, 'I hope no bones are broken?'

  • 'None to speak of,' the Knight said, as if he didn't mind breaking two or three of

  • them. 'The great art of riding, as I was saying,

  • is--to keep your balance properly.

  • Like this, you know--' He let go the bridle, and stretched out

  • both his arms to show Alice what he meant, and this time he fell flat on his back,

  • right under the horse's feet.

  • 'Plenty of practice!' he went on repeating, all the time that Alice was getting him on

  • his feet again. 'Plenty of practice!'

  • 'It's too ridiculous!' cried Alice, losing all her patience this time.

  • 'You ought to have a wooden horse on wheels, that you ought!'

  • 'Does that kind go smoothly?' the Knight asked in a tone of great interest, clasping

  • his arms round the horse's neck as he spoke, just in time to save himself from

  • tumbling off again.

  • 'Much more smoothly than a live horse,' Alice said, with a little scream of

  • laughter, in spite of all she could do to prevent it.

  • 'I'll get one,' the Knight said thoughtfully to himself.

  • 'One or two--several.' There was a short silence after this, and

  • then the Knight went on again.

  • 'I'm a great hand at inventing things. Now, I daresay you noticed, that last time

  • you picked me up, that I was looking rather thoughtful?'

  • 'You WERE a little grave,' said Alice.

  • 'Well, just then I was inventing a new way of getting over a gate--would you like to

  • hear it?' 'Very much indeed,' Alice said politely.

  • 'I'll tell you how I came to think of it,' said the Knight.

  • 'You see, I said to myself, "The only difficulty is with the feet: the HEAD is

  • high enough already."

  • Now, first I put my head on the top of the gate--then I stand on my head--then the

  • feet are high enough, you see--then I'm over, you see.'

  • 'Yes, I suppose you'd be over when that was done,' Alice said thoughtfully: 'but don't

  • you think it would be rather hard?'

  • 'I haven't tried it yet,' the Knight said, gravely: 'so I can't tell for certain--but

  • I'm afraid it WOULD be a little hard.' He looked so vexed at the idea, that Alice

  • changed the subject hastily.

  • 'What a curious helmet you've got!' she said cheerfully.

  • 'Is that your invention too?' The Knight looked down proudly at his

  • helmet, which hung from the saddle.

  • 'Yes,' he said, 'but I've invented a better one than that--like a sugar loaf.

  • When I used to wear it, if I fell off the horse, it always touched the ground

  • directly.

  • So I had a VERY little way to fall, you see--But there WAS the danger of falling

  • INTO it, to be sure.

  • That happened to me once--and the worst of it was, before I could get out again, the

  • other White Knight came and put it on. He thought it was his own helmet.'

  • The knight looked so solemn about it that Alice did not dare to laugh.

  • 'I'm afraid you must have hurt him,' she said in a trembling voice, 'being on the

  • top of his head.'

  • 'I had to kick him, of course,' the Knight said, very seriously.

  • 'And then he took the helmet off again--but it took hours and hours to get me out.

  • I was as fast as--as lightning, you know.'

  • 'But that's a different kind of fastness,' Alice objected.

  • The Knight shook his head. 'It was all kinds of fastness with me, I

  • can assure you!' he said.

  • He raised his hands in some excitement as he said this, and instantly rolled out of

  • the saddle, and fell headlong into a deep ditch.

  • Alice ran to the side of the ditch to look for him.

  • She was rather startled by the fall, as for some time he had kept on very well, and she

  • was afraid that he really WAS hurt this time.

  • However, though she could see nothing but the soles of his feet, she was much

  • relieved to hear that he was talking on in his usual tone.

  • 'All kinds of fastness,' he repeated: 'but it was careless of him to put another man's

  • helmet on--with the man in it, too.' 'How CAN you go on talking so quietly, head

  • downwards?'

  • Alice asked, as she dragged him out by the feet, and laid him in a heap on the bank.

  • The Knight looked surprised at the question.

  • 'What does it matter where my body happens to be?' he said.

  • 'My mind goes on working all the same. In fact, the more head downwards I am, the

  • more I keep inventing new things.'

  • 'Now the cleverest thing of the sort that I ever did,' he went on after a pause, 'was

  • inventing a new pudding during the meat- course.'

  • 'In time to have it cooked for the next course?' said Alice.

  • 'Well, not the NEXT course,' the Knight said in a slow thoughtful tone: 'no,

  • certainly not the next COURSE.'

  • 'Then it would have to be the next day. I suppose you wouldn't have two pudding-

  • courses in one dinner?' 'Well, not the NEXT day,' the Knight

  • repeated as before: 'not the next DAY.

  • In fact,' he went on, holding his head down, and his voice getting lower and

  • lower, 'I don't believe that pudding ever WAS cooked!

  • In fact, I don't believe that pudding ever WILL be cooked!

  • And yet it was a very clever pudding to invent.'

  • 'What did you mean it to be made of?'

  • Alice asked, hoping to cheer him up, for the poor Knight seemed quite low-spirited

  • about it. 'It began with blotting paper,' the Knight

  • answered with a groan.

  • 'That wouldn't be very nice, I'm afraid--' 'Not very nice ALONE,' he interrupted,

  • quite eagerly: 'but you've no idea what a difference it makes mixing it with other

  • things--such as gunpowder and sealing-wax.

  • And here I must leave you.' They had just come to the end of the wood.

  • Alice could only look puzzled: she was thinking of the pudding.

  • 'You are sad,' the Knight said in an anxious tone: 'let me sing you a song to

  • comfort you.' 'Is it very long?'

  • Alice asked, for she had heard a good deal of poetry that day.

  • 'It's long,' said the Knight, 'but very, VERY beautiful.

  • Everybody that hears me sing it--either it brings the TEARS into their eyes, or else--

  • ' 'Or else what?' said Alice, for the Knight

  • had made a sudden pause.

  • 'Or else it doesn't, you know. The name of the song is called "HADDOCKS'

  • EYES."' 'Oh, that's the name of the song, is it?'

  • Alice said, trying to feel interested.

  • 'No, you don't understand,' the Knight said, looking a little vexed.

  • 'That's what the name is CALLED. The name really IS "THE AGED AGED MAN."'

  • 'Then I ought to have said "That's what the SONG is called"?'

  • Alice corrected herself. 'No, you oughtn't: that's quite another

  • thing!

  • The SONG is called "WAYS AND MEANS": but that's only what it's CALLED, you know!'

  • 'Well, what IS the song, then?' said Alice, who was by this time completely bewildered.

  • 'I was coming to that,' the Knight said.

  • 'The song really IS "A-SITTING ON A GATE": and the tune's my own invention.'

  • So saying, he stopped his horse and let the reins fall on its neck: then, slowly

  • beating time with one hand, and with a faint smile lighting up his gentle foolish

  • face, as if he enjoyed the music of his song, he began.

  • Of all the strange things that Alice saw in her journey Through The Looking-Glass, this

  • was the one that she always remembered most clearly.

  • Years afterwards she could bring the whole scene back again, as if it had been only

  • yesterday--the mild blue eyes and kindly smile of the Knight--the setting sun

  • gleaming through his hair, and shining on

  • his armour in a blaze of light that quite dazzled her--the horse quietly moving

  • about, with the reins hanging loose on his neck, cropping the grass at her feet--and

  • the black shadows of the forest behind--all

  • this she took in like a picture, as, with one hand shading her eyes, she leant

  • against a tree, watching the strange pair, and listening, in a half dream, to the

  • melancholy music of the song.

  • 'But the tune ISN'T his own invention,' she said to herself: 'it's "I GIVE THEE ALL, I

  • CAN NO MORE."' She stood and listened very attentively,

  • but no tears came into her eyes.

  • 'I'll tell thee everything I can; There's little to relate.

  • I saw an aged aged man, A-sitting on a gate.

  • "Who are you, aged man?" I said,

  • "and how is it you live?" And his answer trickled through my head

  • Like water through a sieve.

  • He said "I look for butterflies That sleep among the wheat:

  • I make them into mutton-pies, And sell them in the street.

  • I sell them unto men," he said, "Who sail on stormy seas;

  • And that's the way I get my bread-- A trifle, if you please."

  • But I was thinking of a plan To dye one's whiskers green,

  • And always use so large a fan That they could not be seen.

  • So, having no reply to give To what the old man said,

  • I cried, "Come, tell me how you live!" And thumped him on the head.

  • His accents mild took up the tale: He said "I go my ways,

  • And when I find a mountain-rill, I set it in a blaze;

  • And thence they make a stuff they call Rolands' Macassar Oil--

  • Yet twopence-halfpenny is all They give me for my toil."

  • But I was thinking of a way To feed oneself on batter,

  • And so go on from day to day Getting a little fatter.

  • I shook him well from side to side, Until his face was blue:

  • "Come, tell me how you live," I cried, "And what it is you do!"

  • He said "I hunt for haddocks' eyes Among the heather bright,

  • And work them into waistcoat-buttons In the silent night.

  • And these I do not sell for gold Or coin of silvery shine

  • But for a copper halfpenny, And that will purchase nine.

  • "I sometimes dig for buttered rolls, Or set limed twigs for crabs;

  • I sometimes search the grassy knolls For wheels of Hansom-cabs.

  • And that's the way" (he gave a wink) "By which I get my wealth--

  • And very gladly will I drink Your Honour's noble health."

  • I heard him then, for I had just Completed my design

  • To keep the Menai bridge from rust By boiling it in wine.

  • I thanked him much for telling me The way he got his wealth,

  • But chiefly for his wish that he Might drink my noble health.

  • And now, if e'er by chance I put My fingers into glue

  • Or madly squeeze a right-hand foot Into a left-hand shoe,

  • Or if I drop upon my toe A very heavy weight,

  • I weep, for it reminds me so, Of that old man I used to know--

  • Whose look was mild, whose speech was slow, Whose hair was whiter than the snow,

  • Whose face was very like a crow, With eyes, like cinders, all aglow,

  • Who seemed distracted with his woe, Who rocked his body to and fro,

  • And muttered mumblingly and low, As if his mouth were full of dough,

  • Who snorted like a buffalo-- That summer evening, long ago,

  • A-sitting on a gate.'

  • As the Knight sang the last words of the ballad, he gathered up the reins, and

  • turned his horse's head along the road by which they had come.

  • 'You've only a few yards to go,' he said, 'down the hill and over that little brook,

  • and then you'll be a Queen--But you'll stay and see me off first?' he added as Alice

  • turned with an eager look in the direction to which he pointed.

  • 'I shan't be long. You'll wait and wave your handkerchief when

  • I get to that turn in the road?

  • I think it'll encourage me, you see.' 'Of course I'll wait,' said Alice: 'and

  • thank you very much for coming so far--and for the song--I liked it very much.'

  • 'I hope so,' the Knight said doubtfully: 'but you didn't cry so much as I thought

  • you would.' So they shook hands, and then the Knight

  • rode slowly away into the forest.

  • 'It won't take long to see him OFF, I expect,' Alice said to herself, as she

  • stood watching him. 'There he goes!

  • Right on his head as usual!

  • However, he gets on again pretty easily-- that comes of having so many things hung

  • round the horse--' So she went on talking to herself, as she watched the horse

  • walking leisurely along the road, and the

  • Knight tumbling off, first on one side and then on the other.

  • After the fourth or fifth tumble he reached the turn, and then she waved her

  • handkerchief to him, and waited till he was out of sight.

  • 'I hope it encouraged him,' she said, as she turned to run down the hill: 'and now

  • for the last brook, and to be a Queen! How grand it sounds!'

  • A very few steps brought her to the edge of the brook.

  • 'The Eighth Square at last!' she cried as she bounded across, and threw herself down

  • to rest on a lawn as soft as moss, with little flower-beds dotted about it here and

  • there.

  • 'Oh, how glad I am to get here! And what IS this on my head?' she exclaimed

  • in a tone of dismay, as she put her hands up to something very heavy, and fitted

  • tight all round her head.

  • 'But how CAN it have got there without my knowing it?' she said to herself, as she

  • lifted it off, and set it on her lap to make out what it could possibly be.

  • It was a golden crown.

  • >

  • CHAPTER IX. Queen Alice

  • 'Well, this IS grand!' said Alice.

  • 'I never expected I should be a Queen so soon--and I'll tell you what it is, your

  • majesty,' she went on in a severe tone (she was always rather fond of scolding

  • herself), 'it'll never do for you to be lolling about on the grass like that!

  • Queens have to be dignified, you know!'

  • So she got up and walked about--rather stiffly just at first, as she was afraid

  • that the crown might come off: but she comforted herself with the thought that

  • there was nobody to see her, 'and if I

  • really am a Queen,' she said as she sat down again, 'I shall be able to manage it

  • quite well in time.'

  • Everything was happening so oddly that she didn't feel a bit surprised at finding the

  • Red Queen and the White Queen sitting close to her, one on each side: she would have

  • liked very much to ask them how they came

  • there, but she feared it would not be quite civil.

  • However, there would be no harm, she thought, in asking if the game was over.

  • 'Please, would you tell me--' she began, looking timidly at the Red Queen.

  • 'Speak when you're spoken to!' The Queen sharply interrupted her.

  • 'But if everybody obeyed that rule,' said Alice, who was always ready for a little

  • argument, 'and if you only spoke when you were spoken to, and the other person always

  • waited for YOU to begin, you see nobody would ever say anything, so that--'

  • 'Ridiculous!' cried the Queen.

  • 'Why, don't you see, child--' here she broke off with a frown, and, after thinking

  • for a minute, suddenly changed the subject of the conversation.

  • 'What do you mean by "If you really are a Queen"?

  • What right have you to call yourself so? You can't be a Queen, you know, till you've

  • passed the proper examination.

  • And the sooner we begin it, the better.' 'I only said "if"!' poor Alice pleaded in a

  • piteous tone.

  • The two Queens looked at each other, and the Red Queen remarked, with a little

  • shudder, 'She SAYS she only said "if"--' 'But she said a great deal more than that!'

  • the White Queen moaned, wringing her hands.

  • 'Oh, ever so much more than that!' 'So you did, you know,' the Red Queen said

  • to Alice. 'Always speak the truth--think before you

  • speak--and write it down afterwards.'

  • 'I'm sure I didn't mean--' Alice was beginning, but the Red Queen interrupted

  • her impatiently. 'That's just what I complain of!

  • You SHOULD have meant!

  • What do you suppose is the use of child without any meaning?

  • Even a joke should have some meaning--and a child's more important than a joke, I hope.

  • You couldn't deny that, even if you tried with both hands.'

  • 'I don't deny things with my HANDS,' Alice objected.

  • 'Nobody said you did,' said the Red Queen.

  • 'I said you couldn't if you tried.' 'She's in that state of mind,' said the

  • White Queen, 'that she wants to deny SOMETHING--only she doesn't know what to

  • deny!'

  • 'A nasty, vicious temper,' the Red Queen remarked; and then there was an

  • uncomfortable silence for a minute or two.

  • The Red Queen broke the silence by saying to the White Queen, 'I invite you to

  • Alice's dinner-party this afternoon.' The White Queen smiled feebly, and said

  • 'And I invite YOU.'

  • 'I didn't know I was to have a party at all,' said Alice; 'but if there is to be

  • one, I think I ought to invite the guests.'

  • 'We gave you the opportunity of doing it,' the Red Queen remarked: 'but I daresay

  • you've not had many lessons in manners yet?'

  • 'Manners are not taught in lessons,' said Alice.

  • 'Lessons teach you to do sums, and things of that sort.'

  • 'And you do Addition?' the White Queen asked.

  • 'What's one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one and one?'

  • 'I don't know,' said Alice.

  • 'I lost count.' 'She can't do Addition,' the Red Queen

  • interrupted. 'Can you do Subtraction?

  • Take nine from eight.'

  • 'Nine from eight I can't, you know,' Alice replied very readily: 'but--'

  • 'She can't do Subtraction,' said the White Queen.

  • 'Can you do Division?

  • Divide a loaf by a knife--what's the answer to that?'

  • 'I suppose--' Alice was beginning, but the Red Queen answered for her.

  • 'Bread-and-butter, of course.

  • Try another Subtraction sum. Take a bone from a dog: what remains?'

  • Alice considered.

  • 'The bone wouldn't remain, of course, if I took it--and the dog wouldn't remain; it

  • would come to bite me--and I'm sure I shouldn't remain!'

  • 'Then you think nothing would remain?' said the Red Queen.

  • 'I think that's the answer.' 'Wrong, as usual,' said the Red Queen: 'the

  • dog's temper would remain.'

  • 'But I don't see how--' 'Why, look here!' the Red Queen cried.

  • 'The dog would lose its temper, wouldn't it?'

  • 'Perhaps it would,' Alice replied cautiously.

  • 'Then if the dog went away, its temper would remain!' the Queen exclaimed

  • triumphantly.

  • Alice said, as gravely as she could, 'They might go different ways.'

  • But she couldn't help thinking to herself, 'What dreadful nonsense we ARE talking!'

  • 'She can't do sums a BIT!' the Queens said together, with great emphasis.

  • 'Can YOU do sums?'

  • Alice said, turning suddenly on the White Queen, for she didn't like being found

  • fault with so much. The Queen gasped and shut her eyes.

  • 'I can do Addition, if you give me time-- but I can do Subtraction, under ANY

  • circumstances!' 'Of course you know your A B C?' said the

  • Red Queen.

  • 'To be sure I do.' said Alice. 'So do I,' the White Queen whispered:

  • 'we'll often say it over together, dear. And I'll tell you a secret--I can read

  • words of one letter!

  • Isn't THAT grand! However, don't be discouraged.

  • You'll come to it in time.' Here the Red Queen began again.

  • 'Can you answer useful questions?' she said.

  • 'How is bread made?' 'I know THAT!'

  • Alice cried eagerly.

  • 'You take some flour--' 'Where do you pick the flower?' the White

  • Queen asked. 'In a garden, or in the hedges?'

  • 'Well, it isn't PICKED at all,' Alice explained: 'it's GROUND--'

  • 'How many acres of ground?' said the White Queen.

  • 'You mustn't leave out so many things.'

  • 'Fan her head!' the Red Queen anxiously interrupted.

  • 'She'll be feverish after so much thinking.'

  • So they set to work and fanned her with bunches of leaves, till she had to beg them

  • to leave off, it blew her hair about so. 'She's all right again now,' said the Red

  • Queen.

  • 'Do you know Languages? What's the French for fiddle-de-dee?'

  • 'Fiddle-de-dee's not English,' Alice replied gravely.

  • 'Who ever said it was?' said the Red Queen.

  • Alice thought she saw a way out of the difficulty this time.

  • 'If you'll tell me what language "fiddle- de-dee" is, I'll tell you the French for

  • it!' she exclaimed triumphantly.

  • But the Red Queen drew herself up rather stiffly, and said 'Queens never make

  • bargains.' 'I wish Queens never asked questions,'

  • Alice thought to herself.

  • 'Don't let us quarrel,' the White Queen said in an anxious tone.

  • 'What is the cause of lightning?'

  • 'The cause of lightning,' Alice said very decidedly, for she felt quite certain about

  • this, 'is the thunder--no, no!' she hastily corrected herself.

  • 'I meant the other way.'

  • 'It's too late to correct it,' said the Red Queen: 'when you've once said a thing, that

  • fixes it, and you must take the consequences.'

  • 'Which reminds me--' the White Queen said, looking down and nervously clasping and

  • unclasping her hands, 'we had SUCH a thunderstorm last Tuesday--I mean one of

  • the last set of Tuesdays, you know.'

  • Alice was puzzled. 'In OUR country,' she remarked, 'there's

  • only one day at a time.' The Red Queen said, 'That's a poor thin way

  • of doing things.

  • Now HERE, we mostly have days and nights two or three at a time, and sometimes in

  • the winter we take as many as five nights together--for warmth, you know.'

  • 'Are five nights warmer than one night, then?'

  • Alice ventured to ask. 'Five times as warm, of course.'

  • 'But they should be five times as COLD, by the same rule--'

  • 'Just so!' cried the Red Queen.

  • 'Five times as warm, AND five times as cold--just as I'm five times as rich as you

  • are, AND five times as clever!' Alice sighed and gave it up.

  • 'It's exactly like a riddle with no answer!' she thought.

  • 'Humpty Dumpty saw it too,' the White Queen went on in a low voice, more as if she were

  • talking to herself.

  • 'He came to the door with a corkscrew in his hand--'

  • 'What did he want?' said the Red Queen.

  • 'He said he WOULD come in,' the White Queen went on, 'because he was looking for a

  • hippopotamus. Now, as it happened, there wasn't such a

  • thing in the house, that morning.'

  • 'Is there generally?' Alice asked in an astonished tone.

  • 'Well, only on Thursdays,' said the Queen. 'I know what he came for,' said Alice: 'he

  • wanted to punish the fish, because--'

  • Here the White Queen began again. 'It was SUCH a thunderstorm, you can't

  • think!' ('She NEVER could, you know,' said the Red

  • Queen.)

  • 'And part of the roof came off, and ever so much thunder got in--and it went rolling

  • round the room in great lumps--and knocking over the tables and things--till I was so

  • frightened, I couldn't remember my own name!'

  • Alice thought to herself, 'I never should TRY to remember my name in the middle of an

  • accident!

  • Where would be the use of it?' but she did not say this aloud, for fear of hurting the

  • poor Queen's feeling.

  • 'Your Majesty must excuse her,' the Red Queen said to Alice, taking one of the

  • White Queen's hands in her own, and gently stroking it: 'she means well, but she can't

  • help saying foolish things, as a general rule.'

  • The White Queen looked timidly at Alice, who felt she OUGHT to say something kind,

  • but really couldn't think of anything at the moment.

  • 'She never was really well brought up,' the Red Queen went on: 'but it's amazing how

  • good-tempered she is! Pat her on the head, and see how pleased

  • she'll be!'

  • But this was more than Alice had courage to do.

  • 'A little kindness--and putting her hair in papers--would do wonders with her--'

  • The White Queen gave a deep sigh, and laid her head on Alice's shoulder.

  • 'I AM so sleepy?' she moaned. 'She's tired, poor thing!' said the Red

  • Queen.

  • 'Smooth her hair--lend her your nightcap-- and sing her a soothing lullaby.'

  • 'I haven't got a nightcap with me,' said Alice, as she tried to obey the first

  • direction: 'and I don't know any soothing lullabies.'

  • 'I must do it myself, then,' said the Red Queen, and she began:

  • 'Hush-a-by lady, in Alice's lap! Till the feast's ready, we've time for a

  • nap:

  • When the feast's over, we'll go to the ball--

  • Red Queen, and White Queen, and Alice, and all!

  • 'And now you know the words,' she added, as she put her head down on Alice's other

  • shoulder, 'just sing it through to ME. I'm getting sleepy, too.'

  • In another moment both Queens were fast asleep, and snoring loud.

  • 'What AM I to do?' exclaimed Alice, looking about in great perplexity, as first one

  • round head, and then the other, rolled down from her shoulder, and lay like a heavy

  • lump in her lap.

  • 'I don't think it EVER happened before, that any one had to take care of two Queens

  • asleep at once!

  • No, not in all the History of England--it couldn't, you know, because there never was

  • more than one Queen at a time.

  • Do wake up, you heavy things!' she went on in an impatient tone; but there was no

  • answer but a gentle snoring.

  • The snoring got more distinct every minute, and sounded more like a tune: at last she

  • could even make out the words, and she listened so eagerly that, when the two

  • great heads vanished from her lap, she hardly missed them.

  • She was standing before an arched doorway over which were the words QUEEN ALICE in

  • large letters, and on each side of the arch there was a bell-handle; one was marked

  • 'Visitors' Bell,' and the other 'Servants' Bell.'

  • 'I'll wait till the song's over,' thought Alice, 'and then I'll ring--the--WHICH bell

  • must I ring?' she went on, very much puzzled by the names.

  • 'I'm not a visitor, and I'm not a servant.

  • There OUGHT to be one marked "Queen," you know--'

  • Just then the door opened a little way, and a creature with a long beak put its head

  • out for a moment and said 'No admittance till the week after next!' and shut the

  • door again with a bang.

  • Alice knocked and rang in vain for a long time, but at last, a very old Frog, who was

  • sitting under a tree, got up and hobbled slowly towards her: he was dressed in

  • bright yellow, and had enormous boots on.

  • 'What is it, now?' the Frog said in a deep hoarse whisper.

  • Alice turned round, ready to find fault with anybody.

  • 'Where's the servant whose business it is to answer the door?' she began angrily.

  • 'Which door?' said the Frog. Alice almost stamped with irritation at the

  • slow drawl in which he spoke.

  • 'THIS door, of course!'

  • The Frog looked at the door with his large dull eyes for a minute: then he went nearer

  • and rubbed it with his thumb, as if he were trying whether the paint would come off;

  • then he looked at Alice.

  • 'To answer the door?' he said. 'What's it been asking of?'

  • He was so hoarse that Alice could scarcely hear him.

  • 'I don't know what you mean,' she said.

  • 'I talks English, doesn't I?' the Frog went on.

  • 'Or are you deaf? What did it ask you?'

  • 'Nothing!'

  • Alice said impatiently. 'I've been knocking at it!'

  • 'Shouldn't do that--shouldn't do that--' the Frog muttered.

  • 'Vexes it, you know.'

  • Then he went up and gave the door a kick with one of his great feet.

  • 'You let IT alone,' he panted out, as he hobbled back to his tree, 'and it'll let

  • YOU alone, you know.'

  • At this moment the door was flung open, and a shrill voice was heard singing:

  • 'To the Looking-Glass world it was Alice that said,

  • "I've a sceptre in hand, I've a crown on my head;

  • Let the Looking-Glass creatures, whatever they be,

  • Come and dine with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me."'

  • And hundreds of voices joined in the chorus:

  • 'Then fill up the glasses as quick as you can,

  • And sprinkle the table with buttons and bran:

  • Put cats in the coffee, and mice in the tea--

  • And welcome Queen Alice with thirty-times- three!'

  • Then followed a confused noise of cheering, and Alice thought to herself, 'Thirty times

  • three makes ninety. I wonder if any one's counting?'

  • In a minute there was silence again, and the same shrill voice sang another verse;

  • '"O Looking-Glass creatures," quoth Alice, "draw near!

  • 'Tis an honour to see me, a favour to hear:

  • 'Tis a privilege high to have dinner and tea

  • Along with the Red Queen, the White Queen, and me!"'

  • Then came the chorus again:--

  • 'Then fill up the glasses with treacle and ink,

  • Or anything else that is pleasant to drink:

  • Mix sand with the cider, and wool with the wine--

  • And welcome Queen Alice with ninety-times- nine!'

  • 'Ninety times nine!' Alice repeated in despair, 'Oh, that'll

  • never be done! I'd better go in at once--' and there was a

  • dead silence the moment she appeared.

  • Alice glanced nervously along the table, as she walked up the large hall, and noticed

  • that there were about fifty guests, of all kinds: some were animals, some birds, and

  • there were even a few flowers among them.

  • 'I'm glad they've come without waiting to be asked,' she thought: 'I should never

  • have known who were the right people to invite!'

  • There were three chairs at the head of the table; the Red and White Queens had already

  • taken two of them, but the middle one was empty.

  • Alice sat down in it, rather uncomfortable in the silence, and longing for some one to

  • speak. At last the Red Queen began.

  • 'You've missed the soup and fish,' she said.

  • 'Put on the joint!'

  • And the waiters set a leg of mutton before Alice, who looked at it rather anxiously,

  • as she had never had to carve a joint before.

  • 'You look a little shy; let me introduce you to that leg of mutton,' said the Red

  • Queen. 'Alice--Mutton; Mutton--Alice.'

  • The leg of mutton got up in the dish and made a little bow to Alice; and Alice

  • returned the bow, not knowing whether to be frightened or amused.

  • 'May I give you a slice?' she said, taking up the knife and fork, and looking from one

  • Queen to the other.

  • 'Certainly not,' the Red Queen said, very decidedly: 'it isn't etiquette to cut any

  • one you've been introduced to. Remove the joint!'

  • And the waiters carried it off, and brought a large plum-pudding in its place.

  • 'I won't be introduced to the pudding, please,' Alice said rather hastily, 'or we

  • shall get no dinner at all.

  • May I give you some?' But the Red Queen looked sulky, and growled

  • 'Pudding--Alice; Alice--Pudding.

  • Remove the pudding!' and the waiters took it away so quickly that Alice couldn't

  • return its bow.

  • However, she didn't see why the Red Queen should be the only one to give orders, so,

  • as an experiment, she called out 'Waiter! Bring back the pudding!' and there it was

  • again in a moment like a conjuring-trick.

  • It was so large that she couldn't help feeling a LITTLE shy with it, as she had

  • been with the mutton; however, she conquered her shyness by a great effort and

  • cut a slice and handed it to the Red Queen.

  • 'What impertinence!' said the Pudding. 'I wonder how you'd like it, if I were to

  • cut a slice out of YOU, you creature!'

  • It spoke in a thick, suety sort of voice, and Alice hadn't a word to say in reply:

  • she could only sit and look at it and gasp.

  • 'Make a remark,' said the Red Queen: 'it's ridiculous to leave all the conversation to

  • the pudding!'

  • 'Do you know, I've had such a quantity of poetry repeated to me to-day,' Alice began,

  • a little frightened at finding that, the moment she opened her lips, there was dead

  • silence, and all eyes were fixed upon her;

  • 'and it's a very curious thing, I think-- every poem was about fishes in some way.

  • Do you know why they're so fond of fishes, all about here?'

  • She spoke to the Red Queen, whose answer was a little wide of the mark.

  • 'As to fishes,' she said, very slowly and solemnly, putting her mouth close to

  • Alice's ear, 'her White Majesty knows a lovely riddle--all in poetry--all about

  • fishes.

  • Shall she repeat it?' 'Her Red Majesty's very kind to mention

  • it,' the White Queen murmured into Alice's other ear, in a voice like the cooing of a

  • pigeon.

  • 'It would be SUCH a treat! May I?'

  • 'Please do,' Alice said very politely. The White Queen laughed with delight, and

  • stroked Alice's cheek.

  • Then she began:

  • '"First, the fish must be caught." That is easy: a baby, I think, could have

  • caught it.

  • "Next, the fish must be bought." That is easy: a penny, I think, would have

  • bought it.

  • "Now cook me the fish!" That is easy, and will not take more than a

  • minute.

  • "Let it lie in a dish!" That is easy, because it already is in it.

  • "Bring it here! Let me sup!"

  • It is easy to set such a dish on the table.

  • "Take the dish-cover up!" Ah, THAT is so hard that I fear I'm unable!

  • For it holds it like glue-- Holds the lid to the dish, while it lies in

  • the middle:

  • Which is easiest to do, Un-dish-cover the fish, or dishcover the

  • riddle?'

  • 'Take a minute to think about it, and then guess,' said the Red Queen.

  • 'Meanwhile, we'll drink your health--Queen Alice's health!' she screamed at the top of

  • her voice, and all the guests began drinking it directly, and very queerly they

  • managed it: some of them put their glasses

  • upon their heads like extinguishers, and drank all that trickled down their faces--

  • others upset the decanters, and drank the wine as it ran off the edges of the table--

  • and three of them (who looked like

  • kangaroos) scrambled into the dish of roast mutton, and began eagerly lapping up the

  • gravy, 'just like pigs in a trough!' thought Alice.

  • 'You ought to return thanks in a neat speech,' the Red Queen said, frowning at

  • Alice as she spoke.

  • 'We must support you, you know,' the White Queen whispered, as Alice got up to do it,

  • very obediently, but a little frightened. 'Thank you very much,' she whispered in

  • reply, 'but I can do quite well without.'

  • 'That wouldn't be at all the thing,' the Red Queen said very decidedly: so Alice

  • tried to submit to it with a good grace.

  • ('And they DID push so!' she said afterwards, when she was telling her sister

  • the history of the feast. 'You would have thought they wanted to

  • squeeze me flat!')

  • In fact it was rather difficult for her to keep in her place while she made her

  • speech: the two Queens pushed her so, one on each side, that they nearly lifted her

  • up into the air: 'I rise to return thanks--

  • ' Alice began: and she really DID rise as she spoke, several inches; but she got hold

  • of the edge of the table, and managed to pull herself down again.

  • 'Take care of yourself!' screamed the White Queen, seizing Alice's hair with both her

  • hands. 'Something's going to happen!'

  • And then (as Alice afterwards described it) all sorts of things happened in a moment.

  • The candles all grew up to the ceiling, looking something like a bed of rushes with

  • fireworks at the top.

  • As to the bottles, they each took a pair of plates, which they hastily fitted on as

  • wings, and so, with forks for legs, went fluttering about in all directions: 'and

  • very like birds they look,' Alice thought

  • to herself, as well as she could in the dreadful confusion that was beginning.

  • At this moment she heard a hoarse laugh at her side, and turned to see what was the

  • matter with the White Queen; but, instead of the Queen, there was the leg of mutton

  • sitting in the chair.

  • 'Here I am!' cried a voice from the soup tureen, and Alice turned again, just in

  • time to see the Queen's broad good-natured face grinning at her for a moment over the

  • edge of the tureen, before she disappeared into the soup.

  • There was not a moment to be lost.

  • Already several of the guests were lying down in the dishes, and the soup ladle was

  • walking up the table towards Alice's chair, and beckoning to her impatiently to get out

  • of its way.

  • 'I can't stand this any longer!' she cried as she jumped up and seized the table-cloth

  • with both hands: one good pull, and plates, dishes, guests, and candles came crashing

  • down together in a heap on the floor.

  • 'And as for YOU,' she went on, turning fiercely upon the Red Queen, whom she

  • considered as the cause of all the mischief--but the Queen was no longer at

  • her side--she had suddenly dwindled down to

  • the size of a little doll, and was now on the table, merrily running round and round

  • after her own shawl, which was trailing behind her.

  • At any other time, Alice would have felt surprised at this, but she was far too much

  • excited to be surprised at anything NOW.

  • 'As for YOU,' she repeated, catching hold of the little creature in the very act of

  • jumping over a bottle which had just lighted upon the table, 'I'll shake you

  • into a kitten, that I will!'

  • >

  • CHAPTER X. Shaking

  • She took her off the table as she spoke, and shook her backwards and forwards with

  • all her might.

  • The Red Queen made no resistance whatever; only her face grew very small, and her eyes

  • got large and green: and still, as Alice went on shaking her, she kept on growing

  • shorter--and fatter--and softer--and rounder--and--

  • -CHAPTER XI. Waking

  • --and it really WAS a kitten, after all.

  • -CHAPTER XII. Which Dreamed it?

  • 'Your majesty shouldn't purr so loud,' Alice said, rubbing her eyes, and

  • addressing the kitten, respectfully, yet with some severity.

  • 'You woke me out of oh! such a nice dream!

  • And you've been along with me, Kitty--all through the Looking-Glass world.

  • Did you know it, dear?'

  • It is a very inconvenient habit of kittens (Alice had once made the remark) that,

  • whatever you say to them, they ALWAYS purr.

  • 'If they would only purr for "yes" and mew for "no," or any rule of that sort,' she

  • had said, 'so that one could keep up a conversation!

  • But how CAN you talk with a person if they always say the same thing?'

  • On this occasion the kitten only purred: and it was impossible to guess whether it

  • meant 'yes' or 'no.'

  • So Alice hunted among the chessmen on the table till she had found the Red Queen:

  • then she went down on her knees on the hearth-rug, and put the kitten and the

  • Queen to look at each other.

  • 'Now, Kitty!' she cried, clapping her hands triumphantly.

  • 'Confess that was what you turned into!'

  • ('But it wouldn't look at it,' she said, when she was explaining the thing

  • afterwards to her sister: 'it turned away its head, and pretended not to see it: but

  • it looked a LITTLE ashamed of itself, so I think it MUST have been the Red Queen.')

  • 'Sit up a little more stiffly, dear!' Alice cried with a merry laugh.

  • 'And curtsey while you're thinking what to- -what to purr.

  • It saves time, remember!'

  • And she caught it up and gave it one little kiss, 'just in honour of having been a Red

  • Queen.'

  • 'Snowdrop, my pet!' she went on, looking over her shoulder at the White Kitten,

  • which was still patiently undergoing its toilet, 'when WILL Dinah have finished with

  • your White Majesty, I wonder?

  • That must be the reason you were so untidy in my dream--Dinah! do you know that you're

  • scrubbing a White Queen? Really, it's most disrespectful of you!

  • 'And what did DINAH turn to, I wonder?' she prattled on, as she settled comfortably

  • down, with one elbow in the rug, and her chin in her hand, to watch the kittens.

  • 'Tell me, Dinah, did you turn to Humpty Dumpty?

  • I THINK you did--however, you'd better not mention it to your friends just yet, for

  • I'm not sure.

  • 'By the way, Kitty, if only you'd been really with me in my dream, there was one

  • thing you WOULD have enjoyed--I had such a quantity of poetry said to me, all about

  • fishes!

  • To-morrow morning you shall have a real treat.

  • All the time you're eating your breakfast, I'll repeat "The Walrus and the Carpenter"

  • to you; and then you can make believe it's oysters, dear!

  • 'Now, Kitty, let's consider who it was that dreamed it all.

  • This is a serious question, my dear, and you should NOT go on licking your paw like

  • that--as if Dinah hadn't washed you this morning!

  • You see, Kitty, it MUST have been either me or the Red King.

  • He was part of my dream, of course--but then I was part of his dream, too!

  • WAS it the Red King, Kitty?

  • You were his wife, my dear, so you ought to know--Oh, Kitty, DO help to settle it!

  • I'm sure your paw can wait!'

  • But the provoking kitten only began on the other paw, and pretended it hadn't heard

  • the question. Which do YOU think it was?

  • A boat beneath a sunny sky, Lingering onward dreamily

  • In an evening of July--

  • Children three that nestle near, Eager eye and willing ear,

  • Pleased a simple tale to hear--

  • Long has paled that sunny sky: Echoes fade and memories die.

  • Autumn frosts have slain July.

  • Still she haunts me, phantomwise, Alice moving under skies

  • Never seen by waking eyes.

  • Children yet, the tale to hear, Eager eye and willing ear,

  • Lovingly shall nestle near.

  • In a Wonderland they lie, Dreaming as the days go by,

  • Dreaming as the summers die:

  • Ever drifting down the stream-- Lingering in the golden gleam--

  • Life, what is it but a dream?

  • THE END

  • >

CHAPTER I. Looking-Glass house

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